Perhaps you can consider being gentle with me? It's my first real original work...but before I forget...Thanks all who read and gave me comments before hand ^_^ I really appreciated it. And...thanks S.W.A.B.I. challenges...you gave me ideas ^_^.
In the distance, a cat could be heard yowling in fright and a man could be heard shouting ?No good kids and their cats!? A police siren blared just a few blocks over. Cars sped down the street right under the apartment where all this was heard by a sable-haired teen sitting in her kitchen alone with a freshly brewed cup of tea to warm her hands and calm her shaking body. It happened every single night now. Awake by four in the morning shaking and unable to return to any semblance of sleep. By now she had developed a bond with her concealer. It hid the dark circles forming under her dulled grey eyes. ?I wonder how long I can keep up this charade of normalcy,? she thought to herself. The steady silver moonlight cascading into her living room bid her to her balcony.
Watching the stars till they're gone
Like an actor all alone
Who never knew the story he was in
Who never knew the story ends.
Like the sky reflecting my heart
All the colors become visible
When the morning begins
I'll read last line
/ / The Last Song
X- Japan \ \
Leaning on the railing with one arm and keeping the Prussian-colored terry cloth bathrobe closed around her chest, she let out a quiet sigh and looked up at the few stars that hung in the sky. ?It?s a ritual,? she muttered, low enough for only herself to hear. ?But for how long?? the girl wondered aloud. The urge to strangle something with her bare hands rose in her, but before it took hold, she yanked hard on the rein she used to keep her emotions in check until they grew docile within her once again.
?Pretty late to be out,? a gruff voice called over the cacophony of sounds below. Bewildered, the girl frantically craned her head to see who had spoken. ?Over here,? the voice called again. Warmth from another?s body brushed dangerously close and she let out a muffled shriek.
?Easy now, I?m not gonna hurt?cha.? Rough hands enclosed hers and eased them down. Purple eyes glinted in the darkness as a black clad figure emerged from the shadows. Long black bangs fell in front of his luminous amethyst eyes while his unruly sable hair shone silver highlights in the moonlight.
?Ai?dan??
?Been a long time, Trista,? the young man grinned. ?How?ve ya been, my little raven??
A strangled cry escaped Trista?s lips as the delicate girl threw herself onto the grinning teen. With her pressing up onto him, the unmistakable scent of lilacs made it way into his nose, soothing him as it did when they were still young. ?Oh?my?god,? she sobbed. ?Y-you?,? she whispered, sterling eyes shining with steadily flowing tears. ?I thought?you?were dead. They c-came back?w-w-with-out you and-and,? heaving sobs racked her body as she buried herself in the teen?s black clothed chest. When Trista had stopped crying, Aidan looked down at her. A faint, almost unnoticeable blush colored her cheeks. Concerned, he felt her forehead for a fever. When he felt one creeping up on her he picked her up, bridal style, to bring her into her apartment again. Carefully, he balanced the smaller teen with one arm as he slid the glass door closed using the other. Looking down at her, he saw a flush steadily blooming on her cheeks while her breathing grew more ragged. Her tear swollen grey eyes opened again showing off a dull sheen and only while staring into the fever bright eyes did he notice the darkening bags just under them suggesting lack of sleep.
?Trista?what have you been up to?? he whispered, half to himself, half to the ill young woman in his arms.
?Nuh?thing,? she croaked. The tea had helped her throat for a limited amount of time. Crying had only worsened it.
?I don?t believe you,? he whispered back, hugging her close. ?But for once in your life, shut up and let me help you. You always were a stubborn one,? he whispered again, fondly, eyes dancing with mirth. ?Just shut up and let me help,? he softly commanded, purposefully striding towards the only little hallway in the apartment. Without hesitation, he instantly made for the open doorway and was rewarded with the sight of her room. A dark pile of what he assumed to be her clothes was lumped beside her bed. Upon closer inspection, he had discovered it to be her comforter, the navy and slate pattern accounting for the darkness and illusion of pants and shirts. The bed?s sheets were rumpled and the pillow was precariously tipping over the edge. ?It looks like she?s been tossing and turning. But?what could it be disturbing Trista so immensely she?s been losing sleep??
Somewhere along the way to her room, Trista had fallen asleep, so Aidan removed her robe and tucked her into bed again. While tending to his slumbering childhood friend, she started to cry out in muffled screams. Aidan quickly rushed to the now sobbing girl, holding her tightly in his arms.
?I?I loved?you?? she whispered causing Aidan to pull back sharply before realizing that she was still asleep. ?Why?!! How could you do this to me??
