Hopelessness Chapter 1/? (Final Fantasy IX)

[Iesu]

Another fic that has been burried under FF.net... Hope that you all enjoy it... It's based on Final Fantasy Nine, a year or so after the end game...

Chapter one- I Was Just A Soldier

I was just a soldier.
I became one only a month before the Princess? kidnapping, or to some, the Princess? escape. I stared to the skies as she swung from roof to balcony, a smile upon her lips. I just shook my head and shrugged, she probably wished this, and I for one was not to be concerned with such matters.
Because I was just a soldier.
The only reason I joined this idiotic job was because of her. In the fields, as I tilled the soils for the season?s plantation, I caught a glimpse of her as she walked upon the streets, parading around her were guards, armed to the teeth. I could only hide my stare under my buri hat, though I could never pull away my gaze. I remained silent as she paused her movements, turning to look around herself. A cough accidentally escaped my lips, her head darting slowly towards my direction as she caught me gazing upon her, a smile upon her lips as she nodded towards me. My breath held still, I tried to nod back, but my head couldn?t move an inch. The next day, I entered the palace with my father?s blessing.
And so I became a soldier.
Training was quick. War was not expected so until then, I was only taught minor procedures, a crude technique with the sword, and a lot of marching and patrolling exercises. I wasn?t the best at any of them, nor was I good. I just did fine, adequately enough. I was never the best soldier nor was I a good soldier.
I was just that? a soldier.
I remained as just another guard in the palace, though a man, bearing a stout visage because of his armor, added to my weapons training. I developed a more systematic sword skill, though it was just as before, adequate enough. Never did I excel, though I never failed. I was just that. I never stood out.
And my duties as a soldier began.
Patrolling the palisades, fending off wolves from the forests, guarding caravans from nothing, it was tedious, but someone had to do it. And I was tasked to do just that, at times alone, at times with others. Such is the way of the soldier nowadays; chasing hoodlums and making sure the nobles get what is due to them. In my duties, I was given the patrol upon the palisade with a window within her room. At best, I can only catch glimpses of her sleeping, before the senior guard down the wall would shout out and throw a rock at me, though taking care to hit just my armor. The Princess? would quickly stir awake, then look upon me with the gentlest smile yet still bore confusion. I could only turn away.
For I was just a soldier.
I had thought that this was an impossible situation. How would anyone like her ever notice someone like me? I was just a guard, not even a real, seasoned soldier, though they still termed us as that. I can only stare upon the horizon, the images of her replaying in my mind.
I was a soldier who never stood out.
I stared upon the destruction of Lindblum, upon the battle of Atomos and Alexander. The spirit was willing, but the body was not. I stood there, stunned upon the scenes of what was occurring, my sword held unsheathed, my heart racing, my breathing hard, all for nothing. I only stared from the palisades, upon the time I saw her upon the open field, crouching down and crying, the sound of Lindblum?s destruction was barely audible as I looked upon her, another person just by her. She took his hand, a heavy sigh escaping my lips. I was never seen; the darkness covered my form, though I saw that I can never be?
I stared helplessly.
I was silent, everyone was happy upon the Princess? coronation, though at the beginning, I was as well. I couldn?t shake the thought of how? lonely her expression was on this ceremony. I saw the other person, a jealous pang moving through me as he held her in his arms. I couldn?t shake my feelings off, trying to hold them back with only a little success. I never had a chance, and I knew that. Though I could never discard my feelings for her, though I became jealous, my heart and mind filled with a lonely hopelessness. I know I am just a soldier, and that I can only be with her truly in my dreams. Though I wonder why I could never rid myself of the thought of her, nor of the jealousy building up within me.
I was just a soldier? nothing more?

[Vampiric]

Oh, intriguing narrative. I like the way you did it--it almost reminds me of a song with the 'I was just a soldier.' The poor guy! I actually thought it was Steiner at first because I'm a dummy. But he's got it in for Beatrix, so..

Can't wait to see where this goes!

..maybe I should go beat Necron though, so I can see the ending. << >>