If You Could See Me Now

[Melville's Best Friend]

If You Could See Me Now
Melville?s Best Friend

Warning: This has HIGH Christian content. If this sort of thing is not your cup of tea, please don?t read it, as I would rather not be the recipient of hate mail. Thanks for your understanding.
~MBF





The flashing lights of the cameras welcomed him as he trailed slowly up the podium. Nearly blinded, he reached the microphone, and waited for the sniffles and cries to subside. He himself was emotionally unstable, but he had to do this. It was what she wanted. Even in death he could deny her nothing. He tapped the mike; it worked. The sound resonated around the overly-crowded chapel, and sorrow hung heavily over the room. He took a deep breath before beginning-- calming himself. Tears weren?t right at a time like this; however, he trembled the entire time he spoke.
?My name, for those of you who didn?t know Relena personally, is Heero Yuy.? He looked around the chapel. So many people were there?The majority of which were those who had been affected by Relena?s actions. Only a handful that truly knew her attended the service. He looked at his son. The boy hadn?t stopped crying since it happened. Heero glanced at the youth?s honest features. None of Heero?s traits had touched the boy. He was just like his mother when it came to emotions?Christian was vibrant and happy, and everything he did reminded Heero of her. ?I had the privilage of being married to her for 18 years.? In that instant, he almost lost it. He gasped slightly before continuing.



OUR PRAYERS HAVE ALL BEEN ANSWERED -
I FINALLY ARRIVED



?Relena Christiana Yuy was the strongest person I have ever known. I used to think that nothing in the world could have stopped her. She worked so hard just so she could save a child?or help mend a broken family?feed those in need?.be with her family. That?s the part that I loved the most. I used to get so jealous when she left for work because I didn?t get enough time with her?I didn?t want to have to share an angel?I wanted that holy light all to myself?? His voice became sluggish and muttered. Signs of impending tears crossed his features, and yet he pushed on, willing himself to be as strong as she.
?Oh, gosh. I can remember all these things she did that I want to tell you. I want you all to know exactly what she was like?But, unfortunately, we?d be here until my funeral.? A few members of the service laughed. The sniffles subsided, and somehow, Heero found the strength to carry on. ?I remember when we got pregnant. She was?so excited. She wanted a girl so badly, and I?well, I ?wanted whatever she wanted. I was content with whatever would make her happy?. At least, that?s what I said?She knew I wanted a boy.? He stopped to listen to the laughter again, remembering what she wanted him to accomplish.
?And, then came that day?And I got to stare into the eyes of this little creature God had given me?And in that moment, I realized how much stronger she was?How much stronger than me she?d always been. I loved her more for that. So much more.
?She told me, when we found out her condition, that since she?d been through childbirth, she?d be able to handle anything. At that time, Christian was 4 or so. She started going to the doctor for treatment. It bothered me every time, but she insisted on the fact that she would get better, and she made me believe her. She was so stubborn when it came to quitting.? His eyes started to water, and he picked up a Kleenex he?d brought with him. Wiping his emotions, he continued with vivacity.



THE HEALING THAT HAS BEEN DELAYED
HAS NOW BEEN REALIZED.



?She got better. It was that simple. The doctor had told us she was better, and I?Well, I praised God. She had told me the whole time she would get better through Him?And He had delivered her back to me, and I was thankful. So, you see, she saved another part of me that day. That day, I became a Christian.?
?Amen.?
?Praise His holy name.?
The voices gave him confidence he didn?t know he had, and he wondered how, even now, she was still teaching him. He could carry on her legacy?
?Every night, she would pray for 3 things: her family, strength, and the little children of the world,? his tears came faster now, ?Every night. Without fail, you could count on these three things. ?God bless the little children? she?d pray. Christian can tell you it got old after a few nights, but I?m glad I have that memory. I wasn?t glad when she went to bed at 3:00 in the morning, and she?d lay beside me, and mutter something about the children. At 3:00 in the morning, I would have said ?Screw the little children?Let someone else pray tonight??But not Relena. Every night she prayed?Every night.? He sighed, and took a drink of water. He looked at his son, who sat tall and proud. Smiling, he continued.
?It was hard on all of us when her doctors told us her cancer had returned. This time, she?d have to undergo chemo-therapy. The only thing she was worried about was her hair?So, I bought her a bunch of wigs, and when her hair started to fall out, I looked like some kind of hero to her,? he stopped, and closed his eyes. ?Every night, she?d pray for the children. I never once heard a complaint or a request of or for herself. Just?Me, Christian, and the little children.? Tears flooded his face at an extraordinary rate, and he suddenly found it hard to breathe.
Duo walked up to the podium to console him. Heero watched as his best friend tried to nudge him down. This was obviously too much for Heero?but, he held on the podium stand firmly, and shook his head. ?She wanted me to do this?This is the only thing I can give her?? he whispered.



