If I Were You - Chapters 4 & 5

[melodrama]

I don?t own Gundam Wing. I don?t own Trowa either (or so he keeps telling me) which is why I had to lock him in the cupboard. *evil grin* - ummmm?. let?s move on shall we?

Chapter Four

Quatre looked tired. Leaning back in my seat, ankles crossed in front of me, I watched him secure his bowtie with the ease brought about by repetition. He smoothed his waistcoat and plucked at his shirtsleeves, assessing his appearance in the mirror before turning his attention back to me. He let out a loud, heartfelt sigh, before slumping on to the end of his bed.

?I don?t want to go.?

?You don?t have to go.?

Quatre groaned in response.

?Yes I do. Dammit.?

?No you don?t. Although, you should keep in mind that it is New Years Eve, and if you don?t go, how am I supposed to pick up one of the gorgeous girls you?ve carelessly tossed aside?? I argued, a smirk foiling my attempt at a deadpan expression. Quatre grinned.

? Plus,? I added, ?The press would be severely disappointed if they had to see in the New Year without linking you to some new fling.?

?True, true,? Quatre agreed, ?I have an obligation to my public?

The blond man grimaced.

?Mind you?oh to have the sex life they say I do.?

I laughed, reaching over to take an apple from the nearby fruit bowl.

?Quatre, old friend, there is no way you could have THAT much stamina.?

Taking the flick knife out of my back pocket, I began to meticulously remove the apple?s peel. While I had little use for the knife anymore, I had continued to carry it around out of habit. Besides, it had been a gift from Cathy and it came in handy for peeling apples. I liked peeling apples.

?Relena?s bringing her new boyfriend.? Quatre mentioned casually.

I jumped as the knife slipped off the apple and sank into my finger. Cursing softly, I thrust the injured digit into my mouth and shot a startled look at him. He returned an apologetic grimace, and passed me a tissue. Wrapping the cloth around the cut, I ventured,

?I wasn?t aware Relena was involved with someone??

It was true, since our rather ?interesting? visit before Christmas, I had not seem her again. As expected, the problems involving the Minister of Foreign Affairs had become complicated and messy. He had indeed stepped down from his position, but not without some ?gentle persuasion? and Relena was due to begin her new role in the beginning weeks of the New Year.

?Justin Freeland.? Quatre confirmed. ?He?s the personal assistant to the President. ?A fine, upstanding young man of solid family background and masculine good looks.??

I raised my eyebrows in surprise.

?So I take it that means that the media approve??

My question was rewarded with a slight shrug of the shoulders and a nod of affirmation. Who knew? I was unsure why this news was such a surprise to me. Perhaps I had become so settled in the assumption of Relena?s devotion to Heero, that her decision to move on was so unexpected.

Quatre shot a glance at his watch, before rising to his feet and shrugging into his dress jacket. Walking towards the door, he whispered,

?Doesn?t Heero have any idea how immense a mistake he?s making??

******

The festivity was well under way by the time the Minister for Foreign affairs made her appearance, and she made an entry worthy of the Princess that she was. Heads literally turned and my first glimpse of her literally caused my throat to close and the bottom to drop from my stomach.

She was wearing a crimson gown, soft and flowing, which delicately traced the lines of her figure. Her hair was braided into an tasteful design, revealing her long elegant neck. Around her neck was a simple, yet beautiful ruby pendant.

I narrowed my eyes and glared at the accessory Relena had brought with her. Tall, well built and attractive (if you like that kind of thing), Justin Freeland stood too close and held her arm with far too much possession for my taste. I made a swift decision to dislike this guy.

I watched her and her trained primate as they made their way across the room. Settling myself against the wall, I saw her move from one guest to another. I marvelled at the way people responded to her, and the way she spoke to each person with such kindness and sincerity. I observed her as her path finally crossed with Quatre?s, and smiled at the way Relena?s expression lit up as she embraced our friend. They spoke for a while and then Quatre indicated in my direction with a motion of his head. Relena turned towards me and gave a small wave. Catching Quatre?s hand in hers, they made their way across to me, Justin trailing along behind.

