Let the World Slip [NC-17 lemon]

[Catwho]

Honestly, I'm not sure when it was set. Probably sometime in the middle of Fumoffu; I have not finished watching the 2nd season *looks suitably ashamed* but it may work as post-canon after Fumoffu as well.

I believe that Kaname considers Tessa an ally, if not actually a friend. Certainly they've got a connection to each other -- even a rivalry. Rivals can be the most devoted and loyal friends of all, as all the Archie comics taught us

[Shinobi]

Don't feel bad. I haven't seen any of the second season.

As I understand it the second season runs concurrent with the first. So I don't consider it a big problem.

I agree Kaname probably does consider Tessa as an ally. Particulalry with the whispered thing they share. Friends is a little trickier I think, but not impossible.

Anyway, know I'm rambeling. Thanks for fielding my question!

and stuff

[ethereale]

A most excellent fic indeed. I figure that you'd appreciate constructive criticism more than unceremonious praise, so I will give you my view on what would make this an even better fic. I liked the plot very much and the entire setting, character portrayal, etc were all done skillfully, but the one area that I felt was lacking was the actual lemon scene itself. I feel that there really isn't enough emotion expressed for both parties involved. I personally felt that the two would not have dived right into sex so eagerly. If this is to take place in the middle of fumoffu, I believe that their relationship has not even reached official boyfriend-girlfriend status yet. I think that their romantic relationship should have been developed to a greater extent prior to their roll in the sac. However, i do find the rest of the story rather well thought out and detailed.

[Catwho]

Ethereal: Thanks for genuine C&C. The lemon does seem a bit forced to me as well, partly because I was trying to get this done on a deadline and it was already dragging on and . . . yeah. *looks suitably embarassed*

Emotional part of the lemon . . . since this is mostly from Kaname's POV, I supposed that means I should dig deeper into her mind. Is this something she's happy with? From the end of the story, I'd assume yes. Is it something she expected? Not at all. She's scared and confused and nervous and has no idea what's really happening until it's all over.

Some things I may tweak: She recognizes the sexual frustration she's feeling, but I don't really explain it too much other than "atmosphere." Do you have any suggestions as to how I can describe her confusion at her desires? (I'm probably the most un-confused creature of comfort to exist; the closest I get is in the length of time it takes me to recognize a caffeine headache. Otherwise, if I want it, I get it.)

Kaname's true feelings for Sousuke are still unclear. (Yeah, yeah, we know they love each other, but do THEY know that? Um . . .) I think I need to have her probe the nature of her feelings for him. There's the reliance on him, the knowledge that he'll always be there for her . . .

I think that, someplace in there, I want to have her imagining him with future potential children, and how good of a father he'd be. There should be several conflicting visions, but overall a positive outlook for him as a potential family partner. Maybe.

Any other suggestions? I'm always open to critiques. (How else can I get better? How else can I grow as a writer?)

[Vampiric]

<3 Sousuke. Great fic you have here! I /love/ how he's all like.. asking for permission. It's so ADORABLE. XD; *has weird fetishes*

[Beer-monster]

Great fic, I lloved it?

You asked how you could make Kaname's confusion clearer? Well is there anything that you could draw on from personal experience. Has you ever been horny at an in opportune time, or wanted a person but was scared of what may happen. You know the classic arguement between logic and emeotion. It doesn't have to be sexual but has there ever been a situation with someone who that made you confused about what to do and how they would react.

Personbal experience is the authors best friend. Its just a shame we can't dribe Gundams or Armour slaves for real

[Magsnus]

Weee havnt read this one until this very night, great fic

Lemons, I had never heard that expression before but it sure is suiteable
Nice plot and a great romantic story I sure hope that you write a new one someday!

With regards
Magsnus

[FallenSeraphim2479]

great fic. finally a lemon done for full metal panic. Now for a small surprise, how bout a tessa/sousuke lemon ( i dont know why i am a fan for tessa)

[Alas]

Sweet! I loved this story... I think I've reveiwed it once on FF.net... yeah... I love this story... have I read it here? I don't remember... huh... strange... I thought I've read this story somewhere else before reading it on FF.net...hm... AH WELL! Anyway... great story anyway and I absolutely love the ending... Kami! What I would do for a sequal! LOL! Just kidding!

-Alas

[Lauren]

Looooooove hotel! YEEEEEEE-YAAAAAAAH!











Oh come on, you didn't think that as all I was going to leave you with? LOL! Very nice work, and very in character, I felt. Sousuke is every bit the soldier, but you did a beautiful job portraying the hesitance he displays when emotions come into play. Kaname is also very well written, and just the fact that you were so true to their personalities made this a winner in my book. The Love Hotel was merely a bonus ^_~ Nice work!