Snowflakes One-shot 1/1

[Jessi wa Kawaii]

Just a little ditty I wrote a while ago... enjoy!
When the Snow Falls
The richest love is that which submits to the arbitration of time.~ Lawrence Durrell

I first saw her in seventh grade, sitting by the window, and casting a curious gaze over to me.

I was new to the school, having moved from warm and sunny Arizona, to live in Connecticut. Most people called me crazy for leaving, but I had no choice. Children of divorcees often don't have a choice.

She was the first thing I saw when I walked into the
classroom. The teacher told me to sit next to her, and I did. From that moment, I memorized every facet of her being.

Her shiny auburn hair was pulled into two curly pigtails, and tiny freckles were dusted across her cheeks and nose. Like every twelve-year-old girl, Barbie?s and the color pink fascinated her, but what I liked most about her was her smile.

She smiled a lot, and I found that smiles were as frequent as her incessant need to chatter.

Her name was Denise. Denise Whittaker.

She was beautiful; there was no doubt about that. However, in my mind, she was most beautiful during one season.

She loved winter, and when it snowed, her eyes were glued to the window, watching each snowflake fall steadily to the white ground.

She stood out in winter, and made the serene atmosphere even more beautiful than it already was.

Yes, winter was beautiful... but I hated it. I had gotten sick more times during January than I had ever in my whole life in Arizona. Winter was miserable, cold, wet, and disgusting to me. I could not wait until spring came.

One day, she actually turned to me, a brilliant smile on her face.

"You like it here?"

I frowned, "It's too cold. I hate the snow."

She fiddled with her scissors as the teacher began to hand out paper, "You know, a lot kids don't like winter. Too cold, too much snow, all they do is complain. You know what I think?"

I shook my head.

"Snowflakes are the best part of winter. Whenever it snows, everything is quiet, and I believe that someday, when it's quiet..." she paused, "I believe that my true love will tell me that he loves me, and no matter how far apart we are, I'll hear him."

It was a childish fantasy, just like a knight in shining armor. I couldn't help the laugh that escaped me. Did she really put her faith in that?
A hurt expression came over her face, "It's not funny!"

I hated to see her cry. I had seen her do it before, when other the other kids? playfulness went too far, but now that I had made her cry, I felt like a horrible person.

I tried my hardest to control myself and said a quick apology.

She sniffed and wiped at her eyes, "Boys are stupid."

I didn?t want her to think I was stupid, "I believe you."

Slowly, a smile appeared on her face, "Really?"

"Yeah." I liked to see her smile, I realized. Making her smile made me feel happy.

After school, I was supposed to go right home, but Denise had other plans. She dragged me to the back of the school, past the soccer field and the bleachers, to a small pond.

It was still snowing, and the pond was frozen, but several geese walked around, slipping on the ice as they tried to find a source of food. It was quiet.

"I love it back here," she said suddenly, "Just as much as I love winter."

Our breaths came as puffs of air, our cheeks were red from the cold, and yet we sat there, watching the snowfall down. Then on an impulse, she leaned over and kissed my cheek.

And my reaction? I well.... I sneezed. Several times in fact. Laughter echoed from her like silver bells as she pulled away.

I looked at her in surprise, but she just got up with an impish smile and began walking back, and I followed. I would always follow her, no matter what she did.

That was when I knew it was love.

I was in love with the young girl who herself believed that the snowfall would reveal her true love. I had become her friend, but secretly, I imagined seeing myself with her years into the future.

And I found myself loving winter. Because of her.

But even as the year rolled on, I couldn't open my mouth to tell her the words I was afraid of rejection, of embarrassment? so I just kept it to myself, repeating it silently whenever I saw her.

I love you.

********

Best friends.

We were best friends.

For four years we had gone over each other's houses, told our deepest secrets, wrestled, played games, and made our families like each other.

High School was our next test.

Granted, we still hung out to do schoolwork, extracurricular activities and go to sports games, but I could feel something change. It wasn't so much I was the best friend so much as I was the Big Brother. She looked to me for everything: advice, help, support... even if she didn't like what I had to say, she knew that I would be there for her no matter what she did.

Within a week of starting school, we were bombarded by homework, quizzes, tests, detentions... it was a complete overload. With our different schedules, we only saw each other at lunch and on the bus ride home, and even then we didn't talk as much as we used to. We made new friends, and sat with them. I found friends in the track team, she found her friends on the cheerleading squad.

They had the loudest table at lunch. Every five minutes they were giggling about something, whether it was boys, rumors, or some inane thing that they found funny. Most times it was about their obsessions.

As with any girls around our age, they were obsessed with boys and falling in love. While Denise made friends with this group, I found myself obsessing over her. I knew how many times she changed her hair color, how many different crushes she had, and I knew the exact color change her eyes went through when she went through different moods.

When she was happy, they were a clear gray.

When she was sad, a lavender tint came over them.

When she cried, they turned blue, and when she was angry, they turned a greenish gray.

