Amour 11

[zapenstap]

Happy 2010! After recovering from Nanowrimo (I won?yay!) I still had to write my Naruto fic White Rain first. I started Amour right afterwards, but as you can see, the first weekend of January was the best I could do.

I hope this chapter does not come off as rushed. The conflict here is uncomfortable, as it would be if someone were really in this situation, I think.


Amour
Chapter 11
By Zapenstap

The cathedral was filled to bursting. Guests clustered within the nave alongside security and camera crews, spilling out the entryway and down the broad stone steps. While ushers sat the invited guests, around the outside of the cathedral, throngs of people gathered to witness the event via television screens erected or the occasion and set to broadcast worldwide. Bodies swarmed for blocks in every direction, absent only where lines had been drawn to allow vehicles access to and from the church.

The car carrying Relena was an unremarkable SUV with tinted glass windows. Her limo followed some blocks behind her, sent separately to draw attention. The strategy seemed to be working as the streets ahead were clear and the ones behind were growing more congested as people broke the parade lines to intercept her limo.

Relena stared straight in front of her, eyes on the church as it drew ever closer. The architecture of the cathedral should have seized her breath with its chiseled stone, flying buttresses, and stained glass windows depicting various scenes of biblically religious significance. From her prior visits, she knew the inside to be even more dazzling, with a roof arching heavenward over hundreds of pews laid out in rows divided by aisles. Today, pillars and pews would be wrapped with silk ribbon and decorated with tiny silver bells. The dais would be adorned with white lilies. The center aisle down which she would walk would be strewn with rose petals.

But Relena couldn?t appreciate it. She could barely think.

Her driver successfully evaded detection, following a pre-mapped route to deliver her at the back entrance so she could make her way to the dressing room just off the social hall, preferably without any kind of public display. The measures were meant to keep her out of magazines before the ceremony.

When the car stopped, Relena hobbled out of the passenger seat without waiting for the driver to open the door. She fended off any assistance. The church stipulated that she arrived dressed, if not altogether ready, so she stood on the curb in her wedding dress, a shawl around her shoulders. Her hair would be redone inside. Her makeup needed reapplication. On her own, she moved swiftly but dazedly inside, seeking the appointed dressing room by rote memorization. She arrived without incident.

A beautician awaited in the dressing rooms to assist her. Relena sat at the vanity while her hair was combed, curled, twisted, and pinned up on her head betwixt strands of pearls and pins beset with white carnations. Makeup was reapplied. Airy white and rose pink shimmer was dusted over her eyes above dark eyeliner while her cheekbones were faintly rouged and lustrous gloss applied to her lips.

?Lovely,? the beautician exclaimed, turning Relena toward the mirror. ?Natural looking, with a touch of ethereal grace.?

Relena looked at her face. The visage was exquisite, elegant and artistically crafted, emphasizing her best features without over-accentuating. It didn?t look at all like she felt. She couldn?t smile, not even a hair.

She turned to the stylist, hands in her lap. ?Thank you,? she said. ?It is beautiful. Can you carry a message??

?Well of course, Miss Relena. What do you need??

?I require a delay. Please find the minister.?

The girl?s eyes widened. ?Postpone the ceremony, Miss Relena??

?Yes. I need to see Alex.?

The woman?s eyelashes fluttered. She seemed beside herself, turning her head back and forth, as if searching for someone on whom to foist the responsibility. ?But you aren?t supposed to see him. You?re in your wedding dress, Miss Relena!?

The door behind them open and shut with a sharp thump.

Relena shifted slightly in her seat. Candace Mae?s lips were drawn in a tight line. Relena returned the old woman?s stare calmly, but inside, her emotions began to churn. Seeing the woman?s face was enough to know that she would have to explain, and explaining to Candace Mae meant telling everything. Relena almost couldn?t stand to think it. She had to force herself to remain calm in front of the beautician. She wouldn?t cry. Not even if were alone. Crying would not solve anything. Crying never had and never would. But then, neither could anything else she had thought of, which was why she wanted to cry.