?Trowa!? Relena exclaimed, ?How are you? I was wondering if you would come tonight. I felt so bad that I hadn?t seen you again since your last visit. How are things? Is the circus going well? How is Cathy?? Taking my hand, she noticed the bandage on my finger, and gave me an inquiring look. I gave her a lop sided grin.

?I cut myself. Don?t tell Cathy, I would never live it down.?

?Your secret is safe with me.?

Justin shifted a little closer and cleared his throat. Relena started a little before exclaiming,

?Oh my goodness, where are my manners. Trowa let me introduce you to Justin. Justin, Trowa is an old friend of mine?he performs with the Circus troupe that has been in the area. He does the most exciting act with the lions?.?

Her voice petered off as she noticed her partners? stiff, unfriendly posture. He was observing me with a definite air of suspicion, and I stared back without expression.

?The Circus? Really!? Justin said, his tone smooth and condescending. Relena frowned slightly, before shooting me a slightly apologetic look. The other man placed his hand on Relena?s arm, steering her towards the dance floor in the middle of the room.

?Come on darling, I do believe you promised me the first dance.?

With that, he drew her away, giving her no opportunity to argue. Quatre watched their departure, before fixing me with a measured look.

?What the hell was that about?? He exclaimed.

?What a schmuck,? I muttered with conviction.

?What the hell is she thinking getting involved with such a prat. Is she punishing herself? Trying to torture Heero? What??

Quatre offered no comment but simply continued to watch me through slightly narrowed lids. I grumpily crossed my arms across my chest, and resumed my position of leaning against the wall. Through the crowd, I could catch glimpses of dark blonde hair, and the occasion flash of crimson silk. At one instance the floor cleared enough to see them clearly. She was wrapped in his arms, dancing close, one of his hands pressed officiously against the exposed plane of her back. He smiled down at her, before placing a soft kiss on her bare shoulder. One song followed another, and then another. Finally, I could hold out no longer. Pushing myself away from the wall, I began to stride towards the dance floor.

?Trowa?? Quatre?s voice turned my head.
?Take care. For gods sake don?t cause a scene.? I simply raised an eyebrow, nodded briskly and continued on my way.

********

Standing behind Justin, I gave him a light tap on the shoulder. He turned his attention on me with a scowl.

?Mind if I cut in,? I said, in what was more of statement than a question.

?As a matter of fact,? he began, interrupted by Relena as she stepped around him.

?Oh course not, Justin wouldn?t mind sacrificing a dance for an old friend.?

Justin paused for a moment, as he did what I thought was a very good goldfish impersonation. Recovering himself, he nodded stiffly, kissed Relena?s cheek and made his way back across the room. Turning to me, Relena offered me her hand and we began to shift to the music in a relaxed and companionable silence. As we danced, I could not help but notice the soft curve of her collarbone, and the delicate way the end of her nose turned up. Or how small and graceful her fingers were, curled in mine. Or how deep her eyes were. How could Heero not want to be lost in the depths of those eyes? He was a fool.

The song finished and moved onto another, a soft bittersweet ballad. We continued to sway to the music, when I felt Relena stiffen against me. Looking at her closely, I noticed that she had dropped her chin and seemed to tremble. Glancing up at me she whispered,

?Listen to the words Trowa,?

I shook my head slightly, failing to understand her meaning. Her eyes were imploring. I turned my attention to the song that was playing. It was at least half way through, so perhaps I had missed its? significance. But then I heard them.

?. Or just stay with me a while
Before I fall asleep
Take these tears
Wash your skin
I?m having trouble breathing
Since you walked in

My hands are tied
My head is reeling
My eyes have cried
A million tears
From wishing you were here

Relena seemed to let out a small sob, and looking down, I saw the solitary tear escape to skim down her cheek. Tightening my hold on her hand, I turned towards the large arched doorways that lead outside.

Finding a small, secluded alcove, I helped Relena take a seat. Offering her the handkerchief from my coat pocket, I waiting in silence as she dabbed at her cheek.