?Who did you love?? he wondered silently as her slim fists now pounded the bed.
?You?can?t?be?gone!? she cried in time to her fists. She collapsed onto the bed again giving off the illusion that nothing had ever transpired.
Accompanying the rising morning sun was another nightmare. This time it took more than holding Trista close to him to calm her down.
?Trista! Trista stop!? Aidan pleaded softly as he pinned the frightened girl?s arms to her side. Silvery eyes, focused on the scenes flashing in her dreams were wide with terror.
?No! I can?t do that!? she screamed frantically, ?I can?t?? she half whispered, half sobbed tears spilling onto her hands as Aidan loosened his grip on her.
?Trista, shh, shh, it?s okay?I?m here,? Aidan whispered into her ears as he held her tightly again, slightly enjoying the feel of her body close to his. ?It?s Aidan, Trist. I?m here. It?s Aidan??
?Ai?dan?? Trista murmured questioningly. In response, Aidan brushed a stray lock of hair from her face and said, ?Aidan?s here, lil? raven. You don?t have to worry.?
?Aidan?we looked all over, but we couldn?t find you,? she whispered. ?We thought?you died?? she muttered before closing her eyes once more.
?I?m sorry Trista. Please wake up and tell me what you see so that I can help!?
+ + + Dreaming
If I could I would do all of this again
Travel back in time with you
To where this all began
We could hide ourselves
And leave the world behind
Make believe there?s something left to find
/ / Miles Apart
Yellowcard \ \
The sun was setting and everywhere around me people were hustling and bustling to get back home. Rush hour traffic. And I was just one lonely little girl amongst all them with no home to go to. That?s the thing about being an orphan?you have nothing you can call a ?home.? So, as usual (though defying the rules set for me because of my illness), I took to the streets clad in my elementary school uniform and a back pack with an extra change of clothes just in case I felt like changing.
I didn?t really know where my feet were going to take me, but I just followed them waiting to see where my subconscious would bring me. Ten minutes later, I looked up to see myself standing in the middle of the soccer field of Okinawa Park, but, for once, I wasn?t alone. On the other side was a young boy with a mop of unruly black hair and dark eyes. Overcome with curiosity, I decided, against my better instincts, to head towards him and perhaps talk with him.
?What are you doing?? I asked bluntly. Up close, he looked about the same age as me. I guess he was either around or older than my nine years.
The boy sighed and looked up at the sky, ?Nothing.? I could tell he was trying to sound convincing.
?I don?t believe you,? was my frank statement. ?If you want me to leave you alone?tell me.?
?I don?t have to tell you anything,? he mumbled quietly, turning around so as not to face me. Frowning, I folded my arms across my chest and tried my best to glare at the boy.
?Fine,? I huffed. Turning away, I caught a glance at his soccer ball and made a grab for it. Successfully capturing the black and white ball in my hands, I looked up at him defiantly and gave a confident smirk. ?I?ll play you. If I win, you?ll tell me what?s bothering you. You?ll feel better once you tell someone and if it?s a stranger, I think that?s better because they don?t know you so they can?t really judge you, do you think so??
The sable haired boy groaned and hopped off his perch. With a shrug, he grunted what sounded like ?fine? and I followed him onto the field.
?First one to score 11 wins,? I yelled to him. ?1?2?3?GO!?
Forty minutes?
Exasperated, I groaned audibly and kicked the ball into his groin. Caught off guard, he fell to the floor in a heap thoroughly winded.
?What the hell are you doing??
?What?do you?mean?? he wheezed, glaring up at me.
?You?re not playing up to par. I?m finding it quite annoying so STOP IT,? I firmly commanded.
?Who are you to tell if I?m playing up to par or not?? he spat out.
I frowned at him and said, ?It?s quite obvious, you know. Plus, you?re underestimating me. Don?t underestimate me!?
?I can do what I like,? he replied, grabbing the ball from me. ?Now are we going to continue playing or not??
Glaring, I contemplated walking away, but I decided it wouldn?t work in my favor. ?Fine, your ball?let?s go,? I said, following him onto the field. ?For real this time.?
?Whatever.?
This time around, the boy played a fiercer game. ?But it?s clear he still underestimates me. Who does he think I am? A rookie? I?ll show him.? It took only another half an hour to defeat the raven haired boy causing his already dark countenance to grow even more sullen.
Approaching him, I could sense his growing hostility, but it neither deterred me from saying what was on my mind nor did it intimidate me.
