Fallen Souls 10/25 by Cassandra

[paxbanana]

Fallen

Chapter 10



The sun had set and it felt like they had been sitting in the dark room for hours. But it couldn?t have been so long. The moonlight came through her light curtains, a pool of light on the floor. And there had been nothing but silence between them for the entire time.

Inuyasha lifted his head again, Tetsusaiga resting against him where he sat beside Kagome?s bed. And Kagome sat with her legs tucked under her, several feet away, at the foot of the bed but seated on the floor. She was still staring at the floor, her arms wrapped around herself, and she still trembled slightly.

Before her, in her sight, lay the Shikon no Tama in a pool of moonlight all its own, as if sacred.

Inuyasha inhaled soundlessly, opening his mouth to say something, anything, but then, as she pulled her gaze from the jewel painfully he thought against it.

And so they sat in silence still.





?I see her face.?

Inuyasha?s head snapped up as she whispered it, faintly in the moonlit room. He stared at her and she had her face turned away, nearly invisible in the darkness.

?Always her face?? she uttered and she lifted a trembling hand to her hair, fighting to smooth it in a casual gesture.

He had half a mind to go to her and smooth her hair for her. But he remained where he was, instead merely staring at her, at her shaking hands, and noticing yet again that she had turned entirely away from the jewel resting at her feet. ?Whose face?? he asked, feeling as if he spoke too loudly.

She turned her head a bit toward him at his question and she wrapped her arms even more tightly around herself. But she did not answer his question, her eyes focusing on something close to him. He stared at her, wishing she could just speak, but she did not.

The silence in the room was deafening. He couldn?t stand it.

Inuyasha looked toward the window, his face pinched. ?You?re going further,? he whispered.

Kagome frowned faintly and she lifted her eyes to him.

The hanyou shook his head almost imperceptibly, his eyes downcast, his face turned to the moonlight. ?There are times when I feel you and I are so close. And then there are times when I can?t touch you at all, you?re so far away.?

Kagome stared at him wordlessly.

With a sigh Inuyasha turned his head back once more, readjusting Tetsusaiga against his shoulder. ?The day that youkai attacked you, I felt a coldness?in my heart. A strange coldness. I?ve never felt anything like it.?

The youkai. Again. It seems every time something is wrong with me that you don?t understand, you automatically think it has to do with that youkai?

The voice came unbidden, her own voice, inside her head. She gazed at Inuyasha, at the way the moonlight couldn?t seem to reach him, casting him in such dark shadow. How sad he seemed.

?But you were all right after. And I was happy.? And he met her eyes then, cold amber glittering in the shadow. Making him look dangerous. ?But you?re not all right, are you??

She felt a shiver pass through her, gazing into his eyes.

I haven?t been all right for so long. I feel such anger, and such fear. And such responsibility to the jewel, it?s so much?

?You don?t even look like yourself anymore. Your skin is pale. Your eyes?they?re almost dead. And you?re so quiet, always wanting to be off by yourself. Crying-?

And I see her everywhere I look. Her face. And it never mattered so much before because you and I were together. Even though you told me once that nothing could ever happen between us, because you felt like you owed her. You felt you would betray her memory. And instead, you betray mine-

?And the nightmares. That?s what they are, that?s what you woke up from when I came to you. You?d been gone for so long-?

And I can?t even tell the difference between dream and reality. I think I?m living in the world but the world can never be as beautiful as my dreams. It can only be as ugly as my nightmares.

?We all worried because you were gone and days passed, into weeks even. It?s why I came, to see if you were all right-?

For all I know this is another dream. I?m sitting here with you and it could just be another dream. But no, this is reality, because you aren?t holding me in your arms and telling me I?m the one you love-

?This is reality?? she whispered.

Inuyasha was silent for a moment. And then, ?What??

It was my fault. From the beginning. The well, the Shikon no Tama inside me. Setting you free. Falling in love with you when you were never even mine to have-

She closed her eyes tightly, the voice so painful in her head.

?Kagome.?

She was right. When you were making love to her, she was right. It?s all my fault. I would have saved myself so much trouble, so much heartache?

She lifted her hands to head, closing them into fists, and she tried to muffle the voice in her head. Silence it, even though it was right. She didn?t want it to be right. She didn?t want to see it for what it was, what the voice told her it was.

There was a soft rustling close by that she ignored.

Now everything is wrong. The whole world is wrong. For letting me travel through time to see you, for putting you in my path but not allowing me to reach you. For allowing there to be a way to revive a dead priestess, and for allowing me to have her soul. We have the same soul! Why can?t you look at me and see me as the woman you loved? And why can?t you use my name instead of hers when you look at my face?

