Just Like Heaven (For Miaka)

[raine_yuy]

<b>Disclaimer:</b> Standard.
<b>Title:</b> Just Like Heaven
<b>Pairing:</b> 1xR
<b>Rating:</b> PG 13
<b>Genre:</b> Romance/Angst/Drama
<b>Note:</b> I did it! Oh man, what a breakthrough! I've been having a hard time coming up with anything lately and the frustration was getting to me. Then my hero Miaka offers this wonderful challenge and...ta da! Darling, i owe you for this. Enjoy!






<center><b><i>Just Like Heaven</center></b></i>







She was there again, standing on the edge like a careless angel about to fall into the abyss. Just like I knew she would be. Just like I had hoped she would be. I closed my eyes and breathed in the scents of stormy clouds and raging sea. I opened them to watch her hair dance with sorrow upon the wind. It made me want to stay. It made me crave forever.

Her figure stilled, her back stiffened, as if sensing an intruding presence that did not belong in her world of all things solitary. I held my breath as she turned her head. Like the aimless sea, the orbs could not settle between the depth of blues and the transparency of greens. Those eyes reflected more of her than the smile that broke the spell of silence upon her ageless face.

She took a step forward to where I stood in frozen uncertainty. She took a step forward to me and away from the hungry sea.



<i>?Show me how you do that trick
The one that makes me scream,? she said
?The one that makes me laugh,? she said
And threw her arms around my neck.</i>



I held on, as if to let go was to slit my own throat and lay like a gutted fish amongst rocks and thorn flesh. So I held on, with the intention of never letting go. Her hair, spun like gold and smelled of all things pure, enveloped me in its warmth and length. And I tightened my arms around her, securing my hold.



<i>?Show me how you do it
And I promise you I promise that
I?ll run away with you
I?ll run away with you?</i>



I let my eyes close of its own accord as the embrace suddenly changed direction as if we were only riding the wind of emotions. Suddenly, I was not the one securing her in my arms but her arms protecting me from all things that could possibly do harm. And for once in my tempestuous existence, I laid my head upon her chest and surrendered myself.

Funny, how that moment reminded me of the legend of the unicorn and the maiden. Inside, resentment burned for one unforgivable moment. For in that story, I had felt sorry for the unicorn, trapped by his foolish love. But then one day, the maiden opened her arms and let the unicorn go, for she had loved him too much to take away its freedom. The unicorn ran off and celebrated his freedom, vowing never to be trapped by emotions the likes of which he had held for the maiden. And then, the unicorn realised what a fool he had been. Freedom had become an emptiness that rotted his soul and made him ache. Finally, he acknowledged that nothing else in the world could compare to the pleasure of being held by the maiden, nothing as tender as the touch of her skin, nothing as breathtaking as the perfect peace she had offered in the warmth of her arms and the gentleness of her gaze. So he went running back, begging for the chance to be with her once more.

I had lived the reality of the legend. And just like the unicorn, I edged closer into her warmth and grazed my head above her breast where the heartbeat confirmed that I lived.



<i>Spinning on that dizzy edge
I kissed her face and kissed her head
And dreamed of all the different ways I had
To make her glow</i>



The breeze shifted, her arms fell away, and I was left barren and unable to stand on unbalanced legs. My heart beat too loud in its attempt to escape. I knew her next words. I had heard them a thousand times when the shadows bound me to a soft bed of lace. A bed of bones and scented roses and the smell of sweat. And the faint trace of regret.



<i>?Why are you so far away?? she said
?Why won?t you ever know that I?m in love with you
That I?m in love with you?</i>



And my response became a tangled web of curses and violent urges. And sometimes I remained mute. The soldier of silence. The bearer of unforgivable things. Because even after all the things I went through with her, went through for her, my emotions were still locked within the cold place guarded by my soul. And even her cries were not enough to set them free. Even her joys were not enough to make me voice all the emotions that rotted within me.



