No More Silent Tears

[Gundam Girl]

I thought of this fic after I saw ?The Phantom of the Opera? last night on stage. It was a beautiful show and when Christine was singing about her late father, I thought it fit Relena very well and that it could work with her feelings toward Minister Darlian.

Please read, and even if you hate Relena, try to consider her feelings for her father when he was murdered. Please let me know what you think as well, in a review.

Note: I am not certain that April 10th is the exact date of Minister Darlian?s death, but I figured that it would be fairly close to Relena?s birthday.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing. I don?t own the song ?Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again? from The Phantom of the Opera. It belongs to Andrew Lloyd Webber and all involved associates.

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No More Silent Tears

By Gundam Girl

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It was a Thursday, April tenth, A.C. 200. In the JAP point of Eurasia, there was a large cemetery that held the graves of many famous people; the bodies of King and Queen Peacecraft of the Sanq Kingdom and their close family, the memorial stones of soldiers such as Treize Khushrenada, and the now deceased Zechs Merquise, who had let his body become that of peace-enforcer, Preventer Wind. But not too far from these graves with well-known names scribed on their cold, smooth surfaces, was one which actually held a body ? it had not been burned to ash in a fire or lost in a mobile suit explosion in outer space.

This man had died of difficulties of the heart when he had been caught beneath the debris of an attacked Colony conference building. It had been an honest, unexpected death for Vice Foreign Minister Darlian. Many had grieved for him.

But none had cried so passionately as his successor and adopted daughter, Relena Darlian-Peacecraft, denounced queen of the Sanq Kingdom and Vice Foreign Minister to the Earth Sphere Unified Nation.

She entered the cemetery alone at sundown. Pale pink clouds streaked a purple-hued sky as a golden sun made its slow descent to greet the other half of the world. The breeze was warm and caused the hem of her ankle-length blue spring dress to flap gently. A few petals escaped from the bouquet of white roses she held in her hands, and they soared to the west to give a farewell to the quickly fading light.

Relena stood before the grave for a moment, looking at it, seeing it. With the slightest of exhales, she lowered herself to her knees, tucking her legs under her and sitting on her heels. Tenderly, she set the roses by the small, attractive head stone, appreciating the cemetery?s service that kept the graves carefully weeded.

She pressed a palm to her forehead. Though she came here only once a year, every time was difficult.

?Hello, Father,? she whispered. ?Happy five years.?

You were once my one companion. You were all that mattered.

?I think you would be happy with how things are turning out here, Father. I?ve been nominated for Minister of the ESUN, and the election is to be held in five months. My opponents are few and if the public thinks I can?? She closed her mouth. ?It seems I always forget,? she admitted to the stone. ?You loved the Earth, but you never really loved politics. Sometimes I wonder if I really do, too.?

Relena raised her head a bit. Further down the row of graves, there was a large, white cross, kept meticulously clean. It did not belong to the memory of any certain person, but served as a sign of faith to all that visited this respected ground. Relena unfolded her legs and drew her knees up to her chin.

You were once a friend and father. Then my world was shattered.

She could recall when she was fifteen years old very clearly; everyone alive at that time could recall that year excellently. But everything about it remained very clear in Relena?s mind, including school. She hadn?t really had any friends. There had only been social climbers, hoping to make nice with ?Miss Relena? in order to up their own status in society. But her father had been there, perhaps for not long, but he had been there to listen to her when he could. He had heard her tell him of how she felt lonely at school. It was why he had brought her with him on trips sometimes.

Wishing you were somehow here again? Wishing you were somehow near?

Even when his body had been shipped to Earth and she had seen him lying there, so pale and still, she had never been able to truly appreciate his attempt at good parenting before now, when she was twenty years old and without any father at all. She had been so distracted by a certain Gundam pilot at the time. But now, she thought of her father so often that it was as though her mind was making up for the years before his death.

Sometimes it seemed if I just dreamed?somehow, you would be here?

When she faltered in her leadership as VFM, she thought of the late Darlian. She thought of him and her still-living adoptive mother before she went to sleep when she saw the picture in her bedroom of them all together, looking so happy. Just for a while, after he had first passed away, she had thought everything, the trip to the Colony, the whole war, might be just a dream and she would wake up in good time.

Wishing I could hear your voice again... Knowing that I never would...

But she hadn?t woken up, and that dream, that nightmare, had turned from blackness to something beautiful and golden. And yet?

Dreaming of you won't help me to do all that you dreamed I could.

Relena pushed some soft blond hair behind her ear with a delicate hand. Father hadn?t been there to see it, to encourage her. She?d had to live the last half decade of her life without his caring guidance.

Passing bells and sculpted angels? Cold and monumental?

