Continuity: Figurative Brotherhood
Length: One-shot
Pairings: 1xR
Prompt: And, this, is my brain, it's torturous analytical thoughts make me go insane" from Kate Nash's "Mouthwash."
Teaser: "By the looks of it, you've turned a simple optional errand into a full-blown fact finding mission."
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5227951/10/ ... rotherhood
Disclaimer: GW = not mine.
Author's Note: Seems most of the August prompts fit in more with with FB than NN. Anyway, the fifth August prompt is "And, this, is my brain, it's torturous analytical thoughts make me go insane" from Kate Nash's "Mouthwash." Pretty much screams Heero. Anyway, here's Heero + Grocery Shopping. A bit shorter than usual but I quite like the point where I ended it.
Figurative Brotherhood
by mistress amethyst une
Product Research
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~Article 30~
A Bro doesn't comparison shop.
--taken from The Bro Code by Barney Stinson with Matt Kuhn, p. 45
Heero sat in Relena's study, all his tools at the ready: pen, paper, laptop, calculator, shopping list, various coupons he'd clipped over the course of the week, circulars from three grocery stores with the closest proximity to the Darlian residence.
The mission had been accepted, and he would have nothing short of perfection.
Grocery shopping was a delicate balancing act between cost and quality. His brows furrowed in concentration as he tackled the first item on the list. One store offered a buy one, take one deal on a certain brand of vanilla ice cream but Heero would not be fooled. He read online consumer reports on each and every product. Did they really think they could pull one over him? Their ice cream was of inferior quality, and article after article told him that the frozen confection was mostly air. He crossed that brand off his list of options and went to the next most affordable variety. He could make no mistakes at this stage. Planning was of utmost importance before engaging in supply procurement, and he wasn't going to fail.
Reading up on the next best deal, he nodded to himself. The product was above satisfactory if one took the ratio of its cost to its quality into consideration. Also, Heero had obtained a coupon that entitled him to a 10% discount upon purchasing this brand. Nodding to himself, he put this variety of vanilla ice cream down as his choice for the "final list."
"Is this how you spend your day off?" asked Relena, entering the study with a look of disapproval on her face. "What's all this?"
"Vanilla ice cream, a dozen eggs and strawberry preserves," he recited, his eyes glued to his brand research. "You told me to buy these things, didn't you?"
"I told you to pop by the store if you had some time to spare," she said, making her way toward him before stealing a glance at his laptop screen and surveying the spread on the study table. "By the looks of it, you've turned a simple optional errand into a full-blown fact finding mission."
"Obtaining the best quality product for the least expenditure."
"Comparison shopping," she sighed. "You're aware that we're not exactly on a tight budget, right? I'm not saying we should be wasteful but this is a small purchase. I wouldn't mind if you just went to the nearest store and grabbed the first thing you saw."
"That would heighten the risk of getting an inferior product."
"Heero, it's ice cream, eggs and jam. All the brands are pretty much the same and eggs are eggs no matter where you go. If cost bothers you so much, just buy the cheapest kind of everything."
"Price doesn't mean value for your money, Relena. A product may be cheap but unfit for consumption. There has to be a balance between cost and quality. Also, according to my egg research, there are several varieties and grades to consider. Color, omega-3 fortification, genetic modification, raising method classifications for the organic, cage-free and free range varieties as well as point of origin are but a few factors one should look at. When it comes to this food product, I'm putting aside price as an issue and focusing solely on quality."
"As long as I can fry it up for breakfast, it doesn't matter to me," she shrugged. "You do know that I'm banning you from all trips to the grocery store after this?"
He glared at her. "Resentment and oppression are not conducive to productivity."
"So I'm a dictator for not letting you do a chore? Heero, there are better ways to spend your day off than deciding what kind of eggs to buy."
"I'm simply trying to do my assigned task as efficiently as possible. It prevents conflict."
"Conflict?" she repeated, giving him a confused look.
"Duo spent all of last week whining to me. Hilde scolded him for buying the wrong kind of sanitary pad."
"Wings, Heero!" groaned Duo, throughly exasperated. "She wanted the kind that had wings! What the hell do those things need wings for? I don't see em' flying anywhere."
Relena couldn't help but laugh. "Poor thing. Hilde really shouldn't have asked him to buy something like that. PMS irrationality at its finest."
"So, do you understand my justification?" he asked. "I'm simply making an effort to avoid a similar mistake for purchases you assign me. In the future, should you decide to have me purchase sanitary pads, what should I take into consideration? From what I read, that particular product hinges more on personal preference than-"
"Heero, I'd never ask you to buy sanitary pads. I know I get nasty around that time of the month but I don't see myself being that cruel."
"Hn," he grunted. He knew just how cruel she could be and it went way beyond asking him to buy sanitary pads. Still, in the interest of peace, he kept quiet and continued reading about eggs.
She sighed, standing behind his chair and looping her arms around his neck. "What do I have to do for a little attention around here?"
He ignored her, smirking to himself. It was good to have her be the needy one for a change.
"Playing hard to get, Mr. Yuy?" she asked, resting her chin atop his head.
"I am hard to get," he told her, no longer really reading the benefits of organic eggs versus their genetically modified cousins.
"So am I," she whispered, her teeth lightly nipping his ear. "I suppose I should leave you to your work."
She released him and made her way out, keeping her back turned to him as she lingered at the door for a few seconds. Was he really not going to follow her out? Turning to look at her prey, she gasped. He was already right behind her.
"How did you-"
The question suffered an untimely death as Heero's kiss effectively silenced her. When he finally released her, she found him glaring at her again.
"You taste like vanilla ice cream," he accused.
"Oh that... Funny thing," she chuckled. "I came in here to tell you that Pagan already did the groceries. Must have slipped my mind..."
"I endured reading consumer reports all afternoon for nothing?" he asked, visibly peeved.
"I suppose so," she smirked. "By the way, you're not the only one who does internet research, Heero. I've found some rather interesting uses for vanilla ice cream."
"What brand did Pagan buy?" frowned Heero.
"You just tasted it, didn't you?" she teased. "Not to your liking?"
"I'll need a better taste than that," he growled.
"Race you to the freezer," she winked, running from him as fast as her feet would take her.
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Yeah, we all know he caught her.
Too funny...
Elyn Yuy