In Medvias Res 2: Life of My Own

[Hitomi Lei]

Life of my Own
Living risky, never scared, wander
Closer to the edge
Nothing valued think no fear, always
Wondering why you?re here
All your purposes are gone, nothing?s
Right and nothing?s wrong
Nothing ventured, nothing gained
Feel no sorrow, feel no pain

Kiss me while I?m still alive
Kill me while I kiss the sky
Let me die on my own terms, let me
Live and let me learn
Now I?ll follow my own way, and I?ll
Live on to another damn day
Freedom carries sacrifice, remember
When this was my life

Looking forward, not behind
Everybody?s got to cross that line
Free me now to give me a place,
Keep me caged and free the beast
Falling faster, time goes by, fear is
Not seen through these eyes
What there was will never be, now
I?m blind and cannot see

Kiss me while I?m still alive
Kill me while I kiss the sky
Let me die on my own terms, let
Me live and let me learn
Now I?ll follow my own way, and I?ll
Live on to another damn day
Freedom carries sacrifice, remember
When this was my life

Kiss me while I?m still alive
Kill me while I kiss the sky
Let me die on my own terms, let
Me live and let me learn
Now I?ll follow my own way, and
I'll live on to another damn day
Freedom carries sacrifice,
Remember when this was my life

A faint blush of rose spread across the sky as the Sun began chasing the darkness of the Arabian night away. Slowly the stars reseeded back with the darkness as the first hot rays of the sun began to reflect off the sand. Nurse Relena Peacecraft lay on her small cot in the tent she shared with two other nurses. She was supposed to be sleeping, but the images of the soldier being blown to bits as he tried to help her consumed her thoughts. Relena sighed and turned over onto her back to stair at the off colored cloth that made up the top of the tent. She fancied that the brown mildewed water stain above her looked like a bird, and the one over Hilde?s trunk looked like a rabbit. Then Relena blinked, and the animals that had danced across the ceiling above her turned back into ugly brown stains; eternal reminders that if it were to rain, her pillow would get wet.
From out side the tent the sounds of heavy footsteps stopped in front of her tent flap. The silhouette that the sun cast onto the cloth told her that it wasn?t Quatre coming to check on her. Relena reached under her pillow for the small gun she kept there at all times. Mill had given it to her on the eve of her departure to the front. It was small and light, just right for her hand. Relena kept it under her pillow because it made her feel safe, and connected to her beloved brother. The tent opening moved slightly and Relena sat up and raised her gun. The flap moved more to the right and someone eased his head inside.

?Ya? know princess, I know it?s been a long time, but lets remember those pacifist ideals you used to preach about.? Relena quickly stuck the gun under her pillow again and stood up to hug Duo in the small confines of the tent.

?Dou!! God, what are you doing here? I thought you where in Jerusalem! Never mind that?just?are you okay?? Relena pulled away to look up into his smiling face. She noticed new scars and maybe a worry line or two, but other than that he was the same boy she had known in Burma.

?Well, well, what have we here? The ever so virtuous Relena Peacecraft is entertaining men in her room? What will people think?? Relena winced slightly and pulled away from Duo.

?I?m sorry Hilde, here let me introduce you to Duo Maxwell, a friend of mine from India.? Duo turned to see a petit dark haired woman with navy blue eyes shining with anger.

?Well, lover boy, I really don?t care who you are or where you came from. Your blocking my way to my cot, and I suggest that you move.? Duo raised his eyebrow at her tone. It had been a long time since he?d hear such outright sarcasm. Well, it had been since he?d last seen Relena?s sister Dorothy.

?Hey, he is not my lover!? Relena said in indignation. Hilde just rolled her eyes.

?Save me the drama Relena. I?ve just worked 3 shifts and I haven?t slept in about 34 hours.? Hilde pushed past Dou and Relena to collapse on her corner cot. Relena grabbed Duo?s arm to pull him out of the tent, but he just couldn?t pass up on the chance to say something to the slurry woman.

?Well, it was nice meeting you too, sour puss.? Hilde raised her head from the pillow just in time to see the tall man bow to her and back out of the tent. She smirked and reached for the heavy book of photos that Cathy loved so much.

?Uhm?Duo?you might not want to stand so close to the tent.? Relena warned him.

?Why do you say that princess?? Just as he asked a heavy book came flying out of the tent and smacked him right in the head.

?Bloody hell, woman that hurt!? Duo rubbed his head and glared at the tent opening.

?That?s Miss Sour Puss to you!? Came Hilde?s voice from inside the tent. Relena shook her head at Duo?s pained and bemused expression.

?I warned you.?

