Losing All Control (3xR) songfic

[athena]

Alright, I finally finished it!! Beware...angst ahead. This is a short fic based on my own experiances. Almost everything in here is my own thoughts, sadly enough!! But, with the exception of having Trowa and Heero in real life...*sigh* if only it was true.

Thanks to beer, melrose, sgs, aod, and everyone who helped me get through this! *glomps*

I'm not usually a 3xR writer, but it fit the story, and a few stories have converted me somewhat!

So...read at your own risk. The lyrics don't belong to me, they are from Rooney's Losing all Control, and I don't own anything!

Losing All Control

She had her fingers entwined in his hair and her lips in full possession of his. She could feel him gently taking off her skirt, which was kicked to the floor and added to the growing pile. His fingers touched every part of her they could reach. She couldn’t think. She gave a gasp as her body reacted to having something warm rubbing at her leg.

Lowering her hands till they cupped his face, she smiled blissfully. She was surprised to find an unusual emptiness in his eyes. So very empty. She had a sudden desire to recoil, but this felt so wonderful, she couldn’t make her body move away.

I’m losing you

She stared at him. Her heart plunged as she realized his empty eyes were sparkling with tears. His gentle hands reached up and touched her face.

I’m losing all control

Suddenly, he pushed her away from him, and moved to the other end of the couch. Surprised, she reached out for him, but he didn’t come closer.

“This is wrong.”

She was so confused. What was he talking about? “What do you mean, Heero?”

He wouldn’t look into her eyes. Fiddling with his hands, he spoke quietly. “This is wrong. I’m seeing someone else.” He said this slowly, as if she wouldn’t understand otherwise.

Her body twitched, and she put a hand to her mouth. Tears spilled through the cracks of her tightly closed eyes. She could feel herself falling into that emptiness. Nothing made sense.

“You…you could have…told me…” she managed, her whole body shaking. She tried to keep the sobs in her throat, but was failing. Her own voice sounded distant and not hers.

She looked away. She couldn’t even look at him now.

Just let me be

He stood up, and reached for his clothes. He began pulling them back on, as if nothing had happened. First his shorts, and then his shirt. She watched this out of the corner of her eye.

“I’m…sorry…Relena…”

She could feel his eyes staring at her, and it felt almost like he could see through her.

She couldn’t hold back the sobs if she had tried. They racked her body. All she could do was hide her face from him. She didn’t want him to see her like this.

An awkward silence filled the room. She looked up to see if he still was there.

Let me be alone for now

But he had already left, she could hear his car start. She fell on her knees and could mentally see him driving away. Forever.

I wanna be alone tonight

She let out a heartbreaking scream. This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen!

Once again we’ve gone off track

She threw a glass across the room, and heard a loud crash. But it didn’t matter. Hitting her legs with all her strength, she continued sobbing. She found that she could not think or say anything. It was almost as if she had forgotten how to do anything.

And lost all hope for coming back

Brushing away her tears with her clenched fists, she willed herself to stand. She could still feel herself shaking as she slipped into her clothes. She raced past her empty rooms and banged her fists into the walls.

It’s time to restart

Grabbing her keys, she slam the door behind her. She ran to her car. Right now, the only logical thing she could understand was to run away. Get away from it all. Try to forget everything.

And try all over again

But her heart wouldn’t let her. Images and memories flashed through her mind. Holding hands. Kissing. Smiling. Laughing. She didn’t think she could ever be happy again. It had all been a lie.

Its time to work

The radio sang back to her. She screamed the lyrics and moved her head around in time with the music. Tears continued to stream down her face. She was trying to make them to stop, to end. Yet they wouldn‘t stop. She felt so disgusted at herself.

The work is useless now

Suddenly she slammed on the brakes and ran out of the car. The beach. The summer sun shined down on the ocean water as the waves crashed in front of her. She didn’t stop running till she reached the water.

Oh can’t you see

She just stood there, the waves crashing against her feet. She felt like such a fool. She never saw it coming. It had been like any other day.

Your help is lost in me

The bright sun fell under the horizon, and she stared up at the pink sky. She didn’t even know how to pick up the pieces. She had relied on him. She was so in love with him.

All these years, she had believed in him. She knew there was something in his heart worth looking for. But now she didn’t feel anything. She hated him. She hated him more than she had ever hated anything.