?I told you not to underestimate me, but you didn?t listen, did you?? His amethyst eyes averted my sterling gaze and his lips quirked into a kind of sneer. Scoffing quietly, I rolled my grey eyes before narrowing them into a glare. ?Stop being so arrogant and look at me,? I commanded forcefully. Reluctantly, he did so, as he tentatively sized me up. ?Now,? I started, taking a step forward. I walked towards him until I was face to face with him. ?Tell me?what?s bugging you, hm? You didn?t strike me as the ?rebel without a cause? type,? I admitted, smiling a little.
Sighing, he looked down at me slightly and asked, ?Why do you care??
I blinked. This question took my aback. ?Why do I care?? He slightly cocked his head to the right and simply looked back at me patiently waiting for his answer. ?I?I don?t?I don?t know,? I faltered. Blinking once and looking up at his eyes, I smiled honestly, inwardly laughing at his confused countenance. ?Is it so hard to believe that there are people out there who care? Hm??
?I-I dunno. You tell me.?
Chuckling quietly I shrugged and slowly agreed. ?Yea I guess so. Now,? I sat down on the bench he occupied little more than an hour ago and patted the seat beside me. ?What?s got you down, hm?? Instead of sitting beside me like I thought he was going to do, he held out his hand as if for me to take.
This time it was me blinking in confusion and him smiling down at me, ?C?mon,? he said. ?Why don?t you grab a bite with me? I?ll tell you over some ice cream.?
?Alright. I?ll go?on one condition,? I smirked as he groaned.
?What now?? he asked, ?Not another soccer game is it??
Giggling, I shook my head and locked my pewter eyes with his violent violet ones and asked, ?Tell me your name.?
After blinking once, he chuckled and ran a hand through his messy black hair, ?It?s Aidan. Aidan Kamiya,? he said, sticking out a hand for me to take. This time I took it and he helps me from the bench.
?It?s nice to meet you Aidan,? I stated smiling.
+ + +
My eyes closed reluctantly as the sun rose even higher peeking through the blinds to dance over her sleeping figure. Peacefully, she slumbered beside me again and I?m filled with relief. For a moment, I wondered if she was seriously ill, but I shook my head and chalked it up to a particularly nasty cold. ?You always did have a weak immune system though,? I remembered faintly. Before I could fall asleep though, a frown marred your previously peaceful face and I wondered again what you saw that got you so upset.
?Don?t?underestimate?me?? she mumbled through her sleep. A chuckle escaped my lips and I decided it?d be safe to leave her just for a little while. Entering her kitchen, I quickly located her kettle and I filled it with water. As I waited for it to boil, a group picture hanging on the wall caught my attention.
?What?s this?? I murmured quietly. Upon closer inspection, I saw the grown up faces of my old childhood friends. But it?s not the faces of those surrounding Trista that I wanted to ask about?it was the face of the guy right beside her?the one kissing her full on the lips. Behind me the kettle gave a shrill whistle, but I was still preoccupied with trying to figure out who he could possibly be. Still perplexed, I turned around to shut off the oven. Not looking up I failed to acknowledge the silence until the scent of lilacs assaulted my nose.
?Trist?? Right beside me was the petite sable haired girl I brought in just a few hours ago. Still slightly flushed with fever, she gave a worn smile as her Prussian blue flecked grey eyes locked onto my deep purple ones.
?Sorry you had to take care of me all night. Heh, I?m sure you probably had better things to do?or at least a different ?welcome back? in mind, right??
I chuckled and brushed a stray lock of hair from Trista?s face. ?Hey, as long as I get to see you it?s fine. Don?t worry about it Trist. I didn?t mind taking care of you,? I said honestly, ??Twas just like old times,? I teased.
?Aw hey, I wasn?t that bad!?
Still chuckling, I prepared two cups of tea. ?Hun, you came down with pneumonia and couldn?t get out of your bed for like two and a half weeks.? Silence met the counter and I remembered what had happened as soon as she was able to walk.
: : : Flashback
I need a sign to let me know you're here
All of these lines are being crossed over the atmosphere
I need to know that things are gonna look up
'Cause I feel us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup
/ / Calling All Angels
Train \ \
?You?re too much trouble?cost us a fortune! Out you go!? With those parting words, I was tossed out of the house with nothing more than a backpack and the few dollars I had salvaged from the allowance given to me three weeks prior. It wasn?t much considering how much was stolen from me by kids at school and the others they had taken in. It had gotten so back I had entrusted Aidan with it the third day I was sick.