I loved every color; I loved each movement of her body, and even the roots of her constantly changing hair.

I was head over heels in love with her. Or so I thought. It was hard to find love at my age, so after a while, I brushed it off as an infatuation, a silly, obsessive, infatuation.

And she didn't know it at all.

Within a few years, it was no secret to any of the guys I hung out with. They knew about the way I felt for her, and they disapproved of my own attitude towards it.

"Just tell her, man."

But I couldn't, something held me back continually. Maybe it was my conscience, or perhaps just instinct. My own reply never changed, never wavered, "I can't."

"Why?"

"Because... I couldn't do that to her."

Deep down, I knew that was a lie. I knew that she wouldn't shun me or harass me if I told her, and yet I was afraid, for more than one reason. I tried to brush it off, saying that it was an infatuation that would pass over soon. I tried pretending that it didn't bother me when she began dating.

It hurt though, to watch her look at other guys with such a lovesick glare. Each time she would go into a spiel about her latest 'love', a knife wrenched in my heart slowly. I ignored it though, because I knew that the only way that I could be happy was if she was herself... even if I couldn't have her. I watched as she went through boyfriends, with my occasional help in hooking up. Every time she wanted to go on a date with a guy, she'd call me over so that I could introduce them, as more often than naught, I knew the guys pretty well. Most times, we would talk in the library during study hall, as that was the only time other than after school that we would hang out.

She looked anxious, as though there was something on her mind. She kept twiddling her thumbs, and looking at me every two seconds.

I wasn't stupid; I knew it was another guy. Pushing back my jealousy, I put down the book I was reading, "What do you want?"

"What do you know about Jordan Caulfield?"

I looked at her incredulously, "You like Jordan?"

A slow blush swept over her cheeks at my accusation. I darned her uncontrollable hormones and sighed, "You do don't you?"

She looked indignant, "So what if I do?"

I shook my head, "I'm not doing it."

"What?"

I frowned at her as she tore the book from my hands, "Did I stutter?"

"But Parker," she whined, "I really, really, like him."

I would normally crumble once the puppy dogface came, but I was fighting back this time.

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"Do you know anything about Jordan?"

"No, but I know you do."

Gods... this girl...

"I'm telling you now, Denise. Stay away from Jordan."

"You can't tell me what to do, Parker."

We'd been through this before. I tell her no, and she'd argue me down until I had no choice but to go along with her plan. I would always be right in the end, and I would have to deal with her fierce apologies for never listening. It never failed. I always went with her no matter what, but this time was different. I was tired of allowing her to step all over me without regards to my feelings. It was sort of like Charlie Brown and Lucy. Charlie always followed Lucy, and fell for her trap every time, and Lucy would always apologize, only to pull the same crap again. Take the football for instance...

I loved Denise, but I wanted to be respected too.

It was a give and take relationship. I gave, and she kept taking.

"I'm saying no, Denise. Jordan only uses girls; he doesn't care about your feelings. Trust me, you will only get hurt."

"No I won't Parker. I don't know what side of Jordan you see, but I know he's different."

"God, Denise, listen to yourself!"

"What?"

The librarian walked by with a stern warning look. I took it in stride and lowered my voice, "You know I'm right. Take my advice for once."

The glare she gave me stopped me dead, "What makes you think that you're always right?"

What? Where had this come from?

Her lips thinned, "You just think your better than me, don't you? You're always right, no matter what."

"What? Where is th-"

"Forget it Parker. I thought you were my friend. I guess what everyone said was true. I heard about what between you and Jordan before. I thought that maybe you two were still buddies, but I guess that you only care about yourself after all. You won't even help me with a little date."

With that she stood, grabbed her books and began to walk away. It was a guilt trip, I knew it was. She knew that I would be putty in her hands if she played the right cards. Those cards, however, seemed to cut deeper than she probably meant them to. I slammed my hands angrily down at the table.

She looked back nonchalantly, pausing in her steps.

"What," I took a deep breath, "Gives you the right to talk about me like that?"

"Well-" it was a beginning to a flippant response, but I cut her off.

"Don't 'well' me. I do everything for you, at my own expense, and you can't even show appreciation and common sense enough to know that I am right. I always am! Because out of the two of us, one person has to be the one that makes all the stupid mistakes that I have to save you from, because you and your stupid pride wont allow you to listen to me." I picked up my backpack and walked past her briskly, but not before, "Don't bother calling me. You deal with it later when you?re out on the curb crying." I left her there, red-faced, embarrassed and at the attention of every student in the library.

I didn't speak to her after that. In a week, Jordan and Denise started dating. I would see them on the steps before school, in Jordan's Lamborghini after school, and at every chance I went to the library. As I pondered over the words I'd spoken to her, I found myself regretting the whole scenario. Even though I was upset, she didn't need to be yelled at like that.

A month later, I was on my bed, trying to figure out some calculus problems late at night. It was cold outside, and I shivered as I reached over to make sure that the window was closed. It was snowing outside, I noticed, but only in tiny flurries. If push came to shove, school would be canceled and I would have a free day before the weekend.

