Lingering... 4/4

[blackrose]

Title: Lingering...
Author: the Black Rose
Genre: Action, Angst, Lemon. A dash of romance, (turned out a lot less sappy than I thought - thankfully).

Rating: R - Lime bordering on lemon contained.

Pairing: 1xR/Rx1

Author's Notes: Complete. Thanks to Stella for her patient beta-reading, and Suzume for her support. ^__^ Still dedicated to Lauren and the long-missing Saz, since they originally issued the challenge. I hope you might have enjoyed it, at least a little, even though it's not the PWP fluffy lemon I'm sure you imagined....

You can find the previous parts here:

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3

This chapter takes place after the series. I referenced a scene in the Blind Target manga/radio drama (as noted in the text), and a line from the EW novelization (as noted below). Again, my events have been woven around the established timeline, although I tried not to re-tell too much of the series and movie.

It's also to be noted that there are quoted lines taken directly from the dubbed version of Endless Waltz. I do not claim credit for them in any way, but I am expecting you to recognize them on your own.

Thank you for reading!

Love,
Rose

*********************************************

'Light! Give me light!' was the wordless cry of my soul, and the light of love shone on me in that very hour."

-- Helen Adams Keller



Chapter 4



Infernal, blood-tinged darkness seeped inside his skin, leaking through tiny scars and open cuts - bleeding into a desolate soul. Bright light flared and settled in the air around him as Zero?s control panel sprang to life, illuminating the cockpit with golden brilliance. He forced stinging, raw eyes open. The crimson lids dragged over their surface, awakening his body and offering up his consciousness to the assailing blindness that sought to steal his mind.

?You still need me.? The demon?s voice fouled his ear, scratching jagged nails across its inner surface in a familiar, heinous melody.

Heero?s entire body hardened into stone. No.

?You have had a year of peace, but the soldier inside still needs me.?

No, I don?t, Zero. The only thing I need is...

She reached up, her fingers splaying over the surface of a cut on his cheek. ?Heero, you?re hurt,? she breathed through tempting, parted lips.

The tender touch perplexed his unaccustomed flesh, and he snatched her hand, pulling it away. ?I?m fine.?

From the corner of his vision, he noticed a long braid flying by the doorway, and caught the prying cobalt eyes before they quickly danced towards another room.

Heero shifted his attention and glared down at her shaking form. She straightened beneath his gaze, or was it the unwelcome stares of others that caused her to retract the delicate limb he still choked the life out of, as if in punishment for daring to touch him?

?I?m glad you?re all right. I?we were worried for you.? Her flickering flames dropped to the floor and she began to turn away. His grip held firm.

?Your brother??

She stopped, arrested in her retreat. The faint glow of the fluorescent lights glazed her skin. ?My brother??

?He wanted to die. I don?t know that he succeeded.?

She took a step closer, her voice wavering, words dangling in the room?s sterile air. ?I don?t blame you. You didn?t have a??

?I didn?t kill him.?

He heard the breath catch in her throat, the heat of her whisper grazing his neck. ?Then tell me, please, what happened??

His eyes trailed downwards, and reluctant fingers loosed their steely hold on her. ?I don?t know,? Heero confessed with a slow shake of his head. ?I defeated him, but I couldn?t kill him. I didn?t want to kill him. He destroyed Libra?s engine block and there was an explosion. I didn?t see if he made it out.?

Ice blue eyes met his. ?Thank you?.For keeping your promise. For risking your life.? Her hand darted up and smoothed the locks of sweat-dampened hair still clinging to his face ? then stopped. She laced her fingers together as if locking them into place at her sides. ?You truly are amazing.?

He turned to the far wall, his lungs burning and short of breath as the black vista of space stretched before him, dappled with the twinkling of distant stars. Out here of all places, in the vastness of space, could she still refuse to acknowledge his insignificance? She was the one who truly mattered. ?Hn.?

Her hushed tone reeled him in from the abyss of his thoughts, drawing him back to the warmth of her company? attempting to salvage what was left from the dark void that sought to claim him.