NO ONE?S IN A HURRY. THERE?S NO SCHEDULE TO KEEP.




?It grew increasingly difficult for me to watch what she went through. I had to sit there and watch her grow weaker and weaker, and watch her grow more and more sickly?It was agony to see. She kept on, though, somehow. She helped Christian with his school work, she continued to interact with political battles, she continued to do?all these things that someone in her condition shouldn?t have been able to do. Relena, my Relena could do it all. She was beyond amazing. The hardest part for me?Were the last few days. She knew?We all knew what was going to happen. It was so hard for me to go into the hospital room, and listen to her. Do you know what she?d talk about? She?d talk about God, and all that He?d done for her. She?d lay in that bed, and looked like death was a heartbeat away, and she?d sing.? He let his tears fall, and a smile crossed over his features.
?She changed me into something worth living.? He smiled more. ?She?d make me sing His Eye is on the Sparrow with her?That was terrible. I think that?s why the nurse forced me to leave so quickly?? the congregation laughed.


WE?RE ALL ENJOYING JESUS?JUST SITTING AT HIS FEET.



?I just always wondered how someone who was on the verge of death could still praise. She told me later that it was because, ? he wept, great choking sobs came out of his throat, ?she was going home.?
?Amen!?
?Hallelujah!?
?Praise His holy name!?
?Yessir?Amen.?
?I love her. I still love her, and I know that when I get to Heaven, she?ll be waiting for me. I know I?ll see her again. It?s hard to think about her and not become teary-eyed. It?s hard. It?s hard waking up to an empty bed. It?s hard not being able to tell her what kind of day I?ve had, or ask her what?s for dinner. It?s hard to look at pictures of families. It?s so?hard.? He paused for a moment, and looked behind him at a cross that was hanging on the wall. ?But, I know she?s happy where she is, and, although I want her back, I could never ask her to leave paradise.?



IF YOU COULD SEE ME NOW - I?M WALKING STREETS OF GOLD.
IF YOU COULD SEE ME NOW - I?M STANDING TALL AND WHOLE



?I know that she?s stronger now than she has ever been before. She?s a real angel now, and from where she is, she can see us all. She?s truly a guardian angel now, and I feel safer knowing that someone like Relena is on my side. And, even though I can?t see her in the mornings when I wake up, I don?t need to feel upset. She can see me from where she is, and I know that she?s here with me.? He touched his heart, and sighed.


IF YOU COULD SEE ME NOW - YOU?D KNOW I?VE SEEN HIS FACE.
IF YOU COULD SEE ME NOW - YOU?D KNOW THE PAIN?S ERASED -



?I wonder sometimes what it?s like to not be able to feel pain anymore. I know she was going through so much, though she tried not to show it. Sometimes I found myself praying for her to die so that she wouldn?t be in so much agony. Of course, after it happened, I blamed myself. The night she died, I had a dream about her. She came to me in our bedroom. I walked in, weeping, and she met me, sitting in a chair; watching. She told me I was acting like a baby, and that I had to be strong for her and Christian. She told me it tore at her heart to see me this way. She made me promise that I would remember her and be happy. You all see the tears on my face, and think I?ve failed. At certain times, I have. But I am counting my blessings that I got to know her. Were it not for her...I can tell you where I?d be. I?d be wandering down some...pointless road to nowhere with my salvation up to me?? he sighed.
?We can?t trust ourselves to get us through anything. We can?t get through certain things alone. Relena helped me to see that. I know how it would go were I alone. The battles I would have faced would have been overwhelming, and I would have died long ago. I would still be running the race if it weren?t for her showing me, teaching me, what to put my faith in.