The shrill ringing of the telephone shook me from my musings, and I fumbled around blindly for the receiver.

I picked up the phone warily, not many people called me at eleven at night, "Hello?"

"Parker?"

"Denise?" I couldn't help the disbelieving tone. I did not expect to hear her voice at all.

"Parker?" Her voice sounded shaky, like she had been crying.

"What's wrong?" Despite the speech I had prepared on respect, the words flew out of my mind as I listened to her.

"I need you to come get me... I know you don't to talk to me, but... You were the only person I could think of."

"Shh.." she was getting frantic, and that wasn't good, "Where are you?"

"At the diner on Elmond."

The ...diner? "I'll be right there."

Without a word to my parents, I grabbed my car keys and headed out to my car, and drove down the street.

The diner on Elmond Street was a rinky-dink place. Crappy waitresses, unpleasant food, and even more unpleasant creeps that had had a little too much to drink. That was why I was surprised to her without a coat sitting on the curb in a dress that really left nothing to the imagination. Goodness, who knows what could have happened if I hadn't decided to come?

Popping the unlock button, I waited patiently for Denise to get inside the car.

She did within a few minutes, tugging at the hem of her short dress self-consciously. There were goose bumps all over her tanned skin, leaving me to believe that she had been out in the weather long before I got the phone call. Taking off my varsity jacket, I placed it around her shoulders and turned off the ignition.

Sighing heavily, I turned to face her, "What happened?"

She didn't answer, and just looked down at her heeled feet.

"Denise, what happened?"

Silence.

"Where's your coat?"

"In Jordan's car." was her reply.

"Where's Jordan?"

She fidgeted nervously, but didn't respond.

I threw my hands in the air, "Forget it. I'll just get you home and then... whatever."

Just as I went to turn the key in the ignition, she spoke, "He's gone."

I blinked, "Who? Jordan?"

"He left me.? her arms shook even as she tugged the jacket closely around her.

"Why?"

She flinched slightly, and I knew it wasn't from the cold.

"What did he do?" My stomach clenched at the possibilities, "Did he-?"

"He tried to." she buried her head in her hands, "Oh, God, he tried to. I wouldn't let him... and that's when he kicked me out of his car and drove off. He called me a dirty whore. He said he didn't want me if I wouldn't satisfy him. Why did he do that? Why?"

The urge to say, "I told you so," was present, but I couldn't bring myself to say the words. That would have made her unhappy. I couldn't be happy if she wasn't.

In a sudden instant she lunged towards me, a sobbing mass of hairspray and makeup, her face was in my chest and her arms around my neck.

"I'm so sorry Parker," she cried, "I did it again. And you were so right..."

I comforted her as best as I could, "It's okay."

"No it's not!" Her tear filled eyes looked at me, "You always have such good advice, why don't I ever listen to you?"

"Denise,"

"You were right...about me being on the curb and crying... you were always right about everything..." A short sob escaped her.

I patted her back, deciding not to say a word. Leaning back, I pushed her into the passenger seat gently, "Put your seat belt on."

She looked at me strangely, "What?"

"Just put it on."

Without another question, she did, and I drove the car out of the parking lot. I could feel the inquisitive glances she stole every so often, but my eyes were on the road.

I stopped at the lake, and turned off the car.

Opening my car door, I walked around quickly to open hers.
"What's going on Parker?"

"Just come out here."

She stepped out of the seat, and closed the door behind her, following me over to the bench that overlooked the frozen water.

The snow was falling steadily now; larger snowflakes began to be seen against the periwinkle sky and green trees. It was all silent, and nothing, not even our breathing could be heard.

Her head leaned on my shoulder comfortably, and she sighed softly, breaking the silence.

"Can you hear him?"

She blinked up at me, "What?"

"Can you hear him?"

"Who?"

"Your true love."

"My true-" Her brows furrowed momentarily before her face broke out into a happy smile. Biting her lip cutely, she closed her eyes.

"Yeah," she said after a while, "I hear him."

"And what does your heart say?"

"It says...that he's out there somewhere, calling out to me."

After a moment's hesitation, I leaned down to kiss her forehead, "As long as you remember that, and keep searching for him, you'll never be lonely. Guys like Jordan are lonely. That's why they act like that. But you have lots of friends-"

"I have you."

I swallowed, "You have me. Your friends will help you find your true love, and he'll come to you someday."

Another happy sigh escaped her, "You are so good to me, Parker. Why do you always stick by me?"

My throat closed up, and I choked mentally.

"I do it because..." I froze, "Because...I..."

It was on the tip of my tongue. I closed my eyes, and prepared myself to lay my own heart bare.

"You're my best friend?" Denise offered, in an attempt to help me.

The pressure on my chest deflated, "Of course. And that's what best friends do."

"I'm thankful for you, Parker. I'm glad you're my friend."

"Me too."