?I?know that you?re not going to stay on Earth, but?? He felt her hand caress his shoulder - soothing invisible, bone-deep scars with a medicinal salve of a simple touch. ?Do you think there will ever be a time?.?

?You still have a job to do,? he cut in, speaking to her reflection in the darkened panes. ?Mine?s over, but your fight has just begun.?

Her head lowered to where he could no longer trace the outline of her face in the glass. ?I believe they think they need me more than they really do.? Her hand slipped from his needy, fabric-coated skin - leaving a fresh chill in re-opened wounds.

?If that?s true, they?ll see it in time.?

She nodded slowly, turning away from him to leave. He closed his eyes, waiting for the final sound of the door that would seal him once again in his solitude.

?Heero?? She spoke his name in a tremulous voice before she pivoted back around to face him. ?I hope you find it. I hope you?ll find peace. I know I can?t understand what it must really be like for you, but you should know I care about you?very much.?

?Relena?? She stood against the metallic panel, refusing to abandon him to the loneliness of uncertainty.

?I know I?ll see you again,? she said, bowing her head once more. ?I just don?t know how long it will be.? She glanced up, meeting his gaze with glowing eyes. ?Please, take care of yourself.?

He nodded and started towards the opposite door.

She raised a hand, resting it over her heart. ?I promise??

He stopped, fists clenching at his sides as he looked away. ?I have no right to ask that of you.? His tongue was thick in his mouth as he spoke the words, but it was better not to hope for something that could never belong to him. ?Don?t.?

?I love you. I know I always?.?

The words hit him like an unexpected punch to the stomach. How could she? She couldn?t... ?You don?t know that,? he rasped. ?Don?t promise something you can?t??

?I promise you. I will wait as long as you need. I love you now, and I always will.?

Fire sparked in his chest, that dangerous flame she always managed to awaken within him, giving new life to what had been a moment before nothing but charred embers cooling in the wake of battle. ?Relena...?

A glint of yellow light crept across her serene form, radiating from the passageway behind the doorway where she stood ? swelling until it was the size of the sun. The blazing light swallowed her whole, snarling lips formed of fiery flesh curled around her outstretched limbs. He reached out, but lost her in the haze that took hold of him, the smooth voice of the machine worming into the quaggy vessels of his brain. ?And what has love given you, except harder choices and more reasons to fight??

The dark gold mist changed shape and rolled a new vision onto the screen of his mind - of his fellow pilots battling Serpent mobile suits in front of the Brussel?s Presidential compound. Duo, Quatre, and Trowa were winning, defeating the enemy in wave after vicious wave. But their reactions times were slowing; the Gundams sustained damage. He could see each one on the vid display - they were tiring, their bodies failing. Another set of reinforcements washed in with the rising of the blood-filled tide.

?I don?t have much left.? The Deathscythe pilot?s voice crackled through the connection. ?I?m falling back ? AAAAAAAAAAAUGH!? His soul-searing scream ended abruptly into radio static.

No.

?Duo, Duo are you there?? Quatre?s voice was frantic. ?I?m coming!? Sandrock moved towards the fallen suit. He didn?t make it far before he was sliced to shreds.

No!

?I?m out of ammunition.? He heard Trowa?s voice as Heavyarms took a step back. Torrential fire teemed down from all sides, bathing in violent radiance the small group still standing, fighting. The acrobatic suit pitched forward, blood spilling from the cockpit?.

NO! Zero, stop it! NO!

?Then you choose thisssss?.?

Wing Zero tore the star-filled sky, streaking across the night with a blade of light. It aimed its giant buster rifle and released a shower of electric fire on the bunker - jolting the ground in rolling shockwaves and tearing concrete and the surrounding city from their roots. For a brief instant, he saw her face - eyes widened in utter terror as the burning disease struck her flesh and consumed her inch by inch. The bodies of her captors crumbled into blackened dust.

The churning wind generated by Zero?s landing scattered harmless ashes into the remnants of oblivion

It can?t be, he railed. I can?t choose! He closed his eyes, trying to block out the image of destruction and death born of his hands, his strength?his failing. But the nightmare continued on in vivid detail ? the stench of the rotting, faceless bodies, the fire and anguish of the bloody battle. The visions sped up into a whirlwind of destruction playing on every surface of his mind, seeping into his bloodstream and chilling the last taste of life left within. He could not stop the terror unleashed, for it was what he had become.

