The Butterfly: Chapter 3 of 23

[Tea Leaf]

Same notes and such from the previous chapters apply, rated R, darkness, angst, yadda yadda yadda, Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Naruto?s not mine.

The Butterfly: Chapter 3
By: Tea Leaf/Banana Soap

~~~

She heard steps; a soft rustling of the undergrowth came from her left. The butterfly that had been perching on her took off. She felt a vague impression of anger from it, as if upset that its alone time with her had been interrupted. Her inner self smiled in a self- deprecatory way, even the butterflies thought of her as their charge.

A figure emerged from the shadows of the trees; he wasn?t very tall, probably the same height as her (about 5?7?) or maybe little taller. His auburn hair had grown out, now covering the tattoo on his forehead with shaggy bangs; the longer strands in the back had been pulled into a ponytail at the base of his skull. He was still skinny, he still didn?t eat very much, but he was physically stronger than he used to be. He could now rely on his own body to defend him and not a chakra consuming armour of sand. Her favourite change had to be his eyes though; once they had been completely surrounded with the sooty markings of insomnia but they had faded. They were still there, but more of a bruised purple colour than coal black.

He could sleep now.

It was more out of habit that he didn?t.

He smiled at her, and she did her best to smile back as he came and sat beside her. A younger butterfly, blue and black in colour, tried to land on him. Sand suddenly appeared, blocking Gaara?s skin from the jealous butterfly that had tried to use its poison on him. Though its poison would only have induced mild drowsiness, it still shocked Sakura that the butterfly would consider her friend a threat.

Even the butterflies treated her like a possession.

Gaara turned to look at her.

She looked back.

His hand rose to push a few stray strands of pink hair that had fallen lose behind her ear so that he could get a better look at her face. The fingers from the same hand shifted to trace lightly along the black smudges under her eye.

Normally, she didn?t really like being touched anymore. But she had never minded when Gaara did it; he never did it for any other reason than to better grasp any kind of sensorial information.

But that wasn?t why she let him.

She let him because he had been forced to go the majority of his life without the ability to use his sense of touch, a sense that had always been very important to her. So she let him out of sympathy. He couldn?t touch then, she couldn?t touch now. Her skin was poisonous.

?You haven?t been sleeping.? He said simply.

?No, I haven?t.? she responded.

He looked sad.

?Why do you let your demons control you?? he questioned softly after a moment as he looked away.

She didn?t answer; she just looked away as well. She closed her eyes softly and opened them again.

Gaara was gone. There were no imprints in the grass where he had been.

She sighed.

Great, insomnia again evolves to narcolepsy.

In her opinion, narcolepsy was infinitely worse than insomnia. At least with insomnia, she knew she was awake. With narcolepsy, she couldn?t tell awake from asleep, reality from dreams. To top it off, narcoleptic sleep never left her feeling rested, only more confused.

She rose from the field and started walking back to the town. She avoided the hero monument.

She avoided the bridge.

She crossed at another spot and wandered through the streets.

?SAKURA!? a cheery voice called to her.

She turned, surprised to find herself in front of the Yamanaka flower shop. Ino was waving as she rounded the counter to greet her.

With a resigned sigh Sakura turned into the shop and was almost immediately engulfed in a suffocating hug from Ino.

Ino must be in a good mood today.

Over the years, as the rivalry had disintegrated (Ino had won having dated him for two months after his return), they had re-become ?friends?. At least, Ino had started treating her like a best friend again. Sakura had simply stopped picking fights with her.

She?d stopped picking fights with everyone.

?What have you done to yourself? You look terrible!? Ino was saying dramatically as she took in Sakura?s messy hair, black smudged eyes and slightly gaunt cheeks.

{She hasn?t been sleeping or eating nearly enough?} Ino thought slightly worried.

What really worried her though were the questionable bandages around her forearms.

Sakura shrugged slightly.

?Well, it?s your lucky day! I?m feeling beautiful and charitable today so I?m going to make you beautiful again!? Ino exclaimed. ?Just like old times? she added with a soft smile.

{Yeah?just like old times?} she silently agreed.

Ino looked beautiful today, like she always did. Her platinum blonde hair had grown back out as well and was held in a low ponytail over her right shoulder. Long and elegant earrings dangled from her earlobes. Her face had grown even more beautiful as age had defined it and her subtle but perfectly applied makeup only enhanced.

She slept perfectly.

Her best feature was her bright ice blue eyes. They were so happy. She knew her own were most certainly not.

{Just like old times?just like every time?}

While she?d been musing, Ino had been busy untangling the elastic from her hair. It had dried in the mess and was now rather wavy as opposed to straight as it usually was. Ino had grabbed a brush from somewhere and was patiently detangling the long pink strands.

It had been a long time since someone had brushed her hair for her. Not since that one time Kakashi-sensei had been trying to comfort her after her parents had died. He?d always been very kind to her.

Her breath caught slightly and she struggled to freeze her reaction to the memory.

She hadn?t seen him in a long time.

Ino was done brushing her hair now and had been chattering on about how wonderful things were between she and Shikamaru. The pair had finally hooked up almost two years ago now. Most had been surprised it had taken them so long. She hadn?t been. She knew Ino and Ino was a coward when real emotions were concerned. It hadn?t been real emotions for her with Sasuke, but it was real emotions when it came to Shikamaru.

?We?re thinking about moving in together soon.? Ino was saying as she wandered over to a shelf and picked up two beautiful pink and white orchids.

She made a slight noncommittal sound that showed she was listening and Ino went on, happy to be able to chatter her heart out as she wove the orchids and the hair by her left ear into a smallish braid, securing the flowers along the hairline by her left temple and ear.

?There, perfect!? Ino exclaimed as she looked at her work of art and found a mirror to show her.

She stared.

{Ino always had gotten better marks in flower arranging?}

Dead eyes stared back at her.

The flowers didn?t suit her anymore; they made her look like she was twelve again.

She wasn?t twelve anymore though.

She smiled slightly, but it never reached her eyes, and thanked Ino quietly before saying she had an errand to run and leaving the shop.

Ino watched her go, eyes full of worry.

?What?s wrong?? Shikamaru asked as he entered the shop and walked over to her.

He pulled her lightly into his arms and Ino was grateful to have him there to lean on.

?Its Sakura...I think she?s getting worse.? She said quietly.

Shikamaru frowned slightly and hugged Ino a little tighter.

