The Severed Connection (and my greeting)

[Crystaltear]

I finally stopped being lazy and joined the group. I see some familiar people post here *waves at everyone, esp. those from the ML* Hi everyone! ^_^

All right, now to introduce my fic. It's a one-shot, one of my better ones...ah hell, just read it and let me know what you think. R+1 implied.

~Crystaltear


The Severed Connection
By Crystaltear
Type: One-shot
Rated: PG
Warnings: Falls into the category of bittersweet, in my opinion, but can be given an angst warning. Relena's POV




I felt a pang of apprehension throb within my chest as I came upon the gates of the Winner estate, causing my stomach to go a flutter. I continued on my drive, beyond the massive bars that guarded the building, around the marble fountain that was adorned with sculptures of flawless cherubs that spouted crystal clear fluid, and finally onto the main drive where I was instructed to park. I stepped out of my vehicle with the grace that I had perfected over the years, stepping aside to let the young boy take my place as driver and bring my car into one of the garages. I shielded my eyes from the sun that shone overhead, and allowed myself a better look at the estate. The building was massive, much larger than the one I had bought myself on Earth (which was logical since Quatre had inherited a sum of money four times my own salary), and had been built with a taste and elegance that suited its owner.

Quatre, warm-hearted as always, had begged a large group of us who had fought together during the Eve Wars for a small get-together. It had taken a lot of searching for some, and a lot of preparation with all the traveling for everyone, but Quatre had finally gotten it arranged, and informed me of the date, time, and place two months prior so that I could clear my schedule. The flight had been a long one for me, since I was the only one that lived on Earth, but I was used to the travel so it wasn?t a huge hassle. I hadn?t given the meeting itself much thought until the night before, when I found that millions of agonizing questions riddled my mind. Had everyone changed? Would we get along as then we had in the past? How was everyone going to react to each other? The questions assaulted me endlessly, and I did not sleep a wink that whole night.

The following evening, while I stood outside the large door waiting to be let in, the questions continued to form, seemingly pulsating due to the consciousness that all of my answers were lying beyond the mahogany door.

I was surprised when it was Quatre himself who greeted me at the door rather than a butler, but it was nice to see that even time could not alter the kindness nestled in the youngest Winner?s heart. I entered the mansion to see that the inside was the same as the exterior: splendid and colored in bright tones, once again suiting Quatre?s sense of style. I was lead into the extravagant area that Quatre labeled as his living room, though it looked the size of a dining hall. Realizing inside the massive room were old faces that she hadn?t seen in ages: Duo, who I had managed to keep in touch with off and on through the years, Trowa, who I heard from whenever I was in contact with Quatre, Wufei and Sally, who I heard news about through the grapevine of Preventers but hadn?t seen much of in over a year and a half, and a young woman with wavy brown hair and large lavender eyes that I didn?t recognize at all.

I went about the room and was greeted by each person in their own way, and the tension in my back gave a little; perhaps things would turn out all right after all. Perhaps there was meaning to our bond that lied beyond having fought together so many years ago?but only time would tell.

I was then introduced to the unknown woman, who was identified as Trowa?s sister, Catherine, and we had some idle chit chat between ourselves for the time being, her inquiring about some of the basics of my field of work while I asked about her own profession within the circus. I found that it was easier to start a discussion with her, a complete stranger, than it was to initiate conversation with those who I have known for years.

But when I thought about it, we didn?t really know each other, did we? Not beyond the war.

Heero Yuy was of course, the last to arrive (to this day, I believe that he thrives on making an entrance.) I felt my heart ache a little at the sight of him; he was still as glorious as ever, with rigid angles that showed his strength and the ideal of masculinity. It had not been that long ago that I would have cherished to be breathing the same air as him, to be able to get a glimpse of the male that was all that I desired in life. Every disapproving glare, every callous, every scar; I had loved it all and more so. But I learned as I grew older and more mature, as many people do, that some things are not attainable no matter how hard you try, how much you wish, or what you do. I greeted him as I had the others when I had the chance, and he returned it with the same stiff grace. There were questions in his eyes, I could identify them as the same as my own. Was everyone feeling the same way? Did we call come that night for the same purpose?to see if our union was meant to last behind the battlefields?

