Euphoria 1/?

[ebullience]

Euphoria
by ebullience

Disclaimer: I don't own Cowboy Bebop and its characters do not belong to me.




**

Tell me whom you love and I will tell you who you are. -Houssaye

Her eyes glinted in the darkness of the hotel room and she took out a pack of cigarettes from the jacket she had discarded before. She lighted one, and watched it burn, the acrid scent masking the musk that had been there earlier. She took a long drag from it and thought of Spike. It had been almost a month since she had left, and she wondered if he had ever gone looking for her. Probably not. She blew the smoke out in a steady stream and she realized slowly that she would have to quit. She sighed briefly; it would be a hard habit to break. But she could do it.

A soft snore came from the man laying next to her. Her red lips tilted and she smiled wryly - it had been a while since she had fallen asleep. The black-eyed demons that haunted her in dreams had become unendurable. Insomnia, she discovered, was a far better thing than it was made out to be. His deep rumbling came steadily, and her eyes scrutinized him. Had there been a reason she had chosen him from all the others who wanted her? He looked so different from Spike's dark, wild hair and uncaring eyes. In her mind, Faye had never thought of Spike as handsome - his face looked too tragic for that, but it was that quality she loved. The man was handsome, she decided, and admired the wave of blonde hair and high cheekbones. The eyes that had roamed over her form hours before had been greener than hers. Pity he was a man.

It had been hardly difficult to get him into bed - with her outfit, a coy smile, and a fluttering of eyelashes, she could get whatever she wanted. But getting what she wanted wasn't the reason she chose to be who she was. She needed to belong. She needed to be stared at, to be noticed, so that she would know that she was really there. If others could see her, she wouldn't disappear. If others could notice her, she wasn't alone. Sometimes she wondered what people thought of her when they saw her walking down the street. Not that she was vain enough to care what they thought. Let them think what they will had been her silent motto ever since her awakening. But on the rare occasions she wasn't strong enough to keep her composure, the cat-calls and the whispers behind her back wounded her more than she let herself believe.

There was no clock in the small room, and no light was let in. Behind the tightly closed curtains, she could feel the time passing and her thoughts drifted back to Spike again, as they always did. The familiar mist that glazed over her eyes betrayed her feelings for him. She had given up on her short-lived promise of not thinking about him. It is futile not to think of the one you love. Her hand absently wandered to her still-flat stomach, carressing it, reassuring herself that there was somebody who would be with her always. She would never be alone again. Lonliness was terrifying.

She had never planned on staying on the Bebop. The more she grew to love Spike, the harder it became. She knew that he would never love anyone but the ghost of his past lover; but before Faye had left, she took a part of him with her. Basically, she had seduced him - had challenged him to a drinking contest and led him to her room. It wasn't love, and she knew it. But it was all she would ever have, and she accepted it for what it was. Accepted that he had called out the wrong name in their passion. The next day she had left.

Faye dressed then, careful not to wake the slumbering man, a skill she was not sure she wanted. She felt she was always leaving things behind. She tossed a quick glance at the cracked mirror hanging crookedly on the yellowed wall. Still beautiful, she mused. With one hand, she quickly brushed through her short black hair, smiled, and left, closing the door gently behind her. It creaked slightly and the man's arm unconsciously reached for where she had been. She wondered if the man would feel as she did the times she woke up alone.

**

"You have to eat, Spike," Jet insisted, and was ignored again. Spike was frustrated and more than a little scared. He had been searching for Faye after she had been missing for a week, with no luck. With each passing day, he ate less and his anxiety became more apparent.

"Where the hell could she be?" His tone was dark and angry. Mostly because he believed it was his fault she had left. He had taken advantage of her, as far as he was concerned, and she had left because she was frightened. Of him. And partly because the pain that ached inside of him told him that his eternal love for Julia might be fading.

Jet shook his head, unclear of the events that had occurred between them, and set the food on a nearby table. "She'll be back soon, I'm sure of it. She wouldn't just leave without an explanation. Besides, she can take care of herself. She's probably trying to catch a bounty alone right now."

A pause.

"You don't know what happened."

"No, I dont," said Jet, "but whatever it was, you'd better fix it." He left then, in swift strides, leaving Spike with his thoughts.

He didn't know how he felt about Faye - perhaps he never would. But he couldn't explain the uncontrollable feeling of hurt when he had woken the next morning to an empty bed. Nor could he explain the irrepressible tightening of his heart that had blossomed there after his attempts of finding her failed. He couldn't believe that they had slept together. It had always seemed so unlikely in his mind. It had been unreal. She had been as he had always imagined her to be - soft and white.

But that didn't mean he loved her.

The only one he would ever love was Julia - the woman who haunted his dreams and his days. She still held him close to her, even more tightly after her death. He remembered Faye's hair lightening to blonde, and her green eyes changing colour. She was a part of him, forever. She was a dream that he would never let go of. Because, for a long while, she had been all he needed and ever wanted.

Faye was...different. They would argue and fight - he would get angry at her, annoyed to the point of rage. But he knew however irritated he got at her, he would never hurt her, because she was important. Sometimes they would banter back and forth - playful teasing hidden in harsh words and remarks. Those were the times his thoughts of Julia grew dimmer. Faye was real.

Spike came to the realization quickly, and startled himself. He'd apologize to her the next time he saw her - it would be unbearable to see the smug look on her face, but at least he could see her. His heart beat slowed to a calm pace as he thought of their next meeting.

Spike hadn't expected how long that would be.









A.N. This is a bit different from the one I posted at fanfiction.net. When I write something, I can't stop changing it. *finger twitches* ^___^. I've never actually seen Cowboy Bebop, I was suddenly inspired and this is what I came up with, so I'm sorry if the characters do weird things they never do. 0.o.
Here are more quotes! =)

- Women wish to be loved not because they are pretty, or good, or well bred, or graceful, or intelligent, but because they are themselves. Henri Frederic Amiel

- There is love of course. And then there's life, its enemy.
Jean Anouilh

[pilot03]

I liked the story very much. It was pretty good for someone who hasn't seen the series. I recommend seeing it and continueing the story after that.

[Kanya Barton]

Wow, this is preeeeety good for someone who hasn't seen the series yet. You are probably in the same situation that I am in. I can't buy the series and I don't feel up to staying up late at night to watch it so I'm screwed. I've seen a little bit of it, but I can only watch it during the summer when I don't have to worry about waking up in the morning.
Anyways, this is a great story so far and I can't wait to read the next chapter! So...HURRY IT UP! LoL...just kidding. Take your time and make sure that the next one is just as good as this chapter!
Peace out!

[seiketsu]

yay!!! Awesomeness!!!! I love it!!! keep up the good work!!!! I'll be awaiting your next post!

[Rose of Betrayal]

Wow. That was infinitely a good idea for a story, and an excellent beginning. Keep it up, plizz!


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[Perfect Soldier]

I really enjoyed that, I hope you get the nex one up soon. I just can't wait.

Zero