If Only (5-8)

[Penybright]

~ Um, I don't really have much to say about this part, except that I think it sucks... I guess that's about it.

Disclaimer: I am poor, therefore there is no way I could possibly own Gundam Wing.

If Only

Part V (Duo Arrives)

By: Penybright

The sound of the doorbell startled Relena out of her funk. She picked herself up from the couch and trudged over to the door to answer it. When Relena swung the door open, Duo was standing there. When Duo saw Relena's morbid expression, he smiled, trying to lighten her mood. It didn't work so Duo thought he'd try a little humor.

"So, where's self destructo boy?"

Instead of having the intended effect, Relena broke down in tears. Duo's grin immediately disappeared, and his eyes filled with worry.

"What happened?" Duo asked quietly, dreading the answer. Relena shook her head and continued to weep.

"He... He's in the hospital," Relena managed to choke out between sobs, as Duo's heart sank.

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Why? Why wouldn't she let him go? What reason was there for him to live? Everything was gone now... He'd served his purpose, and now it was done. All he wanted was for the pain to finally end. Apparently, he couldn't even have that much. Was it really so much to ask? It wasn't as though he was begging for his life. No, he was only asking to die, to let the world be done with him.

He had given up so much, sacrificed so many things. Were his sacrifices in vain? He had suffered so that others would not. Wasn't it time that someone else took on his suffering? Why? Why had fate chosen this destiny for him? Why...

Heero's melancholy thoughts were interrupted as the door to his hospital room creaked open. Relena stepped softly into the room.

"Heero, Duo is here to see you..."

Duo walked in after Relena, surprisingly quite and subdued.

"Hey buddy," Duo said, his usual cheer missing.

"Go away."

"Same old Heero," Duo laughed halfheartedly. A pained smile quirked at Relena's lips.

"He won't talk to anyone," Relena explained. "He usually doesn't even acknowledged that you're there. He spends all day staring out the window, or at the ceiling," Relena paused before going on. "I wish I knew what he was thinking."

"Don't we all," Duo sighed. "What do the doctors have to say?"

"Nothing much, really. Heero has to put some effort forth, or he'll never recover. The doctors can only do so much with medications."

Heero listened to the two of them talk about him as if he weren't there, impassively. They wanted to know what he was thinking? He was thinking that life was a curse, his in particular. He wanted to die, but something wouldn't let him.

"Perhaps I'm meant to suffer more..." He mused aloud, without realizing it. Duo and Relena stopped talking and looked at him with concern.

"Maybe you better tell me how this whole thing started," Duo said while ushering Relena out of the room.

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Heero was once again left alone with his thoughts as the two left. Everything became deathly quite once more. Heero liked the silence. He glanced down at his bandaged writs, looking at them with curiosity. His attempt to escape had been foiled, but he wasn't going to give up so easily. Heero was persistent, and very stubborn. He'd just have to try harder.

Left alone in his solitude, Heero began to work over other plans of escape. He knew that his friends would never allow him to elude them. Didn't they understand? Why were they making him suffer? What more could possibly be needed of him? There had to be a way to escape the pain...

~ I know it's not that great... I personally think this chapter is sort of disappointing. Anyway, at least I finally got one of the pilots in. The rest of them will be popping up in the next few chapters.

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~ I feel really guilty about not getting part five out sooner, so I got my butt moving and wrote part six. I hope that this chapter fairs better than the last. It's frustrating. I've got so many ideas, but I have to figure out how to piece them together.

Disclaimer: Hah, you've got to be kidding!

If Only

Part VI (Tears)

By: Penybright

Several days later, Heero was released from the hospital. He had slipped back into his lethargy, acting as if the rest of the world didn't exist. Maybe for him, it didn't. When Heero was ushered in the door, he was greeted by a fidgeting Duo, and a stoic Trowa. Trowa had just arrived that morning, and Quatra would be arriving sometime that afternoon.

The appearance of another of his comrades did not phase Heero, on the contrary, he seemed to see right through him. Trowa, for his part, reacted much the same way. Not a word was spoken between the two. Heero wandered past his two friends and sat numbly on the couch. Relena walked in several moments after him, carrying a small, paper bag.

"I'll be right back. Watch him," she instructed the two pilots, before walking briskly away. The silence was palpable. Duo began to fidget, the pressing silence fraying at his nerves.

"So, Heero..."

