Christmas Cake (part two)

[dd]

Damn that Sousuke!

Damn Kyouko.

Damn them all.

Damn the stupid holiday season.

Why did they even have to have Christmas in Japan anyway? Most Japanese profess no personal religion, culture binding them to Shinto and Buddhism. Many traditions and customs prevent them from understanding the message of salvation, or from grasping the concept of a supreme God. Less than one percent of the population was Christian, and there were numerous people who wondered if Christmas represented Santa Claus? birthday.

At least in America, people knew there was some connection with the birth of Jesus, despite the mercantile approach many people took. In Japan, it wasn?t even an official holiday. There were artificial trees about, but many of them were for Japanese New Year. English language Christmas carols played on speakers outside of stores, beckoning people to buy gifts. She had even heard a trance version of Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer the other day!

The Mitsukoshi store decorated a huge Ginza Christmas tree. Most other gaudy decorations were put up by other commercial agencies. Large groups of brass bands would play outside of the Sony building. Advertising everywhere was in green and red. Why? Because everyone was so intent on taking hold of Western traditions? Maybe they should worry about their own holidays. There was already a reason to buy Oseibo gifts to celebrate the end of the year... did people really need to buy Christmas gifts as well?

Kaname fought back tears. She wasn?t certain why she was on the verge of crying. Yes she was.

?Be honest, girl....?

She knew exactly why. Finally, after wrestling terribly with herself, she had
found the courage to do something that she had long denied even wanting. Her emotions had been stoked to a feverish level, and the possibility of things going wrong had her on the verge of a complete meltdown.

She had been so close. Then, the rug was pulled out from under her feet.Maybe she should be thankful, given Sousuke?s commentary at the end. The collapse of that rushed opportunity may have saved her from a more catastrophic result. It might be safer just to forget about things. There might still be time for a refund.

Yes, there would be any number of excuses that made sense.

There were always excuses...distractions... last minute losses of confidence.
Why should this time be any different? It?s not as if she ever had success with any romantic situations in the past, regardless of who was involved. Romance wouldn?t make her study more. Romance wouldn?t boost the scores on her exams. If anything, it would probably make things worse. After all, there was a good reason why the nation outlawed dating in Junior High. It wasn?t a coincidence that a majority of students didn?t think about dating until they got into college.

No. This time would have been different, regardless of what the answer might have been. She had never felt this way before. She had never allowed herself to open up this much. She had never found her pulse racing... or her breath quickening... or her daydreams getting so wild... not before a certain young soldier turned her world upside down and inside out.

?Not before Sousuke....?

She had to be honest with herself. It wasn?t Christmas she was angry about. She wasn?t even certain her predominant emotion was anger. Christmas Eve was the issue. Beethoven?s Ninth Symphony---called he Daiku here---would be playing everywhere. People would be eating Christmas cake. Young lovers would be going out to spend romantic times together at fancy restaurants.... or hotels.

Christmas cakes. Most end up being eaten on Christmas Day. Any cakesunsold come December 26th were considered worthless. That had led to the use of the phrase ?Christmas cake? when referring to a woman who had not found a husband before she reached the age of twenty-six.

Kaname was still a good ways away from twenty-six. But, that wouldn?tmake her feel any better come Christmas Day, if no one wanted her. She didn?t want to be like those discarded pastries. What she wouldn?t give to have someone look at her as if she had great significance.

Kaname banged her fist against the wall in the small janitorial cubbyhole she had stepped into. She needed to get herself under control before she could step out amongst her fellow students. What had she been thinking? She hadn?t even begun dating yet! Did she really believe that something like she planned might break the ice and get things going? How could she have been so foolish? She knew who she was talking about. All too well! She could guess what his reaction might be. Why did she set herself up for such pain?

She knew why.

Floating down from great heights, arms around Sousuke as he held onto a huge balloon. He had been worried about her. When he knew that she was safe, everything had been alright.

But, she had been terribly hurt when he took no notice of her knew white bikini. She had looked good in that!

Riding on the back of a bicycle, coming back from an abandoned hospital. She had failed to frighten Sousuke with horror stories and the spooky environment, but he had been scared when he thought she might be dead or severely injured. She had even gotten a brief confession out of him.

He wouldn?t say it again, though. That disappointed her. Moron!

Watching Bonta-Kun running from the police, as she rode in a Ferris wheel with and old crush. She had known who was in that costume. The shotgunhad been a dead giveaway, even if the fighting skills had not.

He had saved her once again, dressed in that ridiculous suit. Fumo fumoffu!

And, how could she forget what happened in Khanka? That maniac had kidnapped her. That quack scientist had put her in that damn machine. Sousuke revealed his true identity, saving her from everything, even though he was badly wounded.

