Ask Heero (A Real Advice Column)

[Heero]

Being a man myself, I can tell you this, as cleaver or cunning as one may be, they will never catch a suddle hint. You can either spell it out to them, or give hints so big they are completely as far away as suddle as possible. I will not stop you from hitting him, in fact I'll help. But that would discourage him. So, keep talking about "Oh, my friend is getting married, when do you picture us getting married?"

But in all truth, you're asking the wrong person.

[Shooting Gundam Star]

That is not really a question I want to answer. Ever.

And why not? Just becuase some of us happen to have life-size cardbord cutouts of you and over 20 posters, 4,000 pics, 200 fics, 3 tee shirts, and a wall mural, dose not mean we're wearid. *Stairs happyly at wall mural*

[Melville's Best Friend]

Dear Heero,

I've been thinking about this lately, and I just wanna know from you if this is right.

Once upon a time, this guy and I were talking. We were laughing and having fun, and then I said something, and he slapped me across the face.

Now, I don't remember if it hurt; not really the point.

The point was: I was freaked beyond all reason.

The thing is, I didn't say anything derogatory. All I said was "You need to shine your trumpet". Then wham. (apparently he's very protective of his blasted instrument?I didn?t even say it in a mean way.) When I was too stunned to speak, he goes ?Do not EVER talk about my trumpet." *blinks*

So, I later confronted him about it, and he apologized. But...I don't want to be near him, be associated with him, or look at him ever again.

Frankly, I want to sign up to take a self-defense class.

But I forgave and all that. My question is, was I right? Or should I have beat the living *%$@ out of him? ?cause I still feel scared out of my mind of him.

Also, I think you could answer this for me:

Once upon a time, an ex of mine said, and I quote: "[Melville], no one could love you the way you are? after I confessed something to him I had never before told anyone. First of all: WHAT THE PUKK?

What is THAT supposed to mean?

(this was BEFORE the guy I tried to break up with told me ?No?) *rolls eyes*

I can pick ?em? *sigh*

Now, I WANT to kick his arse.

I WANT to beat him to a living walk-less pulp. But! My question: Should I actually forgive this one? I mean...At least HE never hit me...But he insulted my pride.

So...what do you think? Thanks for your time!!!!! ^__^

~MBF

[Kaili Charmer]

Dear Heero (after you answer MBF's obvious disturbing questions...),

Where do you buy your clothes? and why don't you add some variety to your wardrobe?

[Gundam Girl]

Dear Heero, do you ever watch any anime? If so, which anime is your favorite, and which anime girl do you think is the hottest?

My favorite anime (besides Gundam Wing, fandom pals) is Rurouni Kenshin and my opinion of the hottest guy is Kenshin Himura. I dig the long red hair and the reverse-bladed katana.

Thanks a lot!

-Gundam Girl

P.S. Can you draw a dragon?

[SimplyTurquoise]

Heero, I thank you for previous advice, but...

Tip#01 was put in affect mid morning while he ventured over to the gym. With no one in the house, I thought it the opportune moment to go ahead and put the plastic wrap up. When he arrived home, I situated myself in the tree outside hiw window with my ultra-cool binoculars. I'm sorry to say that my brother is not as stupid as he looks, and only a foot away from the almost-invisable wall stopped to notice the new addition to his room. Rather then find it odd and out of place, he took up his scissors and cut it into strips, making it an accessory to his room like those beaded strings you hang in your doorway.

Mission: Failed.

Tip#02 could not be put in affect. The kitchen is well known as our Mother's Domain, you may enter, but touching anything can and will be considered fatal to the rest of the households health. Any food items allowed contact by the rest of the household and not just mother, is usually used by everyone. In any case, a good chance of the rest of my family eating it as well. Therefore, the consequences and the whole of my family turning against me is very probable.

Mission: Failed.

Tip#03 will be put into affect later tonight, but I'm not sure if it'll work. How am I to get him to look out the window and without him figuring out that I am the culprit who put it there?

Mission: In Progress.

Tip#04 is like Tip#02 as it cannot be put into affect. Two words: Family bathroom.

And lastly... the ultimate! Er... not like the idea of spilling blood, as I do grow faint at the sight... I'm sorry to say that this also cannot be put into affect. Unless... and this is where the question comes in... would you be willing to do this for me?

This way, no blame can be placed on me, I avoid breaking the law, and I once again avoid the sight of blood!

I'll pay you... and when I say pay... I mean in the large stash of candy I have stowed away in the back of my closet, as in 'I am broke!'

Thanks again,
SimplyTurquoise

[The Young Alcoholic]

Dear Heero,

Have you ever had that time when you get really, really, really, itchy in some spot but when you scratch it...nothing happens? It just keeps on getting more itchy! How come?

[Morrighan]

*evil grin* So...Heero... I have a question for you...

You DID propose to Miss Relena, yes? I saw that proposal pic she put up on the Contest forum. Oh, and did I mention that you look most adorable in that bunny outfit?? *innocent smile*

[Heero]

I leave for 24 hours and this is what happens? I'll try to answer them all in this reply:

Shooting Gundam Star: That is scarry. You scare me.

Melville's Best Friend: Do not forgive your ex. And the trumpet boy is creepy. Maybe you can make an arrangement for a date between the two, they may get along.

Kaili Charmer: My clothes are just fine. I am not constrained in my movements. But I do however own other clothing. I have a pair of jeans and a denim Jacket. I do not, however, remember where I got them, because it was a long time ago.

Gundam Girl: I do not have anytime to watch television except for rare occations. And in those situations, I watch the news. And yes, I can draw a dragon amoung other things.

SimplyTurquoise: I appollogize for the failed attempts. And if Ihad the time, I would assisst you in this. I would like another progress report from you.

The Young Alcoholic: Have you ever thought that maybe there is a parasite in your skin? That might explain the random itches you are having.

Those are all the questions I want to answer. Any others are to be ignored at all costs.[/b]

[Morrighan]

Those are all the questions I want to answer. Any others are to be ignored at all costs.

I knew it! I'm going to tell Miss Relena that you refused to answer my question!! You promised you would!! And I'm sure she'll persuade you to answer...some way...or other...