MOTHERS (1xR, a short Mother's Day fic)

[Calla Lily]

Disclaimer: I don?t know who originally wrote the e-mail, and Gundam Wing doesn?t belong to me either.
Summary: A silly little thing for all mothers out there, mothers-to-be, and to all those who were once kids, because let?s face it; at one time or another, we were all little rascals!!! [a Mother?s Day fic]
Rating: G


- - -
?Mothers?


Mrs. Darlian sat back in her favourite chair while she waited for her daughter to emerge from the kitchen. She was visiting for the weekend and wanted to know how Relena was faring with her new life.

?Here you are, mother.? The young woman had neglected to groom her hair properly and had the telltale traces of bags under her eyes. The elderly lady accepted the cup of coffee and secretly smiled to herself.

?Thank you, dear.? Relena held her own mug with both hands before plopping down on the couch with little grace. She raised the hot drink to her lips but put it down on the table instead. Crossing her arms and shaking her head, she asked,

?How did you do it?!?

?It?s really quite simple, Relena. I thought you would be able to handle it.? The girl just threw up her hands in exasperation.

?Not like this! How can anybody possibly prepare for this?? Even her husband had just as much trouble as her. If she was handling the situation badly, he was probably suffering the same amount, if not more.

?And how is he taking it??

?He swears his hairline is receding already.?

Mrs. Darlian laughed.

?All?s fair in love and motherhood, Relena, sweetheart. It?s payback time.?

~ * ~

Subject: Mothers
For all you Moms ? you Dads pay attention too.


1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
?If you?re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.?

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
?You better pray that will come out of the carpet.?

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
?If you don?t straighten up, I?m going to knock you into the middle of next week!?

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
?Because I said so, that?s why.?

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
?If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you?re not going to the store with me.?

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
?Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you?re in an accident.?

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
?Keep crying and I?ll give you something to cry about.?

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
?Shut your mouth and eat your supper.?

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
?Will you look at all that dirt on the back of your neck!?

~ * ~

?Mother, you are evil?? Relena began as she stopped briefly to drink her coffee.

?Don?t worry, dear, you?ll eventually get the hang of it.?

?Did you?? She checked the digital clock that stood on top of the television and it read 8:23 am. ?I?m worried that J.C?s fever is too high, I?ve done all the things you?ve told me to do and more??

?You get huffy over things too much.? Relena just raised an eyebrow.

?Hn.? And she picked up the paper again.

~ * ~

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
?You?ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.?

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
?This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.?

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
?If I told you once, I?ve told you a million times. Don?t exaggerate!?

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
?I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.?

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.
?Stop acting like your father!?

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
?There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don?t have wonderful parents like you do.?

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
?Just wait until we get home.?

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
?You are going to get it when you get home!?

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
?If you don?t stop crossing your eyes, they?re going to freeze that way.?

19. My mother taught me ESP.
?Put your sweater on; don?t you think I know when you are cold??

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
?When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don?t come running to me.?

~ * ~

?Well, dear, I?m heading off to the convenience store to buy some more cough medicine for J.C. Do you want anything else??

?Advil, please. And make that two bottles.?

Mrs. Darlian shut the door laughing.

~ * ~

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
?If you don?t eat your vegetables, you?ll never grow up.?

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
?You?re just like your father.?

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
?Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn??

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
?When you get to be my age, you?ll understand.?

25. My mother taught me JUSTICE.
?One day you?ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!?

~ * ~

Relena just finished reading the letter with her mouth hanging open, realizing that she had probably done all those things when she was a child, herself. (Curse you mother!) Downing the rest of her black coffee, she rinsed the mug out and put it in the dishwasher.

? M?ning.? Someone mumbled from behind her. Her husband has just gotten up and with just one glance at the frizzy hair and rumpled pajamas; he didn?t get much sleep either.

?Read this.? And she handed him the paper as she began to set up the table for breakfast.

?Hn,? he grunted as he read the article with incredible speed, ?your mom gave this to you??

?Yeah.? Heero threw the paper onto the table and helped with the cooking. ?We?ll have to call Dorothy and tell her we can?t make it to the dinner tonight.? Relena sighed.

?Thank god, I need a night off.?

?How does she do it, with ten kids??

?You tell me.?

?Hn.? And while the frying pan was sizzling on the stove, Heero put his arms around Relena and mumbled into her hair, ?I?ve had a long night, kiss me??

?No.?

?Why not??

?I have dragon?s breath so you don?t want to kiss me.? She reasoned although she started to giggle when he began to nuzzle her neck.

?Please??

?No.?

?Relena?? and he turned her around, using his best puppy face to get her to submit into his whims; he?d have to thank Duo for teaching him that. ?Relena, please?? he whimpered like a lost dog and she bit her lip.

?Okay then?? Relena stood on tiptoe as Heero bent his head in anticipation.

?MOMMY! DADDY! J.C. PUKED ALL OVER THE BED AGAIN!!!!?


- - -

[illiterate]

Hee he! that was good 'specialy the end. Something like that actually happend with my family and me except I was the one puking not my little brother and I didn't exactly puke in the bed more like the wall next to my poor parents. Projectile vomite can be a dangerous thing!

[Morrighan]

*snickers* So cute!! I'll definitely keep that in mind when the time comes!!

[bookworm]

*sing-song voice*

Someone's sick........

*contemplates*

That reminds me of when I was a kid...

[Raspberry]

Cute. Just CUTE. Poor Heero and Relena... Now they have to clean all mess Story was very humorus, especially lines with MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME Hhahaahahaha!

[White Witch]

Haha, lol! That was so funny... and so TRUE! I'm sending the lines to my mom... anyways, good job on the humor! Keep writing! ^_^

[Calla Lily]

Ooh! Thanks everybody for those replies! *huggles and throws brownies to all*
Yeah, Heero and Relena have got a bit of a problem with their kids.
Taking care of fevers and regurgitated food is always unpleasant.
[highly sarcastic voice]
"CAN'T WAIT UNTIL IT HAPPENS TO ME!!!"

Oh crud muffin... my mother is giving me looks... *cringe*

Projectile vomite can be a dangerous thing!

*laughs insanely* How true, illiterate, how perfectly true!

[Raspberry]

Well...I'm 14, so I won't have children so soon

[Calla Lily]

Well...I'm 14, so I won't have children so soon

[pats Raspberry on the back]
"Be glad, my dear. Treasure your youth. Be VERY glad..."

[White Witch]

My friend should really see this. She just says when she sees a little kid at school, "oh, I wanna have a baby!".