Hehheh...anyhow, like with any songfic, I suggest listening to the song (if at all possible) while you read this one...really helps with the mood of the story.Sorry if it's a little too sad...for some reason I took a sweet little lullaby and turned life into a living hell for Relena...yikes.
Okay, I'm going now before I scare off the readers...
Godspeed
By dragonfire707
Song by the Dixie Chicks (I can't believe I'm writing to a ::gasp:: country song!!)
?Mommy??
The quiet voice floated down the hallway, and in her study, Relena Peacecraft gave a soft moan.
?Mommy? I ? I can?t get to sleep??
She turned, determined to look serious and grave and scolding at the little form in the doorway ? it was midnight, after all ? but she failed at that attempt miserably.
Her only son stood vulnerable and alone in the doorway of her office, six years of growing leaving him thin and lanky and tall for his age...just like his father. The mop of shiny blond hair that refused to stay still ? another trait he had inherited from his dad ? was even more tousled than usual by sleep, the back locks sticking straight up angrily. The blue cotton pajama pants and T-shirt were twisted slightly from his venture off the bed and down the hall, and his cheeks were slightly flushed. One hand was clutching a tattered teddy bear protectively, and the other was lifted to rub wearily at an eye.
?Mommy,? he attempted again, his plaintive voice slightly groggy from what little sleep he had scored, ?I had a dream again??
Her heart sank. If there was one thing she could do for her son, it would be to rid him of the dreams ? no, nightmares ? that haunted his sleeping hours.
??would you come sing to me, Mommy??
Relena, her own exhaustion tugging at her muscles and mind unrelentingly, couldn?t help but glance over her shoulder at the huge stack of paperwork adorning her mahogany desk. Many of it was long overdue, and for her career?s sake, she desperately needed to get at least half of it finished by tomorrow morning.
But there was a small sniffle from the doorway, and all thoughts of the paperwork flew from her mind.
She flashed what little smile she could muster at her young son, and said, ?Of course, Case. Come on, honey, let?s go.?
He gave her his own smile, the one light shining in her world of exhaustion and darkness and monotony, and trustingly turned and started off down the hall.
Heaving a little sigh, Relena lifted herself off the chair and stood, closing her eyes for just a second. How she would love to sleep forever, never waking up?how she would like to resign from her position, to live a life in peace and comfort and privacy in a beach house somewhere along the coast?
It was everything she had ever dreamed of ? until Case came along.
She shook her head. No. She would trade nothing in the world for her little boy, her little angel. He was everything ? and more ? to her.
Opening her eyes as she moved out of the study, Relena caught a glimpse of herself in the hallway mirror and involuntarily gave another sigh. For galas and balls and other public events, makeup could hide the weariness that was now permanently etched on her features, but when she was at home and alone with Case there was nothing to hide it with. Traces of her youthful beauty were still there, in the rare genuine smiles she found to flash at her best friends and son, and in the light in her eyes when she played with Case in the park or watched him wrestle with their puppy ? but all in all, she knew that her work was getting to her. Case was the only thing holding her up, now.
It didn?t use to be that way?
No, Relena told herself sternly. She had vowed not to think about it ?
?Are you coming, Mommy??
Snapped out of her steadily-growing-darker thoughts, Relena gave her son another smile and nodded, and together they stepped into Case?s room.
The radio was playing softly in the corner; crossing the dark room, Relena switched it off as Case climbed into his bed. Coming back over to him, she fondly pulled the covers up to his chin, tickled him and made him unleash a spurt of giggles, and then settled back on the windowseat next to the bed.
?Did you have a good day today, Case?? Relena asked, watching him suck his thumb and mentally making a note to help him rid himself of that habit ? and knowing she?d never have the heart. Heaven knew the poor kid had so little to comfort him already.
He gave a sleepy nod and yawned.
?How were the kids at school?? she ventured, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible.
A tired shrug. ?I didn?t get hurt today.?