~~~

Sakura walked on, finding her way to the Hokage tower. Maybe she?d finally have a mission, a distraction.

She made her way to Tsunade?s office; the door was open so she walked in.

Tsunade looked up as she heard her enter and smiled somewhat reservedly at her.

{She doesn?t look well?} was Tsunade?s only thought as she saw the black smudges under the younger girl?s eyes, and noticed the freshly dried blood marring the bandages on her arms.

Tsunade knew for a fact that she hadn?t been in a real combat for almost two years now and her only sparring partner was Rock Lee who could barely dare to throw a punch at her, let alone anything sharp.

Those were self-inflicted.

?Are there any missions today?? she asked bluntly.

Tsunade bit her lip slightly. She didn?t want to send her on missions. She was just too unstable. She might do something dangerous or she might even be desperate enough and get herself killed.

?No, I?m afraid we don?t have anything suitable for you? Tsunade said with a slightly strained voice.

?Despite your rank, you?re too weak for the A and B rank missions but I don?t want to insult you by sending you on a C rank? is what she understood.

It was the same routine everyday.

She nodded slightly before turning and leaving.

Tsunade sighed and leaned back in her chair. She knew that she wasn?t helping Sakura by denying her her position among the Konoha ninjas but she just couldn?t bring herself to send her on a mission. It felt too much like signing Sakura?s death warrant.

But watching her disintegrate and rot here...she almost felt like she?d signed her death warrant regardless.

