Make Up Your Mind [Part I: Silent Pains]

[Leia Avenrose]

Disclaimer: I don?t own Gundam Wing?.I?m starting to believe that I am obsessed with it now, only because it?s all I write about nowadays. I need a life?.
Dedication: To everyone out there on BI.



Make Up Your Mind
By: Lynzi Knight
Rating: R
Part I: Silent Pains



I tried and I?ve tried, over and over. You?re as stubborn as your mane, as the rain that seems to fall everyday now. I don?t understand you anymore, you?re pushing us away, and you even push me away. Doesn?t it hurt you as much as it kills me? Does your heart weep and wallow in the pools of tears, regret? I see you look at me, but it took me a while to realize that you?re already dead, vacant. It hurts me, to know of what I know, to do what I do. Does it upset you at all? Do you even care? Why are you so bitter towards your friends? Have the battles you?ve gone through hardened you so much, killed you through and through?

Cradling his chin in the cupped palm of his hand, he glanced around at the other students, just to see if everyone else was as bored as he. This would be their last year here in this damn school. Thank God! The teacher droned on and on about Christian World Views, a small book in her hand, as she paced back and forth in front of the rows that sank down like bleachers. Warm, bright sunlight streamed down into the large classroom from the massive dome window in the ceiling. He assumed the book was a cheap copy of the Old Testament, or the Bible itself, but he could?ve been mistaken.

Someone nudged him hard in the side with a sharp elbow. He felt warm breath caress his forearm. ?Can?t help checking her out? Is she that hot, Duo?? He could hear the smirk jump off the words to nip at him.

Turning his head, and bringing his attention back to the dark blue eyes, he frowned. ?No. I was just admiring beauty when I see it. Unlike others that I know of.?

Hilde Schbeiker smacked him in the arm hard, scoffing in mock disgust, ?You do know of beauty when you see it, that?s why I?m here.? She reached over to tousle his brown hair, a grin lifting her full lips.

Duo Maxwell chuckled huskily under his breath, and leaned over to plant a firm kiss to her flushed cheek. He had other reasons for keeping this girl around, and he knew most guys would do the same if they found out the treatment he was receiving behind the bedroom door. ?I?m glad for having ya, babe.? A grin of his own messed with his lips, giving his boyish features a mischievous look. ?And you?re one hell of a cook, too!?

Hilde sighed heavily, returning her attention to the teacher. She was silent for a moment longer before glancing over at him from the corner of her eye. At that instant, she reminded him of the man they all feared, all hated with a burning passion. ?You can?t stop me from killing him. I will kill him, and if you get in my way, Duo, I will kill you as well.?

* * * * * * * * * * * *

My friends all hated you. He?s hurt you too much; it?s time for him to pay, they all say, hatred gleaming in their eyes. It seems that you don?t care at all what happens to yourself, but when it came to me, you suddenly cared. Whatever happened with that? Have you changed your mind already? Why so fast? Do I scare you that much? Do my words send stabbing fear to whatever heart you have, if you even have one inside of you? I used to love you, but now I?m beginning to detest you. I hate you. I now understand the true meaning of hatred. I now know because you hate me, have always hated me. That?s the way it?s been, and will forever remain so.

The white fluff was all over the floor. She hadn?t bothered to pick it up, there was no point, and it wasn?t worth it. Neither was he. The brown outer lining, the part that made it real, made it whole, was torn, shredded into tiny strips. It, too, lay about the floor. The beady black eyes, eyes that reminded her of him, dead and bare, were somewhere around the room. She didn?t care where they were, didn?t care where the little black nose disappeared to either. Her other stuffed animals were pushed in a corner in the huge walk-in closet, covered with dirty clothes that she didn?t feel like picking up.

She had begun to hate the touch of that little bear, only when he had started to change, to grow more distant then he already showed in the beginning of their relationship. The contact of the bear, as she remembered, whenever she?d push it up to her face, it?d soak up her tears, take away her grief, but now it only gave it back, ten-fold. The feel of the petite bear jogged her memory of his touch?soft, warm, and full of fear for the fact that she, one day, might break. Was that why he wasn?t here now with her to clean up her tears with hesitant, trembling hands?

Another tear dripped down the bridge of her nose. The pillow soaked it up, swallowing her pain, her fears. It, the small droplet of saltiness, burnt her flesh, made it sting. Her throat closed up on her, more tears spilling forth. They landed on the softness of her pillow. The bear had cried out to her, for her to rethink her plans, the way she handled the knife, the pair of sharp scissors she had stolen from the kitchen. Its cries reminded her of him, the way he had cried out in his sleep before she was quickly shaking him awake with rough hands.

She had cried then. He had comforted her with mute hands.

She cried now. He wasn?t even here, didn?t exist anymore.