_________________

?So, I thought all was lost! They had me tied up and thrown over the back of a camel! I was so sure that those Arabs were taking me somewhere where no one would hear my screams as they tortured me! But was I ever wrong!!? Duo stopped to take a sip of his weak tea. Relena grinned at her friend from across the table. Duo made his capture funny as he retold it, but a certain aged quality in his eyes told her a different story.

?Well, these Arabs brought me to this woman who was dressed all in black. This woman tells me that the Turks are looking for me and she?s going to protect me! Can you imagine my surprise? This woman, this ARAB woman says she?s going to save my Jewish ass? In a matter of minutes her people had me dressed just like sheik and hiding among them. I lived there for two months before she thought it was safe for me to leave. I still don?t know her name.? Duo sat back thoughtfully. Relena looked down into the tea he had made for her. She remembered when her brother had told her the news of Dou?s capture. She had been so worried for him, now looking at the young man before her she had to wonder if things had gone as easy as he made them sound.

?Well, you know how I?m still on this planet, now it?s my turn. Why in the seven hell are you here of all places?? Duo?s voice had lost its laughter. He was dead serious as he leaned over the table in the mess hall. Relena squirmed a little in her seat.

?Well?I-I thought I?d be more useful here than on the Peacemillion.? She reached up to nervously tug at the sandy brown hair hanging from her lose bun. Duo noticed this sign that she was uncomfortable but he didn?t let up.

?Does Mill know where you are? Does he know that his 19 year old sister is trying to commit suicide??

?I am NOT trying to commit suicide Duo. I?m just needed here. And really, suicide? It?s not that bad here.? Relena tried to look him in the eye but could only stair at the bridge of his nose.

?You didn?t answer my question.? Duo wasn?t buying her evasion.

?I don?t see it as any of your business! Milliardo totally supports me.? Relena felt her anger rise up inside her. Duo had no right to leave for two years and then come tearing into her life, but if he noticed her anger he gave no indication of it.

?Does he know?? Duo asked again calmly.

?Oh alright! No, Milliardo thought I was going to be stationed in Abadan. He even thought that was too close, but I convinced him to just give me a gun. But Duo, if you tell Milliardo that I?m here he would only worry!! And Lu doesn?t need the added stress with the baby coming so soon!? Relena reached across the table and grabbed Duo?s sleeve. She was desperate for her secret to be kept.

?Do you know what you?re asking me? How am I supposed to sleep at night knowing you, of all people, are here?!? Duo ran his free hand through his hair in agitation. He could just imagine the beating Heero would give him when he found out that Relena was here.

?Quatre knows and he doesn?t tattle!? Relena declared hotly, ?I?m a grown woman and I can make my own choices!? She felt an angry blush come to her cheeks. Couldn?t he see that she was needed here? For the first time in her life she was really making a difference!

?Don?t you dare bring Quatre into this, Relena. He gave up a promising career as a doctor to follow you out to this hellhole. And all because you bullied him into not telling when he found out about your death wish! If your not worried about yourself, at least tell me you worry that he might be killed.? Duo leaned over his child hood friend and looked her straight in the eye. He knew his words were hurting her, but Relena had to be convinced to go back home. Relena rose jerkily. The bench she had been sitting on slowly tipped over and loudly hit the floor. A few people close by stopped talking and looked up.

?Quatre knew what he was getting in to. Probably better than I did.? She was looking down at the table using her bangs to hide her eyes. Her voice sounded?tired. ?I have to go on duty now, maybe I?ll see you later.? Relena left Duo standing there in the midst of the loud mess hall.

?Relena, why are you doing this? Why?? Duo sat back done and put his head in his palms. Around him he heard a few murmurs of ?Lovers Quarrel.?

?Well, that didn?t go so well did it?? Duo swallowed the last of his tea and smiled grimly. He looked over at some of his neighbors.

?Well gents, I?m going to go make out my will.? Several of them laughed at his joke although they didn?t know what it was about. Duo walked outside in the bright Arabian sunshine. He squinted up at the sun and rubbed the back of his head.

?Yep, the Major will be here tomorrow and I?ll most likely die.?


____________


Instead of heading directly to the Medical Tent, Relena detoured back to the smaller tent she shared with the others. Her head was pounding, either from the concussion she?d received the day before, or because of the conversation she?d had with Duo minutes ago. Relena reached up to rub softly at her temple.

?Maybe Duo?s right?No I can?t let myself think like that.?