For a moment there, before Kurz interrupted, things had been so.... so....
close.

But he was so clueless. Why did she forget that time and time again? He never understood what she was feeling. His embarrassing display with the dating simulator was nothing compared to real life! That whole business with Mizuki had been frustrating to watch. And that uninvited kiss!!!

?Damn you, Sousuke....?

Maybe she WAS setting her hopes too high. He was nothing but a thick- skulled muddle-headed otaku idiot! He forgot appointments for study. He showed up in the middle of a softball game, materializing out of nowhere, as if it were no big deal. He gave her jewelry because of practicality, duty, and obligation. He promised a vacation to an island, but instead took her to meat that Captain! He paid altogether too much attention to HER when she came to visit the school for a brief while. On the submarine, he had told her how bad his world had become when he was assigned to Tokyo... and to her. He forgot her homework. He was so out-to-lunch that he thought that flirting and picking up girls meant capturing them in cages!!!

But, he did invite her to join him at his special fishing spot. He did say that
he felt as if he could do anything if she was with him. In the light of the
setting sun, by a fountain at a lake, he had looked at her in her mother?s
purple kimono and said that she was beautiful.

?Sousuke Sagara, you are so confusing....?

Her life had never been the same since that scar-faced student showed up with a gun in his school bag. How many times had he driven her close to murder with his nonsense and his antics? How often did she come to being shot, exploded, or otherwise bent, spindled, or mutilated? That big jerk had even brought an unknown biological agent into the classroom, risking who knows what!!! The students and teachers had been thrown into tizzy. So many people were frightened, thinking they were going to die. So many were embarrassed, caught naked in front of their peers and total strangers. Mithril had to pull a lot of strings and call in a lot of favors to save his enrollment at the school.

Still, he was the only boy who ever made her feel warm inside when she smiled. He was the only one who really valued her safety, and not just because it was his job. He risked drastic reprimand on occasion, just to be certain she was OK. For someone who stuck to the exact letter or rules and regulations most of the time, he would bend those rules for her. She KNEW there was something inside of that rigid military shell. In his own way, he cared for her in a way that he had never cared for anyone else before. She could just sense it. Even Melissa Mao had inferred as much once.

What was it that she really wanted? How much did she hope for? Was she willing to go too far to find out what there might be between them? Was that even wise, given the sobering fact that he could be pulled away from Tokyo at any moment, his life put squarely on the line during some world crisis? He might even be reassigned permanently! Did it make any sense to set herself up for THAT fall?

?Why is this so hard....?

She remembered what Sousuke had said and done during the Full Monty Bacteria crisis, before they had all known that the mysterious agent was not a fatal virus. It made her blush, and caused her to question her own heart. What might have happened if he didn?t get that reassuring phone call? His voice floated in his mind. Her pulse rate went up and her breathing quickened.

He had lead her to the Nurse?s office, after saying ?Please come with me.?

She had hesitated, and he had been forceful, saying ?I said there is no time. Just come with me.?

He had pulled the curtain away from an infirmary bed. She had stared at that bed, wondering just what he might have in mind.

?Chidori, take off your clothes.? Those words first ran like ice water through
her. But, she felt part of her warming up.

?Just because we are going to die...it?s too sudden.? She had fought the idea. There were endless excuses. ?I have to prepare mentally.? ?Besides, in a place like this....?

?He had been insistent. ?It?s OK. So, don?t say any words and just take off your clothes.?

She had done just that.

Naked, she had sat behind that curtain, torn by mixed desires and conflicting emotions.

What might have happened if things had gone further? Because of the false pretenses---whether or not they were intentional---she might have been mortified, She could very well ended up hating him forever.

Now, she had the luxury to think about such things. How far did she want to go? What might it mean? How does Sousuke feel? Might a more intimate relationship help him find a better place in the world? Or, would it weaken him, making him less effective at his job, putting him at greater risk?

?Courage, Kaname....?

She had made up her mind to give Sousuke the card. She had no control over what happened directly after that. If he accepted her offer, anything else that followed would be something they could explore together.

Yes, she would give him the card. She reached inside her coat to look at it one more time.

It was gone.

[Magsnus]

Awww how nice, Kaname remembers all of hers and Sousukes "special moments"...this is not the beginning of a great story, its the beginning of THE STORY!
Mark my words people hehe

Anyway, great job dd (as usual right? )

With regards
Magsnus

[Perfect Soldier]

...-___-' arrrgh! She goes through all that and then looses the damn card, that's just great. That's what I love about FMP fics, nothing can ever be easy between Kaname and Sousuke. This is going great, dd.

Zero