alive

[criminal wreckchords]

AN: this is suppose to be an exercise where you use repitition to express...well...umm...i'm still not quite sure what the assignment was, but it's done.




The mantra pounds your brain. There is only life and death. Other thoughts filter around it, through it, like a symphany. Hers or yours. You know you have to make a choice. There is only life and death.

It's raining. The scenerio is simple.

There is only life and death. The want fills you. Adrenaline pumps. It's not what you do in a situation like that, it's that you do something at all. There is only life and death. You move and you move and you move. It's not fast enough. You're never fast enough. You know it, knew it before you began. You always know it. There is only life and death. It only fuels you. Harder your heart beats. Faster your mind works. More your body needs. There is only life and death. It's an internal ache manifested by your every motion. You reach and you reach. It's always there beyond your grasp. There is only life and death. You fight it. You have to be stronger. You cannot fail. Failure is not an option. Failure means death. And you can't live without her. There is only life and death. In a normal state you would dismiss the eccentric notion from your mind, but not here, now, where everything is real whether you want it to be or not. There is only life and death. Everything is different. Because here knows all of your memories. Here knows all of your fears. There is only life and death. Here knows you can't beat it. There is only life and death. Here is Zero.

You close your eyes tight. There is only life and death. You can't hide from it. You can't choose another path. There is only life or death. Hers or yours. You know you have to make the choice. There is only life and death.

It's raining. The scenerio is simple.

You open your eyes. Your body is in the cockpit, but your mind is locked inside the machine. Choose. There is only life and death. Choose. There is only life and death. Choose! Yellow-golden light blinds your eyes.

Her body rocks against yours in sweet agony and you try to breathe as she's whisperng your name in the darkness, her legs wrapped in yours and you're filled with pleasure beyond your imagining. You cry out in the dream, in the real world, in everywhere. It rains harder. CHOOSE! There is only life and death.

The scenerio is not so simple when you know the only path you can choose is not going to work. It rains harder. It stops.

"Heero?" You open your eyes to her voice, but she's not there. You're inside Zero and the lack of gravity is changing. You look down at the small droplets of water at your feet that's collected. The rain. Zero is drifting and the water still moves. A drop hits your lip. You look up and realize it's not a leak. It's your tears. Zero's movements toss the drops around.

"HEERO! Pull UP!" Duo's voice registers in you mind. You look at the screen. The visuals are off, the comm link practically destroyed, but you understand. Earth's gravity is too strong. You're being pulled down. Into her world. Into her. There is only life and death. The screen is beeping out the most probable course of decent. There is only life and death.
"Heero! Can you hear me? Pull up!" His voice is frantic. He knows the suit is too shot to make it through re-entry in working order. There is only life and death.

"Death comes for us all, Duo." Your voice is your own. You don't realize you spoke. Your grip on the controls pulls slightly and you arch your body in mimicry of the suit, your head thrown back as you fall.
"Heero! No!" The cry rings through the air, but you can't hear it.

"Heero?" her voice asks as her hands play with your chest. You keep your eyes closed though you know she's looking at you.
"Hn." You're listening.
"Do you believe in god?" She liked having spiritual conversations after sex. You always thought it was because she felt guilty after being with you. You never understood it was because she wanted to be with you forever.
"No."
"Why?"
"There is only life and death. Today I'm alive. Tomorrow I'll be alive. Ten years from now I may still be alive, but the only solid thing I can be sure of is that one day I'll be dead. And whether or not I believe in god doesn't change that fact."
"Don't you worry about it? Spending you life? Doing all the things you really want?"
"The best way to live your life is to act on your emotions because in the end you're only answering to yourself anyway."
"Heero. I love you." You frown, even with your eyes closed. You don't understand. It's not the concept that confuses you. It's that you don't know the feeling. You've never experienced it.

Not until the moment she died. There is only life and death. And that was the moment you realized that you had never understood love not because you had never experienced it, but because that was the only way you had ever felt about her. There is only life and death. It was only when she lay limp in your arms that you realized what she was, everything she was to you. She was love. She was your life. There is only life and death.

"I couldn't give you my life, Relena. But I will give you my death."

The impact breaks your ribs and legs, bruising everything, but you stay conscious as the water begins to flood in and mix with your lingering tears. Duo's own sobs are muffled as the board short-circuits. You inhale the water as it fills the compartment and your bleeding lungs. It hurts, the water, making the pain real. You can feel it as it fills you. Your mind feels fuzzy and it's hard to focus. There is only life and death. The pain fades away and your body feels like it's floating. All you know is endless blue. You open your eyes and drown in the endless blue of her eyes.

"I love you too, Relena." She kisses you then and pulls you back under the sheets.

There is only life and death.





.

[Kari]

Phew!! Such a story I have never read. Such powerfull words.
:o

[illiterate]

Wow!

[AngelOfDeath]

::twitch::

Mmph.

::twitch::

I feel so sad and empty now. Empathy is a bitch sometimes.

Beautiful work.

[GundamVixen]

Woah!

That was really good!

repetition, good.

Woah!

*claps*

[lilac310]

very sad...

..good job

[Kaili Charmer]

well that was angst in pure repetitive form...but i LIKED it! How weird...

[rain2cry]

Wow....I love this story so much. It's sad, true, but very deep and meaningful.

[Chlo?]

That blew my mind. Seriously. Sad, but awesome all the same.

[dragonlady9]

Beautiful...