As quietly as she could Relena opened the flap. Hilde was laying with her back to the opening so Relena assumed she was sleeping. Relena shook her head and smiled slightly. Yes, her fellow nurse was a bit prickly at times, but Relena enjoyed her company anyway. She sat down with a small sigh. In truth she didn?t have to go back to the hospital for about 30 minutes. She closed her eyes and lay back on the cot. It gave a loud squeak as she shifted her weight then was quiet.


?If I could just sleep for a few minutes this terrible headache will go way.? She tried to convince herself as she listened to Hilde?s even breathing from across the room. Sleep didn?t visit her as she had hoped, but memories did.

~Flashback~

The Egyptian sun peeked out from under dark storm clouds as a young woman made her way through the market place. She was trying to beat the rain that was fast approaching upon the horizon but the fat raindrop that landed on her nose told her she wasn?t going win this battle with nature. The wind picked up and the street venders started to yell back and forth to each other in rapid Egyptian. Relena ignored the hustle going on around her as she picked up her long skirts and walked as fast she could with all her purchase towards the safety of her awaiting vehicle.

?Ah?If I don?t get there soon I?m going to get drenched. If I take this alleyway it should bring me near Anwar and the car.? She mused to herself. She wasn?t worried that the alleyway was dark; thoughts of the darker side of human nature never crossed her mind. Relena turned into the darkness, ignoring the smell of refuse and rotten vegetables coming from the gutter. She picked her way gently throw the puddles of mud and other things. Out of the corner of her eye something moved.

?Was that a rat? No. I?m not going to think about rats. Of course there are no giant rats in this ally. No it?s just me here.? She kept on repeating this to herself, almost like a prayer, as she walked.

?You will tell me what I want to know.? The voice came from up ahead and sent a chill down Relena?s spine. The total lack of emotion in that voice made her feet stop responding to the messages her brain was sending them. Instead they moved her deeper into the shadows, where she hoped she was hidden from whom ever was up in front of her.

?What if I don?t know what you want?? The other voice was mocking.

?Then I?ll kill you.? Relena heard the unmistakable sound of a gun being cocked, ?Then I?ll just leave you here for the rats to feast on.? Relena swallowed with trouble.

?How do I leave without them seeing me now? And Lord did he say Rats? I want out of here now!?

?You can?t kill me, English scum! Because there is a small chance I have what you want, no?? Relena cringed at the arrogance in that voice. Didn?t he realize he was dealing with someone who meant business?

?I?m beginning to think I don?t need what you have as much as I thought. I mean, I can easily find out whom you sold those secrets to. I just thought it would be easier to find out from you.? The unknown mans voice had turned deadly cold.

?You never meant to let me live did you?? The others voice now had an element of fear. Relena got another chill when she heard the heartless reply.

?No.? The gunshot was barley heard over the sudden roll of thunder. Relena managed not to scream at the sound of a body hitting the ground with a sickening thud. That is until she felt something furry brush against her leg. She let out a muffled scream and vacated her hiding spot quickly. It wasn?t until strong hands clamped down upon her mouth and she heard a menacing voice in her ear that she knew she was in trouble.

?How long have you been standing there, madam??


?Not?Not l-l-long at all, I swear!? His hand loosened just enough for her to speak She had dropped her basket when he had grabbed her, and she absently wondered if the apples would be bruised.

?I think your lying to me.? That emotionless tone was back and Relena felt her knees tremble.

?No, no I didn?t hear anything. I didn?t see anything. When you shot him a rat?? Too late she realized her error.

?So you where lying weren?t you? I?ll have to kill you now.? His hand tightened around her mouth again when he said this so that she couldn?t scream. Relena felt the barrel of the gun press gently against the back of her head. Her eyes went wide and she started to struggle. The man grunted as she stepped on his foot and he swung her around to press her against the wall.

From the other end of the ally there was a shout and the sound of running feet. The man behind her swore and pulled her away from the wall.

?Come on. We have to get out of here.? Relena wanted to refuse, but he still had his gun pointed at her head.

From one darkened ally to another he pulled her. Relena soon lost all since of direction and time. All she was aware of was the pain in her arm where his hand gripped her. She tired not to stumble but it was nearly impossible. He slowed down for just a moment and listened.

?Okay, we?re going inside here. Don?t say a word or I?ll make sure it?s your last.? Relena barely nodded her head before she felt the gun being pulled away. In the dim light she could see his smirk.

?Good girl.? The man knocked a strange pattern on the stone door before it was jerked open inward. It was pitch black on the other side of that door but Relena didn?t have time to balk. Unseen hands griped and pulled at her clothes and hair she stifled a gasp and felt his grip tighten on her arm. Suddenly there was a small flicker of light as a candle was lit. Relena could now see vague images of the people and the room she was in. Her eyes widened a fraction as one of the men standing close to her grinned, his dark stained teeth gleamed in the half darkness and he licked his lips. Relena found herself moving closer to her capture?s back. He might have plans to kill her, but she didn?t think he?d molest her before that.