?Best to do as she says, girl,? Candace Mae suggested to the beautician. ?Mr. Calhoun will understand. As for the delay, I?m sure it?s nothing to worry about. Go on. Tell the minister. The guests are being seated.?

The beautician rushed out of the room. Candace Mae shut the door behind her and arched an eyebrow at Relena. ?Now,? she said. ?What is this about??

Relena swallowed. She pressed a hand to her stomach and closed her eyes, breathing deeply. Her eyes remained dry, though stinging from pressure. She thought purposefully of nothing. White space. Blankness.

?Relena?? Candace Mae asked.

Relena dared not breathe a word until the heat vanished from her face. She was calm.

?Heero is here,? Relena said. ?Well not here, but he was at the convention.?

?You saw him??

?He kissed me, Candace Mae.?

Relena meant to say more, but she couldn?t. As firmly as she felt she had controlled her emotions, heat rushed to her head the second Heero?s name left her tongue. She stopped speaking, feeling drunk from the heaviness of it.

?I see,? Candace Mae whispered. ?Well, he wouldn?t be the first man to steal a kiss before a wedding.?

Relena again tried to wrap everything in white, in blankness, in nothing, but it was futile. She couldn?t have this conversation. She couldn?t have any conversation and still remain calm. But she had to speak.

?I let him,? she confessed. ?And it was worse than a kiss. I lost my mind. I don?t know how. It was just that he said all kinds of things. He said?? She stopped, chest burning, unable to continue.

?What?? Candace Mae prompted. ?That he loves you??

?Yes. That. And that it was a mistake to tell me to marry someone else. He then he asked me to marry him.?

Candace Mae?s eyebrows shot up. She crossed her arms. ?Well!? she said. She seemed too flabbergasted even to dispense good sense. ?Isn?t that something??

Relena pressed her forehead to the back of the dressing room chair, cooling it against the wood, breathing deeply to calm the shaking in her stomach. She felt nauseous. She might sick up at any moment. She had never felt like this for an emotional reason, not even when addressing millions of people.

?Did anyone witness this proposal?? Candace Mae asked finally.

Relena shook her head mutely. No one had seen, but what did that matter? Her heart knew. She couldn?t erase it. She couldn?t pretend it didn?t happen. She could still feel Heero?s lips on hers. She could feel his body, the harness of his muscles, the heat of his racing blood, the scent of him on her skin. Being in his arms was like? well, it was like nothing she had ever felt with anyone. She melted right into his frame, as if she were constructed to fit there. It was too much. She had lost more than her mind.

?It?s my fault,? she said. ?It?s all my fault. I hoped too much and I pushed too hard and then I gave up. I chose this. What am I going to tell Alex??

?What do you want to tell him??

Relena squeezed her eyes shut. What could she tell him?

What was the right thing to do? Was it to marry Alex, whose ring she wore, who she had promised herself to, and forget Heero, when her heart?her entire body?wanted Heero? She couldn?t deny that anymore than she could deny needing to breathe. But she had promised Alex. She had betrothed herself to Alex. What could she do?

Breaking an engagement right before a wedding wasn?t unheard of. Wasn?t it better than marrying someone insincerely? But even thinking of it that way didn?t make her feel better. Everything about it was wrong. She was a villain and she knew it. Oh, Alex was under no delusion that she was in love with him. She had never claimed to be. He didn?t believe in such things. But she had committed herself to a life with him and because of that he had invested his life in her, and in her baby. He knew the baby wasn?t his, but he had cared for it as if it were, and he had kept the secret because she had asked him to. How could she hurt him? She couldn?t see how she couldn?t. She couldn?t see a clean way out.

Because there was no clean way. It was a mess and she was dirtied. She had to admit that. Come what may, she owed him the truth. She knew that much.

But telling the truth meant betraying Heero, whose very presence in her life had to be a secret?for the sake of Heero himself, and the baby, and herself even, possibly for the peace of the world should things go very badly. It was because of that that she had lied in the first place. What was she do?

Candace Mae couldn?t help. She had to decide.

Alex was on the way.