?But you must. Kill her, and defeat your enemies....? The voice was louder now, echoing throughout the newly hollowed cavern that might once have held his soul. ??or fail and kill your friends?and her dream.?

He could taste blood in his mouth as his body rebelled with the last of its futile strength. No. No! NO! NOOOOOOOOO! Pain tore through his arms as he tried to wrest them from the console. But he no longer had control of his limbs. Zero had stolen that, too?.

?Defeat your enemies, and I will give you a glorious death.? It laughed, knowing it had won. ?You can join her??

I must?defeat my enemies. Heero could actually feel the maniacal grin on the monster?s face pulsing through his body.

?Yessssss??

The pilot blinked, his hand hovering over the mobile suit?s controls.

?This will be your final fight.?

**************************************************
Lack of air formed a metal band around his lungs and noxious smoke burned against his skin. His entire body shuddered, an unresponsive finger twitched above the button that would fire the beam cannon a third and final time.

The enemy took advantage of his hesitation. ?Stop it! Don?t you realize Relena Peacecraft is in here??

Warning lights blared and wires popped and sizzled around him, adding to the chorus of dizzying sensations. The low buzzing in his ears began to take on the shape of words, of thoughts. ?One more blast?We?ll die in glory. Just give me the controls.?

But if I die... Relena...

She stood before him in that long, metallic hallway¹, a sense of urgency bit his neck and leaked its poison into his entire body.

?Hurry, there?s no time,? he told her. He stood rigidly in the confined space, alone with her as all the others had already left or were waiting to make their escape. The colony was set to detonate in mere minutes. He started towards her, towards the shuttle bay, as rational thought said he had to go, too.

?I know?Be careful, Heero.?

His pace slowed, the words tumbling from his lips while he moved nearer to her. ?You don?t have to worry about me. You have things to do. You need to stay focused.?

?You?re a strong person,? she said, her words embracing him with their softened tone, the way her dreams of peace must have embraced the hearts and minds of others. .

?But don?t ask me not to worry for you. Because I want to.?

She was so close?.?Relena??

?I had better get going.? She spun away, her concern for him lingering in the air he breathed, making him long for more of her.

He reached out and caught her arm, whirling her around to face him. ?Relena?I?? The tender air grew thick and choked him, smothering mental resolve. His body leaned forward, his voice lost in the mechanical whine of the nearby engine that couldn?t break her spell. His mouth settled over hers, caressing gold-tinged lips for the first time in so long?

Bile bubbled into his jaw, the bitter taste awakening his anger. STOP IT, ZERO! Those are my memories!

?Are you certain of that, foolish pilot??

What? YES!

?She doesn?t love you. I made it up. I made you up. You don?t even exist.?

His head thrashed from side to side, and he tore at his restraints, trying to focus on all that was tangible and real around him. Zero, you do nothing but lie. You have always lied. He clenched his hands around the controls, taking back his body for the moment. But I know the truth.

?Then tell me, pilot. How warm were her lips when you kissed her? What color were her eyes? Were they blue or gold? Was there ever a time when you could not see through the illusions if you had tried??

A barrage of images quickly followed, bringing a hideous, molten yellow hue to every sacred moment.



?Are you all right,? she asked him with soft eyes still strangely lit with a golden glow. She leaned close and wrapped her delicate limbs around his neck?
?I don?t want you to fight anymore!? She strained to be heard over the violent clash of metal, pleading with him over the stench of blood? ?Please don?t.? The earnest look in her eyes loosened his grip? her tears threatening to extinguish the steady flame.?It?s precious to me, and that?s all that matters.?
Her step echoed as she moved nearer. ?I just want you to know?I?I love you?? She stood against the metallic panel, refusing to abandon him to the loneliness of uncertainty. ?I care about you? very much.?
?Don?t ask me not to worry for you. Because I want to?.?