I knew then that it wasn't an infatuation. The only proof I needed was the absolute calm that came over my entire being at our close proximity. I felt as though I had conquered the world when I was able to lift her own spirits. I felt like the luckiest man alive, and yet, I still was afraid.

I still couldn't bring myself to say the words.

I love you.

********

I took a year off after graduation to decide which college I was going to go to. I had been vacillating between Yale and Princeton, and even with the support of my family and friends, I had a hard time choosing.

Denise took a year off too, deciding to go for a three-month tour of Europe before she actually made a decision. Her parents let her go too, and paid for the whole thing. She spent September, October and November in England, Germany and France, and was due to come back in the middle of December.

I went with her entire family as we waited her arrival at the airport. We were all excited. She had mentioned that she had a good surprise for all of us, and even though I knew that I wasn't going to like it, I placed my best happy smile on as she came down the escalator.

I wasn't the first one she gave a hug to, I did get one, however.

"I missed you!" she laughed as she leapt towards me.

I caught her and spun her around before setting her back down to ruffle her hair, "I missed you too. How was Europe?"

"Wonderful!"

Taking her carryon bags from her, I helped her parents as they waited for the rest of her luggage from the baggage claim, "So what's the big surprise you had us all hyped up for?"

She whirled around, eyes vacillating frantically around the large arena a sudden smile broke out on her face as she located what she wanted, "Here he comes now."

He? I couldn't keep the question off my face.

I watched as 'he' walked towards our small group. 'He' happened to be a well-built obviously foreign man in a very expensive looking suit. He had a certain stride that radiated business. His black hair was slicked back and combed neatly, with a pair of black sunglasses resting on his crown.

Denise all but ran up to him, embracing him in such a way that made my jealousies soar. She grabbed his hand without a second thought, and brought him over to our small group.

"Everyone..." She smiled brightly, "This is Pierre."

It was then that I glanced down at her left hand that she was wringing nervously. A gold band sparkled on the ring finger that was bare the day she had left.

She didn't...

"And we're engaged."

Engaged?! Did she lose her mind in Europe?

There was silence for a few moments before all hell broke loose. Questions flew by, accusations, angry words. I could see Denise's face change from serenely happy into a sad and thoroughly rebuked expression.

She had honestly thought her family was going to be happy over it all.

Her tearing eyes turned to me, imploring me to disagree with the common opinion. I could feel my resolve crack at that one look she gave me.

A big, fake smile was plastered on my face and I reached forward to shake both their hands, "Congratulations."

Denise leaned over to hug me again, "Thank you, thank you so much. At least I can count on you."

Yep, good ole' me. I could always be trusted.

Pierre merely offered me a wan smile, "So are you this Parker I have been hearing much about?"

I nodded, "I wouldn't believe that there was a lot about me to talk about."

"Oh there is." His voice didn't even sound European. He was about as American as they came, with a foreign name, "Denni does nothing but talk about you. You are her surrogate brother, as I am led to believe."
I chuckled dryly, "That's me."

"So you will come to our wedding?"

His eyes were scrutinizing, searching, piercing. I felt wholly uncomfortable with the investigative glare he was giving me.

"Sure, why not?"

Denise had left us to talk as she attempted to placate her family. As I turned to join her, believing the conversation to be over, a hand gripped my arm.

Pierre's glare was hard, and stern, "She is a wonderful woman. Just do not think you can win her over."

My mouth fell open in shock. He knew? He hadn't even talked to me for more then five minutes, and he knew?

"You do not stand a chance with her."

His last words fell on my ears as he walked away from me, leaving me by myself.

Who was he?

From the little bit of what I had heard, he sounded jealous. Of me. It seemed absurd, heck, it seemed impossible.

The only reason he could be jealous was if there were things said about me that would make him jealous. Which meant...

I squashed the thought down immediately. Denise would have never thought on those lines. Besides, she loved French boy.

I ignored the whole fiasco, and put it to the back of my mind. I didn't want to worry over it. Despite whatever tension that there was between Pierre and me, Denise still wanted my input on her wedding.

She called me a week later in order to get my help on her invitation list. I had to listen to her give family names and then gave my opinion over it all. It was tiring, to say the least.

"The Mulligan?s?"

"I don't think so"

"The Terry?s?"

"Eh..."

"Yes or no, Parker."

"That's a tossup."

Her exhaled breath was loud in my ear, "You can be so aggravating sometimes."

A sudden memory struck me and I couldn't help but bring it up, "Hey, Denise?"

"Hmm?"

"When you met Pierre, did you hear him?" I needed an answer.

"Of, course I heard him, Parker. He's not a mute."

"No, I mean... did you hear him when the snow fell?"

"What? Oh... I gave up on that a long time ago."

"Why?"

"Because it was a stupid girlish fantasy. Besides, Pierre told me that he loved me. That was all I needed."

"But you believed in it for so long..."

"Oh, come on now, Parker," she laughed, "We were kids. Nothing really mattered then."

