Goshinboku

[Astrael]

Yeah, I'm new, but not to the whole fanfiction thing. This is my first posted InuYasha fic (I write 'em and forget 'em). But this is one of my favorites, and it isn't fully typed from the atrocious hand-written copy. But I'd love some feedback, so yeah... This is a strange ficclet here, I never mention names exactly, but if you are a true fan of IY you'll get it. And so I'll let you read it and judge for yourself. Oh yeah, I don't own InuYasha, or the song by Staind. Have fun!

Goshinboku...

She sat, staring up at the Goshinboku's large limbs, softly sighing above her. The sweet summer air swirled around her, lifting her black hair from her tired face.The stars, she knew, were winking and shining up there in the blackness beyond the great tree; but she couldn't see them. Just as she felt they couldn't see her. Something so pure should never be subjugated to grace something so tainted, so clouded by misery.
It seeped into her being, effortlessly clinging to her every fibre. The cool breeze softly sighed through the branches once more, creating almost a rythmic beating. Almost like the Goshinboku's heart, purposefully sounding to help her melencholy cloud dissipate. But all it did was help further her desent into her mental cage of hopelessness and fear.
The lines on her face seemed so deeply creased, so anguished and painfully etched into her otherwisely soft and beautiful face. She appeared much more aged than all of her seventeen years. She let out a simple sigh as she felt the harshly gnarled and oh, so comforting feel of the Goshinboku's bark. She smelt the soft summer night, feeling somewhat reassured.
Yes, she was really there. In the place she was, in her time as the others had deemed it. A tear escaped her eyes as she thought of them.
"They must miss me. Its been almost what, a week? He still hasn't..." She stopped to swallow the sob she felt coming. "Come for me," She finished quietly. The only ones to hear, she knew, were Goshinboku, the leaves, and the wind.
It was late. Later than it should be. And yet so early, for the sun was still sunk well below the peaceful horizon. The goshinboku's heart thrummed softly in her ears, and the sigh of the wind, the chirps of the crickets... She felt it in her soul. The night. The hour... The pain.
He hadn't come for her. But by what right did she have, thinking he wanted to see her? He had stood there, eyes unwaivering. Unblinking he had bored into her very core, fingering the one place she had kept to herself. The one place she wanted him, and yet kept oh so well away from him. He had seen through her barriers, picked away the walls and rusted the locks and chains. He had nudged open the tiny crack and she had felt it to her core. She had felt it deep in her soul.
It hit a chord deep and mournful. Much like the Goshinboku's heart beat.
Her hand had fluttered to the place of the dreaded ache, and had quickly dropped to her side. No need to prove to him that he had hurt her so very deeply. That he had played a tune in her soul that none had yet dared to think of in her purity of soul.
"I'm sorry... But I have to protect her... I need her, and she needs me..." He had whispered. And yet in the quiet of the grove that night, his lips were unmoving, his gaze, unwaivering. It was she who broke the celestial silence that surrounded the two.
"I..." She turned as she felt their presence. They were coming, and she could not let him see her with them. He would bark a scorning chord as they fell; furious, sad confused... Hurt.

They littered the ground, staining the soft earth with their lust for pain. Their cries of emotion. She ran, cajoling the forest grove to swallow her whole; body, soul, and heart. Hiding her from prying eyes, from the distant melodies that played to comfort her.
She had stifled them now, as she approached her doom. Her saving grace, her curse. She looked back to where she knew him to be, before she entered the wound of time; hurtling dangerously into the ground of a different era. None save them and him could find her here. The others with him were unable to fill the the ghastly void as she and he could. The ones to whom she gently filed to would not be here for long to control her feelings.
No, they would leave in a few hours for that festival of colors, sounds, tastes...
They found her though. They caught up with her as she stumbled on the step. She fell in an ungraceful heap, feeling all inhibitions leave as she chocked upon her growing pains. Her heart wreching, soul-searing sobs punctuated the quiet roar of the city around her. The muffled quiet of the past was a distant figure, the now was filled with constant noise.
But ah, tonight.
Tonight the world held a special awe, a purposeful feeling she couldn't help but feel herself. Tonight was her night. The one that was hers alone. And alone as she was, she still felt the happiness of the strumming of the tree's chord of heart. She leaned back and sighed as a song lifted itself from her heart. Her acheing, broken, defiled heart. The pulsing beat of Goshinboku helped her to breath the mournful verses to what she thought was an empty courtyard.
"Your words are just a whisper, Your face is so unclear; I try to pay attention...Your words just dissapear..."
The wind's mournful sigh took up as the next few verses were wrought from trembling lips.
"Cause it's always raining in my head...Oh oh, Forget all the things I should have said..."
A heartfelt sigh.
"So I speak to you in riddles cause my words get in my way...I spoke the whole thing to my hand, and watched it wash away..."
She held out her hand. So calloused from her practice. Was her soul calloused too, from practice with him... The practice of secrecy?
"Cause I can't take anymore of this, I want to come apart... And dig myself a little hole... Inside your preciouse heart."
The sighs came again, like wind after the rain.
They came again, tormenting her as she poured out the rest of her broken soul into the heart that she knew was dying.
"Cause it's always raining in my head... Oh oh... Forget all the things I should have said..."
A small sob escaped her careful blocks.
"I am nothing but a little girl inside; Who cries out for attention, yet I always try hide..."
She sobbed again, but started singing once more; a determined look set into her brow. She knew none could hear, but she could pretend. Pretend that he heard... That he cared...
"Cause I talk to you like children, though I don't know how I feel... But I know I'll do the right thing..."
She waivered a bit, knowing that she was admitting to herself something she didn't want to do.
"...If the right thing isn't feel oh oh..."
The wind sighed again, softer this time, matching the rythym of the Goshinboku; as if to tell her that mother earth and Goshinboku knew that she was broken. That she was a lost lamb, in search of a wolf -- or really a dog -- that could put her down mercifully.
"Cause it's always raining in my head, oh oh... Forget all the things I should have said..."
She sighed; a peice of a once whole doll, a priceless piece of a collection, that now would never be quite complete. They wound their way past her etched cheeks, past anguished lips, off of the trembling chin... Down, down. down... To land upon the hard packed earth she sat upon. Sinking into the ground and leaving no mark. "Much like me I suppose. I'll be gone and some will know that, yes, I was there. But there won't be any proof. Gone, just like they are."


Well, there you have it, the second half will be up soonly.

[kyoki]

*cries* Poor Kaggy... "All by myself....Don't wanna be all by myself..."

You have my attention on this one! Please update soon.

[Lara Winner]

*sniffs* Damn that was sad... I hope the second part is a little happier. But if it isn't it really doesn't matter because this is a very good story anyhow.

:-?

[Astrael]

Thank you! I am happy that pople like my stuff. Happiness abounds!!

[Little Green Miko]

Ah! so sad! ::sniffs:: I hope in the next half it gets better too...