"Shut up, Duo," Heero snapped. Duo was momentarily taken aback. It was the first reaction he'd been able to get in three days.

"Go away," Heero said softly, turning his attention to the window on the right. Duo shrugged, and sat down in the chair across from Heero. Trowa remained standing, leaning lightly against the wall. Silence once more resumed, until Relena entered the room. She was carrying a glass of water and a small bottle. Relena set the glass down, and opened the bottle, shaking out two pills.

"Heero," Relena coaxed, trying to get his attention. Heero turned to look at her disdainfully.

"Your medication," Relena prompted, handing him the two small pills. Heero stared at the pills, in the palm of his hand, blankly.

"Put them in your mouth and swallow," Relena explained patiently, as she started to hand him the glass.

"No."

"Heero..." Relena sighed. "Take the pills, or you go back to the hospital, and they'll send you to an institution. Is that what you want?" she asked, her voice beginning to waver. Heero glanced at the three people in the room, popped the pills into his mouth, and swallowed them with a gulp of water.

"Go away," he ordered, slouching against the couch and turning away. Relena thought that he looked like a sulky child in that instant. Duo was about to argue with Heero, when the doorbell's chimes interrupted him. Relena gave a meaningful glance to Duo, before leaving to answer the door. Duo simply rolled his eyes, and got up to follow her. Trowa remained leaning against the wall.

Waiting on the doorstep, was a cheerful Quatre. His smile quickly disappeared when he saw the expressions on Duo's and Relena's faces.

"I had hoped it wasn't that bad," Quatre sighed, thanking Relena as she held the door open for him. Quatre was about to ask Relena something, when there was a loud crash from the living room. The three of them instantly dashed into the room. Shattered pieces of ceramic were littered across the wooden floor haphazardly. Trowa was no longer leaning against the wall, but standing several inches from where the shards littered the floor.

"Go away! Leave me alone!" Heero shouted, as he began to shake. He slumped to the couch, clutching his head.

"Go away," he repeated forcefully, shaking his head.

"We're not going anywhere until you tell us what's going on." Duo replied.

"Leave me be!" Heero shouted at Duo, squeezing his eyes shut. "Just go away."

"Heero, maybe you should go to your room," Relena responded evenly. "No one will bother you there."

Heero seemed to consider her words before backing warily out of the room, constantly watching them to make sure no one followed him. There was a loud bang as Heero's door slammed shut. Relena looked at the mess on the floor and sighed.

"I guess I better clean this up..."

The three pilots exited quietly, retreating to the study to discuss the current events of Heero's mental state with Quatre. Relena bent down and began to gather up the larger chunks of ceramic, making a small pile. As she worked, tears began to sting her eyes, and she attempted to blink them back. It was no use, and she began to cry openly, unaware that she was being watched.

Heero watched Relena cleaning up the broken vase from the balcony upstairs. He choked back a small gasp when Relena began to cry. She was crying because of him, he had caused her pain.

"I'm sorry..." Heero whispered somberly, before turning and retreating guiltily to his room as a silent tear coursed unnoticed down his face.

~ Well? Did this chapter fair better? I only have one more pilot to worm in somewhere... Thankfully I already have that figured out. Oh yes, and more Heero "torture" in the next chapter.

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~ In the last part, I forgot to explain about Heero crying over Relena crying. Only one person seemed to pick up on the fact that it was... unusual. It's hard to explain, but Heero didn't even realize that he had shed a tear. It was sort of like his "body" reacting without his "mind" realizing it. If you don't understand what I'm babbling about sorry... Anyway, I know this chapter is kind of late, but you'll be pleased to note that it's a bit longer than the rest. Thanks, once again, to everyone who reviewed! I'll let you go now. I'm sure you'd rather read the story and not my senseless gibbering.
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing, and it characters, do not belong to me. If they did belong to me... Well, I'd be a lot richer!

If Only

Part VII (Runaway)

By: Penybright

Heero refused to come out of his room for the rest of that day. As much as everyone pleaded and begged him to, Heero refused to even open the door. Uncertainly, they had left him alone. Everyone was on edge and uneasy, as they expected Heero to try something. The only thing that issued from Heero's room was silence, though. That evening, before she went to bed, Relena cracked open Heero's door to check up on him. She was mildly surprised to find him curled up on the bed, soundly asleep.

