"Tadaima" chapter 1: Stranded Epitaph

[ethereal-moonrain]

The very first time she stares at me, I already knew that whatever happen, her eyes wouldn’t waver, wouldn’t lose sight of him.


There is no need for me to meet the person she sees beyond me. It doesn’t take a genius to know that every time she looks at me, she was looking at someone else.



She was—looking at him.



Searching —



And at this time I lose to him, in a battle I didn’t expect to have. A battle I’ll continue pursuing—a battle I’ll continue losing . . .



“Tadaima”
by: ethereal-moonrain


Chapter 1: Stranded Epitaph

The monster you're feeding,

Your lack of perception

The things that you do

To fulfill your addictions

The light at the end of your tunnel is closing

What is it that you're so afraid of exposing?

You'd give it all up for what's there for the taking


Whatever it takes to keep your hands from shaking

The same things you're thinking might make you feel better

The same things that probably got you here

-------------------------------

They say that it is part of human nature to avoid failure, rejections . . . Nobody would actually desire to fail, or be rejected and so the word ‘courage’ came in.



“I love you”


And no response came


It is fear that makes us run away. For every failure, every denial bury us into solitude, and the secret is---

He turned around, refusing to see whatever emotions coming through her right now. Maybe sparing his self from the words she’s about to say. Refusing the possibility that he failed, that he was rejected.


--To get out before it buries you deeper.

Those were the words she had longed to hear from him. Those words she thought would only be told in her dreams. But is it human nature to also tell a lie and hurt them selves even more? And that is when the word ‘pride’ comes in.


“Thank you”


It wasn’t the truth nor could it be a lie. It was something humans are known for, pride—


She let go of her umbrella seeking another instrument that would make her feel more safe and warm. She circled her arms into his retreating form facing his back.


Snuggling even closer she sighed letting the white mist surrounds them into the continuous parade of the rain.


“Thank you—I’ll forever cherish that but---this time . . . this time we really have to go on separate new paths.”


Pride, can stand a thousand trials . . . the strong would never fall. But heaving heart is full of pain. Oh—Oh the aching.

“Sakura tell me what happen.” But she pretended that she didn’t hear him.


Sasuke could feel the wetness on his back and he was sure it didn’t belong to the rain it was simply tears. She was crying again that is why she knows; she’s back from the start again. Crying, crying, crying that is all she could do. That is all she could do again, too helpless, always needing comfort, always crying, always needing him. That was she before, and was she right now.


Still in love with him


“I’ve tried to move on Sasuke—That is all we have to do, move on””


But she also failed. She says that she had tried and she never tells that she succeeded.


“But to where do we move on? From what path should we take? Sakura, this is probably the last road for me, this is a dead end.” He looked up facing the fat drops of water descending towards him. That was the unsolvable question.


“Now please tell me the truth Sakura, trust me--”


But there were too many emotions flooding over her head that it made it harder to find the devastating truth. An emotional wall she refuses to break no matter how much pressure pressed upon it. That is how difficult it is to tell him the truth, for those few words could or would change two –no three lives forever.


And to trust him was too hard for her. For she had trusted him with her life, with her heart once. But the word ‘Trust’ and Uchiha Sasuke doesn’t really fit each other. But deep inside she did held out hope that someday they might.


“I really need to know”


I need to know who


Sasuke turned around to face her. Holding the urge to cry in front of her, that person who made him this way, the one who led him in this road. The very person that makes him goes this far.


“I just—I just want to make you come back. No matter how scared I was I kept on searching and probably the only thing that kept me going is a dream of seeing you beside me but with futile attempts I only see moonlight beside me or—him”

He tried to listen to it all. It’s not like he like to hear this, he just have to---


Face it all.


He was sucking all the blame for all the things she went through. All the things she’d done for him. All the things he tried to push away, the things he threw away.


