Teaser: "Say you're my bitch," said Relena, her voice demure as she took another sip of tea.
FFN Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5173436/1/Tea_Time
Disclaimer: GW = not mine.
Author's Note: Because I've always wanted to start a fic with the line "Say you're my bitch." Mildly inspired by the How I Met Your Mother episode "Okay Awesome." Set in the same universe as Nonsensical Nuances. Sort of a sequel to Quality Television.
Tea Time
by mistress amethyst une
"Say you're my bitch," said Relena, her voice demure as she took another sip of tea.
"I'm your bitch," replied Heero, biting into a cracker and ignoring Duo's wide-eyed, open-mouthed look of shock.
Dorothy sighed, her disappointment apparent as she dug into her purse for her checkbook. "Which charity do I write the check out to, Miss Relena?"
"Oh, I don't know," replied the former princess in the most eerie nonchalant fashion. "Send it to that nature preserve on L-5. I like the research they're doing to resurrect pandas."
Dorothy shrugged and began writing. An uncomfortable quiet reigned at the table. The only sound to be heard was the gentle crunch of crackers as Heero ate and sipped his tea. Relena was his mirror image, enjoying the light meal like nothing remotely groundbreaking had transpired.
As was expected, Duo shattered the strange silence. "What the hell was that?"
"Watch your language," scolded Dorothy. "It's tea time. That's what it is."
Quatre cleared his throat. "It's your first time here so maybe I should have warned you."
"You think?" blurted Duo. "Damn it, I should have brought Hilde. She'll never believe this."
"Enlighten him, Quatre," drawled Dorothy, her boredom apparent as she handed Relena the check.
"You see, Dorothy and Miss Relena have a long-standing deal that must be fulfilled once a month at tea time."
"I'll take it from here," remarked Dorothy, less than elated at how this month's entertainment had turned out. "Ever since Miss Relena refused to say unbecoming things on live television for me, we agreed that I would leave her alone on the condition that she performs a special task for me once a month. It's all in good fun. Her bleeding heart is satisfied whenever I donate to charity after she does something ridiculous, and my boredom is cured for a while. Problem is, she cheats."
"I didn't cheat," declared Relena, picking at the cucumbers in her vegetable sandwich.
"Then how exactly did he say something like that without so much as shock or a protest? Don't lie and say you didn't tell him about this beforehand."
"You're not the only one I make deals with," said Relena, finally nibbling at her sandwich before putting it down in distaste. "And my deal with Heero was in place before this month's task so it's not cheating."
"And what deal would that be?"
Relena shrugged, looking to Heero who was studying the china pattern on his teacup.
"I say whatever she wants me to say," replied Heero, setting the cup down on his saucer. "She doesn't abuse the privilege."
"And what's your compensation?"
It was Heero's turn to shrug, shooting Relena the same look she'd given him a few seconds prior.
"That's private," stated Relena, absentmindedly stirring another lump of sugar into her beverage. "Let's just say that I'm going to need the day off tomorrow to compensate."
Duo choked on his cracker, gulping down his tea as Quatre stroked his back. Relena's meaning wasn't lost on anyone.
'"Are all aristocrats this crazy?" asked Duo once he had regained the ability to breathe.
"Just Dorothy," sighed Quatre. "But we try our best to amuse her. If she ever gets bored enough, it could lead to nuclear holocaust."
Duo looked to Dorothy. She simply gave a faint nod and resumed sipping her tea.
---END---
LMAO ROFL 
Elyn Yuy