His clawed hands gripped her wrists tightly and he forced her hands from her face, shaking her furiously. ?Kagome!?

Why is it so cruel?

He shook her again, snarling at her. ?Enough! Look at me! Just me! And listen to what I?m saying to you!?

She opened her eyes into slits to see his angry face, his flashing amber eyes. And she was only reminded of her first nightmare, when he had violated her, all in her name. She stared, tears rising and blurring his image, but he seemed unfazed, his claws digging into her wrists.

?Listen to me and see me! For once, see me!? he shouted.

Yes.

She gazed at him, wincing as he shook her, as he yelled at her. And she said, ?But it?s the other way around??

He paused for a moment, confusion on his face.

See me?

?What is wrong with you?? he demanded, teeth gleaming in the moonlight. He rose to his feet, dragging her struggling figure with him and as she got to her feet he shook her again, as if to shake sense into her. ?You?re going to wither away and die at this rate, is that what you want? Don?t you care at all??

I?ve cared too much up to this point?

She bowed her head, hiding her face in her hair, and he merely stared at her for a small moment, his eyes wide. And then, with a heart wrenching breath, he pulled her close, embracing her to his chest. She found herself crushed to him, her head against his collar, and his scent hovering around her. And it was the most beautiful feeling in the world, to be embraced by him. She hesitated momentarily, feeling his arms enveloping her and with a sniffled sob she took hold of his haori, taking fistfuls and pulling him to her just as tightly.

?It?s too much for you,? he whispered sadly against her hair, his breath warm. ?It should never have fallen to you. And it?s better if the Shikon no Tama was never put together again. The world won?t be any better with it in shards but it can?t get worse either.?

Kagome listened to his words vibrate inside, into her. That soft growl he always had underlying his voice.

?And, if it remains in shards?there will be no other reason for you to be in my time.?

What?

She stilled in his embrace, her eyes coming open against his chest.

He didn?t say anything else for a long while, seemingly content to run his claws through her hair and hold her to him. She watched the hand move, smoothing her hair to the ends and then lifting to start at her crown once more.

?You?don?t want me to come back,? she murmured, her voice muffled.

He sighed, his hand slowing. ?That isn?t it, Kagome,? he said to her.

Hesitantly, she pulled her head away from him, noticing he allowed her but his arm did not leave her waist from where it had wound around, nor did his hand release a lock of her thick hair. His amber eyes were mournful but firm, his face solemn as she looked into it. She looked from one slit iris to the other, her own dark eyes apprehensive. ?Then what is it?? she asked him.

I don?t want to hear this?

He gazed at her, inhaling. And his clawed hand allowed her hair to slip through his fingers as he brought them close to her face. ?I can?t have you there anymore,? he said quietly. And she went to speak, her eyes widening, but he shushed her gently, his fingers dropping to her mouth. ?I thought I could always protect you, Kagome. I thought I could always be there to save you, but I know differently now. I can?t be there always. And seeing you, like this, makes me believe it even more.?

She stared at him, feeling a coldness inside.

?To have you return would only make?whatever this is, even more powerful. But if you stay here and return to the life you had before, in time you will forget. You?ll live your life again, with no fear of ever being attacked by a youkai. No fear of not being able to sense a Shikon no kakera. You?ll have your life again the way it was-?

?I don?t want it!? she cried, cutting him off. ?I don?t want to go back to the life I had before I met you! I want to stay with you-?

I?ve always wanted to stay with you. It?s just that you?ve never wanted to stay with me.

He shook his head at her as she spoke, his amber eyes dropping away.

?And I won?t! I won?t go back to the way it was, I can?t! And you can?t make me, Inuyasha. No matter how hard you try. No matter what you do!? And as he continued to shake his head she paused uncertainly only for a moment before taking his face in her hands and pulling him to her. His eyes widened for a split second and then she was kissing him, her mouth pressed to his intimately.

The kiss was awkward at first, Inuyasha stiff in her embrace. She held him almost frantically, wishing him to understand what she wanted, what she was trying to get through to him. And then, slowly, he exhaled against her and his hands lifted to her face, her neck, the same way she held him. Her heart saddened as she saw the two of them for what they were. Two lonely people clinging to each other almost desperately. But she didn?t want him to see it the same way. She didn?t want him to ever be lonely again, not the way he had been growing up. So lonely.

His mouth broke from hers for a moment, his forehead pressing to hers as he exhaled tremulously. She opened her eyes slightly, her vision blurred and his own eyes were closed, his breathing a bit too rapid.

Is this?real?