An hour of walking brought her back to Okinawa Park and the bench where she had continued to meet Aidan. No one was there, but it was just as she wanted. At least then no one could bother her. In a few minutes time, a light rain began to fall. Fearing for my health I quickly walked under a tree. Thought it wasn?t much of an improvement, it kept most of the rain from falling on me. Within minutes, the rain?s strength picked up and it was pelting through the foliage of the tree. All hope of Aidan coming today was lost and I sat just sat at the base of the tree and cried what I could. A good few minutes later, a warmth enclosed itself around my body and I had to look up and see what it was.
I gasped quietly in disbelief. Beside me, Aidan smiled, black hair dripping wet and amethyst eyes twinkling like twin stars set in a midnight sky. ?Wh-what are you doing out here?? I coughed.
Quietly he smiled back at me and said, ?I happen to like the rain, you know. Clears the streets and gives me time to think. Plus, you never know what you?re gonna find.? Without a word, he helped me up from the wet grass and mud I was sitting on and adjusted the jacket he had wrapped around me.
?But?you?ll get sick. Won?t you??
This time he gave an almost rueful smile as he shook his head no. ?I have a stronger immune system than yours, sweet pea, I?m afraid.? His confession left me smiling despite my shattered belief that all kids got sick if they stayed out in the rain for long. He had taken to calling me sweet pea and I thoroughly enjoyed it. ?But what?s a pretty little thing like you doing out here in the pouring rain? Especially such a fragile pretty little thing??
This seemingly simple question reduced me once again to tears, but I stuttered out a sufficient response. ?M-m-m-my f-f-f-foster?f-f-family?thr-threw me ou-ou-ou-out?c-c-cause they s-s-s-said I w-w-w-was to m-m-m-much of a b-b-b-burden!? That said, I buried my steadily dampening head into his soaked chest and cried until I was satisfied. Aidan must have sensed that I didn?t want to answer anymore questions because he kept stroking my hair and started to whisper ?shh?s and ?it?s okay?s in my ear.
: : :
?Aw hey, Trista, I?m so sorry. I-I didn?t mean?I mean, I?.I wasn?t thinking and?it just kind of slipped and?? Aidan?s stuttering drew me out of my reverie and I turned my green eyes back onto him.
?I, uh?i-it?s okay Aidan. I...I understand you didn?t mean it.? I smiled at him albeit weakly, but forgivingly. A faint shadow of a smile crossed his face as his arms wrapped around me.
?I?m sorry, Trist. I really didn?t mean to reopen old wounds,? was his honest confession. ?I?m just an idiot,? he smiled goofily, ?a big stupid idiot for saying it.?
?Ah, no you?re not you goof. C?mon?let?s drink up this tea before it gets cold, okay?? Pulling away from him, I stuck a green tea packet in each mug and filled both in turn with the still hot water. After adding three teaspoons of sugar in mine and two in his we took a seat across from each other at my breakfast table in the corner of the kitchen.
?So,? I started tentatively, ?are you gonna tell me where you?ve been all this time??
Aidan took a sip from his mug. ?Mm?a-around,? he choked out cryptically.
?Around?? Sip. ?As in?where? What?ve you been up to for the past seven years, hm?? And why did you come back now, huh? After all the nights I spent crying for you?crying into my pillow until I fell asleep. All the weeks after when I wondered whether you were still alive?where you were. All the years that followed trying, but never succeeding, to get over you. Where. Were. You?!!
~ + ~
The dreaded question. Why did she have to ask that question of all questions? Inside, I sigh, but my countenance remains unmoving, unyielding to her soft face and crying eyes. Does this mean you cared for me? Again, internally I sigh. Not like that. I was just a brother to you then wasn?t I? That was?and is?the extent of your feelings toward me. That?s why I left, Trista. But I can never tell you there was always something more in my heart than just a sibling-like love.
My eyes stop boring holes into her table to move upwards to look through long sable bangs and see her concerned face. Concern for me? A likely thought. I don?t believe it is, but can I fool myself into thinking that for a while? Why are there lines marring your beautiful face, Trista? You?re angry too?I see it in your dove grey eyes. There?s a fire that burns there, brighter and brighter. Anger towards me? I?m sure that?s it. Please don?t be too angry with me. I didn?t mean to make you mad. I did it for us. I didn?t want you to think I was suffocating you so I pushed you away. In retrospect?I guess that wasn?t the smartest thing to do, huh?
?Aidan.? Her soft voice penetrates my thoughts and my foggy gaze sobers quickly. Purple meets grey and I can feel the fires clash?yours a calm and serene fire, heated but carefully contained, and mine raging to get out. My emotions continue to rise and threaten to spill, but I won?t let it. These emotions aren?t allowed to come out. Never should they see the light of day for fear of what they can do.