Each time, the memory was tainted ? fouled with golden luminosity reflecting off the lustrous surface of her skin, delving into the depth of her eyes.

You lie. I remember! The pilot raged, his ragged cry echoing in the chaos of his robotic cage.

?Give me the controls, and I can take away your nightmares??

No.

?I can end your pain??

An image of the little girl and her dog crashed over his mind, numbing his consciousness to the plea of his enemy.

?Stop it! Don?t you realize Relena Peacecraft is in here??

His finger punched the trigger, erupting a final blast from the chamber of the twin buster rifle. The world shook and quaked, spitting fire and bile up from the ground ? scorching Zero?s scarred, metallic flesh. They plunged back to the Earth.

?You killed her, did you see her death?? It taunted, the victorious laugh echoing in his ear.

He saw her. Relena... She stared at the ceiling through glassy lids, her body lying discarded on the floor. She reached a hand up towards him, a soft whimper slipping from her lips ? the last reverent breath her form would ever bless.

?Heero??

His name again. Would it still be his now that she was gone?

The system loosened its hold, and Heero?s eyes roved over what he knew was the reality of Mariemaia?s stronghold in a smoldering heap of twisted metal. Was she...? Relena, you?ll not be alone. I'll follow you right afterwards².

Zero plummeted from the sky, its mechanical hissing taking on the sound of so much white noise scathing his ears. The giant monster fell blithely towards its final death.

?I?ll do you a favor and take you with me, pilot.?

As if in proof, the cockpit exploded in a fiery blast. Jagged pieces of metal sliced his skin as smoke poured into his lungs. He tried to cough it out, his hands instinctively tearing at the harness that held him like an anaconda wrapped around its prey, squeezing life from divine-sparked limbs. I have to see her?I have to know I defeated the enemy.

Zero smashed into the unforgiving earth, jarring the pilot from his restraints before throwing him towards the cockpit door. The robotic demon heaved a shuddering breath as Heero pried open the exit and pitched forward, escaping from its crushing grip.

?It doesn?t matter. I won. You killed her.?

No, Zero. His body trembled as he gained his feet, convulsing violently while he tried to stand. I killed you.

****************************************************
He opened his eyes to strange surroundings; he was lying in a soft bed with cloudlike covers hovering amidst a quiet sky. Faint light bathed the room in yellow hues - or could it really be the sun outside the window?

Perfumed essence breezed over him as he became dimly aware of someone else?s presence ? her figure outlined in gold from her seat near the window. Her brow contracted with concern, dulling her light blue eyes.

?Heero,? she said gently and moved from the glass towards where he lay.

?Relena.? He frowned, trying to remember what had happened. The battle? ?I thought I?I thought I killed you.? He blinked and tried to focus on her, but the light was blinding, searing the sensitive nerves in his eyes.

Damn you, Zero. When will it end?

?I?m fine,? she assured him, tenderly tucking the crisp, white covers around his battered body. ?The doctor said you were exhausted. You push yourself too hard, Heero. I hate it when you?re hurting.?

He sighed at her touch, looking up as she brushed away the hair that had fallen into his face. He felt his stomach churn with the realization that the golden glow in her eyes and on her skin meant that this was just a dream ? another hallucination. A vision of her lifeless body on the floor of the bunker taunted his mind, catching his heart in an unrelenting vice being slowly wound and tightened.

But at the moment she seemed so real?. He could see the lines from too many late and sleepless nights under her eyes, which somehow still managed to glow brightly in the dimness of this tainted reality. And not knowing how long the vision would last, he seized her arm and pulled her down for a kiss - hungrily devouring her for what could be the last time.

She stiffened in his grasp, but then began to move her lips against his, gradually relaxing into his embrace. The familiar jasmine scent that was always in his memories wafted off her skin. Her silky flesh was as soft as he remembered. The depths of her mouth tasted sweet and tinged with the flavor of the tea she had been drinking when he awoke to her presence. Her voice whispering his name in urgent surrender even sounded real.

?Heero?.?

