I Don't Know How to Say 'Goodbye'

[Melville's Best Friend]

I Don?t Know How to Say ?Goodbye?
by Melville?s Best Friend


I miss him so much.
I realize now how hard this battle was for him. I had never seen him so unwilling in his life. That?s a nice way to put it, I think, unwilling. It came to a point where he could not fight any more.
Not that I could blame him.
If it were any other person, they would have died long, long ago.

The leaves must turn.
The wind must blow.

Cancer is a horrible thing.
It can creep up on you worse than any mortal weapon.
Heero could fight those. Heero could fight it all.
He didn?t best cancer.
And I find I can?t best this feeling.

The heart must learn
When it?s time for the heart
To let go.


I wish, sometimes, that I was with him. I would tell him how much I miss him and how much he means to me. Means?How much he?he means?.
Present tense.
Right now, as I sit under the heavens, I feel I can talk to him.
He can here me, right?


But when I think of you,
The moon, and I?


The tears are falling again. I hate that. I feel so weak. I welcome them, though, as I remember his face.
His body.
His personality.
His touch.
His laugh.
His tears.
Him.


I don?t know how to say
?Goodbye?.


It?s been 5 years. Christian?s out on his first date tonight.
She?s pretty. I like her. I think you would like her, too, Heero.
She seems to like Christian a lot.


The world moves on
With no regret.


Christian has no idea how wonderful you were. He hardly remembers you. All the letters have stopped coming.
All the guys ever talk about is how I?M doing.
I tell them I?m great.
I could row a boat from her to Timbuktu.
But you can?t.


And though you?re gone,
There are feelings I?ll never forget.


Heero, I want you to remember what we had.
I want you to remember me, so that when I get to see you again, we can pick up right where we left off.
I remember spending long nights together.
I remember kisses that felt like fireworks.
I remember you laughing.
At my expence.
Because I had fallen on the ice.
I remember your touch, your breath, your eyes.
I remember it all.
I miss you so much.


So I?ll remember you.
And though I try,
I don?t know how to say
?Goodbye?.


I see our tree in the yard. You planted that when we first got married.
You always did love magnolia trees.
I can see our room form here. I haven?t touched anything since that day.
I?m still married, too.


The house we used to share
Still looks as if you?re there.
And I won?t change a single thing.
Not even the wedding ring I wear.


I miss you so much, Heero. It?s so bleak without you here. People never listen anymore.
Sometimes I think I should take your way of conversation, and threaten to shoot.
That would make people listen.
It?s getting dark. It?s only 4:37. That?s way too early.
I?m lucky I?m on earth.
It?s so much darker in space.


The evenings fall
Much harder now.


I?m not cold yet. I won?t get cold for another 30 minutes. I?m going to keep talking to you.
Can you hear me, Heero?
Do you miss me, too?
I?m being redundant, I know.
I bet your view of the stars is spectacular.
They?re too small here.
Nothing seems bright anymore.
Oh, I miss you.


The stars grow small,
And the moon seems so different somehow.


This won?t get me down, though. It hasn?t gotten me for five years. It won?t blow me away now.
Sometimes I feel you, and you?re so close.
I guess you must be busy now.
But, if you get the chance, look at the moon. It looks beautiful tonight.
Though it?s not complete.
Another night, and it?ll be full, then we can watch it together, just like we used to.
Together.


But every time I think of you,
The moon, and I,


Goodnight, Heero. I hope you sleep well. I?ll be dreaming of you tonight.
Every night.
I won?t stop until we?re together again.


Know you?re the only reason why.
I don?t know how to say
?Goodbye?


I walk through our glass door, and I hear you.
I feel your breath in the wind.
?I love you?.
I know, Heero.
And I love you, too.



Disclaimer: I don?t own the song or the Gundam Wing anime. Sometimes, though, I wish I did. Well! This, my friends, is what is called a REALLY BAD FIC. They are usually written by people who are stupid. I, apparently, am one of those people today. However, I had to write, and the song came up, and I was in a funky mood, so?Here is my crappy fic of the month. I shall write another soon. Oh, Heaven help you all, I hope I don?t. But, I posted this because I want you all to know that even someone that you think is good, sometimes isn?t. Later!!!!!
~Melville?s Best Friend

Did the itali-sization help, Wicked?

[Melville's Best Friend]

I'm going to reply to this because *laughs her head off at herself* it really is a bad fic. Split personallity time.

Kat:I, you know...Jut thought you should know.
MBF: Yeah, well, thanks, ho.
Kat: Excuse me?
MBF: You heard me, heffer.
Kat: I can shut you down b*%@$- so watch what you say.
MBF: Who's vulger now?
Kat: I am. So what.
MBF: You really think it's bad? *weep*
Kat: Yeah, but don't worry.
MBF: *sniffle*
Kat: I'm still around.
MBF: Oh that's the comfort I was looking for.
Kat: Good, 'cause I'm done.
MBF: Do you hate me now...Because I wrote badly?
Kat: No, but that WAS a bad fic. You'll redeem yourself.
MBF: No I won't. I'm in a funk.
Kat: What? What the $&#* is a 'funk'?
MBF: You're too young.
Kat: We're the same age, trick.
MBF: Yeah, well...It means I have writers block.
Kat: Uh huh. *totally not paying attention*
MBF: If you ever call me a trick again, I'll sick Heero on you.
Kat: That would be welcome.
MBF: He'll kill you.
Kat: I cannot be destroyed. I have the power of....Bob.
MBF: Bob can't do jack *^&#.
Kat: *calls Bob*
Bob: *wags tail*
Kat: Sick Melvy, Bobby.
MBF: Holy....
Bob: *growles*
MBF: You're only hurting yourself! OW!
Kat: No I'm not. He's no where near me. It's you he's after. I can manifest you out of my body.
MBF: Okay...okay...I give up.
Kat: Bob, go on and play.
Bob: *scampers off*
MBF: I hate you.
Kat: I know.
MBF: Oh well.

I know....how truly pathetic. However, I have no life...so there.

[wicked]

*sigh*

MBF,

Why do you think this is a bad fic? I found it to be rather beautiful and I'm not just saying that. It was very nicely done. A little confusing at first between Relena's thoughts and the lyrics but I figured it out (must be the hair dye).

Well done!

~Wicked

I'm still working on chapter 2!!!!!! Gah!

[Melville's Best Friend]

I freakin' italisized the stupid lyrics, and on here, it's freaky. I'll go and fix that.
Why thank you, Wicked. I'm glad you liked it. I'm suprised you liked it, but I'm glad. It's good to hear from ya!
~MBF