If only Kakashi were still here...he?d seemed to reach her after her parents? death...no one else had.

But Kakashi was missing.

He?d left along with a group of hunter nins about three years ago to take down the Akatsuki. They?d succeeded and most of the hunters had returned.

Kakashi had not.

Whether he was dead or not was undetermined but at this point there were only three possible explanations: 1) he was dead, 2) for whatever reason, he was unable to return or 3) he didn?t want to return.

Tsunade half hoped he was dead?it was the best option.

~~~

Sakura found herself on the bridge.

She wasn?t sure if she was awake or not. She didn?t feel awake but she didn?t really feel asleep either.

She felt like she was twelve. Any moment now Naruto was going to rush up shouting ?Sakura-chan? and the top of his lungs.

He didn?t call her ?Sakura-chan? anymore...no one did.

And then from the woods, he would emerge, smirk at Naruto?s antics, ignore her and sit under a tree.

Then they would wait until suddenly with a puff of smoke Kakashi would show up with some lame, made up excuse for his lateness.

Of the three things, the last was the least likely.

For the first year, she?d kept coming everyday and had waited. She?d kept expecting him to just pop up and apologize for being so late, claiming he?d had to save a village from an army of ogres and then save a damsel in distress from a dragon.

Or some such nonsense.

She missed his nonsense.

He?d been so close to her, he?d even invited her to stay with him after her parents had died. But now he?d left her.

Everyone left her.

She sighed and rested her arms and the bridges railings, waiting.

She was always waiting.

?Why do you let your demons control you??

She bit her lip and stared down at the water.

~~~

Tsunade looked up in surprise as Sakura entered her office for the second time today.

Had her mental health deteriorated so much that she thought they were already the next day?

?Do you have any missions for me?? She asked firmly, determination in her eyes.

Tsunade was stunned, this was the first time she had been determined about anything in years. Tsunade shook her head slightly.

?Will you ever have any missions for me?? she asked, now she seemed slightly pained.

Why was she so emotional today?

Tsunade?s heart clenched as she bit her lip and a pained expression coloured her eyes.

She looked down and shook her head again.

Sakura closed her eyes briefly. She?d expected as much, but the truth still hurt.

She really was useless here.

She looked at Tsunade. The Hokage looked like she was in pain, as if some poison were seeping through her blood.

She was that poison.

Her resolve firmed and she lifted her chin.

?I?m leaving.? She said simply, resignation marring her tone.

Tsunade?s head snapped up and she stared at her in shock.

?What? Why?? she questioned, almost desperately. She couldn?t let Sakura go and get herself killed in the real world, Kakashi had asked her to look after her for him when he?d left.

Sakura simply stared back at her and suddenly it hit her what a poor job she?d done in fulfilling her promise.

?Will you return?? she asked now resignedly, she looked older...for the first time, Tsunade felt old.

?I don?t know.? She answered simply.

Tsunade nodded, her head falling. She just couldn?t look at the girl anymore.

She heard something being placed on her desk and then heard the girl leave.

Tsunade looked up then. On her desk lay Sakura?s leaf forehead protector.

Tsunade?s hand raised and rubbed her chest, over her heart. That spunky little girl she?d liked so much really was gone.