?Why can?t I move on Trowa? He doesn?t want me anymore, so why can?t I just save some small shred of dignity and get on with my life??

I looked at her, and was dismayed at the way her shoulders were hunched and her head drooped in dejection. For the millionth time in the last five years, I cursed Heero Yuy.

?Did he make you any promises?? I kicked myself the moment the tactless words had stumbled from my lips.

?Yes?No?I don?t know?.? She tripped over the words, voice forlorn and confused. Her hands rested in her lap, and she twisted the handkerchief in a tight coil with her fingers. Her agitation seemed to increase and I realised that she wanted to impart some piece of information, information I suspected she had not yet told anyone.

I crouched down on the floor at her feet, resting my folded arms on my knees and waited. Relena took several deep breaths and seemed to strengthen her resolve. A deep blush had started to spread across her cheeks, and I began to have my suspicions about exactly what she was about to tell me.

?Before he?. disappeared?. he told me he loved me. But now I don?t know if he meant it.?

I opened my mouth to say something, but she held up her hand to stop me.

?The last time I saw Heero, he?. spent the night.? A small smile flashed over her lips at this admission.

?Afterwards, I remember waking up, in the early hours, and he was sitting beside me, stroking my hair. That was when he told me he loved me. But his face was so sad, so despondent. I knew he was saying goodbye, and there was nothing I could do or say to stop him. And then he was gone. What did I do wrong??

?Nothing, Relena, nothing. Maybe Heero had other things he wanted to sort out first. Or maybe he was afraid. He never expected to survive the war. I understand how he may have felt; I never expected to live either. And you gave him that will to live. But that doesn?t automatically mean that he?s going to be able to adjust to this new life. To accept that there is a place for him in your world.?

I paused for a moment, debating whether I should broach the subject of Justin.

?How serious is this thing with Justin??

Relena sighed.

?Serious enough, I guess. I can?t wait around for a shadow anymore, Trowa, I deserve better than that. If Heero wants to take an active role again in my life, he had better do something about it soon, because I?m not waiting anymore. I used to believe in true love, and in having a soul mate. I thought Heero was the one. I?m being to think I was wrong. Maybe I?m simply destined to find someone who I?m comfortable with, a life companion. Maybe true love only belongs in fairy tales.?

Relena stood up again, straightening her dress and handing the crumpled piece of cotton back to me.

?I had my one night of passion, one taste of perfect love. Maybe that?s all I?m destined to have.?

She watched as I climbed to my feet, before placing a soft kiss on my cheek.

?Happy New Year, Trowa Barton.?

And as I stood alone in the quiet alcove and watched her departing back, I made my New Years Resolution.

Next time I saw Heero Yuy I was going to kick his arse.

******

**The song words come from ?A Million Tears? by Kasey Chambers from her ?Barricades and Brickwalls? Album. If you can find it, have a listen to it ? its just gorgeous and just screamed Heero and Relena to me. **

Chapter Five

Duo?s ability to make an appearance whenever food is involved has never ceased to amaze me, so it shouldn?t really have surprised me when the braided American bounced into Quatre?s dining room just as brunch was being served. He stomped over to us and threw a folded newspaper in front of me, before flopping down into an empty chair. Quatre looked at Duo with wide eyes, as he picked up the offered paper.

?Duo, you look a mess! Must have been a big new years huh??

?Pfft, I wish!? Duo grunted, reaching for a croissant and slathering it with jam. He gestured at the news article with his knife.

?I assume you guys were there for that last night??

Looking over Quatre?s shoulder, I read the large headline.

A Match Made in Political Heaven!

A large photograph of Relena arm in arm with Justin was splashed across the page. She looked dazzling and almost glowed with apparent happiness. It seemed ironic that I knew otherwise. Quatre glanced up from the newspaper, and gave me an odd look. He turned to Duo, who was dishing copious amounts of scrambled eggs and bacon onto his plate.

?Yes, we went last night. Relena seems well.?

?Yeah well, surprise surprise, someone else was there as well.?