About a mile and a half away, the church on which grounds the cemetery stood chimed out six o? clock. Darting a look to her left, Relena saw the marble statue of a seraphim, wings outstretched and hands held out as though to embrace someone invisible. Someone like the man in the ground beneath her. Relena closed her eyes. When she was young, Relena had always assumed she?d have to see her father in this way, but only much, much farther into the future than this. It didn?t suit him a bit.

?Seem for you the wrong companions? You were warm and gentle.

Just like every year, the thoughts were too much for her to capably control, and Relena pressed a hand to her face. A quiet sob broke through her fingers, tearing her heart again. Tears wet her hand and ran down her wrist until they fell to the soft fabric of her dress. Relena wiped the telltale stains from her cheeks and straightened her skirt. She suddenly stood up. It couldn?t continue like this. Her heart wouldn?t be able to stitch itself back together forever. She couldn?t keep on depending on the memory of her father to assist her in her duties on the path she had chosen for herself, not for her father.

Too many years fighting back tears?why can?t the past just die?

No, no! Her head screamed it over and over again. You can?t forget him, what will he be to you if you do?

But Relena knew in her soul that she would not be forgetting the first man she had loved. She would just be giving him a temporary farewell. One that was necessary if a way she might never full understand if she spent her whole life contemplating it. To lean on a late man?s soul was as cruel as if she were keeping him chained to the world he had left long ago.

Wishing you were somehow here again?know we must say goodbye?

However, Relena felt it would be all right if she asked for just one more thing before she released her father of his chains. She kneeled on the ground again, smelling the grass and the roses and the air and the salt of the nearby sea. She pressed her lips to the cool surface of the headstone.

Try to forgive, teach me to live! Give me the strength to try!

?Let me,? she whispered. ?Let me have the power to go on without you, Father.? Her fingers clenched the material of her skirt and tears fell to the back of her hands. She swore it would be the last time. ?Let it me depend on myself.?

No more memories, no more silent tears.

?Let me stop remembering you in the way that keeps me limited to my true self.? She passed her fingertips of the over engraved letterings of her father?s name. ?I love you. Please, keeping loving me. But I?m going to let you go now.?

No more gazing across the wasted years?

She rose to her feet. The sun was gone now; along the sky stretched billions and billions of stars. Some of the lights, she knew, were Colonies; the same Colonies she had held liberate, that her father had tried to liberate.

Help me say goodbye?

Relena smiled down at the grave one last time. After today, she knew, she would never come here again. She would stop looking at the past and stare on into her future.

?Goodbye, Father.? She turned, her heart beating freely with the love for the man she had let go of. She walked out of the cemetery, her eyes bright in the light of the full moon above her. She thought she heard the church bell ring one more time.

Help me say goodbye!

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Please review![/i]

[Morrighan]

Wow. That was awesome!! <i>Phantom</i> seems to have really stuck itself into your head! Not that I'm complaining, mind.

The song fits so incredibly well, and it helps the flow of the entire story. You can't have one without the other.

Great job, Nessie!

[Gundam Girl]

Thanks, Jen! *hugs*

[teardropdangel]

I like the insight this story has on Relena and her feeings toward her father, Gundam Girl. overall: SUPER!

[Gundam Girl]

Hey, thanks. A little bit on the angsty side maybe.

[valkyrie skye]

you know, its funny. I live in NYC my whole 21 years of living (born and raised), but i have yet to see Phantom (although i had always wanted to!)

well, then this piece was so beautiful and sad. I was close to tears. Thanks for writing a soulful piece of work.

-Valkyrie

[Gundam Girl]

Thanks for liking it! 21 years in NYC and no Phantom? Jeez, get on the ball, Valkyrie! Thanks again.

[Andrea]

This was truly heart-wrenching-ly beautiful. I have to agree with Morri when she said this ficcie wouldn't be the same without the song. The song added such a tone to it, it was amazing. And you placed the verses strategically along the fic, great job.

I really liked this, Nessie, really liked how you wrote it. The style, the description, the emotions... it was all very balanced. Very angsty might I add.

^^!

Kudos and take care!

[Gundam Girl]

Thanks, Andrea! *glomps* Jeez, we haven't talked in a while. How're you doing?

I'm really glad you liked the ficlet...yeah, the angst kind of rolled out of my fingertips and onto the keyboard. But I've never seen a fic about Relena and Darlian, so I was like "Why not?"

And yes, the song is a very important aspect of the fic.

[dragonlady9]

Wow! That was so... so... beautiful. You captured the emotion very wonderfully. The song fit so well in your fic. Great job!!! Makes me just want to "The Phantom of the Opera" even more, it's suppose to be coming to the movie theatres sometime soon.