Inuyasha lifted his face once more, and she was sure the gesture had been to pull away but his mouth came too close and she raised her face as well, meeting his lips again, hearing a groan escape him breathlessly.

I?m scared. I?m scared, I?m scared, I?m scared?

Her lips parted under his and he was wary, hesitant, in reaching to taste her with his tongue. She stood still, unmoving, as the tip of his tongue passed over her bottom lip, as he kissed her just a bit more hungrily. His hand floated back to her face, his clawed fingers pressing to her cheek and jaw lightly, and he tilted her head back a bit to deepen the kiss.

This is real. This is real. Isn?t it? Please, let this be real?

His other hand lifted and wound around her waist, urging her closer to him, his arm lean and strong against the small of her back. She found herself arching backward over his arm, one hand to his chest, the other clinging to his shoulder tremulously. And his breath was warm against her skin, his mouth parting from hers only to come and claim her once more in a caress that was even more frenetic than the last. She was sure she didn?t understand what was going on. She had never been kissed, much less kissed like this before. And the only other time she had kissed anyone it had been him but she had scared him just as much as she had been scared herself. But now, now he seemed as desperate as she was, desperate for that one kiss and then for the next, and another before having to break. This was not the time for words, not as she felt his hand open achingly against the base of her spine, the hand on her cheek becoming possessive. A whimper broke from her as his tongue brushed hers, as he fought for more of her. One more taste.

Her lips were freed for a moment as he broke his kiss, his mouth trailing away from hers, his teeth nipping at her sensitive skin playfully. She faltered for a moment, caught in his embrace, and she whispered softly, ?Inuyasha??

He responded with a low growl directly in her ear, and her knees melted under her as his tongue passed over her pulse, his mouth hot against the skin of her neck.

See me. See me. See me?

Her hands lifted to his haori and she hesitated, halfway through pulling it loose from his lean frame. He stayed her hands, instead taking them in his and pressing them to his chest, to his heart where it pounded fiercely. And she listened to it, matched it to her own for it beat just as intensely. But it wasn?t enough, it wouldn?t be enough to keep him. It never was.

She pulled her hands away, pulling his with hers, and she placed them at her waist, urging him to take hold of her shirt. And she felt him stiffen, breathing hoarsely in her ear as he pulled his head back a bit. She turned her face to his, insistent, using her hands to guide his, and slowly her shirt was pulled free of her skirt.

It was then that he pulled away, his shoulders heaving, his hands taking a firm hold of her wrists and staying them. ?Kagome, matte-?

She shook her head, panic welling inside of her.

Don?t say no, don?t say no. Please, no-

He lifted his head, taking one deep breath to calm his racing heart and he finally looked at her, his gaze half wondrous, half tender. All words seemed to have left him as he continued to stare at her, his tongue passing over his lips, and she found her eyes drawn to them as he did so.

You?re beautiful.

She closed her eyes and leaned into him once more. And he took the same moment to take a single step back, away from her and out of her embrace. She found herself staggering a bit, caught off guard, and his eyes were apologetic as she looked into them once more in confusion.

?N?nani??

He shook his head slowly at her. ?We can?t do this?? he whispered to her and in the silence of the night it was almost too loud.

Kagome felt her heart drop out from under her.

No. You don?t want to do this?

?There are so many things?and this isn?t?we can?t-?

There?s only one thing and her name is Kikyo.

?It isn?t right, especially not right now. Not with everything being the way it is and not with you being like this??

It won?t ever be right, especially not between you and I?

?If I start this now, I won?t let go and I have to let go. I can?t have you by my side suffering, withering away-?

Getting in the way...

His eyes were so soft as he spoke to her and she only realized then that she hadn?t actually paid him any attention. Every sentence that had fallen from his lips had been rearranged, twisted by the voice in her head. Even then, as he continued to murmur to her, all she saw was the movement of his lips but she heard nothing through the din of white noise.

?And I?m realizing now, slowly, that I was right from the beginning. You and I aren?t here for each other. We shouldn?t be here at all, not in the same time much less the same room,? he whispered and his hand rose to her face as he spoke, his skin soft against hers. ?I was right when I said that you should stay here and live your life. This whole?? he searched for the word as he motioned around the room, motioned to the both of them, ?thing only proves it-?

She grimaced as he spoke, feeling pain deep inside. ?Why are you saying this?? she asked faintly.

He straightened, his face firm yet sorrowful. ?Because? I?m right. In this, I?m right-?

?Chigai!? she cried frantically and she took hold of his haori, pulling him and trying to make him understand. ?Inuyasha, you?re wrong! Please, I can?t go back to what I lived before, I can?t! Too much has happened and I can?t go back-?

He shook his head still, his eyes closing.