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Quatre was surprised to see Heero walk in the kitchen the next afternoon. Heero ignored Quatre and shuffled over to a cupboard. Quatre was about to speak to Heero, then thought better of it. More than likely, it would be a one way conversation, and after yesterday's incident... Well, perhaps trying to strike up a conversation wasn't the best idea. Instead, Quatre resumed reading the paper spread out on the table before him.

Quatre's reading was interrupted by a gasp, followed by the sound of fracturing glass. His head immediately snapped up from the paper and glanced over to Heero. Quatre quickly stood up and took a step towards Heero, but he shrank away.

"Heero, are you okay?" Quatre asked, taking another step forward. Heero cringed further away, staring at the splinters of glass on the floor.

"I- I'm sorry..." Heero said, sounding like he was on the verge of tears. The shuffling of another pair of feet caused Heero's head to snap up and see Relena. Relena looked at Quatre, then Heero, and then at the glass on the floor. Heero followed Relena's gaze, and he seemed to shrink further away.

"I'm sorry... I should be punished," Heero whispered fearfully.

"It was only an accident," Quatre reassured him. "We only want to know if you're okay."

"I should be punished," Heero repeated, before dashing from the room. There was the sound of the front door being quickly opened and slammed shut.

"Oh no!" Relena cried racing from the kitchen. Reaching the door, she wrenched it open and stumbled outside. Heero was nowhere to be seen.

"Oh god no," she whispered anxiously, frantically searching for some sign of where Heero had gone.

"Why would he react like that?" Relena wondered. "He knows that we won't hurt him, doesn't he?" Relena asked Quatre. Quatre gathered Relena into his arms as she began to cry.

"I'm sure that Heero will be fine Miss Relena," Quatre replied soothingly. "He's a survivor."

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Heero ran, not knowing where he was going, and not really caring either. All he knew was that he had to get away. He didn't want to see her cry again... not because of him. Heero ran until his legs could carry him no further, slumping wearily to the ground. He leaned back against a brick wall, gulping in ragged gasps of air. He wasn't quite sure where he was, and the sky was beginning to darken. Instead of heading back, Heero pulled his knees up, wrapping his arms around his legs. He rested his forehead on his knees and began to rock back-and-forth. The motion was, to him, comforting.

"What have we here?" a gruff voiced asked, startling Heero. He looked up to see a group of thugs snickering at him. The group's leader appeared to be the one who had spoken.

"Poor little boy must have got lost," one of the men mocked.

"To bad for him," The leader smirked. Heero found himself hauled roughly to his feet by the scruff of his shirt, and then it began...

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When there was a knock at the door, Relena flew up from her seat and dashed to answer it. Flinging open the door, she found a bruised and bloody Heero. His injuries didn't appear to be life threatening, and his cuts looked as though they would, thankfully, not need stitches.

"What happened to you?" Duo exclaimed upon seeing Heero. Heero ignored him and walked through the door.

"I'm tired," Heero uttered, standing uncertainly at the foot of the stairs.

"I'm sure you are," Quatre commented, looking at the extent of Heero's wounds. His right eye was swollen shut, and there was a large cut on his left temple. Heero's left arm had a long cut running from his elbow to his wrist, and the right arm was scrapped raw. Numerous bruises were mottled across his skin, and many more were probably hidden from view by his shirt.

"I think," Relena began, "that you should go take a hot shower, and then I'll have a look at those scrapes. They don't look to deep, but they should be tended to."

Heero nodded and headed up to his room.

"Trowa, could you please get the ice packs out of the freezer for me while I raid the medicine cabinet?" Relena asked, as she to headed upstairs. Trowa nodded an headed for the kitchen. Relena turned back to look at Quatre and Duo.

"Could you two do something for me?"

"Sure, what is it?" Duo replied.

"I want you to see if you can find out whether or not Heero has any siblings."

"How?" Quatre asked, puzzled. "We don't even know his parents' names."

"They're names were Conrad and Sora Yuy," Relena replied as she continued to walk up the steps.

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It was about twenty minutes later when Relena walked into Heero's room, carrying an armful of bandages, ointments, and other medical supplies. Heero was sitting on the edge of his bed wearing only a pair of pajama bottoms. The accompanying shirt was lying beside him. Relena took one look at the bruises marring his skin, and winced. She quickly began to work, first smearing ointment on Heero's scrapes and cuts, and then bandaging his arms. When she was finished, Relena helped Heero into his shirt, and assisted him in lying down. Relena then placed an ice pack gently over Heero's right eye.