He had her blouse unbuttoned in just a few moments, and had switched places to where she was now lying on the bed underneath him. She sighed and wrapped her arms around his neck as he peeled the bra from her anxious form and teased her nipples with his tongue. Her eyes shut tightly, her complexion flushed with pleasure; she moaned his name and arched her back as if trying to press her entire body against him.

His shirt and jeans came off in a flurry of activity and then he was once again lying on top of her, nothing obstructing his desire. It had been a year of hellish torture ? every time he closed his eyes he could see her naked figure, could feel the feathery touch of her lips on his skin, could hear the sound of her voice telling him she loved him an instant before he buried himself deep inside of her, claiming her as his.

?I love you.?

He swiftly entered her, earning a harsh cry from her lips. He was selfish in his vision ? driving his swollen arousal into her heated warmth over and over again in a desperate search for comfort. She was leaving him. He knew it. He had killed her. This would be the last time Zero could give him this illusion as his logical mind sought to dispel its claim to veracity even now. The golden light swirled around them, threatening to take her away again?.

He seized her mouth in a rough kiss, never relenting as he thrust in a frenzied pace, burying his face in the silken, honey-colored locks falling over her shoulder. She cried out to him again, and he fought against the cold, gray mist rolling into the room like a sinister fog by staring at her luminous eyes. He loved the feeling of being inside her, her soft warmth pressed against him, enveloping him and lending him strength. Her eyes drifted shut and he felt his desire for release mounting into an unbearable pressure ? culminating like a gathering storm.

The last vision had been nothing like this. Her center was so hot and wet, pulsing around him with every beat of her heart. Had this been the real thing, he supposed he would have been anxious at the possibility of leaving her unfulfilled, but all he could concentrate on was how good she felt ? so soft, so warm, made just for him?.In a violent burst of golden starlight, he came inside her, tearing a hoarse cry from his throat. Her eyes flew open and she gazed up at him with a gentle expression. He crushed his mouth to hers and expelled a final, quaking breath as sank into her. He closed his eyes, trying to dispel the feeling of forbidding darkness pulling at his muscles and tearing his flesh. He didn?t move from where he was, his body still pressing down on hers, her arms wrapped tightly around him as his curled beneath her shoulders.

He buried his face into the curve of her neck and words he didn?t know spilled from his lips in a steady stream ? pleading for her not to go, begging her to forgive him. ?I?m sorry?I didn?t want to??

Darkness slowly took him, removing all feeling, and severing her from his embrace. His exhausted brain vaguely resisted, struggling against the icy fog, but knowing that at any moment he?d lose the dream?

And come face to face with sunless, fatal reality once more.





The unearthly chorus of dying screams scorched his ears in a familiar tune - tormented anguish swelled within their once human cries, recognizable to one who knew their pain. The smell of death stifled his senses, tugging at his consciousness and threatening to plunge him into black, bottomless waters. With a guttural growl ripped from his soul, he jerked around, slicing the air with the giant heat lance to fend off the Doll?s counterattack.

Above the hellish melody, he could hear her voice.

?Heero!?

He bolted upright in the bed, eyes wide, his whole body shaking as sweat slid down his face in thin sheets. He blinked rapidly, trying to get his bearings. ?Relena?? The barely covered young woman in the bed beside him stirred.

A pair of arms wound around his quaking shoulders, her voice soothing at his pounding heart. ?Are you all right??

The room was cool and dark; there was no light save for the lamp next to his bedside. He squinted, straining to see her in the shadows. ?Is this?where am I?? He gulped deep, calming breaths, but his body convulsed again, doubling him over. Relena?s anxious arms caught him.

?We?re in my room,? she said, gathering him close. She tucked his sweat-dampened head under her chin. ?You?re safe, it?s okay. It was just a bad dream.? He felt her upper body sway in a gentle, rocking motion. He wanted to relax into her embrace, but he?d been here before?hadn?t he?

?Dream?? he rasped, clawing at the sheets wrapped loosely around her waist. ?How do I know this isn?t the dream and that I?ll wake up in Zero again?? His voice wavered in time with the shuddering of his body.