?What brings you here, English sir?? Relena could barely make out the words they were so heavily accented.

?I need to get to the Tarak Market.? He didn?t look at her as she moved closer to her side, but he did remove his hand from her arm. For a brief moment she thought he was giving her over to the mercies of the man beside her. He obviously thought the same thing because he reached for her. Her capture shot the greasy little man a glare that promised death and wrapped a possessive arm around her waist. She was pulled close to his side. Relena knew she shouldn?t feel so safe in his arms, but she did.

?Of course we would be happy to do this for you but our good friend Nefer was just, how should we say, killed by gunshot there. It would be unwise for you to go there.? Relena could feel the muscles in his chest tense. Then a strange thing happened. The Egyptian man started laughing. In was a bawdy, course laugh, but she could feel her capture relax.

?We, will I think, let you and your woman pass. Ay!? The little man who had been eyeing her with such evil intent moved to his master?s side. ?Take them where they wish to go.? Soon Relena was again stumbling through the darkness, but this time his touch was gentler.

~End Flashback~

Relena sighed at the memory of her first meeting with the major. When they had finally emerged out into the light the storm had passed. Without a word he had lead her to where her driver had parked the car. She never found out how he had known where it was parked. A week later her mother had hosted a dinner party for some of her father?s acquaintances. Relena had been very shocked to realize that the man bent over her hand was none other than her dark capture. Her breath had stuck in her throat at the smirk on his face. Benjamin Peacecraft had introduced them at that time. Major Heero Yuy, Cairo Police and British Intelligence. That had been the start of a whirlwind summer romance.

?I wish I?d never walked into that alleyway.? She sighed again and sat up. There was no point trying to sleep if the memories of that summer were going to plague her. Relena heard a rustle of covers and watched Hilde sit up in bed too.

?Look, I?m sorry if I embarrassed you.? Hilde spoke with out looking at Relena.

?What do you mean? What do I have to be embarrassed about?? Relena looked over at her friend with some confusion.

?Don?t make this harder than it already is, Lena. If your mad at me for the way I acted in front of lover boy then I?m sorry!? Hilde said the words through gritted teeth. Suddenly in dawned on Relena what the other nurse had been speaking about. Relena couldn?t help herself, she laughed aloud, although she tried to hide it behind her hands.

?You thought I was angry about that?? She was still trying to stifle her giggles.

?Well, you kept on sighing?I just thought?you know?? Hilde was actually blushing over the situation. Relena stopped laughing and sighed again.

?I wasn?t mad at you?I was just remembering?home.? She spoke softly. Hilde nodded her head in understanding. Relena shrugged her shoulders in an effort to throw off her melancholy mood.

?I think if you gave Duo a chance you?d really find you have a lot in common with him.? Relena mischievously told her friend.

?What do you mean? How could I possibly have anything in common with that over grown oaf?? Hilde raised a skeptical brow. Relena stood up and began to wash her face in what little luke-warm water was left in the basin. Hilde handed her a scrap of cloth to dry her face with impatience. Relena took her sweet time before she replied to the earlier question.

?For one thing, both of you are Jewish. Both of you are stationed out here. Both of you like coffee??

?Okay, okay, but if you ask me, it sounded as if you were grasping as straws there.? Hilde pointed out. Relena just smiled and grabbed her nurse?s cap.

?I?m going on duty now. Try to get some sleep, okay?? Hilde nodded her head and waved at the departing girl.

?So, lover boy?s a Jew huh? Never would have thought it. Maybe I?ll look him up next time I?m off duty.? Hilde thought to herself right before she drifted off into a dreamless wonderland.

___________

The next day Captain Winner and Nurse Peacecraft were making their way toward the mess tent for the noon meal. It mattered little that it was well after noon and that all the meal would consist of was ?Crawford?s Stew?. The thought of the rancid stuff named after the infamous Major General made Relena?s stomach clench. There was no wind today. The heat of the destert was like a living thing intent on suffocating all who opposed it?s will by walking in the day light. But as hot as it was outside, inside the tents was like the seventh hell. The smell of decay inside the hospital tent was enough to turn even the most hardend soldiers stomach upside down. In all truth Relena didn?t feel like eating at all, but Quatre had looked so worried that she had complied with his wishes.

?I don?t see how you can even think of eating in this heat Quatre, really.? Relena tried to sway her friend again. She pulled off her hat and used it?s wide brim as a fan to move some of the stale air.