We both frowned at Duo, and waited for him to continue.

?I had a rather?. unexpected?. visitor late last night.? Duo pushed his eggs around his plate, his brow furrowed at the memory.

?It seems a certain obsessive ex-Gundam Pilot went to keep an eye on a particular Minister for Foreign affairs, as it?s become evident he has a habit of doing. Seems afore mentioned pilot slash assassin, took exception to the fact that she had brought along a new toy.?

Duo rolled his eyes at our stunned expressions, shook his head and then sighed.

?He turned up at my place completely smashed. Appears that Mister Heartless Control Freak proceeded to finish off three bottles of champagne as well as unaccounted for spirits. I must point out that an inebriated Heero is a scary thing.?

?What did he say?? gasped Quatre.

?Ah well, there?s the thing. He actually said a lot, but, well, I couldn?t understand a word he was saying. I think he groaned Reelleeena about 46 times, muttered something about angels and passed out. When I woke up this morning he was gone.?

Okay, this was probably the moment I was supposed to feel bad for the guy, and make sympathetic noises like Quatre was currently making. But, what can I say; I was pissed off at him. The Bastard.

?Funny,? I spat, with a tone laced with sarcasm, ?when Heero told me to follow my emotions, I didn?t realise he meant to follow them to the nearest alcoholic beverage.?

Duo stared at me through narrowed eyes. Now would be a good time to back off, but hey, I guess my timing was off.

?You could try a little sympathy for Heero, Trowa, he is our friend.? Duo?s voice had a menacing edge, as the self-proclaimed god of death revealed loyalty to his partner. Quatre was quick to step in, forever the pacifier.

?I think we are all a little biased here, Duo. I believe Trowa spoke to Relena again last night; he is simply sensitive to her feelings.?

Duo immediately relaxed, his expression becoming imploring,

?Guys, if you had just seen him. I don?t think I?ve ever seen him like this. He was so? devastated.?

I shook my head in disbelief.

?He didn?t seriously think she would just spend the rest of her life pining for him. Devote herself to celibacy simply because he used her and then moved on? You know her just as well as any of us! You can?t expect a woman who has so much love to give, to live without the devotion she deserves? If Heero?s not man enough to give her that, then maybe she needs to find someone who is.?

?Ah hell,? muttered Duo, ?You sound just like Hilde.?

He paused again, as my words started to settle in. His features set back into a threatening glare.

?Someone else who?s man enough huh? So do you have any suggestions ?friend??

I tightened my jaw, and returned Duo?s glare. Quatre nervously glanced back and forth between us.

?No, Duo, I don?t. I?m just saying that I?m sick of watching him break her heart. Try talking to her yourself sometime. Maybe it?ll remove those rose tinted glasses you wear when Heero?s involved. Take a step back and realise, the guy?s being a jerk. He thinks he has to martyr himself, punish himself by removing himself from her, when all along he?s only destroying her. He?s a selfish clod.?
?He?s the best soldier amongst us,? shot Duo, obviously running out of steam.

?Yeah,? I shot back, ?And the wars over.?

Duo scowled, his long fingers toying with his butter knife. He seemed to be rolling my words around in his head. Suddenly, his shoulders slumped, and his characteristic grin returned to his features. Reaching back, he clasped his hands behind his head.

?You?re right, I will talk to her. Hilde?s been dying to go visit, so why the hell not.?

Standing up, he began moving towards the door. Quatre stopped him.

?Duo, you?re not going to tell her about last night, are you??

Duo stood for a moment, scratching the back of his head.

?Nah, something tells me there are some things that are better left unsaid. I can?t see it helping the cause somehow. I?ll talk to you guys again soon.?

He gave a wave of his hand, and was gone.

?Ah, and another insightful visit from the infamous Duo Maxwell.?

Quatre gave a slight shake of his head, and grinned at me. I smiled back. It was time for me to head home. Cathy would be wondering what was taking me so long.

******

[Kilmeny]

You're good at writing in first person. I know that's hard. I think you also did a good job at making Trowa react in the way I think he would if he had feelings for Relena.