*****


?Heero, this is nuts. What are you going to do in front of all these people??

Duo was wearing a brimmed hat and a gray trench coat he had swiped from the coat closet, which he had pulled down over his head to hide his face. They stood in the nave of the cathedral, their backs to the wall. You couldn?t look anywhere without seeing flowers and ribbons. Hundreds of candles blazed in candelabras mounted in every nook and cranny. All around them, people were finding their seats.

Duo and Heero didn?t have seats. They weren?t supposed to be here at all. The only people allowed inside were ?intimate? guests on the invited list, which topped several hundred at least, overflowing to the point where not all the bodies would fit in the pews. Most of the guests were family members, dignitaries, celebrities, special staff, and so on.

Duo had stolen invitations and lied to get them inside. He justified it on the premise that Relena would have sent them actual invitations, had they not been out of reach in a bunker hiding from terrorists. Besides which, they were here to stop the wedding, so no one would really suffer a loss from not being able to get in. At least, stopping the wedding was Heero?s plan.

?I think this is romantic and everything, but I thought you said that if she rejected you, you?d give up and leave her alone?? Duo hissed at him. ?I don?t like this. We?re way over-exposed. You do realize someone might expect you to show up here, don?t ya??

?I said I?d leave her alone if she was happier with him,? Heero replied, ignoring Duo?s latter concern, which was both obvious and irrelevant. ?If she was happy.?

?How do you know she?s not happy??

?She doesn?t love him. She?s in love with me.?

Duo sighed.

It wasn?t pretention or wishful thinking that made Heero say so. He had felt it. When he had kissed her, against all measures of decorum, which Relena valued, every part of her had gravitated to every part of him. No one who felt the way she had in his arms should marry someone else.

It made no difference to Heero that Alex Calhoun was a nice man or a worthy gentleman or an eligible suitor or her fianc? or anything else that might be true. Such arguments were for people who believed in fairness. Heero didn?t believe in fairness. He?d seen too much unfairness. What he believed was that Relena loved him. What he knew was that he wanted her to be his?exclusively and forever.

Heero regretted Alex?s pain, but the suffering was unavoidable. In war, people died, even innocent people. In love, people lost, even good people. It wasn?t how he preferred things, but he wasn?t going to give up Relena for a principle of ?everybody wins? that he didn?t believe in. Eventually, when the sting faded, Alex might realize it was for the best.

Even if Heero couldn?t convince Relena, he wasn?t sure he would give her up. Even if she married Alex, he wasn?t sure he would ignore her. It wouldn?t be the first time he kept fighting after the battle was over.

?Help me find her,? Heero said. ?We don?t have much time and I don?t know much about churches. Where would she be??

Duo eyed him askance. ?If you don?t find her, you?re going to interrupt the ceremony, aren?t you? In front of a dozen camera crews and never mind that you?re wanted by terrorists or that I?m in danger being here with you, and??


?Duo.? There was no need to add more. Heero just looked at him.


?She?s probably in a room by the social hall, some place with a mirror.? Duo said. ?You know girls. They have to look their best for weddings.?


Heero didn?t know girls, but Relena would do what was proper unless it went against her sense of justice, or in his case, if she just couldn?t help herself. He nodded thoughtfully. ?I?ll find her. You inform the others of what is happening. We might need them if something goes wrong. Tell them to initiate Operation Starcross.?


Duo rolled his eyes to the ceiling. ?What could possibly go wrong?? He sighed audibly. ?All right. All right. I just hope you know what you?re doing.?


*****


By the time Alex knocked on the door, Relena had composed herself. She tried to assume the cool and commanding presence she would exude in a diplomatic situation, but she had to settle for merely collected. This wasn?t diplomatic. Matters of international importance, even those in which she had a personal stake, were far different than what she was about to do.


The knock sounded a second time. ?Relena?? Alex called through the door. ?Are you all right??


?I?ll get it,? Candace Mae said, and crossed the room to open the door.