That struck me. Hard. I just laughed it off, albeit nervously, "Yeah, all that kids stuff. Go figure."

"Well, I'm glad. I hate reminiscing about the past. Hey do you think-"

I waited patiently as Denise stopped in order to answer a question given by the person next to her.

"Hey, Parker? What do you think about the Kingman?s? Should I invite them?"

My hand ran over my eyes tiredly, "They're nice."

"I know- What Susanne? What? Where is this coming from? You're crazy." there were a few muffled words and then, "Fine, fine! I'll ask him. Parker?"

"Yes?"

"Susanne wants-Ow! Okay fine, I want to know if you are really okay with this whole wedding ordeal. I mean, really okay."

Dread pooled in my stomach, "Of course I am, why?"

"She has this crazy idea that you were in love with me some time or another. Isn't that just silly?"

"Yeah..." I swallowed nervously, "Isn't it?"

"Good. Now that it's settled, what about the Harpers?"

She had dismissed it so thoroughly... so effortlessly, that I couldn't help but feel crushed. Did she really believe that?

I began to thank myself for never telling her. If I had, how would she have reacted? My chest ached at the prospect. It was too painful to think about.

"Parker? Are you there?"

I frowned, "I'm not feeling so good, Denise. Can I call you back?"

"Sure. Go drink some water and get rest. That always works for me."

She acted as though it were easy. This wasn't the kind of sickness that a few hours of rest could take care of. It would take even longer than that.

"I will. Bye."

I didn't wait for her response as I hung up the phone. I felt sick. Sick and miserable. What was the point of being in love with somebody if they would never appreciate it at all?

I had spent nearly seven years pining after a girl that in the end, I would never be able to have. It was a fool's errand, and even though I knew it, I still could not stop loving her. That's what hurt me the most. I stared at the Princeton application that had been lying on my desk for months, filled out and not sent.

What did I have to lose?

Without another thought, I placed the application in the envelope and sealed it.

It was time for me to move on.

No more foolish I love yous

********

A month later, I sat in my room, mulling over the opened letter on my desk. A pink wedding invitation rested next to it, the pastel parchment was sheer and thin, almost insignificant, if it weren't for the information it held.

The union of Denise Danielle Whittaker and Pierre Mitchell

It was a difficult decision, but I had made it.

It was time to get over all of this, to start anew.

The sound of a running car in the driveway alerted me to the lack of time that I had.

Sighing, I picked up a small piece of paper and a pen, and began writing.

Dear Denise,
This is funny. By the time you are actually reading this, I'll be on the plane headed for New Jersey. It may only be a forty-minute flight, but in my opinion, it's not long enough. For seven years I've been bothered by my secret, and have forgoed any chances I had of telling you. But now, it's no regrets. You can't go into a marriage with regrets, can you?
I hope that you and Pierre will be happy. You deserve happiness, everybody does. He is a nice man that will treat you right, no matter what. And you know I'm right. At first, I was skeptical, but now I know that it's the truth. When the snow fell in Paris, did you really hear him calling? You had to have, right? For so long, I had hoped that you would hear me calling. Every snowfall, I would call out to you silently, but I guess silently wasn't good enough. So now you know. I love you Denise. I have ever since the day you first kissed me by the pond behind the school. It may be insignificant to you, but that was the day my whole life turned around. If you weren't happy, I wasn't happy, and I still feel that way.
I love everything about you... How your eyes change colors with your emotions... the way you can liven up a room with just a smile... and most of all, I love seeing you in the wintertime. Because, that's when you're the most beautiful to me. You made me love the wintertime... because I knew that one day you would hear me call out to you while the snow fell. But those were just childish dreams, right?
Is it still funny now? Me being in love with you? I know you found it hilarious a couple of days ago. But honesty is best. Laugh all you want, it wont harm me. I've had nearly a decade to hear all the ridiculing and teasing from my friends. They said that procrastinating would only make things worse. Well, I guess it did in the end. I mean, I don't have you, I'm leaving the state, and I have nothing to look forward to in my own life except the uncertain future.
You'll have to forgive me for denying the invite to your wedding. I'm afraid that college classes will be taking up my time as I am enrolling in Princeton's spring program. But that would be a lie. The truth is, I cannot bear to see you binding yourself forever to another man. I'm jealous. Always have been, yet I still did what you wanted me too. I followed along with your every plan, even when I knew it wasn't going to work. All because I love you.
You have to promise me that you'll be happy, and make the best of your marriage. As long as you are happy, I will be. And no matter where I am, if you are smiling, I'll be smiling too. Be happy, Denise. That's all that I ask. We may meet somewhere along the line, but for now, this is goodbye.
I tucked the letter in a white envelope along with the pink wedding invitation, and placed it inside the breast pocket of my shirt.

"Are you ready?" my mother called. For a rare time in history, both my parents had come together to wish me good luck and to see me off. They even stayed in the same house for the past week, setting aside their differences for the one thing they still held in common- their son.

With one last look in the mirror, I nodded, "I'll be right down!"

