"Tadaima" chapter 3: Carousel

[ethereal-moonrain]

The sunset creeps behind the street lamps. A forgotten photograph rolling down, now tattered, trampled till the wind is gone. And their memory is the same, when the piece of paper was crumpled it could never be put back to what it was before.

"Why all of a sudden? You know these people needs you badly." –then a crumpled paper no—photograph made its way towards Tsunade and effortlessly catch it with two fingers.
"Kakashi . . . that's not what I need to hear right now." One lazy eye added by another, red round with black blades, a sharingan eye.



"Then why bother asking me then?"



"He's you're student after all"



"Correction lady Hokage, He's Jiraya's--"



"Ah—I'm getting old, talking to that pervert might lead me to my deathbed."



"You're exaggerating, He is--- capable of taking you're place but. . ."




"Kakashi--"




--Then no more . . . no talking, no contemplations, or maybe not. ---



Tsunade lifted her fingers in between was the slightly tattered photo, both his eyes, now sharpened. When was the last time he'd seen this?



Four people, he himself was there with only one happy eye revealed, on his right a boy, who has his own miniature battle on mind trying to choose whether to smile or just hide, then on his left annoyingly fox smile, and then—and then . . . a beautiful smile, gentle balance for the yin and yang, that was her very own teammate. Useless? No—without her the light and dark would eat each other.



But despite the alluring, refreshing portrait was a thick line of red blood slightly slanted on the scarlet dress of the little girl. Smiling beautifully— as if saying



Notice me—



Notice me---


Because sometimes when you lose something, you could never have it back, its damage beyond repair . . .


"Tadaima"
by: ethereal-moonrain


Chapter 3: Carousel

She can't hide no matter how hard she tries

Her secret disguised behind the lies


And at night she cries away her pride



With eyes shut tight staring at her inside



All her friends know why she can't sleep at night



All her family asking' if she's alright



All she wants to do is get rid of this hell



Well all she's got to do is stop kidding' herself

She can only fool herself for so long

----------------------------------------------------------------


Walking pass through unknown hallways, only stopping in front of the water tank made of glass, inside was a man, barely breathing his eyes close and lots of wire tubes connected to his skin probably the one that keeps him alive for now.

The person standing sighed, a woman's sigh and lazily trace the outline of the man's body with her fingers through the glass wall. She's not suppose to be here, she's not suppose to be doing this, even if it is her primary job, she shouldn't be doing this.

She leans a little bit closer to the glass and brings out her reflection that shows soft deceiving features that should probably be a scar now.

Why had she stayed looking like this? For what reasons you ask?

Her forehead touched the glass and she slowly closed her eyes trying not to show the tears that had traveled down her porcelain face.

--because somehow a part of me says he'll come back. . . even after 35 years had passed and I--- I'm afraid that he wouldn't recognize me no longer. And so I—I wanted to stay like this. And then someday---he'll come through those gates of Konoha and tells me he's sorry for not coming back—for 35 years . . . it isn't that long right?


right?

it isn't---

There is no need to lose hope, for hope is just in front of her right now, barely alive.


They'll probably tell me that I'm selfish---

Because I am. . . So just you wait for me, if you're not coming back then I'll go after you instead.

------------------------------------

Her face, much paler than faded photos, eyes were downcast snowy white. The walls were white—the wall, the ceiling. "Naruto-kun . . ." she started, it was very unlikely that she, the timid Hinata would be the one who would break the silence, whereas the loudest ninja was around.

They spent the earliest hours of evening sitting beside each other in metal and plastic gray chairs, dry-eyed and waiting. And still the walls were as white as the concept of heaven.

"Its not your fault, Sakura-san . . . she--- she would not like it if she wakes up seeing you being sad because of her." His eyes like darkened sky a lost paradise floating somewhere away from this world that was only painted in white.

Then finally a trademark fox-grin. "Hinata-chan! That's the most I heard from you." Mouth slightly open she smiled with cheeks tinted with red. He grinned even wider.

Maybe he thought this world isn't just painted with white.

Just—maybe . . .

----------------------------------------

Where was she? The little weak creature that always needed help, the one who had blossomed as a flower on her own. She, who survive in warm smiles, she who had family and friends that he never had, she who had said that despite of having family and friends she'll be as alone as I am when I leave her.


I'm so scared that you will see
All the weakness inside of me

Where had she gone? Nobody bothers to answer him but the continuous red-sounding beeps cutting the line on a gray monitor. According to it, she was still alive, but according to the silence between gaps of beeping machine, she was already dead.


I'm so scared of letting go
That the pain I feel will show,

He was beginning to miss little things. Stupid fragments that he'd never before thought about. After late night training, walking together, date proposal, undying love affection. Where is all of this now?


I know you want to hear me speak
But I'm afraid that if
I start to-- I'll never stop

He thought it humorlessly hilarious. Sitting there, watching the papery white of her hands on his. Because he'd spent years with her, never once wondering what he had done to deserve such attention, such affections.

I want you to know
You belong in my life
I love the hope I see in your eyes

Even the most insignificant things, I remember it all. When I close my eyes I could still see them, hear them. Those stories she'll tell them, and he seen it in her eyes she just wants him to listen, and do the same, return her feelings.