?Aidan?? Again I hear your hushed tones?a soft whispering melody to my ears. I blink, breaking our eye contact. Through your long, concealing bangs, I see your steely eyes searching for what I can?t give. An answer. Please don?t probe anymore. You won?t like what you find. Forsake your faith in me. I?m no longer the boy you once knew. Why are you still searching for me? I?m dead. Lay your faith to rest! Don?t bother with me anymore. I can?t do a thing for you. I?m just a waste of energy. And don?t?don?t look at me with your kind eyes?please?please don?t.
?Aidan I?? but before you can finish your sentence a coughing fit seizes you. I jump out of the chair and it clatters to the floor where it lays forgotten as I hurry to get to your side. Your fit doesn?t last long and soon your frail body is in my arms again.
?Are you okay??
?Aidan?? Your voice is so frail so I strain to hear what you?re saying. ?I?m sick?? It?s the last sentence that makes it past your lips before passing out limp in my embrace.
?Trista!? Before too much time passes, I make it to the door. It?s almost as if I?m seeing myself trying to save you. An out of body experience, I think they call it. Why does it not seem real? Closer I hug you to my chest as if the tighter my grasp the longer you?ll stay with me. Don?t leave me Trista. Not without my confession. Hold on until I get you to the hospital. Just a little longer now. Car doors slam and tires squeal. The slight smell of burning rubber through the city scents wafts into my nose. Before long sirens fill my ears and blue and red lights assault my vision. So as not to get into trouble, I pull over. My mouth opens and I hear myself explain the situation. The officer looks at you wide eyed and quickly allows me to pass, even escorts me to the hospital. I still can?t seem to come to grips with the reality of the situation until you?re rushing into the ER and I?m left standing in the waiting room.
Hours later a fair haired woman in a white lab coat came out of the room looking fairly satisfied. I took it as a good sign all the while bracing myself for the worst as a I cautiously approached her.
?How is Trista?? I ventured to ask.
?Miss Lenoir is in stable condition though how her condition could get so bad without her falling deathly ill is beyond me.?
Pride in my childhood friend tugged a smile in place on my face. ?She?s a tough one you know,? I replied proudly.
?Yes, I can see that,? the young doctor agreed as she removed her glasses and placed them in her breast pocket. ?That?s why I am confident in her full recovery. However she?s going to have to stay in bed and rest for a good long while if she gets out of this coma. Her immune system has been fighting a particularly bad case of influenza which, combined with her sickle cell anemia, has been ravaging her body. Quite frankly I?m surprised she?s lasted this long with treatment.?
Nodding the doctor told me a little bit more on her situation before granting me permission to visit her. Guilt weighs me down, but I wouldn?t let even that stop me from visiting her. She was a survivor. She had to be.
[Bring me to life
I?ve been living a lie
There?s nothing inside
Bring me to life]
?Hey you,? I whisper quietly. The click of the latch confirms that the door is shut behind me. Beeping monitors and oxygen hissing from her mask are the only things I hear in the tiny room, save for my voice and the traffic outside. As expected her eyes remained steadfastly shut as the rest of her body gave no indication of her registering my presence.
Ba-bump. For a second I hear my heart louder than everything else in the room. Again I feel guilty for her being here. Maybe if I hadn?t?ve left her room she wouldn?t have gotten up to check on the stove.
Ba-bump. Maybe if I hadn?t?ve left her side, she wouldn?t be worse off than she was before.
Ba-bump. Or maybe she?d be infinitely worse. We?ll never know, though, because we live in the present and not the ?what if.?
Thump. Thump. Thump. My dark boots resound dully on the white hospital floors, the contrast of colors making an impression on me as I make my way to the chair beside her bed. My tanned hand reached for her pale, fragile one?again the contrasting colors are imprinted onto my memory?and I gently rub a calloused thumb back and forth across the back of her hand.
Beep?beep?beep? The green line of her heart monitor rhythmically rises and falls as she sleeps and for a second I?m entranced by it. Its steady beat helps me remember she?s still alive no matter how indisposed she really looks under the tubes and wires stuck to her.
?I don?t know if you can actually hear me?but?I want you to know?I?m waiting for you. I?I can?t wait to see you up again.? Seeing her so still and non-responsive to my talk, I had to choke back my tears. When I was smiling again, I tried speaking once more. ?I?miss y-you?r smile,? I whispered, bailing out of what I had intended to say. ?Coward,? I hear in my head. ?And your laugh, and your hair billowing in the wind?I miss you.?
