Strangelove (1/1, songfic, PGish)

[kmblue]

Title: Strangelove
Artist: depeche mode
Author: Kendra
Rating: PGish
Pairing: 1xR mention of 6x9
Warnings: angst.
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or any characters or the rights to this song.
Notes: I used to be a pretty big author, yaoi/non-yaoi but I dropped out about 18 months ago.

Now, I'm sorta back but as a non-yaoi only writer, no lemons, and no deathfics. I also plan to

branch out into other anime doms and I'll be a BI only author. Hmmm, maybe an occansional

deathfic. This is my first fic in 18 months, be gentle.

Relena POV

//Strangelove
Strange highs and strange lows
Strangelove
That's how my love goes
Strangelove//

I love him and I hate him. I have always loved him from when I saw him the first time at school.

But I've hated him from the time he ripped up the invitation and my heart at once.

I still don't understand why I love him. He is an enigma, he is a complete robot but at times I

can see a softening in his eyes that belie the fact that he may have a soul. I sincerely doubt it

though; for every moment where he seems human there is 20 moments where he is a machine.

//Will you give it to me
Will you take the pain
I will give to you
Again and again
And will you return it//

I used to want to change him. I foolishly believed that I would be the one who would melt his

heart and make him human again. Despite my attempts to do so, I was rebuffed at every turn.

Looking back, I was such a foolish girl; I almost got myself killed in Antartica getting between

my brother and Heero during their fight. I know he wanted to kill me when I briefly became

Treize's puppet and Queen of the World.

//There'll be times
When my crimes
Will seem almost unforgivable
I give in to sin
Because you have to make this life liveable
But when you think I've had enough
From your sea of love
I'll take more than another riverfull
Yes, and I'll make it all worthwhile
I'll make your heart smile//

But one thing I have never understood is his reluctance to kill me. Before someone thinks that

I'm a masochist, I don't want to die but I have given him so many opportunities its amazing that

I'm alive today. And it is amazing to me that I still allow him inside of my life. I thought he

would leave me forever after he and the other pilots foiled Mariemaia's attempted coup d'etat but

he is still around. The first time I saw him, I believe in L1, was just in passing but the second

time convinced me that he was still monitoring me.

I believed that he did it just because he wanted to keep me alive. As Relena Darlian, I was and

still am the glue that helps keep the world from chaos and of course he would have an interest in

keeping me alive.

//Strangelove
Strange highs and strange lows
Strangelove
That's how my love goes
Strangelove//

I was proved wrong on January 1, AC 301. I expected the new year to be like every new year; spend

the day with Zechs and Noin, make courtesy calls to important officals and be lonely yet again.

However, he appeared in my doorway, no greeting, just himself. His hair was still wild, his eyes

still deep and boring into mine, his clothing now consisted of black slacks, expensive coat, with

a pair of boots. He was no longer a young boy but fully a man.

I resisted the urge to slam the door in his face but that would have been futile anyone because

he had his foot in my doorway. He simply smirked as I allowed him in. I didn't even waste my time

asking how he got past my security. I led him to the blue salon and showed him to a seat on the

couch while I sat down on a chair.

//Will you give it to me
Will you take the pain
I will give to you
Again and again
And will you return it//

Usually I would jump right in and start a conversation but I couldn't summon any words to say.

His eyes also made me uncomfortable as they followed my every move. I broke the silence and

asked, "How have you been, Heero."

He tersely replied, "Fine." Another long moment ensued until Heero said, "I sent you a letter and

several emails."

The first thought that came into my mind was 'Fuck.' I told him, "I don't answer all of my emails

and my mail is sorted before it is given to me." Heero replied, "Bullshit."

I asked him, "Why did you try to get into contact with me anyway? I've always doubted I would be

one of the few people that would be interested in being in correspondence with."

Heero scowled at me and then asked, "Are you still angry that I didn't give you your 16th

birthday present to you in person?"

I was flabbergasted, its been 5 years since then and the dolt thought I was angry about that!?

Then I realized, all men are dense and Heero is now proving that he is like all men.

//There'll be days
When I'll stray
I may appear to be
Constantly out of reach
I give in to sin
Because I like to practise what I preach
I'm not trying to say
I'll have it all my way
I'm always willing to learn
When you've got something to teach
And I'll make it all worthwhile
I'll make your heart smile//

I resisted the urge to snap at him and I levelly said, "The past is the past, the real question

is why are you here? What do you want Heero?"

I must have surprised Heero because he blinked and looked at me admiringly. Then he simply said,

"Its been 6 years and I still want you."

I guess my disbelief registered on my face because Heero got up off of the couch and came over to

my chair. His hand moved under my chin and titled my face up to him. His expression was the same

but his voice was softer. He said, "I've spent the better part of 4 years doing everything

possible to forget you. I've done many things, legal and illegal, traveled all of the colonies

and the earth and I still cannot forget you."

I didn't and still don't know how to react to that statement. Years of pain just started to well

up and I felt myself start to cry. I felt his thumb wipe a tear off of my cheek. Heero whispered,

"I'm sorry," and then he turned to walk out of the door.

I didn't move to stop him.

//Pain will you return it
I'll say it again - pain
Pain will you return it
I'll say it again - pain
Pain will you return it
I'll say it again - pain
Pain will you return it
I won't say it again//

Its been three months since then. I do not know what I would say if someone asked me about it. My

actions speak for themselves; I ended up inviting Heero back and he comes around every now and

then. If someone asked me if Heero will ever settle down, I would say no. Despite his maturity

and changes in his character, Heero still needs to be able to roam freely and do whatever he

wants.

Do I still want to change him? A little. I would love for him to stay in one place.

Do I still hate him? I hate his past, I hate how warped he still is, and I still loathe the

coldness and evil instilled in him.

Do I still love him? Oh yes. It is totally strange but I love his warped personality in a way.

Heero is unlike anyone else, he does not desire my fame or my power for he is very powerful in

his own right.

We love each other because we are two halves of a whole. Some call our relationship strange,

people cannot understand why I would just marry a man a month after I saw for the first time in a

while. Some just see as a perfect pair to make money off of; the princess and the Gundam pilot.

Despite it all, I love and I hate at the same time. I will never be able to explain it all. I

just live knowing that he is mine after all

//Strangelove
Strange highs and strange lows
Strangelove
That's how my love goes
Strangelove
Will you give it to me//

[DeadPoet]

Nice, nice, nice! So very much Heero and Relena... bitter-sweet ending i think. But I like it.

[Eienvine]

That was very good! Very realistic and believable. I really liked the whole love/hate thing- it gives Relena more depth, rather than just blindly loving him even though it's probably a bad idea. Great job.