?Again?? She continued swaying - her mouth forming quiet shushing noises like a mother quieting a child. Clammy fingers traced a soothing line across his forehead. His hands clenched tighter around the flesh-warmed fabric.

?Every time it lets me be with you, I wake up on a battlefield?? Another tremor spasmed every muscle fiber in his body, jarring the girl from her peaceful rhythm. He felt her arms tighten their hold around his chest.

??hundreds of bodies littering the ground.? He sealed his eyes shut and swallowed back a sob. Rare tears filtered through thick lashes as he sought to gain control and block out the horrifying visions that were all too real. ?I don?t want to kill anymore.?

Relena drew away, climbing over his huddled form and placing her palms on either side of his face. ?Shhhh?. I promise, you won?t have to. I promise this is real.?

?This is real?? he choked out, shaking his head. ?But how do I know? I don?t know any more.? His eyes flicked upwards, only to be captured by her own.

?You just have to trust me,? she whispered, pressing her forehead against his. Soft fingers traced down the line of his cheek, and cupped his chin.

?And every day you wake up in my arms, you?ll know that this is real.?



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1 ? From the Blind Target manga/radio drama

2 ? Translated (by Cheryl (a 1xR fan) and Kayo (a 1x2 fan)) from the original Japanese dialogue of the Endless Waltz novelization, written by Katsuyuki Sumisawa, the script writer of the TV series, EW and Episode Zero.

[melodrama]

*runs in throwing flowers at Rose's feet*

Trowa, pass me my thesaurus would you? Thanks.

Okay..... fantastic, fabulous, excellant, terrific, great, superb, marvelous, brilliant, tremendous, awful...ack, no, drop that last one... all pretty darn good descriptions for this fic (well I think so, therefore it must be true!)

Thanks for yet another inspirational piece Rose! You are my fic Guru!!

[stefy]

Ok Rose, now I write in my language, then I?ll try to translate:
come ho gi? avuto modo di dirti, hai scritto un ottimo racconto.
In ogni sua parte, la storia si incastra perfettamente nella narrazione dell?originale sceneggiatura e, senza dubbio ? almeno da parte mia ? elevandone la qualit?.
In ?Lingering?? tutte le azioni dei protagonisti acquistano infatti significato, laddove nell?anime lo spettatore resta perplesso in quelle che talvolta possono essere considerate delle forzature o stereotipazioni dei personaggi.
Inoltre hai reso con arte il tormento della coscienza di Heero persa nell?inganno delle proprie fantasie.
Credo poi sia plausibile che in simili momenti il sistema di Wing 0 potesse servirsi dei desideri carnali del proprio pilota, considerando che quella sessuale ? una delle pulsioni pi? forti in un essere vivente e in grado quindi di suscitare reazioni di altrettanta intensit?.
Come sempre nei tuoi racconti, anche qui ? alta la qualit? della descrizione dei sentimenti profondi che legano H e R: l?amore e il desiderio tra i due ? reso senza mai cadere nel lezioso o nel banale.
Insomma, grande storia, ottima FF!!
Uhmmm, and now HOW I?ll translate ALL this thing??? HEEELLLLPPP!!
Well, of course I have to sum up briefly:
I LOVE the way you have created such GOOD story driving it into the original script of the anime.
GREAT PLOT, GREAT STORY, GREAT FF !!!
And please, forgive me if I am not able to translate all my babbling: I need a LOT of time for do it?
I hope that you understand at least some things or that somebody help me? CIAO!

[Tsukiyo]

I finally got to reading this fic. and it was definitly very interesting. i don't really know how to describe it, but i liked how you wrote ZERO combining reality and fantasy to the point where i was just as lost as Heero as to what was really happening. And i also really liked the dimensions that Wing Zero and Epyon took. And the ending. I really liked the ending.

~Tsukiyo

[Desert Bloom]

VERY beautiful! I loved it. You hve a wonderful way with words, really, I just can't imagine how you do it...it gets so hard after a while to make a sentence just right, and yet you deliver every single time. Every single word, every single letter is in its perfect spot and would seem shameful elsewhere. You truly have a way with words, and hey, the plots not bad either...hell, it's GREAT!