Taking a sweeping glance at my empty and clean room, I turned the overhead light off and trotted down the stairs to meet my parents in the car.

The drive to the airport was short and silent. My father parked in the large garage, and within ten minutes we were at my gate, awaiting the news of my flight.

"Now boarding Class Two of Flight 0930 non-stop service to Newark, New Jersey"

With a sigh, I began saying my goodbyes to my overemotional mother and my stoic father. I hugged them both, promising to visit during the summer break.

Reaching for the envelope, I placed it in my father's hands, "Can you give this to Denise?"

He nodded once, shaking the envelope steadily next to his ear, "I think I hear a fourteen karat ring in here."

I laughed nervously, "I don't think so."

Joining the line for boarding, I waited for my ticket to be checked, wondering exactly what everyone's reaction would be when Denise showed them my letter.

"Parker!"

Maybe... nah. Only my mother would do that, and she'd probably drive all the way down to Princeton.

"Parker!"

What?

I turned around, only to see the running figures of Denise and Pierre as they headed towards me. Great. I could just turn back and pretend I didn't hear them...

"Parker!"

Crap. Now everybody knows my name. It was just wonderful.

Denise reached me first, pulling my sleeve to drag me out of line, "What are you doing?!"

"Boarding a plane..."

"Without telling me?" Her face was red from the hard running she'd been doing, "I go to your house this morning to find out that you were leaving and didn't even bother to tell any of us goodbye."

"Well, I would have called."

"When, Parker?"

"...Eventually..."

Denise's eyes filled with tears and she reached forward to hug me, "You idiot. You don't have to be afraid to say goodbye."

I couldn't help but hug her back. I closed my eyes to relish the feeling of having her in my arms before pulling away and smiling. The memory would have to last a while.

Pierre reached to grab my hand, "Have a safe trip." there was a light of inner triumph in his eyes, yet I took it in strides. I would let him enjoy his victory, even though I knew that there was no competition to begin with.

"I will." I gave the ticket to the attendant, who scanned it and then handed it back to me.

In the corner of my eye, I saw my father hand Denise the envelope, and I hurried forward to board the plane, wanting to escape the chaos that was sure to ensue.

I sat in my window seat in row eleven comfortably. The oval window shade was up, and allowed me to view the terminals. I could see everybody and their reactions clearly. I could see the surprise on Denise's face as she read the letter. I could see the tears in my mother's eyes as she read over her shoulders... I could see the turmoil going through each of them, which lead me to believe that it was being read aloud.

I watched as four pairs of eyes swiveled to face the plane. Denise moved forward, pressing her hands against the glass, as she looked around for me. I waited patiently until we made eye contact. Her mouth moved, but I didn't bother to figure out exactly what she was saying. I saw her pull out her cell phone and dial a few numbers. Within seconds my own phone began to ring.

With a sigh, I picked it out of my bag and pressed the 'end' key before turning my phone off all together.

When I looked back she was pounding at the glass impatiently, her eyes crinkled in such a familiar way that even from afar, I knew she was crying.

I mouthed the words that she never got to hear me say.

I love you.

As she crumpled down to the floor on her knees, Pierre bent down to console her. That was the last thing I saw. Her disbelieving, wide, hurt eyes were imprinted on my mind as I closed the window shade in a silent goodbye.
********

New York was a beautiful place, from morning to night.

Every thing about it was beautiful. I loved the way it smelled in wintertime, especially Central Park. It smelled so crisp, and clean, and just being outside put a fresh feeling in my lungs.

Picking up a trench coat, I tossed on a scarf and gloves as I headed out.

"Come on, Ginger," I said as I opened the door to my apartment. I let her walk out first, and we took the elevator down to the lobby.

"Good evening Mister Harrington." The doorman said as he opened the door for me.

I offered him a smile, "Evening George."

"You both out for a walk again?"

The Alaskan Husky at my legs whined as I held a firm grip on the leash.

"Yeah, Ginger's just as eager as I am."

Ginger barked indignantly.

Just as I walked out the door, George called out, "There was a call for you this afternoon, but they weren't on your list, so I didn't let them up."
"What'd they look like?"

George shrugged, "Can't say I remember sir."

"That's alright. But tell me if they come back again."

"Sure thing."

Ginger was a bit too eager, and she pulled me relentlessly down the street towards the park. I managed to get a small roasted hazelnut coffee in a stand that was next to a fire hidrant that she was want to examine, but before long we were on the path in Central Park, ready for our nighttime walk.

Most people wouldn't dare set foot in the park after six-o-clock, but I was never 'most people'. I liked the solitude, hearing the snow crunch under my sneakers and the steady pants and sniffs that Ginger let out as she examined the ground.

No matter how many times I walked through it, the park only seemed to get better to me, especially in the winter. There was nothing more heartwarming than seeing the white snow on evergreen trees while you walked across the lightly dusted paths. The string lights that adorned most of the trees helped to outline the walkway, brightening up the scenery even at the darkest hours of night.