It was said in sweet innocence, and not for the first time that day Relena felt her heart breaking. Case had switched schools so many times through kindergarten and first grade, and she knew it wasn?t his fault; he was rejected, scorned by the other children because of his past ? and his parents? past. Lately the taunts and teasing had grown to full-scale fighting and Case, strong though he was ? the boy would someday be as strong as his father ? he was no match against six other first-grade boys.
?I?m sorry, sweetie,? Relena said, feeling the pain clench her heart again. ?Do you ? do you want me to talk to your teacher again??
The little boy sat up straight in the bed, his eyes wide and alarmed. ?No!? he cried. ?Don?t do that, Mommy, please ? they?ll just get even madder.?
And she knew it was true ? and it broke her heart yet again. Oh, Case?
Seeing her hesitation, he leaned back against the pillows. ?Will you sing to me now, Mommy??
Staring at him, into those eyes that were identical to the pair that had held her captive and in love for so many long, long years, Relena found herself drowning in memories. Almost without realizing it, she began to sing softly.
Dragontales and water is wild
Pirates sail and lost boys fly
Fish find moonbeams every night
And I love you
For the first few lines, she could half-sense him watching her. But as she continued, singing softly into the silent, still room, his breathing deepened and lengthened.
She didn?t notice.
?I?m pregnant, Heero.?
The immediate shock on his face hit her so hard she felt her heart splitting into two jagged pieces. She had known he would have this reaction; why had she gotten her hopes up? She had known he would leave, he would run, he would abandon?yet again.
He turned over quietly in his sleep, clutching his teddy bear even more tightly; a near duplicate of a teddy bear she had once held to herself as tightly as he was doing now?given to her by a man she had loved with all her heart, might, mind, strength, and soul.
A man she still loved.
?Where?d he go, Duo??
She had never seen him more serious, solemn, and sad. ?I don?t know, Relena. He?he?s gone for good this time.?
Godspeed, little man
Sweet dreams, little man
Oh my love will fly to you each night
On angel?s wings
Godspeed
Sweet dreams
They were all gone now, lost in their own lives and dreams and happiness; each married into eternal bliss, each with their own children and careers and joy. She dreaded nothing more than ruining that bliss, and as a result had never let anyone ? anyone ? see what she was really feeling.
It was ironic, how much she was becoming like him.
Case?s hair was spread every which way on the pillow, as it always was, even when he was awake; another trait of his father?s he had inherited. Just one of the many?how many times a day did she suddenly stop and take a second look at her son, because for a split second he had seemed exactly like his father? How many times a day did she still stop and stare up at the sky, wondering where he was ? and what he was?
Relena was drowning in stormy sea of pain, and her only lifesaver was the little boy lying on the bed just a few feet away from her.
Rocket racer?s all tuckered out
Superman?s in pajamas on the couch
Goodnight moon we?ll find the mouse
And I love you
??no contact for seven years??
??dead, or dying ? ?
??another life altogether??
Since the truth of the Gundam pilots had gotten out, the world had made Heero Yuy?s disappearance into one of the biggest mysteries of the century. No matter how much Relena strived to banish him from her mind, her memories, his name was everywhere; screaming at her from the tabloids at the supermarket ? on the latest news show, with the supposed ?latest update? ? in the whispers of people around her as she walked Case to school?
But even all that didn?t hurt the most. What did keep this searing pain perpetually tearing at her heart was the fact that, no matter how hard she tried, she would never be able to get over him.
And Case had had it the hardest. He had never known his father ? never even seen him. The man Relena loved had disappeared exactly four months and three days before Case was born, leaving her to make her way through the last stages of pregnancy ? and early years of childhood ? with only the other Gundam pilots and their families for help. But regardless of the fact that the deadliest Gundam pilot?s son had never even met his father, that son was persecuted every day for being the child of such a potential threat. Though he had been blessed by a quick mind ? that was from both parents, Relena told herself with a ghost of a smile ? and excelled at his schoolwork, his social life was nearly nonexistent. His only friends that were fellow children were the kids of the other Gundam pilots?and his mother.