I wanna be alone tonight

Stars had begun to come out, and she laid down on her back on the sand watching them. Never in her life had she felt so alone. She felt small and vulnerable. She didn’t want to have these feelings.

Her eyes closed, and drifted off into a restless sleep. Her head was filled with things she didn’t want to see. She slowly opened her eyes and sat up with a start.

Trowa was sitting next to her. He looked at her with sympathy, and held out his arms. She found herself in them, crying again. She buried her face into his chest, as he wraps his arms around her.

He looked down at the defenseless girl. He didn’t deserve her. But, she didn’t deserve this pain.

“He’s confused. He doesn’t know who he is yet.”

Relena pulled back and looked at him through tear stained eyes. His heart broke. He pulled her back into the hug and kissed the top of her head.

And, suddenly, she felt stronger. She could go on without him. But, not right now. Hugging him back, she fell asleep.

We’ve lost all hope for coming back

[Morrighan]

Aww.... That was so wonderfully expressed!!! I'm not a 3xR fan, but I had to read what you came up with when you mentioned that you had written a fic based on your experiences. :evil: That jerk-of-an-ex. Now I really want to hunt him down and kick his insensitive ass.

*hug* I hope you feel better now, now that you've written some emotion out!

Great job, fellow Goddess!

[Kanya Barton]

Man, that was beautiful. I wonder just who the other person Heero was seeing was? Hmmm...great songfic!
Peace out!

[Beck]

Nice intake on what you went through. I don't think I could ever write about my break up back in HS only cause if I did write it out, one of my male characters would most likely end up dead cause truthfully, I'm still harboring those feelings towards my ex. I suppose thats what he gets for hurting me the way he did and needless to say, I don't feel that way about anyone else *lol*

I'm glad though that Trowa was there for her *snuggles them both*

[Symee-Sama]

I'm going to have to stop reading the fics in this forum, because so many of them make me want to kill Heero.

Heero: *swallows and backs away*

But he's my favourite character and I still love him, but honestly... The stuff he does sometimes... Anyway, this was a great fic Athena. I really loved how you put Trowa and Relena together. You didn't rush it, you didn't just make her fall in love immediately, he just offered her some much needed comfort.

Great fic!

Symee

[athena]

I'm going to have to stop reading the fics in this forum, because so many of them make me want to kill Heero.

Don't do that Symee! Heero just gets the bad of the bargain in most of these, becaue, hey...you can see him acting like that! My reasons for using Heero were than my ex (curse his sorry little ass) looked and acted a lot like him, so it made it easier to picture Heero doing that.
I'm glad you liked it!

I don't think I could ever write about my break up back in HS only cause if I did write it out, one of my male characters would most likely end up dead cause truthfully, I'm still harboring those feelings towards my ex.

Beck, it took a LOT of self restraint on this one not to kill him off. I still have those feelings, believe me. But, I suppose since I haven't seen or spoken with him since the breakup, it made it easier. I'm so glad you liked it!

I wonder just who the other person Heero was seeing was?

The world may never know, Kanya! *grins*

That jerk-of-an-ex. Now I really want to hunt him down and kick his insensitive ass.

Be my guest, Morrighan! Don't worry, once school hits...oh boy, he's going to wish he was dead. *hugs back* Thank you so much for reading this.

*hugs* Thanks again, guys! It makes it so much easier to get the feelings out, and to have other people help you through it!

[SimplyTurquoise]

He did that to you?

NUKE HIS ASS!!!!

*cough* That is... I thought this was well written and was surprised to find that this was about your break-up... personally never having such an experience... well not one like this... but I uh...

I don't know what to say... but er...

I LOVE YOU!!!!

Yea... er... that's all!

[Calla Lily]

Good story, nice take on 3xR... but knowing your 'inspiration' ...

Girl, I sure hope you kick his ass SO HARD it'll make his ancestors dizzy!!! :evil:

[rina_craft]

The radio sang back to her

poor relena... isn't it weird when you have a depressing day and you turn on the radio (to try to cheer yourself up) and every song they play just hits you? hard... hmmm... loved the fic!

[sweetangel]

I agree with rina_craft. That is so true about a radio. Anyways love the fic. Maybe u might do a continuation? Just a thought. Either way I guess it could stand on it's on even though I don't want it to. I love 3xR too much for it to stand on it's on. Anyways maybe I'll cya soon?