ALWAYS (Angst/R)

[Andrea]

Always
By Andrea Sinisterra
Angst

AU: Hello people. A short little fic. A sad one for a change. Please review, I ask you humbly... no, actually, I PLEAD you humbly. LOL.


* * *

This romeo is bleeding
But you can't see his blood
It's nothing but some feelings
That this old dog kicked up


The pouring rain outside her windows pounded with force against the crystal panes, lightning contrasting the cold raindrops that flooded the earth. Such a dark day. Just like her thoughts.


It's been raining since you left me
Now I'm drowning in the flood
You see I've always been a fighter
But without you I give up


It's been nine years of raindrops-- nine years of solace. Nine years since he died. She always wondered if he had ever been happy... if he had been happy when he was with her-- the short time he got to spend with her. She had been happy, deliriously happy, actually.

A smile tugged her lips. Even after so many years, she could still remember how it felt to have his arms around her. The times he snuck into her bedroom, sliding under the covers, seeking warmth; how she used to press her cold toes against his always warm skin; her cold fingertips, running over the smooth muscles of his chest and abdomen; the softness of his hair tickling her nose when he leaned down to give her her goodnight kiss.

She sighed.


Now I can't sing a love song
Like the way it's meant to be
Well, I guess I'm not that good anymore
But baby, that's just me


A tear slid down her cheek, her fingers playing with the band of gold on one of them. He was planning to propose the day he was murdered. Yes, murdered, not killed. Anyway, it still hurt, didn't matter how, the bottomline was that he was ripped away her, from her arms, when three bullets made contact with his body... three bullets meant for her.

Apparently, he had seen the shooter aiming at her. She remembered clearly being shoved behind him, his fingers bruising her arms as he held her. His arms aiming and shooting with perfect accuracy, but not able to evade the retaliation. His body had fallen backwards, heavy as lead, pushing them down to the pavement.

The people had gathered around them, blocking the sun and the frantic bodies of the preventers. Her first reaction had been to press firm hands on the two bullets wounds on his chest, trying to stop the flood of blood. His hand dropped the gun, and reached for his pocket, a velvet white box in his bloodied fingers had rendered her numb.


Now your pictures that you left behind
Are just memories of a different life
Some that made us laugh, some that made us cry
One that made you have to say goodbye
What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair
To touch your lips, to hold you near
When you say your prayers try to understand
I've made mistakes, I'm just a man


She hadn't cried. Not when he coughed blood, or when his eyelids turned heavy on him... not even when he said he loved her. Because trully, honestly, she had been certain he was going to survive. He wasn't supposed to die. He was supposed to take her out to dinner that night, woo her and ask her to marry him, there, in front of everyone. She was supposed to cry and launch herself into his arms... they were still supposed to do many things... surely he couldn't die yet.


If you told me to cry for you
I could
If you told me to die for you
I would
Take a look at my face
There's no price I won't pay
To say these words to you


But... he had died. And she had cried. She hadn't wanted him to see her cry. A soft smile touched her lips. She remembered accepting his ring, smiling down at him when she returned her vow of love. And then, he had brought her face down for a kiss. He didn't close his eyes, and neither did she. They had kissed tenderly, in front of everyone, looking into each other's eyes... for the last time.... His lips had stilled against hers. And she knew he was gone, but she couldn't seem to take her lips from his.

Her hand reached for the gun and had pressed the cold metal against her temple, smiling down at him.


Well, there ain't no luck
In these loaded dice
But baby if you give me just one more try
We can pack up our old dreams
And our old lives
We'll find a place where the sun still shines


She hadn't had any luck. Someone had snatched the weapon from her cold fingers, at the same time as the paramedics lifted his cold heavy body onto a stretcher.

There were two things in her life that she would remember forever: a song he had dedicated to her when they were sixteen and his eyes, the last time she had seen them, they had seemed so much deeper and bluer than ever before.


And I will love you, baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always


A sound at the corner of her room caught her attention, and she smiled when she saw her daughter-- *their* daughter walk forward and embrace her, her head of chestnut locks resting on her shoulder.

Relena looked down at her daughter's deep blue eyes-- the same eyes her father had.


I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and
The words don't rhyme


You see, Heero? See how beautiful our daughter is? She has your eyes and your hair. Oh god, love... how much longer do I have to wait? I don't think I have enough strength left; I know I want to be with you... but I swear when I look at her, and I see those big blue eyes looking at me with so many questions, it makes me feel alive... it's exhilarating this feeling of parenthood. Oh, how I wish you were alive so she could meet you; let her see how wonderful a father you would have been... Oh, Heero, why did you have to die!? Don't you see how much I need you? How much I still love you? I am being strong. Everyday, I wake up and reach to your side of the bed, but you're never there. Why do you haunt me in my dreams? It's ironic and contradictory, really: Wanting you so much to be alive and still hating you for leaving me... I just wish... I don't know what I wish for... I'm just so tired of fighting alone, you know? I guess I just wanted to thank you for saving my life that day, because you also saved our daughter's life. You gave her life. I just wanted you to know that. And for that I'll be forever grateful. There are not several days, but several eternities still left before I can be by your side... I, someday, one day, after our daughter grows and gets to know completely what wonderful parents she had, what a beautiful and loving existence she has, when that day comes, I shall give up and cease the fight. But only after an eternity with my daughter.

After that, my love, I'm all yours.


I know when I die, you'll be on my mind
And I'll love you - Always



**Song by Bon Jovi.

[raine_yuy]

wahhhhhh!!!
and i thought i was angsty! that's so funny coz the song you've chosen is the one i've been listening to for days. i love it.
wonderful work. i hope to see more.

[shadowcat]

my feelings

sad...yes
about to cry...yes again
crying.....yes
can't find tissue.....right again
eyes blury and can't see what i am typing...YES
too sad to contuinue....yes

-shadow
Great story!!

[Melville's Best Friend]

That....was great...*blows nose 'cause she's crying*

I love a good angst sometimes. *weary smile*
Very good, there, you. Keep up the good work!!!!

[WhiteWindRRose]

sniff sniff
life just throws a curb ball like that
sniff sniff
great fic.
sniff
angsty! gotta love it.

[melrose_stormhaven]

God, that's soo sad.
Great fic.
now if only I could stop crying.
*blows nose*

[Andrea]

Well, I used to hate this fic, I was very depressed when I wrote it. But, I got an e-mail from someone back from FFnet, SO, I decided to edit it a little and fix some things...

Lol, imagine that I NEVER thanked those BEAUTIFUL people who reviewed this story... Thank you.

[AngelOfDeath]

::gurgles and weeps::

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo




Now I HAVE to write something happy tonight before my heart just caves in.......

[Morrighan]

So sad, yet so beautiful. That's how I would describe this piece.

Beautiful job, Andrea!! Never doubt your own abilities!

[lilac310]

.....I know I've read this before somewhere but I gotta read it again....so here i go....crying my ass off in utter awe....it's wonderfully written...Keep it up!