The way his back had arched under her fingers, his grunts of desire, need, his groans of passion. He had filled her, left her with a seed, a gift of God and Men joined together. He didn?t know, nor would he ever. She would never tell him.

He just wasn?t worth it.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

It was a lot, what you had done for me, but what you had said left a scar. I?ve wished a lot, for us to last, but at the last minute you felt like you had to object. Why? There was no need for that, for what you had said. It hurt a lot, made me weep, but it also made me see. I had seen the true you, finally understood what you meant when you said, ?it can?t be achievable, and this won?t work for us.? Had you found someone else, that I do not know for sure, but it bothers me. I understand now what you had meant when you had said ?goodbye.? I now wallow in ache and loss. You?ll never have my heart again, it belongs to another.

?Do you even think that she?ll last through the night?? the blond-haired woman murmured, eyeing the set of large pale blue doors. They led straight into the ER, emergency room. The hospital on Calico Ave. was empty.

?I hope so, I?d like to question her when she recovers.? The man with white blond hair, blue eyes dark and deep, went over to the waiting room. He sat down in one of the many white plastic chairs lining the dull walls. He put his face in his hands. ?I never thought this would?ve happened.?

He felt their calm presence at both his sides. They, too, sat down in the stiff chairs. A gentle hand settled onto his broad shoulder. He silently hoped that whoever it was hadn?t felt him tremble. It was semi-reassuring, not much, but sufficient to make him glance over. A pair of blue eyes, almost identical to his, peered out at him with concern laced deep within. The woman smiled, tenderly, squeezing his shoulder.

?It would be for the best if she knew, Zechs,? Lucrezia Noin whispered. She nodded to confirm her words. ?She should know.?

The flaxen-haired woman to his other side nodded absently, while watching him from the side closely to see his next move. ?You can?t keep her in the dark like this. How would you feel if your other half were missing, but was once found? What would you feel if no one told you? A flower has lost a petal, but she can?t find it, can?t grow another one. This one did.?

Miliardo Peacecraft returned his stare to the ground. Running his hands through his long hair, he pushed it back, away from his face. He felt as though he were coming down with something, probably a fever. He had felt it coming on ever since the phone call from the Agency. ?Had I known Mother had done this, I would?ve reacted in a different way towards it.?

?Did they reveal who the father might be?? Noin bit her lower lip, expecting the worst.

?I would imagine the father being the same, hence the similar semblance,? Dorothy Catalonia remarked in a monotone voice. This subject annoyed her, yet amused her beyond words.

Noin shot her an irritated look, biting out a bitter retort under her breath. Miliardo caught it, the fair blond hadn?t. ?Of course the father would be the same, Ms. Catalonia. What have you come to think of their mother, your aunt, by the way??

Miliardo, it was his turn, shot her a look. Noin shrank back under the intense stare. Dorothy let a smirk twist her thin lips. ?Enough, both of you. I?m not in the mood to hear your bitching at this moment.?

A nurse appeared in the doorway. She seemed to be looking for someone. Rushing forward as she spotted them, she bowed her head to Zechs. ?Sir, Mr. Peacecraft, the doctor?he has sent me to ask if you can fill out the forms for your sister. Have you not done so already?? She clasped her hands together in front of her. Blood decorated the apron hanging over the front of her body.

He stood, reaching into his back pocket to grab the forms. He handed the seven sheets, stapled together tightly, to the nurse. He carried a grim look in his eyes, an almost daring glare for her to say something. Both Noin and Dorothy stood up expectantly, as if knowing of what was to come. The nurse read the sheets, turned and began to walk away. She suddenly paused in mid-stride, as if unsure of something. She then turned, her gray eyes questioning, as she begun to walk back towards them again. She held the forms out to him, her lips pressed firmly together.

?Sir, the name isn?t the right one,? she said in a grave voice. ?You must admit the proper title in order to receive care.?

Miliardo pushed the papers towards her. ?That is the right name. That?s been her name since her birth. Her birth date, by the way, is AC 180.?

?But??

?It?s not the same girl, not who you imagine it is,? Noin explained gently.

Dorothy nodded. ?Yes, that is correct.? Her two cents? worth had been added.

?But it looks like her, it has to be her, sir.? The nurse looked at Miliardo, not understanding at all.

?It because it isn?t Relena Peacecraft in there,? he whispered in a pained voice, ?it?s her monster.?


Continued?

[silversong]

A very interesting idea...

~Silversong

[ice princess]

I must be honest, I didn't quite get all of it, but I voted to please keep it up because if it's half of what I think it is, this will be a very interesting story indeed! Please keep it up!

~ice princess

[Leia Avenrose]

ALL my stories are confusing... I get that comment a lot, though, how they never understand but still want more.