No response.
?Damnit?I wish you?d wake up,? I whisper again, unconsciously clenching and unclenching my fists. The knuckles turn white and by now I was biting the inside of my lower lip to keep from crying out. It was all I could manage to let slip past my lips.
(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can?t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
Bid my blood to run
(I can?t wake up)
Before I come undone
(Save me)
Save me from the nothing I?ve become
/ / Wake Me Up
Evanescence / /
: : Dreaming
Darkness. All around me. Nothing. I can?t see a thing. Whispers. They surround me but I can?t make them out. Are they talking about me or about something or someone else? If it?s about me I can?t say I care anymore. You can only hear so many things about you until you don?t care anymore. Sighing, I start to walk alone but something stops me?holds me down to where I am.
?Help!? I think trying desperately to voice my cry. Why can?t I speak?! My mouth continues to open and I continue to force my throat but nothing comes out. Tears run down my cheeks as fear clutches my heart. ?Let me go!? The tears continue to slide down my cheeks and I can neither move nor stop crying. My throat continues its boycott, faithfully preventing any word to pass from my lips. Harder and harder I try causing the tears to fall faster. ?Something is coming.? Furiously I scramble to leave but it doesn?t work. Finally a scream emerges.
End : : :
?Dammit?I wish you?d wake up.?
?What? Who said that?? It sounded like Aidan, but why would he want me to wake up? I?m already awake?aren?t I? Taking a look around, I notice things are different. I?m not at my apartment anymore, for one. But I?m not at the hospital either. Hold on. Where am I? A 360 degree spin helped me to take in my surroundings. All around me there was darkness and where I stopped was a shadowy path. Dare I take it? Shrugging, I wonder what it is I have to lose. No one is around to tell me otherwise. Still?I?m hesitant. What if it brings me to a place I?m not ready to go to? Then again?what if it brings me exactly where I want to go to? Somehow, I know if I take that step forward, I?m stuck and there?s no turning back. With trepidation filling my heart and questions filling my head, I lift my foot off the ground and take that first step forward. I just hope I?m not making a big mistake.
For two weeks I?ve been coming here, and for two weeks I?ve been getting no response from her. Because of her survivor instinct, I?m confident in her return to us, but the doctors are split on their conclusions. Many are with me though as Trista was a regular patient. I can feel the concern seeping through my carefully placed mask but I don?t let get too far. I?m afraid if I do, the other emotions will be able to break through and I won?t be able to stop them. A tight reign on my emotions is necessary. Should I fail to control them, I don?t even want to know what might happen let alone what will.
Beep. My eyes turn back to the girl lying soundly on the bed and then up at the green line on the heart monitor that rises and falls rhythmically assuring me that she?s still alive in there under the wires and the tubes. For a second I wonder what it might be like under there. Do you have any idea what?s going on? Can you hear me?
Beep. She?s breathing easier, though assisted by the respirator. I can?t tell if it?s worse seeing her alive and hooked up to these machines or seeing her half dead with out them. It?s?frightening. Unconsciously, my fists clench and unclench, my knuckles turning white each time. Blinking to fight off tears, I keep my purple eyes focused only on her pale form.
Just in case you can, ?I?d switch places with you in a heartbeat if it meant you didn?t have to suffer anymore, Trist. Really I would.?
?I?d switch places with you in a heartbeat if it meant you didn?t have to suffer anymore Trist. Really I would.?
?Aidan!? I heard his voice everyday and everyday I think I?m getting closer to the end but to no avail. Am I any closer to the end now than when I started? I doubt it. ?Please help me Aidan. Guide me with your voice,? I whisper.
Beep. Her limp, pale hand is enclosed in my strong tan one. Their contrasting features stick out in my mind. My thumb rubs back and forth across the back of her small palm. Softer than a cloud?just like her smile. ?Trist?come back to the world of the living soon??
?Trist?come back to the world of the living soon??
?I?m trying Aidan?please?help me to do that.? Onward I walk hoping to see the light at the end of the tunnel. If it?s heaven that awaits me, I?m no longer afraid?I just wish I had time to tell everyone how much they meant to me.
Beep. ?Why won?t you open your eyes??
Tears prickle mine again causing me to blink furiously to keep them at bay.
?Why won?t you open your eyes??
?I?m trying Aidan! Believe me! I wish I could see your smile one last time.? Aidan?s easy laughter and cheerful smile are what I miss most. How cruel is fate? She finally brings him home only to tell me my time is up? Is that how you operate? Anger and frustration boil inside me and I?d give almost anything to be able to let it go.