She had never known such worry. She spent the schooldays frantically going over every possible emergency or hazardous situation, and what she would do under those circumstances; even while standing in Council meetings, giving a speech upon which her career revolved (or so they told her) she fretted about the possibility of him coming home with another black eye and bloody lip.
Oh, Heero. If only you were here?then his daddy would come to his rescue, just as you came to mine.
Godspeed, little man
Sweet dreams, little man
Oh my love will fly to you each night
On angel?s wings
Godspeed
Sweet dreams
She tried to teach him well. She explained how important it was to be nice to everyone, no matter what they did to you, and was day after day brought nearly to tears by the kindness he shared with those of all ages. Their puppy, named Rex ? Case?s choice, obviously ? had, in fact, been a stray that Case had happened upon one day on the way home from school. It had been one of those terrible, nightmarish days when he marched slowly but steadily home with blood trickling down from his face and wounds? he refused to let anyone put him in detention or the principal?s office so his mother could come get him ? and she had been utterly speechless to find him smiling on the doorstep, amid all the bruises and scrapes and scratches, proudly holding up the little animal he had saved on the side of the road. He was an example to her, her role model, her hero.
And she tried so hard to return the favor, but she was constantly and nearly unbearably aware of every one of her weaknesses. Case so badly needed a father, and that was one thing she, no matter how hard she tried, could give him ? she would always love Heero, and would never be able to move on.
The worst moments were when he asked about his father, on those rare days when he showed the slightest hints of tears or worry or grief. She had no idea what to answer those questions with; the truth? But the truth is so horrible?Lies? I could never, would never, lie to him.
But oh, how he needed Heero. How she needed Heero; needed his strength, his comfort, his encouragement.
?Give me a sign!? Relena whispered into the pitch blackness of the room; not even the moon was shining through the clouds in the night sky. ?We can?t go on much longer, Heero??
She didn?t notice the silver tears trickling slowly down her cheeks. Case shifted a little on the bed, and she opened her mouth to sing the last verse so very softly, her voice catching on the second line:
God bless Mommy and matchbox cars
God bless Dad and thanks for the stars
God hears ?Amen? wherever we are
And I love you
She was crumbling; she was falling. She was dead certain that she could only take so much more of this level of pain, of sorrow.
God help us, Case. Heaven knows we need it now.
Godspeed, little man
Sweet dreams, little man
Oh my love will fly to you each night
On angel?s wings
Godspeed
The song came to an end; as Relena closed her mouth, the sound trailed off into nothingness. She stood, wrapping a blanket around her thin, tired shoulders, and went out onto the balcony. The night was so dark she could hardly see her hand; the only light came from a streetlamp somewhere down the avenue. She stared out at the extensive grounds of the mansion she shared with her son. She couldn?t really see the spot she was looking for, but she fancied that she did; and she had looked at it so often, maybe it wasn?t such a fancy after all.
Right there, underneath the biggest oak tree on the grounds, sheltered by the pelting rain and cold winter wind, Heero had held her in his arms and told her he loved her. There was no place more special to her than underneath that oak tree, but she never went there; it was sacred, a symbol of times past and gone ? forbidden to her, who was held captive in a life of monotony and pain, broken only by the sunshine her son brought into that life.
The tears came steadily now; her face lifted into the rain that was beginning to fall, and, closing her eyes to the darkness and pain and sorrow, she whispered, ?Wherever you are, Heero?godspeed.?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
As the rain began to fall, keen ears picked up the whispered words. A figure, invisible in the dark of the night, moved slowly off the grounds, tears pouring unchecked to the earth.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
For a brief moment, she thought she heard something. Her eyes flashed open, and through a second-long break in the clouds, Relena saw a shooting star.
:
I really didn't mean to make you cry...ah I feel bad now...
..... 