YOU WOULDN?T WANT ME TO EVER LEAVE THIS PLACE - IF YOU COULD ONLY
SEE ME NOW.

?So, I guess what I?m trying to say is I?ll miss her, but I will see her again. I will see her again, and I will rejoice when I hear her name, because she helped us all live better lives. I want you all to know that you?re safe in her hands, and that she?ll always be watching over you.? He looked at Christian. ?She?ll watch you grow up. She?ll help you when I fail. She?ll help me when I see you go out with some girl I don?t much care for. She?ll still be your mother.? He looked up once more at the cross behind him. ?She?ll still be a devoted servant.? He smiled, and looked down at his wedding band. ?She?ll still be my wife.? He placed a kiss on his band, and slowly walked down the steps of the podium. The flashes of light never ceased as he made his way back to his seat, and in a flash of some camera, for only one moment in time, he saw her. She smiled at him. ?Well done, Heero.? He nodded, and sat down. This too would pass. He would see her again one day. Christian leaned in to him. ?She was with you that whole time, daddy.?

?She?ll be there every step of the way.?




Disclaimer: I don?t own the song or the characters. I wrote this because my daddy sang it at Mamaw?s funeral, and I just had to try to put into words what it felt like. Mamaw always prayed for the little children, and I know that from where she is, she?ll be able to help them now better than ever.

~Melville?s Best Friend


In memory of Jessie Ally Clay. I love you Mamaw. I miss you more than words can say.

[Ironbob]

Even though I am not a christian, I still found this fic to be really good. And Heero showed so much feeling in this. Beatiful fic, and keep writing!

[The Engrish Spy]

Either you are Pentelcostal or Baptist? I just know cause I've atteneded both before. I'm not of the reforme christan faith and I've all but abbandoned most of my catholic beleifes and taken up shinto along with Tibetian buddahism so It was beautiful non the less.

[Tomorrow]

This was absolutely beautiful. I am a Christian, and to read something like this, with Heero showing such a sincere faith, his failings and his repentance, was breath-taking. It's something that we as humans can relate to, can say that we've all felt the same way. We've all had our "dark nights of the soul," only to grow closer to the Father. It puts life into perspective. We are in the world, not of this world, and I think that message was portrayed in this story. God bless you!

[Melville's Best Friend]

I'm Nazarene. Although I have no idea why that's important. I personally don't understand denominations. Either you believe Jesus did for your sins, or you don't. *shrugs* I happen to believe that. So, that's all. I just wanted to clarify! ^_^

Your friend,
Melville's Best Friend

[Tomorrow]

This was absolutely beautiful. I am a Christian, and to read something like this, with Heero showing such a sincere faith, his failings and his repentance, was breath-taking. It's something that we as humans can relate to, can say that we've all felt the same way. We've all had our "dark nights of the soul," only to grow closer to the Father. It puts life into perspective. We are in the world, not of this world, and I think that message was portrayed in this story. God bless you!

[The Engrish Spy]

I'm sorry if I offened you. I think that in peices like these relgion can refect in your writing. So being stupid me I assumed that you were Pentelcostal or Baptist. Sorry!

[Melville's Best Friend]

Engrish! I meant nothing rude by that! I appologize! ^_^;;;;
Were I mad...and here's how you tell...note this...I will cuss. That is how you know I'm REALLY upset. *nods* I was not AT ALL upset with you, and I'm sorry I wrote it that way! I love you, Engrish!!!! *glomps*

Your friend,
Melville's Best Friend

[suicide_baka]

Only one word can sum this whole story up....Beautiful. I'm a chirstian also and i'm sorry to hear about your mother. She should be very proud of you.

[Melville's Best Friend]

Oh, dear. There I go again...Messing with people's minds...*ahem* Mamaw is my very best friend from church's great-grandmother. She loved me and my bro like we were her familly. She died a few months ago. We loved her so much! It was hard, too, to sing at her memorial service, bu, like the fic indicates--sometimes you've gotta' do stuff you hate for the ones you love. Thanks, suicide baka. Love ya!

~MBF