Alexandra?s Chapter
Melville's Best Friend
There are a whole bunch of ways to know when you?re in trouble. When a mommy?s mad at you, she?ll say your whole name. ?Alexandra Elyzabeth? is what my mommy calls me. Dan?s mommy calls him ?Daniel Lawrence Tucker?. Dan must have a real long name. There?s this one kid I know called A?ham?a?.smad?but we jus? call him Hammy. His mommy calls him Hammy, too. She said ?It?s very cute and charming?. I don?t know what that means?
I guess like Lucky Charms.
But I?ve never seen his mommy mad at him. When mommies get mad, they get that look. That look that means ?you?re in trouble? and then they say ?I?m very disappointed? and you have to stand there and think about what you did that was bad. Mommies have a third eye. It?s true. My mommy told me. She said she can see all the bad things I do, so watch out. Mommies will always know. They?re worse than Santa. My mommy never forgets when I do a bad thing.
Daddy always does.
I love my daddy.
He?ll give me a look that scares me sometimes, but then I?ll get a hug and a kiss. Daddy?s hands are real big. Like?as big as Minnesota! Maybe even BIGGER! Sometimes when I get in trouble he?ll hold me ?cause I had to be yelled at by him. That?s when I fall asleep. In my daddy?s arms. When I get in trouble with daddy, it?s ?cause I bother him when the TV?s on. He likes CNN.
It stands for Cows Needing Noogies.
And he watches it all the time.
I?ve never seen a cow on there.
Mommy gets mad at me when I do something like climb a tree that?s really high. I?m a good climber. Daddy calls me his lil? monkey, and I laugh. He?ll swing me by the arms and tickle my tummy. Mommy calls daddy her hero and says, ?You need to go talk to her, Heero. She has to be punished for climbing that tree,? and daddy will say a bunch of stuff about a how Harvard students were never trained for this kind of thing.
Daddy went to Harvard to become an engineer.
Mommy says he went to Harvard to be a jackass.
And when I asked her what that was, she made me go to my room, and mommy and daddy talked for a long time.
Once, I was sitting in the playroom making Barbie and Ken go to court, ?cause he had promised to pay child support for his baby, but he was a bum who drank too much and couldn?t afford to pay for anything except some Jack Daniels, just like on Days of Our Lives.
Barbie was just about to tell the fudge and the jerky that she was tired of her loser ex-husband, when mommy came in the room. Mommy likes to go sit on daddy?s lap and watch that cow channel with him. They talked about weird grown-up stuff, so I kept on playing with Barbie. Mommy and daddy usually talk loud when they watch the cow channel.
Daddy says they have a lot of ?disagreements about the way society is run? and tells me to never turn 18 and vote for men who can?t even spell conundrum.
I don?t know what he means by that, but when I smile and tell him ok, he gives me a hug and a piece of Juicy Fruit.
Mommy and daddy started talking like that again. So Barbie and I kept on trying to get Ken to change his ways. When they stopped all that noise, I looked over to see something icky.
Mommy and daddy had their mouths on each others, and looked like they were sucking really tasty lollypops inside the other one?s mouth. It looked gross. It made me frown and ask our dog Melville what it was. She just got up and grunted.
I walked up to them to see why they were doing it. I don?t think they heard me at all. Daddy kept saying mommy?s grown-up name and mommy kept calling daddy her hero. They had their eyes closed and I wondered if they were sleeping.
I poked mommy to make sure she wasn?t.
She screamed and jumped really high. I giggled ?cause she looked the same way when my lil? brother ate a bug. Mommy turned really red and I asked if she was hot. She didn?t say anything, but ran out of the room saying stuff about scarred for life.
Daddy turned the same color and bit his lip.
I asked him what they were doing, and he made a lot of little noises. I climbed in his lap and asked again so that he could hear me. Daddies are so tall, you know, that sometimes they won?t hear really small people. He held me and said that he and mommy were arguing.
I know what that is. It?s what me and my brother do all the time. He steals my Barbie and Ken doll and bangs them against the table!!! Mommy says I can?t argue with him ?cause he?s only two years old. Well, I?m 5 so I know a lot more than Christian Matthew Yuy. And I know he can?t take my Barbie!
I went to playschool the next day and had a fight with my friend Mark. I wanted to be a grown-up, too, so I did what mommy and daddy were doing. Mark cried and I got in trouble. The teacher made me sit in a corner and she called mommy and daddy, and they had to talk to my teacher.
Mommy said she wasn?t mad at me, but very angry with daddy. Uncle Duo said later that she had him on a leash.
Like Melville? I didn?t see a leash, so I think uncle Duo was being silly. He?s very silly.
After they met with my teacher, and we were walking home, I walked over to daddy and asked him to pick me up. He did and I felt really high. He told me that I couldn?t do that to anyone again, and explained to me what it was. Mommy and daddy didn?t know I was in the room, and he "wanted to show mommy how much I love her". He said they kissed.
I asked if he meant like on Days of our Lives, and he smiled and said ?Something like that.? Mommy walked ahead of us on our way to the car, and I whispered to daddy so mommy wouldn?t hear:
?If she calls you by your whole name, you?re in trouble. Just tell her you love her and maybe she won?t ground you.?
Daddy laughed and gave me a hug and a kiss.
Disclaimer: I don?t own GW characters. I don?t. Boo hoo hoo. I had to write this 'cause it came to me in a lil' dream, and, though it's not very good, I wanted you all to know that I wrote it the way a five-year-old would talk. I REALLY HOPE you all don't think I'm as bad a writer as that...
Anywho...thanks for reading and...later! ^__^
) They would call me Rebecca Anne (and NO my real name is NOT Rebecca, I was born with Becky but they knew that calling me Rebecca made me more mad :evil: )