“I wasn’t thinking back then and always stumbles into trouble wherein I could almost get myself killed. I’ve seen a part of this world that I haven’t seen before, that is when I wake up and realize that this was reality, a harsh gruesome world I’d never thought existed. And to survive this kind of world you have to live like it. And that is what I’ve done --- when I run out of money and starving to death I came into a decision that I thought would brought me out of this hell, but somehow—it buried me deeper.”


He was a hypocrite if he says it doesn’t hurt, if he says he doesn’t care. He already knew what she means but refuses to believe.


“I sold myself”


Whatever it takes to keep your hands from shaking

The same things you're thinking might make you feel better

The same things that probably got you here


“I sold myself to this man who came to me one night, I knew he was dangerous but everyone here is anyway. I didn’t tell him my real name, as if that could hide the shame of turning out like this. I told him I was ‘Scarlet’ some random name I saw in a poster pasted outside. But he didn’t turn as bad as I think he is, he actually feed me and offer me shelter. I thought that this man probably took pity on me but what surprise me more is that the next day he asked me to come with him and I—accept. And so on the way I had Aiko-chan”


I thought I love him--


With those words, Sasuke couldn’t help but wonder if what hurts more, the fact she sold herself or the fact she might actually loved somebody not him.


There are a lot of times when he had pictured her just sulking around her room, all those time he thought she had stayed back at the village so afraid to even try to become strong . . . because those images are much more easy to bear than this.

-------------------------------------


It is not even in her dreams did she think she would end up like this. What is wrong with her? First, she was stupidly searching for Sasuke then now joining an S-class criminal.


“Tired already?” he turned around to see her leaning onto the tree.


“Sort of. But its okay I could still go on.” He sighed walking towards her.

“Then we’ll rest for now.” He didn’t wait for her reply and sat under the shelter of the tree.


“We really don’t have to.” She replied curtly but decided to sit beside him. She was actually exhausted since running and escaping wasn’t really meant for her.


Her green eyes were cast on the ground. Why does every time, every second in her life Uchiha Sasuke would invade her mind?


“Want to share your thoughts to me?” he smirked at her then quickly added. “Thinking of your boyfriend again eh?”


“He’s –not my--!” she started to protest but he put one finger on her lips, slowly coming near her and she didn’t move.


“Then could I be?” he said almost immediately not giving her a chance to talk back as he closed the distance between them.


Sakura gasped, the action took her by surprise. She didn’t really expect him to just kiss her like that, but then she had sold her self to him right? And yet he didn’t touch her or forced her into something she doesn’t want. Only this time—he kiss her.


He pulled away from her, opening his eyes revealing his black orbs. She was looking so delicate and vulnerable like that. He knows it doesn’t mean anything to Sakura at all. Gods, she didn’t even tell her real name! Although he already know who she really was but decide to play along with her little game of hiding name, it was unfair actually, he told her his real name.


“You could just—you could just pretend that I’m him okay?” and that is what she does. He kissed her again and she did too.


But all those time she wasn’t looking at him, she wasn’t kissing him right now, she wasn’t even there, because she was at somewhere else besides this place . . . somewhere beyond this.


Passing every trees---


Every plains---


Every mountains---


Every thousand stars---


Beyond the brilliant moon . . .



--to wherever Uchiha Sasuke is right now. --


She could never be here at all. For her heart is too full already, and there is no space left for him to stay.



------------------------------

“The time he knew I was pregnant he brought me in here and said that it would no longer be safe for me to go with him. And I couldn’t stop him because I was scared to lose my child. Few days later Kakashi-sensei found me and so are the others. They all just thought I gave up searching for you but what they didn’t know is that I’m with an S-class criminal. They all pity me and all have been so kind, my parents asked me to stay with them but I refuse.”


She paused for a while and look up to him.


“At first I thought that I could meet you when I stayed with him. Do you not know why? I thought you could find me instead. Because that man was--- Itachi, Uchiha Itachi.”


-------------------------------


And the dream was over now.


He didn’t really want it this way.


