Something I Didn't Say

[Oyuki]

Disclaimer: I don?t own Mobile Suit Gundam Wing. The song, ?Was it Something I Didn?t Say? belongs to 98? and Motown and to whoever else was involved in the making of it. I don?t make money. Don?t sue.

AN: My first GW fic EVER! I?m so very proud of this one. Yeah. I?ve been told it was in character so I?m very proud of it. A big huge thanks to Zapenstap for editing. THANK YOU! Oh, not all the lyrics of the song appeared. Only the ones that I thought portrayed Heeros? emotions.

Something I Didn?t Say

He had never been one to frequent these places. He didn?t know what he was doing here. It was pointless. He didn?t even drink, but here he was in a bar called "Tootsie?s" in a small town called Crockett in the middle of nowhere. It really wasn?t his scene. It was smelly, and his eyes stung from the smoke in the room. The bartender approached him.

"What can I get you son?"

He thought for a moment. He really didn?t know what to order so he said the first thing that popped into his head, "Tequila shot." He smirked a little, smug with this absurdity.

The bartender smiled slightly and said, "Isn?t that a bit strong for you, son?"

He looked at the bartender and gave him on of his infamous death glares (TM).

"All right, son. I?ll get you your tequila," he said as he walked away smiling.

He waited for the bartender to bring him his drink. Then he thought of her. He hated thinking of her. He loved her, but thinking of her made him hurt. It reminded him that his heart was broken, that he would never be able to fit the pieces back together. It made him think of things that were pleasant, but the memories were bittersweet, more bitter than sweet.

Spending another night alone

"Relena." He sighed her name. The bartender came back and placed a shot glass in front of him. Heero watched as the tequila was poured into the shot glass from the bottle, along with a sliced lime. The bartender lingered there for a moment. "Thanks," Heero murmured, hoping that this bartender wasn?t? like the ones in those corny movies. You know, the ones that listen to your problems and suddenly shine a light in your dark world. The bartender walked away to help another customer. Good, he wouldn?t bother him. He thought back to happier times. Times spent with her...

He remembered the last time he had been her date at a party. She had looked beautiful in her white silk gown. She?d had her hair pulled away from her face with a diamond studded head band, her hair in little ringlets bobbing around her cheeks. He had not seen her for four years, yet her memory burned brightly, like the sun in his heart and mind. That night she?d told him she loved him, that she couldn?t live without him. And he?d told her that he was her body guard, that his job was to protect her. She had looked down and walked to where her brother was standing, but not before he saw the disappointment in her blue eyes. He really didn?t see her need to tell him she loved him every five minutes. He already knew, for God?s sake!

I should have told you how I felt

Instead I kept it to myself

He didn't know what to do with the tequila, but he took a sip from the shot glass. It was disgusting. He swallowed the rest and then bit into the lime. Better.

The next few days after his encounter with Relena were more of the same. She found every opportunity to try and persuade him to tell her he loved her, but he wouldn?t budge.

All those times, all those nights when I had the chance to

He always kept her at arm?s length. He wouldn?t let her get close. He kept the wall around his heart for what seemed like an eternity to her. Until one day, six months after the encounter...

"Do you love me?" she had asked one day out of the blue raising her head from a pile of paperwork she had been working on.

Always assumed that you?d be there

"Please tell me. Now," her voice shook a little with the words. "There?s no one around, nobody will hear you. I?ll even pretend that you didn?t say it if you want, but please tell me you love me!" Relena pleaded with him. She had sounded desperate, but he hadn?t paid any attention to her desperation. He had simply made a noise in the back of his throat and continued reading.

Couldn?t foresee the day you?d ever be leaving me

She?d hung her head in defeat and continued with her paperwork. How he wished he had listened to her!

The Peacecraft family was having a party, but this time he wasn?t going as Relena?s date, only as her bodyguard. All the rich, aristocratic families and allies had been invited. People from all over the world and the colonies. Even the Gundam pilots had been invited. Relena had worn an off-white silk dress that complimented her creamy skin. Silk. She always wore silk; silk was what a real princess wore. She had looked radiant. He remembered how he had sat at his table with all of his friends and their girlfriends and how everyone had admired her.

I guess you never had a clue, till it was too late

You walked away

There was no woman who could compare to her. He knew, in that instant, that he loved her. That he wanted to be with her forever. He would tell her so tonight. He was finally going to say the words she?d longed to hear for such a long time.

The words were in my heart

Minutes after his realization, Milliardo had gotten up to the podium and asked for everyone?s attention. "Ladies and gentlemen, My sister, Relena, and I have asked you here tonight for a very important announcement." Milliardo looked at Relena, who was smiling brightly at him. "Two weeks ago, Quatre approached me with a request, and in response I said to him, ?It?s up to my sister, Quatre.? So, we patiently waited, and my sister gave her response last night. So, ladies and gentlemen, tonight I?m proud to announce the engagement of my little sister, Relena Peacecraft, and Quatre Raberba Winner..."

They went unspoken

He closed his eyes at the pain the memory brought back. He had stopped listening after that. He felt like someone had punched him, that the air had been knocked out of his lungs; he couldn?t breathe.

Baby now my silent heart, is a heart that?s broken

He had cried that night, and the Perfect Soldier never cried. So, now here he was, in a bar with an empty shot glass, and he ordered another.

Four years ago, that had been four years ago. He hadn?t seen her since. He had left, had known that he would not be needed anymore because Quatre was an ex-Gundam pilot too and could take care of her. Afterward, he knew why she had been so desperate in her pleas. She had given her agreement about the engagement to Zechs when she had left her study.

Should?ve let you know, you?re the one I need near me

He didn?t know why he was thinking about this now. It had been four years ago, but he couldn?t forget her. He had even gone to the wedding, but he?d stood silently in the back. Just watching.

But I never let you hear me


He took another shot.

Something I didn?t say

The End.

My very, very, very first fic! Please be nice to me for this one!

[shadowcat]

its a very, very, very good first fic!! the song fit perfectly!!

He had cried that night, and the Perfect Soldier never cried

that bit made me bit my lip to resist crying along with Heero!!

i was hoping for a good 1xR ending but i think your ending makes the whole fic piece together.
again, very good first attempt Oyuki! i expect to see more of your work here, got that

-Shadow

[lilac310]

Poor Heero!

Good job!!!

[AngelOfDeath]

So sad!

It was your first fic and you couldn't let them be together? :-?

Well, I'm sure the next few will be just as nice but maybe end a little happier, ne?

Good job.

[bookworm]

I agree w/ AoD. It is so sad. U made me feel sad. See -->

But that is how I felt when I read it. Angsty stuff, that one. Don't be sad about this. This IS a great fic. It just made me sad. I hope you keep on writing. Don't give up hope. K?

[Oyuki]

shadowcat,

Thank you! The song is just so depressing and their relationship is just too... too... I just coudln't let them be together!

Thanks again! Sorry if I made you sad! Well, actually no I'm not. My fic worked!

[Oyuki]

lilac310,

Thank you! Yes, poor Hee-chan. I know, but it had to be done. I had to do it.

[Oyuki]

AngelOfDeath,

*dodges object thrown by AoD*

sorry! the song is too sad to let them be together. my very first fic and it's all depressing and sad.

i'm glad you liked it though. i can't belive i actually got the guts to actually post this. it was written about... two or three years ago.

[Oyuki]

bookworm,

i'm sorry i made you sad. the fic made me sad too... but i'm glad you liked it.

[Morrighan]

This one nearly made me cry! Oyuki, you are SO good at writing angst!! You could give raine a run for her money!!

Wonderful job!!!