Naruto would throw a fit when he returned.

~~~

The sun was starting to lower, it was mid afternoon. She made her way through the streets of the village.

She owed a few goodbyes.

The first stop had been the Yamanaka flower shop. Ino had been surprised to see her again, seeing Sakura twice in one day was a great rarity.

Even rarer had been that Sakura had spoken. She?d thanked Ino for her friendship and for everything she?d done for her.

She?d smiled.

It had been a small and sad smile, but it had been a smile. She?d said goodbye as she left.

She?d never said goodbye.

For some reason Ino didn?t really understand at the time, as she?d watched Sakura?s retreating back, she hadn?t been surprised.

Ino had then called to her mother in the backroom; she needed to leave for a minute.

She needed to tell him she was leaving; she knew that she wouldn?t.

Sakura?s next stop had been the ramen store but no one she?d wanted to see had been there. So she?d gone to his apartment.

Hinata had answered the door.

Naruto wasn?t home; he was on a mission. He wasn?t due to return for another two days.

Sakura couldn?t wait.

?Just tell him thanks for me, ok? And...and tell him goodbye? Sakura had said with a small, sad smile.

Hinata had frowned slightly, confused by the request and not quite understanding why Sakura wouldn?t be here two days from now, but had agreed to comply with her request.

She now found herself at the bridge.

She stood there for a long time, staring at the water. Making her peace with the past.

This was the last time she would be here.

{I?m sorry Kakashi?but I just can?t wait for you anymore. I?ve become a poison and I?m dying from it. Maybe?somewhere else?there?s a cure?I?m sure there isn?t one here}

She looked up at the canopy of the bridge, specifically to the bar he always appeared on.

?Goodbye.? She whispered.

~~~

The sun was starting the set, the light fading away as she had faded away.

How appropriate.

Her meagre belongings had been packed into an old backpack; her money had been hidden in an inner pocket of her pants. She?d pulled her lose hair into a long braid, incorporating the smaller braid and flowers that Ino had put there earlier.

She couldn?t bring herself to take them out just yet.

She stared at the gate as the guards opened it for her. She took a deep breath and winced as she heard all too familiar footsteps rushing towards her.

He stopped five feet behind her.

?What are you doing?? he demanded in his deep, dark voice.

She raised her head and looked contemplatively at the world beyond the village.

?I?m leaving.? She said simply.

He felt an iron band tighten around his chest.

?Leaving? Just like that? You weren?t even going to say goodbye?? he demanded anger covering the hurt as he took a step towards her.

?Did you ever tell me goodbye?? she asked so softly he barely heard her.

He froze and looked away as the band tightened.

?Why?? he questioned, calmer now as he raised his eyes to her.

?Why not?? she countered wistfully as she turned to look at him.

His voice died in his throat at the sight of her wounded eyes. The band around his chest tightened still, making it difficult to breathe.

He didn?t answer.

She stared at him, held his eyes for a minute...two minutes...an hour...he couldn?t tell.

Then she looked away and an overwhelming sense of loss overcame him.

?I gave you much better reasons to stay.? She said sadly as she turned away.

He collapsed to his knees, his hands gripping his ribs that were still constricted by that ever-tightening band.

She walked away from him.

He let her leave.

She didn?t look back at him. She didn?t look back at anything.

He watched her back disappear.

The gate closed.

[Beer-monster]

Yep...still good.


And there coming thick and fast aint they?

[csmlee]

Eek!!! Sakura is not supposed to leave! She is supposed to stay in Konoha so that she can <s>make beautiful babies with Sasuke</s> slowly rebuild her life with her friends!!!

And the idiot is supposed to SAY something that'll make her stay!!! *whacks Sasuke* He's not supposed to stand there and do nothing!!! *whacks Sasuke again* And last but not least, how dare that idiot go out with Ino? *whacks Sasuke once again* :evil:

Okay, now that I've taken out my anger on the idiot *glances over at the unconscious Sasuke*, I must say the InoSaku friendship bit is very touching. I like the idea of Ino and Sakura being friends. (Though I'm still a bit sore that of all people, Sasuke went out with Ino. *glares at the idiot*) Sakura shouldn't have given up everything so easily. Even without Kakashi and Sasuke, Ino and Naruto are still there for her!

Speaking of Kakashi... is something going on between Sakura and him? She isn't even referring to him as "Kakashi-sensei" anymore.

[Tea Leaf]

Well, all the chapters are already written, I'm just re-editing them to catch the few mistakes I missed the first time around and modify it slightly so the first chapters are better knit with the later chapters and such. So yeah, I'll be posting them pretty quickly.

I'm glad you two are enjoying them so far and as for Sakura and Kakashi's relationship...well, it'll become clearer later in the story ^^