Relena took a deep breath and stood. Upon entering, Alex murmured something to Candace Mae, who murmured something back in a voice too quiet to hear. He seemed distressed, but not overly. He didn?t quite look at her, his eyes on the floor, perhaps to avoid seeing her dress.


Relena took him in plainly, carving the image into her memory for a keepsake. Alexander Calhoun wore his best tuxedo. He was a handsome man, though not in the same way as Heero. He had more of the chiseled, crafted look to him, with the kind of distinguished face that men could wear without change until they were quite old. She never imagined him in anything more casual than a suit?not during the day anyway. He was that kind of person, always professional, though he was not stiff; in the time they had spent together, he smiled and laughed a lot.


He didn?t smile now.


?You can look at me, Alex,? she said.


He lifted his head, eyeing her professionally. The only thing to betray concern was a slight crinkle between his eyebrows. She wondered what her own face looked like. It felt like a mask.


There was a moment of silence.


?You look beautiful,? Alex told her. ?But it?s supposed to be bad luck to see the bride before the ceremony. What is this about? Has something happened??


?I?ll go make tea,? Candace Mae announced, and quietly excused herself from the room.


?Not politically,? Relena said once they were alone. ?It?s personal.?


She observed the change in his face, the crinkle deepening, his eyes becoming disconcerted. She was careful to keep her own from reflecting the storm that raged turbulently was inside her, threatening to rip her apart. She cared about this man. She could not break down in front of him. If she did, he would try to comfort her, and that would be an insult when he understood the reason for this summons.


?What is the problem?? he asked. ?Are you nervous? Is it the cameras? I told you we didn?t have to make a big fanfare of this if??


?It?s not that,? she interrupted. ?I have to tell you something.?


She could see the panic she was causing him. It threatened to shred her composure, but she couldn?t rush. She had to be as clear and deliberate as possible.


?It?s about the father of the baby,? she said. ?He heard about the wedding. He came to see me.?


Emotions flitted across Alex?s face. Surprise was primary. The rest were difficult to read. ?When??


?Just today,? she said. No need to let him imagine things to be worse than they were. ?At the convention, after I changed. I haven?t?been with him or anything. I didn?t think I?d ever see him again.?


?Then it doesn?t matter,? Alex said. He sounded immensely relieved. ?If he bothers you again, I?ll take care of it. We?ll put security on alert. Can you give a description??


Security? Stop Heero? It was almost ludicrous. If Relena had the capacity for amusement, she would have laughed. Alex didn?t know who Heero was. And he seemed to be missing the point. But that was her fault. She wasn?t being direct enough.


?I still love him, Alex.?


The words hung in the air, like smoke after a vanishing flame. To his credit, Alex seemed to take her statement without reacting harshly, a testament to his discipline as a diplomat. He knew how to control his feelings, even those that were sharp and hot. He was adept at thinking rationally under pressure, and he knew the importance of asking intelligent questions for clarification before coming to a conclusion. ?How do you know?? he asked.


?He kissed me. I kissed him back.?


He took a deep breath. ?It?s not unreasonable to think you might always have feelings for the father of your child??


?It wasn?t that kind of kiss, Alex.?


Consternation replaced thoughtfulness. He had been prepared to give her the benefit of the doubt, but no longer. She could see it in the lock of his jaw and the tightening of his hands into fists. He was breathing heavier. He also seemed to be having trouble processing, evidence that she had upset him. He didn?t look at her. And Relena didn?t speak. Nothing she could say would help. It would only give him reason to shout at her. She deserved that, at the very least, but it wouldn?t resolve matters. He needed the chance to think and respond.


?All right,? he said at length, his voice hoarse, his face red with the effort of maintaining control. ?So you?re saying that this man, this miscreant who gave you a child and then abandoned you, has waited until the last second before sweeping in on the day of your wedding to?what exactly? Confess his feelings? Make promises? What are saying exactly? That the wedding is off??


?Alex--?


He laughed, interrupting her. It wasn?t a laugh of mirth, but of incredulousness, released to break the tension. Then, all of a sudden, his face reddened with fury. ?I know a hundred guys like this!? he shouted. ?I didn?t think you were the kind of girl to fall for it!?