There were several paths to take, and just to be different; I tugged Ginger in the direction of the lake before heading back home.

By now, the lake would be frozen, and some people would take that as an invitation to ice skate. It was fun sometimes to watch them, having fun and laughing.

Normally, it was only Ginger and I who would stop to look at the skaters, but that night, we had some company.

It was her, in a wool coat and matching hat, leaning across the railing to look at the lights that New York was so famous for. My breath caught audibly.

Five years. I hadn't seen her in five years. Last I heard, she had applied for an internship in Maryland. I was never a whiz at geography, but I had a strong hunch that Maryland was nowhere near here. Still, she was here, right in front of my eyes.

Ginger barked impatiently next to me, her body tugging at her leash, yet I was still frozen. It had to be a mistake...

I could feel the stirring of old feelings in my heart as I looked at her. Feelings that I hadn't felt since the day I had left Connecticut. It was strange, and I didn't like it. I had wanted to put the past behind me, and here it was again, taunting me with memories I never wanted to remember.

Like how I knew the exact color of her eyes at that moment. They would be clear, clear enough to reflect the winter surroundings in an almost ethreal beauty.

With resolve I didn't know I had, I turned around and began walking the other way. Out of the millions of people in the city, I could mistake any woman for her. That's all it was, I told myself, an honest mistake.
God knows how happy I was that she didn't-

"Parker?"

I tried to keep my feet moving, ignoring the soft voice that called my name. It couldn't be.

"Parker, is that you?"

Reluctantly, I turned around and faced both the dream and nightmare that haunted me for ten years of my life.

She was just as beautiful as the day I left.

Her hands reached to take off her hat as she rushed forward, enveloping me in a hug. I hesitantly wrapped my arms around her in return.

"Come on... don't tell me that's all you can give me," she was mocking my loose embrace.

"It is," I murmured, "What are you doing here?"

Trying not to think about how good it felt to be near her, I pulled her away from me so that could get a glance at her appearance. She had darkened her hair color, and it was a deep chestnut brown. Her shortened locks fell across her cheeks and neck. She hadn't changed much-only matured.

And her eyes were gray, a clear, crystal gray. Just like I had imagined. I shook myself mentally for that thought.

"I came to see you." she answered, "I wanted to see you. It's been so long... I never see you anymore. Your mother suggested that I come here... and here I am!"

I walked over to the railing, and smiled softly at the sight of people skating across the ice, "When did you get here?"

"This morning. I went to your building, but that man... George, was it? He didn't let me come up."

"Yeah," I bent down to scratch Ginger's ears, "Unless you're on the list, he doesn't let you up."

"Why wasn't my name on your list, then?"

It was such an innocent question... and yet I couldn't think of an easy answer, "I didn't expect you to come here."

"Why?"

"I thought you and your husband would have better things to do."

She frowned, "Me and my...?"

At this I gave her a stern look, "Pierre? The man from Europe? The frog?" I couldn't help the distain that came out with the name.

"Oh God!" she laughed, "You thought we-? Goodness, Parker! You don't keep up with current events do you?"

I noted with interest that she hadn't taken offense to the racial slur, "What?"

I could hear the nostalgia in her voice, and she held up her ringless left hand, "We never got married. After you left... I just couldn't."

My grip on the railing tightened a few notches, "I'm sorry if I kept you from attaining your happiness."

"Don't say that, Parker." she chastised, just like old times, "You could never keep me from happiness." she paused, "I think that you were the only one that I was ever really happy around."

"Don't." It was a stern plea, "Don't talk like that."

Her face took on a look of surprise, and she stepped back a few steps, pausing to fiddle with her fingers slightly, "I-I was thinking of moving out here... you know, get an apartment. I'd figured that we would be able to spend more time together, and-"

"For what purpose?" I interrupted. My knuckles had by now paled with my tight grip.

She sighed, reaching down to attract the attention of the dog staring at her in confusion, "I thought maybe it would be good if we started to be around each other again."

"And so you come here? I thought you were in Maryland, studying."

"I was... but it was so boring. The south just isn't for me."

"So sorry to hear that."

There was a hiatus in the conversation then, and neither of us spoke. It was tense, and I could practically feel Denise's thoughts as she struggled to start up a new topic of discussion.

"You were wrong, Parker. For once."

I slowly loosened the leash to allow Ginger to explore freely, "Really? I was wrong? About what?"

"About Pierre. He wasn't a good man. He didn't even love me, at least, not in the way I wanted him to. We canceled the entire engagement that February."

I didn't mention the truth. I didn't mention about how I knew that Pierre wasn't good for her. An 'I told you so' threatened to bubble forth, but in a humorless realization, I remembered that I had never mentioned my feelings about their engagement at all. She never knew my feelings. I had just wanted to get away so bad, that at that moment, I actually didn't care about her feelings in the matter.

The question couldn't stay out of my mind, "Did you at least search for someone else?"

I braced myself for any forthcoming answer.