?Inuyasha!? she shouted even though he stood before her silently. A bit of anger rose in her as she understood that his mind was made up, that he had made up his mind for the both of them. ?You can?t decide this for me! You can?t decide what kind of life I lead, what kind of life I choose to lead! If I decide I?m going back with you then I?m going back. And you can?t stop it from-?

He pulled away from her suddenly, making her break off in mid-sentence, and she caught only a glimpse of him as he moved, as he stooped beside the bed. And then he rose and he held the Shikon no Tama in his hand, his face dark.

She stared at him, feeling that coldness she had felt inside before suddenly swirl into an icy uprising. ?Inuyasha-?

Wordlessly he closed his fingers around it and he darted passed her, a sudden blur of red and silver.

?Inuyasha!? she cried, her shout going hoarse as he hesitated by the window.

He looked at her, one foot up on the windowsill. And he had his head bowed to his fist, his expression pained. ?No matter how you remember it, Kagome?? he said softly, his voice faint in the night, ?know that I did it for you.?

And he pushed himself off, out the window into the moonlight. With a cry she threw herself at the window, her heart in her throat.

He?s going to trap me here. He?s going to trap me here! And he?s going to go back to her! With the Shikon no Tama!

?Inuyasha!? she shrieked, stopping at the window and watching him as he flew down to the ground, as he sprang forth lithely, heading for the shrine. The well. Frantically, she pulled away from the window and went to her closet, shoving open the doors and reaching inside blindly. Her hand closed around a wooden shaft and she yanked, pulling out exactly what she needed. And she returned to the window, shouting, ?Inuyasha, yamero!?

He floated down to a stop and whirled, his fist clenched at his side and his eyes widened as he saw the bow and arrow in her hand, her firm stance.

She aimed.

Just say it. It?s easier, especially if he tries to run. Osuwari. Osuwari, osuwari, osuwari!

He stared at her, a small cool breeze lifting his silver hair as he gazed at her from so far away. And she stared back, aiming down the arrow, aiming for his heart.

Familiar, Inuyasha? You?ll be seeing down the shaft of this arrow before you leave me trapped here. Before I allow you to go back to her-

With a pained look he turned away and walked up the stairs of the shrine. As if waiting for her arrow to strike him. Her eyes widened, her grip tightening on the bow, but he still walked, his fire rat haori floating behind his lean frame.

Don?t. Don?t go. Don?t go! Don?t leave me! Not for her!

And then he was inside the shrine and she hadn?t shot off the arrow. She stared, her frame trembling, and she hadn?t shot off the arrow. And now he was gone, forever.

Itsumo?







?What have you done?? Sango asked, her eyes wide as Inuyasha held out the Shikon no Tama on his palm. Beside her, Miroku winced and sat up gingerly, his chest swathed with bandages.

Kaede rose slowly from where she had been kneeling and her face was firm but downhearted as she looked at the shard pieces illuminated by the fire. With a sigh she turned her face away, long red skirt dragging as she walked back across the wood floor to where Miroku was heaving wearily.

?Is it permanent this time?? she asked in her scratchy voice.

Inuyasha nodded wordlessly.

And Shippo leaped to his feet with a sudden outburst of sound. ?No! Now why? What happened this time??

?Shippo-? Sango said quietly.

?You always get mad at her! And you already did this once!? the Kitsune shouted angrily, red hair sticking up, his small fists clenched. ?Just go back and apologize! She won?t be mad at you-?

?I?m not going back for her!? Inuyasha snarled at him, effectively shutting him up. He glared, a dangerous rumble running through his frame as the small fox demon returned the anger. ?She?s staying in her time and that?s final!?

Sango looked downhearted, Miroku slowly rising and coming forward to stand beside her. ?Was it, at least, an amicable parting?? he questioned quietly.

Inuyasha glared for a moment longer at the fox demon before turning his back on the group, his frame stiff. ?No, it was not?? he replied just as softly. And without another word he left the small room, long silver hair floating.

[Kaili Charmer]

that was so sad!! and i STILL don't know what's going on!!! is that reasonable??? Because seriously, i don't know. I don't know what kinda drugs kagome is on, i don't know what inuyasha is thinking... well, he's a lil easier to understand, but STILL!!! I STILL don't know!!! FWAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! i wanna know...i can't take the apprehension...

[Winged~Trinity]

omg that's sad!!!! still i want more plz!!! it good!

[zipdos]

I'm also confuse but in a good way!!! It's keeping me on edge and I want moooorre!!!!!! I hope he goes back to her

[nRv_8903]

I think i am the only not confused
And oh yes, plz write more soon this is like the best story ever

well I'm off
lylas