<i>You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Strange as angels
Dancing in the deepest oceans
Twisting in the water
You?re just like a dream</i>



I knew that this is where she began to fade. Where her form took on the shapes of things unreal, almost broken. Her face wavered; her tears suspended between eyelashes and hung like a treasured pearl. And I felt my own at the back of my lids, burning a hole through my stomach to work its way up to my still beating heart. It would be over soon, I knew. And I would be helpless to act the will of my own. Here, in this strange place where the water hungered for flesh and the rocks thirsted for pain, my emotions ruled nothing.

She clasped a hand above her white breasts, as if holding her heart in place, in the very likely occurrence that her thin flesh may not be able to support its weight. And as If I had broken free of my own form and floated just beyond this fantasized tableau, I watched with horror as I held out a hand in a silent pleading for her to come close, to hold tight and never let go.

She smiled her elusive smile. The one that always reached across a distance to grab hold of my guts and tighten them. Regretful sorrow. Apologetic goodbye. Hauntingly familiar. Above all those emotions, one stood out to make me ache for a lifetime. In that smile she had managed to convey the words, <i>I love you</i>, and the forgiveness that extended with the fingertips that tried to reach my own.

Then the edge of the cliff grabbed her feet and swallowed her whole. In the blink of an eye. In one beat of a heart. In one release of strangled breath. The only woman to ever hold me in her arms vanished before I could heal enough to give voice to the joy of simply being with her. Love was such a fragile thing. It gave you life one moment, and it can just as suddenly take it away.

I struggled with lace that held me bound to her memory and fought my way out to reality.



<i>Daylight licked me into shape
I must have been asleep for days
And moving lips to breathe her name</i>



Sweat trickled down the back of my spine. Tears trailed down my unmarred cheeks. I could not remember a day when I did not cry. It seemed only natural to let it take its course and maybe it?ll drain itself out. And then finally, I would be too dry to shed anymore. My eyes adjusted to the dimness of the room, willing myself to find some balance, to not drown in the shadows that was her smile. I reached an arm to grope for a familiar object beside my pillow, hurting even more when I felt the softness that welcomed it. I held on to the stuffed toy that once lay in her embrace and brought it close to my face, inhaling little of what was left of her own scent. And like a child, I held on to it as if it can offer me comfort from the pain. As if it would offer me the forgiveness I was not meant to gain.

?Relena??



<i>I opened up my eyes
And found myself alone alone
Alone above a raging sea
That stole the only girl I loved
And drowned her deep inside of me</i>



Three years since the day she had been assassinated. Three years since the day I had walked away from her offer of love. Three years since she had asked me if I loved her. Three years since I had answered with a ?No??

Three years and still I dreamed of her. And wished I could have told her so.



<i>You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Just like heaven</i>



?I love you, Relena??






<center><font face="monotype corsiva"><font size=4><font color=red>Happy Birthday, MiakaMouse...</font></center>

[trekkiexb5]

<sniff-sniff!!>



WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!

Beautiful. simply beautiful.

[Morrighan]

So sad.... Truly a work of art.

Great job!

[paxbanana]

Why? Great work! I loved the use of language and tone to convey... Argh! English is starting to kill me!--Anyway, i loved it!

[Nausica?]

That was so full of emotion, it nearly made me choke from trying not to cry. Sad ending notwithstanding, it was beautifully written (as always).

How do you do it, Raine? How do you manage to amaze me every time?

* shakes head *

However you do it, I want to learn...

You're awesome ^__^

* muah *


- Naus

[Andrea]

Straight through my heart, Raine. Gosh, so beautiful, and emotional. The part about the maiden and the unicorn added magical and ethereal feelings to the fic. Excellent.

[miaka mouse]

wow raine... looks like bunnicula's been working overtime... this is so beautifully written i'm in awe... the reason i made this a challenge was because i didn't think i would be able to do it justice myself... but wow hun... every image you created was so perfect and so fitting.. you really gave words to the feelings that song evokes...

::sigh::

beautiful work ::

<?__)~

www.livejournal.com/~miakamouse

ps oh yeah to everyone else... the challenge has been moved to the 'contest' section for some reason so i put a link to the song there if u wanna hear it...

[lilac310]

OHHH....that was very touching!!!