He never wanted to enter this delusion anyway, he didn’t really want to meet her, he really didn’t want to fall in love with her, he just wants . . .someone to see him—and now he had to pay,


The dream was over and he knew well that in this world,


Dreaming isn’t free.


Sharingan versus Sharingan. This is the moment Uchiha Sasuke had been waiting for all his life. This is the only thing he had thought ever since he had opened that door that lead him to see his own brother killed those people he loved, those people he thought he loved.


“Sasuke—I’m sorry.”


When Sasuke looks at his eyes, he couldn’t miss the different way his eyes shone. As if he had glimpse inside him and what he saw actually surprise him. Did he just saw pain? Sadness? And loss? Is his mind playing with him? Could a man like this still capable of such things?


And that is when a dead person, was killed all over again.


And still---


Continued the battle, not through his beaten body, but through her memories of him.


How could Itachi make Sasuke suffer this much even now that he was dead? How could somebody continue struggling after death? How could Itachi remains in her heart? How could he just simply said ‘I’m sorry’


“I just want to save you, I killed them before they made a monster—I’m sorry this is—the only way—to stop them from making you just like me.”

-----------------------------------------


Sasuke remembered it so vividly--- he could even still feel Itachi’s last breath. And in front of him was the person he thought he could always return to. He admits that he had always thought that she would always be there. He felt only a little urge to take care of her before thinking he would never lose her.


But right now he did, he lost her, a stranded epitaph of his brother Itachi that would continue to squeeze the life out of him. Does all of this worth it now? Does killing Itachi useless? When he was still living on her heart?


“That is—the truth Sasuke. Now as I have told you . . . as what you’ve told me before. We go on new different paths now . . .” Sakura swiftly turned her back to him even before he could stop her.


“You go on to that path and I’ll go right here . . . and don’t—ever look back. We had—always manage to cross this path everyday before and you didn’t have any problem doing so—I’ve always tried to make you see me, to make you hear me and so right now you wouldn’t have a problem leaving for another path ne?”

She closed her eyes trying to make the rain wash all the tears that never seem to stop from falling.


“But I always believed that--- when two hearts are meant to be together---”


“Sakura . . .” he reached for her hand and tried to stop her.


“Someway or another, fate would surely bring them back together.”


And that is when she leaved him. He would have stopped her from doing so but he knows nothing could stop her from going away from him—to leave him all alone without anyone to blame but himself.



Now where would you go?



Now you’ve got no home?



-----------------------------------------


Author’s notes: I hope that you like this chapter and I hope you get the “I love you—thank you” part. I got the idea on the time Sasuke was going to leave Konoha to go to Otto village and that is what exactly he said to Sakura.

I don't really like this chapter much, its... what can i say??? revelation???

[csmlee]

Oh my gawd!!! Sakura had a child with Itachi? *brain shuts down temporarily as it is overloaded with too much new information*

5 minutes later...

*wakes up* That sure was interesting. I like your explanation on Itachi. It's much easier to connect to and understand him when he had a motivation to do what he did to his family.

But all those time she wasn?t looking at him, she wasn?t kissing him right now, she wasn?t even there, because she was at somewhere else besides this place . . . somewhere beyond this.

Passing every trees---

Every plains---

Every mountains---

Every thousand stars---

Beyond the brilliant moon . . .

--to wherever Uchiha Sasuke is right now. --

Aww... *melts into a puddle of sap-goo* That's so touching! *sniffles* But at the same time, it's so sad for Itachi. He knew he could never truly have Sakura, yet he still stepped into her life.

And I <3 the speech Sakura gave Sasuke before she left him! I completely agree with her!!!

I'm enjoying this fic so very much. It has a very interesting twist and I like it! Great job! Hope to see more soon!!!

[ethereal-moonrain]

erm-- just a question csmlee... what pairings are in favor and not in favor? and oh! the next chapie on! I'm putting it now.. thanx!

[csmlee]

You mean it isn't obvious that I favour SasuSaku over any other pairings?