"Thank you," he mumbled wearily.

"You're welcome Heero. You know that the others and I will always be here if you need us." Relena paused, and then went on. "Heero, why did you run away?"

"I... didn't want to see you cry because of my mistake."

"Heero... What makes you think I would cry over a broken glass?"

"You cried when I broke the vase," he replied solemnly.

"I wasn't crying because you broke the vase. I was crying because of the pain and suffering you're feeling," Relena said with a soft smile.

"Thank you," Heero muttered again, looking into Relena's eyes. Relena's smile became brighter when she noticed that his gaze didn't look so dead. As small glint of the Heero she used to know was shinning through. Maybe he was going to beat this after all...

~ Um... Yeah, well... I'm not sure how much more there is to this. I've got a few other scenes figured out, and then I'm not sure where to go from there. Any suggestions?

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~ Uh... sorry about spelling Quatre's name wrong. What was I thinking!?! (probably nothing) Anyway, I must apologize, once again, for this chapter being late. I've been having a tough time lately. I almost gave up the whole writing thing altogether... I'm back now though (or as my friend put it: I have regained my spark) I'm not sure when I'll get part 9 out... I do know that this is getting close to the end. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: *mumbles* Gundam Wing and it's charters do not belong to me. Are you happy now?

If Only

Part VIII (Unwanted Reunion)

By: Penybright

Over the course of the next week, Heero seemed to improve minutely. Instead of completely ignoring that there was someone in the room with him, he would look at the person when spoken to. At times he still slipped into his blank lethargy, ignoring everyone and everything. He happened to be in such a state when Quatre left.

Quatre apologized for having to leave so suddenly, but urgent business at home had called him back. Truthfully, Quatre didn't really want to go. One of his fellow comrades was more important to him than a business deal. Unfortunately, Quatre's family was against him on that matter.

"thank you for your hospitality, Miss Relena," Quatre said as she escorted him to the waiting limo. "I just wish I could be here to help you get Heero to see his sister. You're going to need all the help you can get."

"I'm sure we'll manage," Relena assured Quatre. "Try not to worry about it too much."

Quatre nodded and got in the limo.

"I wish you the best of luck," he said before closing the door. Relena waited till the limo was out of sight before going back inside.

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Trowa entered the limo, followed by a stoic and disheveled Heero. After Heero, came Duo, who had a scowl on his face.

"Why did he have to choose now to be in one of his 'coherent' moods?" Duo grumbled. Relena sighed, and looked across at Heero, who had slipped back into one of his lethargic trances. He had been quite adamant about not wanting to visit his sibling. Trowa and Duo had... convinced him otherwise. The entire ride was spent in complete silence. When they finally arrived, it took some more "friendly" persuasion to get Heero out of the limo and to the front door.

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The wooden door swung ponderously open to reveal a woman in her thirties. Long, chocolate colored hair cascaded over her shoulders, and bangs shadowed clear, blue eyes.

"Miss Sara Yuy?" Relena asked politely.

"Yes?" the woman responded warily. Relena paused, unsure of how to continue.

"Are you the sister of a Heero Yuy who was presumed dead fifteen years ago?"

"Yes..."

"Miss Sara, your brother isn't dead."

"I already knew that," she responded, startling them all. "I did watch the news during the wars."

"Recent events have caused us to seek you out..."

"You found him?" she asked hopefully. Relena smiled, and motioned to two young men standing behind her. They tugged someone forcefully out of the limo and Sara gasped.

"Heero..."

"It's him," Relena assured her. "He has recently undergone some emotional turmoil. He's... not quite with it. I was hoping that talking to you would help him. I don't know what else to do..."

"I'll try," Sara assured. "And I think I know what caused all of this."

"You mean... you know, and you don't hate him?"

"How could I hate him? He didn't know, he couldn't have known. In a way, I feel more sorrow for him than I did for my parents..."

Heero was dragged up to the door, his back rigid and his eyes staring off blankly into space. When he was placed before Sara, he seemed to stiffen even more, as if expecting a blow. Instead Sara pulled Heero into a warm hug, crying on his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered, hugging him tightly.

~ So, Heero's sister forgives him, but... does Heero have other siblings who will be less sympathetic...?