"Yeah, I did." I could feel her hands on my shoulder, "I looked for you."

A dry chuckle escaped me. It was absurd really, the entire concept.

"What's so funny?"

"You," I laughed again, "You are not a reality person are you?"

"What?"

I pointed at her shamelessly, "Not everything can go back to the way we had it so long ago. We can't just return to the way things used to be. People change, I've changed... and I've been doing fine by myself for so long. I don't need anybody to ruin that."

"What makes you think I would ruin that?"

"I know you." I shocked myself at the lack of trust my words held. Had I really changed that much?

"And I know you. You aren't this shallow, Parker."

"Shallow? From the girl who got engaged to a man she barely knew?"

She stomped her foot in annoyance, "Why are you holding this iron grip on the past? We can't reverse things. What happened, happened. You need to look at the future now."

I shrugged, "It's hard to let go of a lot of things."

"People change, Parker! You yourself just said that!"

"Yes, but I'm tired of getting hurt. Live an entire decade of your life in my situation, and you see how it feels."

"So you want justice to be played out right? Let me suffer in my own guilt just to satisfy your own pain? I?m sorry it took so long, I?m sorry I put you through that emotional hell, I?m sorry! But that doesn?t change the fact that I came here because I care for you. I spent five years moping around, being unsure of what went wrong, just to realize my own feelings."

I turned away from her angry face, "Look, you should just leave."
"Leave? You want me to leave."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, "Yes."

"So that's it?" I didn't bother to look at her, "That's all you're going to say to me?"

"It'll be better for the both of us. That way we can just live the rest of our lives in peace."

She looked away, ashamed, but her voice was firm, "I can't be content with that. I won't be."

?Well, I?m afraid you have to be.? My ears perked at the broken sound of her voice, ?I?m tired of being rejected. It?s too late to do anything anymore.?

?Fine,? she spat, but it was only half-hearted, ?Do what you want. That?s always how its been. I finally realize the truth, and you wont even accept that.?
?Sorry to disappoint you.? It was a statement that was supposed to give comfort.

?You don?t mean it.?

She was right, I didn?t. But at that moment, I didn?t know what I meant at all.

A heavy sigh escaped her, ?I?ll go, but on one condition.?

?And what?s that??

"Say something, Parker."

I blinked, "Say-"

"Please," Her eyes turned a gray-lavender, "Give me a good reason to leave and I will. I won?t leave without a reason. Tell me that all those things that you wrote in that letter the day you left were lies. Tell me that you never cared," she whispered the next words, ?Tell me you don?t love me.?

What did expect me to do? I knew that in my heart I still cared, but when I tried to open my mouth to tell her, the words just wouldn?t come out. For the opposite reason after all these years. When I have the opportunity to let everything go, my mind wont let me.

I turned to her, fully, just as the wind began to shift and blew her hair into wild disarray. It was instinct when my hand reached out to tame the locks back into their former position. My fingers didn't stop at that, though. With a freedom I had never before believed to possess, I ran their tips along her soft cheeks, pausing only at her jaw line.

The tears pooled in her eyes. I saw the glassy reflections of Manhattan's nightlife in the watery depths. It was hypnotic to know that after all the years and heartache I had gone through, she was the one crying in the end. Because of me, I had made her cry.

Small, familiar white crystals began to fall around us softly from the pale sky; their dance with the wind had silenced all the noises that had before filled the world around us. Despite her efforts, Denise scrunched her nose delicately as the flakes landed on her face.

It was magical, and for once, I felt like I had been given another chance.

A small hands slipped into my larger one before fingers intertwined with mine. I looked down at the vivid contrast of brown and white.

"I never cared," she stated, "I saw beyond all that." she had understood my fears. I turned a curious eye to her, only to find a wry, sad smile on her mouth.

"I heard you," it was a murmur spoken by trembling lips, "I know it took forever, but I heard you, Parker. When the snow fell." A tear slipped over the boundary of her eyelid, "Isn't that what matters?"

I could feel my throat close up again, for the first time in a long time. Only being in her presence could ever make me feel afraid, guilty, and sad at the same time.

But this time, she knew.

She knew I was lying. I had never changed; I had just believed I did. It was a farce to justify the five years I had spent without thinking about her. I still loved her, even after all I had been through... my feelings just would not change.

She knew how I felt about her, she knew my every thought, and every dream... she knew me. Just as I had known her. Was I really going to shun her after all those years? It was time to let go of the past.
I could make a new future.

Ginger whined, bored from her uncomfortable sitting position on the cold ground, and I scratched her ears unconsciously to appease her. She barked contentedly, and laid down at my feet, happy enough to just watch the two humans above her.

"Parker? Aren't you going to say anything?"

I allowed my eyes to glance over her figure once more before I untangled my hand from hers, and reached to cup her neck. Before my conscience could stop me, I bent down and kissed her.

I kissed her amongst the snowflakes.

And in that moment, I heard her.

I love you.

~~~~~~~~
A one-shot by yours truly.....