We all sat down to dinner soon after, and it was pleasant, albeit awkward. It was then that I noticed that we had indeed come to see where the boundaries of our connection lie, but by that time the silence had answered our inquiry. It was the final confirmation for all of us that we were different people than we had been during the war. We no longer seemed to need the line that held all of us together, and I think for most of us, that realization was as painful to swallow as it was a blessing. Just knowing that the majority of us would never set our eyes on each other ever again made us hold our gazes just a bit longer. For some of us, it was a relief to finally be free of people who could only remind us of bad times of the past. That?s exactly what we were to each other?what more did we have in common but our bloodied hands? Nothing; we shared memories, regrets, and experience, not interests. There was nothing else to talk about but war, which was the subject we all wanted to avoid. At the same instant, it was a punch in the gut to have to face this fact, to know that we didn?t serve each other a purpose any longer. It was painful, heart-wrenching, and I knew I couldn?t have been the only one who was both relieved and saddened by the truth that had been presented to us. They all had to have felt the same way, right? But if they did, why wouldn?t they say anything?

Dinner ended and dessert as well, both in a timid silence that was so strung out it felt like it was about to snap?or perhaps that was just my sanity, I?m not sure anymore.
It was rude of me, I know, and perhaps it is proof that I haven?t changed at all, but I can only vaguely reflect on what the others said and did, while my remembrance of Heero that evening was as vivid as a picture before me. And I remember most vividly when he announced that he would be taking his leave, and how his jaw locked in determination. Maybe the realization had been too much for him to handle, so he prepared to leave as quickly as he could. I wouldn?t know his reasoning, as I never have for many things he has done, but I can assume that he has the most to lose of all of us. He had once been detached from everything, and his encounters with us, the first people to show kindness to him, he was given back some of his humanity. And now those people would be taken away from him for no reason other than a change of situation?because Fate was cruel.

He said goodbye to everyone with a simple handshake, and I tried so hard to disperse my agony when I found my farewell from him to be the same as all the others. I can still remember the feel of his hand: warm, rough from the years of physical labor he had done since a child, and so much larger than my own. As he grasped my hand into his own and gave a light squeeze of farewell, a spark was briefly ignited within me-- a spark that was that small hope which still lived and loved on within me, the one that signified every fairy-tale desire that all women dream of, no matter how much they deny its existence. But it soon died out as he extracted his hand, simply walked away from me and said farewell to the host, without a second glance my way.

As I watched him get into his car and drive away, I knew that it had been our final goodbye. He was no longer the brooding young assassin who needed someone to believe in, and I was not the na?ve girl fighting for peace who needed a savior. And so, the man who had been the greatest assistance in molding the person that I had become, disappeared from my life once again, for what I could only assume to be forever.

I said my farewells an unnoted amount of time later, making sure to allow every smile from my comrades to embed itself within my memory so that I may look back on times when I miss them the most. By the time my car had been pulled to the front, I was done with my goodbyes to the remaining guests which consisted of Duo, Quatre, Trowa, and Catherine, and holding back tears with all my might. I do not know what I had been anticipating on happening that day between the group of us, but I assure you that whatever it was, it did not occur. And so I departed the mansion, dusk well settled in, and set off to my destination.

Now, as I head down the long stretch of road toward my lonely hotel room, I find myself glancing into my rear-view mirror every so often. At first I think that it is Heero?s headlights that I long to see flashing at me as he tries to catch up with me. But as minutes pass, I analyze my action and find that I am not looking for a specific someone to come after me that night. I am hoping for anyone to follow me, to want as I do to keep the connection between us, no matter what it may be.

But the headlights never enter my view, and I reach my hotel in solitude. I go upstairs alone, and into my lonely room I lay upon my too-large bed to escape the realms of my reality. And despite myself and all my will-power, that night my nightmare is the reenactment of that evening that just passed, and I once again watch as each and everyone one of them slowly disappear to pull away from me for eternity. The final vision is of dark blue eyes, fading and then melting away, and then total darkness follows.

[stefy]

Ciao CT !
Well, you know already that it is a good fic, but I tell you again

[goddesswing]

Short, satisfying, realistic, and tasteful. Very, very tasteful. I liked it, you and I both know this. I've read your other stories before, and I really like them all. ^^;;

+::goddesswing::+

[Desert Bloom]

Wow...simply wonderful insight to their relationship. Relena comes off as whimsy and romantic like she is, yet somehow more powerful and intilligent than I usually see her. Good job!

[Crystaltear]

Stef- Thankies hun, you are always so supportive of me! I appreciate that you take the time to let me know what you think. I know I still owe you a reply on the email, and its been so long that aol actually deleted it on me, so I'm going to have to wing and try to remember all the things I was supposed to reply to! *sweatdrop*


goddesswing- Thank you, hun! I'm glad you like my other stories as well; I may post a few of the very short ones here on the ML, though some of the more requently read stories of mine will just have to remain seen just on ff.net. *sigh* ah well. Thanks for the reply!

Desert Bloom- I'm glad you perceived Relena in that way. I wanted her to be somewhat whimsical, but have her become much more wise and more of a realist after the span of time between my story and EW. I guess it worked ^_^ Thanks for reading!