?We have to eat to keep our strength up. And anyway, you wouldn?t want me to face a bowel of Crawford?s Stew alone would you?? Quatre looked over at her with his most pleading of expressions. As children Relena had never been able to say no to this look. She was too soft hearted. Relena carefully avoided looking at Quatre?s face.

?I?ll not fall for that look this time Quatre. I?ll go with you but I?m not going to eat.? Relena informed him firmly. Quatre looked pained for a moment, but shrugged his shoulders and kept walking. Relena went back to fanning herself with a small smile of victory.
On the horizon a large cloud of dust was beginning to form. Relena blinked. For a moment she had thought it a hilutionation brought on by the heat. She paused in her walking and looked over at Quatre.

?Do you see that?? She pointed toward the low hanging brown cloud. Quatre squinted up at the cloud in puzzlement then revelation dawned on his face.

?There was supposed to be a Deligation coming from India to see Major General Crawford, but I never expected it to get here so soon.? Relena absently placed her hat back on her head. This was news to her and Relena couldn?t decide if it was good news. She didn?t seem to notice that they were still standing in the sun as she strained to see the first car in the Military Motorcade.

?Relena maybe we could watch from the shade of the mess tent?? Quatre asked. Relena shook her head as if to clear it of cob webs and smiled weakly at her campanion.

?I?m sorry. Yes, lets move out of the way.? She aloud Quatre to take her arm and lead her off the roadway and toward the tent. Just as they were nearing the blessed semi-darkness the first of the 6 black cars pulled up. Relena stoped and watched in fasination as the first of the visitors steped out. Long legs covered in smartly pressed dark britches, tall, broad shoulders, dark unruly hair?a wave of dizziness hit Relena.

?No, it?s not possible. I went to the literal ends of the earth. There isn?t anyway he could be here!?

Quatre noticed that her face had lost all its color. He followed her horrified stair toward the military vehicles. For the life of him he couldn?t figure out what was scaring her so, then his own light blue eyes clashed with a darker pair. Relena?s grip on his arm almost became painful as the object of both their scrutiny started towards them.

?Quatre, I suddenly don?t feel like even watching you eat that horrid mess. I?m going back to see if I might catch a small nap before I have to go back on duty.? Relena hastily spit the words out as she turned. She couldn?t face that man now. Not after a year of silents. Not after she had almost gotten over him. She could hear footsteps coming up behind her at a fast pace. Relena panicked and began to run as fast as she could in this heat. She had to get away from him before she broke down.

?Relena?? The deep questioning timbre of his voice was almost brought her to a stop. Almost. But the thought of looking into those mocking eyes of his drove her forward even faster.

?I will not let you mock me ever again Heero Yuy. Never again.?


_____________

A/N: Hello all! I hope you?ve enjoyed this chapter. This story will feature all the major pairings of GW eventually. Just be patient. Also, FYI The Hanging Gardens isn?t really an upper-class restaurant in Cairo. And the Peasemillion is a hospital ship that travles up and down the Nile taking care of the common people?And I know neither Duo nor Hilde look Jewish?but for the sake of the story please bear with me.

Disclaimer: I don?t own anything GW?well?I do have a couple of posters and model or two?but that?s all?Oh and the song Life of my Own is by Three Doors Down and I don?t claim anything from that either.

Ja ne,


Hitomi Lei

[ice princess]

I am severely liking this story. I luvs AU wartime dramas...and I can tell this is going to be a good one. Please keep it up!

~ice princess

[kmf]

*sighs in delight* I am really enjoying this story. I just love history and have always thought that the GW story sits well in a WW1 setting. I had to chuckle though, when you referred to Duo making friends with a german baroness in the first chapter I was sure you were referring to Hilde. I was completely surprised when she turned up as a nurse in the second (but I do think it suits her much better than a baroness )

The details about the battle were interesting too, they seemed to be nicely researched. The detail of the soldier dropping bombs by hand out of a zepplin aircraft gave such a strong impression to me of what parts of WWI was like; although I am not sure whether they would have actually attacked a hospital tent. I have read that honour was very important to the soliders then (or at least it was before the first Xmas truce on the front lines between the germans and british)

I know that you said you got some of your inspiration from a fictional story, but Im curious to know whether you did your own research as well.

A great read, cant wait for more

kmf

[Melville's Best Friend]

I love this fic. It's been awhile since I've read....at all. This was great. I hope you're planning on a second.
Thnx for entertaining me on this, a very snowy of days!
~The best friend of Melville, Melville's Best Friend