Beep. ?Why do you keep torturing me like this??
?Why do you keep torturing me like this??
Desperate tears well up in my eyes when I heard his confession. ?I?m sorry Aidan. I?m so, so sorry.?
?I?ll be back tomorrow.? As a departing gesture, I lift her hand to my lips and faintly kiss her knuckles.
?I?ll be back tomorrow.? With that I feel something brush my hand. His lips perhaps? I don?t know?I can?t see it. But oh how I wish tomorrow would come. Looking ahead I see something. Hey?is that a light? A pinprick of light starts to shine and excitement grows. I?m finally getting out of this dark place! But?why?
Beep. ?I love you?? Without waiting for a response, I leave the room. The blood rushing to my heart pounds louder in my head than everything else. I can?t hear anything else, I don?t see anything else. Her fluttering eyelids and faster breathing don?t register in my mind as the door closes behind me and the lock clicks.
?I love you.?
?Aidan?? I whisper his name and suddenly I can see. The door slams shut and I know he?s gone. He didn?t hear me. ?Aidan?come back soon??
Beep.
Downstairs, I bumped into someone. After apologizing, I take a good look at his face. It looks familiar but?from where? I never forget a face and I always remember a name so why can?t I come up with it this time? Looking down I notice he?s got a bouquet of flowers. Roses?red roses. A dozen crimson roses. ?That?s sending my warning bells but?why?? Shrugging it off, I turn around and head out the hospital. Later in the day it hits me. He was the guy in the picture in Trista?s kitchen. The one that was kissing her.
I headed back as fast as my legs could carry me without looking conspicuous. Then again I suppose running in a hospital wasn?t so uncommon. The elevator closed just as I arrived so I frantically pressed the button. It was another few minutes until another was sent down for me. By the time I would get there the blond would probably have been in Trista?s room for sometime. Looking through the window, I saw that not only were my suspicions correct but that Trista had woken up from her coma! Taking into consideration her smiling face and bright eyes, I decided she didn?t need me there to make things awkward and so I shuffled down the hall, dragging my feet and hands shoved deep into my pockets.
It?s only been a week since I came back home, but already I?m feeling much better. Aidan comes often and we talk but I feel something off. I didn?t tell him I heard him?and only him?while in my coma because I didn?t want to lose him, but?it already seemed that I was losing him. Maybe I should tell him the truth about my relationship with Ethan.
?Aidan?you know that guy on the picture in the kitchen? The one you were looking at before I landed myself in the hospital?
?Uh, yea,? he answered. His eyes didn?t meet mine and his hands started to fidget. ?What are you nervous about?? ?Well?he?s?more than just a friend Aidan. And?h-he?s been there?f-for me all this time, Aidan.? Now I started to cry. I didn?t want to, but I did. Aidan took me by surprise by wiping away my tears and smiling my way. He wasn?t mad? But? ?Y-y-you?re not mad??
Slightly?ever so slightly?I saw his lip twitch. Mad? No. He was hurt. Badly.
?Why would I be mad??
?I-I?don?t know.?
?I?think I?m going to go now, ok Trista? I?ll?I?ll see you,? he said flashing another smile.
?I?m sorry Aidan?I?m so sorry.?
His eyes grew smoky and unreadable and no matter how I tried, I couldn?t pry an answer out of them. Helpless, I could do nothing but watch as he left my apartment carefully closing the door.
With the door shut and no one around, I was left to cry my heart out. How could this happen? With Aidan away for the rest of the day, I was allowed room to think and breathe. By the time Ethan came for dinner, I had decided what I would do.
?Ethan?we need to?talk.?
Turn down the lights
Turn down the bed
Turn down these voices
Inside my head
/ / I Can?t Make You Love Me
Bonnie Rait / /
?He?s not just a friend Aidan.?
Clink. The empty bottle is shoved towards the growing pile beside me but I pay no attention to it as I make my way to the small refrigerator on the other side of the kitchen for another bottle. Pop. The cap comes off between my fingers. Within seconds I can feel the burning liquid slide down my throat. Most of it?s down to my stomach before I even sit down again.
?He?s been there for me all this time, Aidan.?
Crash. The bottle connects with the wall in no time and I know the amber liquid is now staining the once pristine white paint. It doesn?t faze me like it should. The only sound I hear is her voice apologizing in a hushed rueful tone. Her words, telling me what I can?t bear to hear, ring loud and clear in my ears.