He stopped as soon as he spoke, wrestling for control. She waited, silent. He closed his eyes, visibly calming down, and opened them again to composure. But she could tell that he was still angry.


?Relena, men will say all kinds of things to get what they want. What they want is simple to understand if you?re a man. Lust is a powerful motivator, but not the only one. Men don?t want other men to have what was theirs. It?s about pride. And control. Just because he said a bunch of things doesn?t mean he loves you. If he loved you, he wouldn?t have left.?


Relena wanted to speak, but she couldn?t find words.


Alex shook his head. ?I don?t believe in fairy tale love, Relena, the kind of declarations. You know that. And it?s not because I?m cold or cynical. I do believe in romancing, as far as it serves to make another person feel special, but the only kind of ?in love? I?ve ever seen is when two people pretend to be idiots for each other so they don?t have to reconcile each other?s flaws. It doesn?t last. No one is perfect. Loving someone?really loving someone?means you care about them the same whether they are on their best behavior or their worst and whether you want to love them or not. It?s a choice, not an emotion. That?s how I love you, and it?s why I asked you to marry me, because I think we can do that for each other. This guy has confused you. He?s the father of your child and there?s a biological argument there that I understand could be confusing, but step back and look at the facts. Are you sure you?re not just nervous? I?ve been here, with you, this whole time. Where has he been??


Relena closed her eyes. She swayed on her feet. She needed to sit down. There was no denying that Alex was a persuasive speaker! That was, after all, what they had in common.


And he did have a point. The only difference in Relena?s understanding of love was that she didn?t think she pretended to be an idiot where Heero was concerned. Maybe other people pretended, but Relena felt she actually became one. It caused her embarrassment given how much control she had in other matters, and yet she couldn?t stop. She had made so many bad decisions, just to keep Heero near. And it wasn?t just since they had started seeing each other again. She had always been an idiot over Heero.
She was known to be bold in other matters she felt strongly about, but boldness turned to insanity when it came to Heero. She had jumped in front of gunfire for him when she knew barely more than his name.


She didn?t know what to say to Alex, not without giving away too much. Besides which, he would just argue that idiocy was no basis for love, real or imagined, and she would have to concede his point. After all, maybe he was right. There was no way to prove that her feelings meant she and Heero would be any happier together than she and Alex. Maybe what she felt for Heero was foolish.


Relena opened her mouth to tell him her thoughts when the door burst open.


Alex whirled.


Relena stared, her lips parted slightly. She felt as if her jaw had become unhinged. Not a word escaped. Only her eyes moved, following Heero?s entrance into the room.


He looked straight at her, seeking her out as if she were the only thing in the world worth looking at. He took in her wedding dress, snug at the hips, bare at the shoulders, with silk flowers cascading down one side and the pearls and carnations pinned in her honey blonde hair. The sight of her seemed to strike him silent.


A moment passed, and then Heero turned steely blue eyes on Alex. They were so hard, so filled with purpose, that they seemed to physically force the other man to look away. Relena had never seen Alex have trouble looking any man in the face, but he glanced to the side beneath Heero?s stare, if only for a moment. When Alex turned his head back, his features were just as hard.

?You must be him,? Alex said. The words came out like bits of metal spat through a grinder. ?The father of Relena?s baby. The one who left her.?

?Yeah,? Heero replied. His eyes didn?t change at all. ?I came here to say something.?

There was a moment of silence.

?I?m marrying Relena,? Heero said.

Alex staggered in place, as if he had missed his footing.

?I came here to stop her from marrying you so I could marry her.?

Relena felt her face flush. She couldn?t speak.

Alex didn?t say anything either. He seemed to be trying to process what kind of man would say what Heero had just said to the finance of another man on their wedding day. There was absolutely nothing polite or diplomatic about the approach. Heero spoke with assumed certainty.

?I love her,? Heero added. By his tone, he really did seem to think that finished it.

Alex punched Heero in the face.