For you I would fly
At least I would try

Up until now, while lying silently covered with white blankets, she was listening to him, looking at him unnoticeably. He clutches her hand tighter. Good thing Kakashi had leave the room to have a meeting with the Hokage. Good thing no one would see him, hear him like this. But only her, eyes slightly apart, but had gone unnoticed to him. She was half-awake somehow.


I'm afraid that you will leave
As my secrets have been revealed


"You know what Sakura? There was this boy—who thought he had grown as a man . . ." Both his hands were now holding her little one, like a boy clutching to her own mother, pleading to never leave him.


In my dreams you'll always stay
Every breathing moment


"Yet he was still a boy. He tried to act so strong and brave when all along he was just scared . . . scared of losing something important again." Sasuke paused for a while trying to contain the sobs joining the deafening sound of beeping machines.


I cannot hold back
The truth no more
I let you wait too long


"For everything precious to him seems to disappear from his life, that is why—he refused to believe" He kissed her hands almost desperately trying to make her listen, and he didn't know she already was doing so, all along.


Although it's hard

And scares me so

A life without you

Scares me more

Scares me more


"--that she was indeed precious to him."

-------------------------------------

"You're late! You're becoming more like Kakashi-pervert day by day! Is that how a Hokage should act?" little Aiko scolded her own teacher without hesitation. She was sitting on one of the 'horses' at the carousel that was a little bit rusty already from being abandoned for years.

Tsunade leered at her little pupil and walk closely towards her seating on another vacant 'horse'. "Sorry Aiko-chan, the most beautiful woman needs her own time"

"Tsk--Have you been crying?" the little girl's eyebrows furrowed looking at her teacher who kept silent for a while not answering her question.

"No, I'm not." Tsunade replied trying not to sound too cold for the child. "Then why are your cheeks stained with tears? Is that why you're late? " Tsunade didn't say anything and left her seat. Aiko, being the smart kid just sighed and tried to break the dangerous silence.

"Maybe you're getting old so I won't ask further, mother said it's rude to push so many questions on old people." She snickered and she knew what was coming next, she quickly left her seat and jump to avoid her sensei's deadly needles.

"If that is the case why don't you stop asking then?"

"Then why don't you just answer me instead? Its not like I'm making fun of you for crying, even as a Hokage you have all rights to cry too. It's just that you have never really answer me to any personal question I ask. You still didn't even tell me why you always wanted to look young when in fact you're already 55."

"You don't just look like your mother, you act like her too!" Tsunade tried to laugh not really answering the girl's question, hoping the girl would leave the topic off. "Your misleading this conversation, just tell me what it is I'm just—worried—I guess."

"Shouldn't you worry for your mother instead?" The little girl shook her head slowly and looked straight at Tsunade. "She's going to be fine, I know that for sure. She wouldn't need me for now. She might be weak—but I can be strong for her instead. Its not that hard" She faked a smile and look down at her feet.

For God's sake! Off course it's hard! Its not just losing a mother


Its not just losing a parent


It's losing a family . . .

Aiko sat down on another 'horse' and leaned her cheeks to the pole while staring at her feet. "Aiko-chan---after a week or so I will be leaving my title as a Hokage, but that is not the reason why I'm crying, you don't have to know, I'm sorry but you might not see me for a long time after that. And as for my look" she paused for a little while trying to comprehend her own words.

"I guess I was a bit like your mother too, waiting for someone and in the meantime hides herself to the whole world of what she had become"

"Why--?" Aiko lift her head to see her sensei gone. There are still so many questions to ask but she sighed dejectedly and tried to sleep there. "How sad—I wanted someone to listen to me about the story I learned at the academy this morning. About horse carousels . . ."


They kept on chasing one another, forgetting the fact that they are already programmed to be just like that. And mostly, they forgot about this one simple yet important thing. It's about waiting, for the time all would stop moving.


When all problems are gone, that is when you go and chase your dreams again, not going after it while you are still turning and facing circles of problem.




But Tsunade unfortunately, forgot that.

--------------------------------------


Author's Note: Woo-hoo!!! I'm back! I know some of you might be confuse with this chapter but this is like a bridge sort of chapter. I told you guys already there's gonna be a new twist, hehe this is the start!

Okay some hint for those who haven't have an idea yet, on this chapter some scenes are put backward, which means what happens first comes in the last while the last comes in the first. Hehe confuse? You'll get it for sure. I hope you would all still read my story.


IMPORTANT!

Please tell me what pairings you like for this fic. Its not that I'm undecided but some twist won't hurt ne? I know that on the summary I wrote "sasusaku" but my head is a little screwed up so hehe it might not be sasusaku in the end, REMEMBER I'm NOT saying "it WOULD be" I'm saying "it COULD be"

[csmlee]

I <3 this chapter! Sasuke's little story-telling scene is so cute and sweet! *melts into a puddle of sap goo*

Though Aiko's sudden maturity surprised me a bit. I thought she was more of a naive little girl. Didn't think she is so mature. A surprise, but not an unpleasant one.

And the interaction between Aiko and Tsunade is quite interesting. I'm looking forward to reading more!!!