In front of her, I denied being hurt. Inside, though, a war raged on. My anger rose up only to be contested by my sadness. Both emotions radiated from my violent purple eyes. Determined to avoid her dove grey orbs probing for answers, I struggled to remain cool, calm, collected. But I don?t think I passed. I saw the hurt look in her eyes. I knew that she sensed my feelings. There?s no way I can deny it any longer. I love her.
?I?m sorry Aidan?I?m so sorry.?
?I?m sorry too Trista.? The harsh whisper escapes my lips though it sounds nothing like my voice. ?I?m sorry I have to do this.?
Only slightly swaying, I walk through the darkness towards my room. There a black canvas bag sits open on top of my neatly made bed waiting to be filled. My feet only slightly drag as I make my way to the dresser behind me. For a second I pause to think about my decision, but I shake off any thoughts of turning back.
?She doesn?t need me,? I tell myself as I pick up a few necessary clothes. ?She?s better off without me. Out of sight, out of mind.?
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone
Eyes flashing with unshed tears, Aidan started throwing open his dresser drawers so he could grab the clothes inside them. Jeans, tee shirts, sweaters, underwear?all carelessly shoved into the open pack. The once empty space starts to overflow with clothing. The emotions raging inside appeared on his face at least once. Dominating anger gave way to sadness and hurt which eventually faded to worry angst. Since it was in fact his second time leaving he had no worries about where to go. Foresight had helped him prepare for the worst and so on impulse he rented a second apartment far away from the city.
Something has been taken from deep inside of me
The secret I've kept locked away no one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show they never go away
Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played
?How could I have been so stupid?!? He whispered to himself. A dull ache in his jaw started to set it he was clenching it so tightly. Though bad, it was and ancient habit stemming from the days he would sit in his room and refuse to cry when his parents would fight. No one knew how screwed up his family had been. Fascination only piqued when his prize-winning author mother took him and fled from him [abusive, drunkard] father who couldn?t hold a job if his life had depended on it.
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(If I could take all the shame to the grave I would)
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(I would take all my shame to the grave)
/ / Easier to Run
Linkin? Park / /
The first time he?d left it wasn?t entirely by choice. By the age of fifteen, the father he hadn?t seen in over a decade came back looking for him. His mother had hidden herself away in a new town (this twon) with Trista, the two looking enough alike to act like mother and daughter while he went in another direction with some friends to bordering school. While there a hostage situation took place and he had been mistakenly counted as one of the dead when he had gone astray and went missing for more days than he could remember. With no money and no food the only way to get around was to take any kind of work offered to him. With his quick wit, calm demeanor and fast fingers, he had taken to stealing for a living. It wasn?t something to be proud of and he definitely didn?t bring it up. Indirectly, it cost some people their lives.
With one last look around, I zipped up my bag and sealed the past. While I was frantic when packing the room didn?t look as if I had been in a hurry. Everything is in its place and nothing is out of order. Save for the kitchen, the whole apartment was quite clean. It looked only as if I were going away for the weekend and not the rest of my life. After wiping down the wall in the kitchen, I clicked off all the lights and let the door slam shut behind me. I was off to start another new beginning.
?Aidan?don?t leave yet,? I thought as I gripped the steering wheel of my car slowly turning my knuckles white. He couldn?t go yet. I didn?t tell him my true feelings. Why was I so blind? Why did I try to repress them? A frustrated sigh left my throat as I sat stuck in this horrid traffic. After a while it finally budged enough so that I could escape into the back streets. In no time I reached Aidan?s building but I was too late. His door was locked and the lights were off?a sure sign he was not there. In lightning quick speed I took off for my car again and set out for the airport. ?Please don?t go yet.?
The drive this time was relatively short. After finding a parking space, I took off in a frenzied search for my oldest and dearest friend. ?Please don?t go.? I repeated the phrase in my head like a mantra. After an hour of looking for him, I almost gave up. But as I looked up, who else would I see but ?AIDAN!? His messy sable-haired head swiveled around left and right to see who had called his name. Not recognizing anybody, he walked on towards the terminal. ?If I let him go, I may never find him.? My legs took off on their own, bringing me closer and closer to him. My mouth followed its lead and shouted his name over and over again. Finally I was able to catch up, but I was too late. He had gone through the barrier. He was gone for the rest of my life? And then I looked up. ?Tokyo, Japan.? Aidan was headed to Japan! I?ll follow him and find him, I thought happily. It won?t be easy, but I think I can do it. I?m not letting the love of my life slip through my fingers?again!
A few minutes later, I was in line buying a ticket. ?One way trip to Japan, please!?
AN: As I said...it's my first original work so if you made it this far...I'm glad I kept your attention ^_^
Running
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