Relena screamed. It caught her by surprise, shocking her out of silence. Alex had never punched anybody. She hadn?t even seen him swing his arm back. Heero must have seen it, but he let the fist hit him. He just stood still, impassive and accepting, arms at his sides. Alex didn?t hold back either. Heero?s face turned completely to the side, an ugly bruise blossoming on his cheek and upper jaw almost immediately upon impact.

Alex?s fist remained clenched as he withdrew. It must have been throbbing. Heero turned his head back. His steely eyes didn?t change at all. Alex lowered his arm, astounded enough by the unruffled reaction for surprise to replace fury, though the feeling of anger still radiated around him.

?I deserve that,? Heero responded. ?I understand how you must feel. You can hit me again if you want. But I?m taking Relena.?

?Who the hell do you think you are?? Alex demanded.

?No one of consequence.?

?And you think you can just come in here and take my fianc? from me?? Alex continued, his voice rising again. ?I?ll tell you what kind of man you are! You?re the kind who abandons a woman when she needs a man the most. A lowlife. You don?t even know your own child.?

?That?s true,? Heero said.

?No it isn?t!? Relena said, stepping between Alex and Heero. ?Alex, please stop. This isn?t the way to handle this. Heero didn?t abandon me. He??

?Yes, I did,? Heero interrupted her, his eyes on Alex. ?I did abandon her. There were other things I could have done than what I did.?

Alex grunted.

Heero closed his eyes briefly and then opened them. He seemed to address them both equally. ?I?ll say this. I made the decision I thought was best for everyone at the time. However, it was a mistake. The mistake can?t be rectified, except to say that it was the wrong decision and by attempting to do what I should have done in the first place. I should have told you I would be back for you, Relena. At worst, I could have hidden you away.?

Relena pressed a hand to her head, which seemed to be spinning. It occurred to her that she hadn?t eaten anything in seven hours. ?What are you saying, Heero? That you would have locked me up somewhere? I wouldn?t have let you and you know it.?

?Only if things got bad. The world would have survived without you for a little while.?

?What are you talking about?? Alex demanded. ?Are you seriously saying you would have abducted her? Are you some kind of psycho??

?That?s not what he?s saying, Alex,? Relena said. ?And he didn?t abandon me. Heero didn?t know I was pregnant when he left.?

Alex didn?t seem the least bit soothed. ?Is that supposed to make me like him? Relena, the whole world knew you were pregnant. All it takes is a little math. ?

?It wasn?t hard to figure out,? Heero agreed. He was so matter-of-fact about admitting guilt that she wanted to hit him herself. ?I suspected she might be as soon as I heard she was seeing you.?

Alex?s lips thinned in a hard line. ?So you knew the baby was yours. You even knew what a political problem that would be for her. And you still left her to fend for herself? You?re a cold one. I don?t know what she saw in you.?

Relena wanted to sink through the floorboards. How did she explain to Alex Heero?s situation without endangering them both, not to mention the baby? No one was supposed to know that she and Heero even saw each other anymore.

?What I do know,? Alex continued, ?is that you aren?t good enough for Relena. This show of bravado doesn?t endear you to me at all. You?re uncouth at best. At worst, you?d be a danger to her, not to mention a terrible influence on the child. Relena is a refined woman. I don?t mean to sound like a self-important jerk, but her life is political. A person like you would cause trouble for her. She can do better and has done. This is our day. Please leave.?

?I can?t do that.?

?Heero?? Relena began.

Alex seethed over her. ?You can?t sweep in an hour before a wedding ceremony and expect to make off with the bride! How in God?s name would you even take care of her? How would you raise that child? Anyone can tell you have no experience with such things. I don?t know where you come from, but I can?t be far wrong in thinking you have no family to speak of. Maybe leaving her was the best thing you could do.?

?Alex, please don?t,? Relena implored. ?Heero, you don?t have to??

?He?s right,? Heero said, still in that tone that offered acknowledgment of failure without self-pity or obsequiousness. ?I don?t have any family to speak of. I can?t claim I really even know what family means. I don?t know anything about taking care of babies or raising children and I can?t claim that a life with Relena won?t have difficulties. I have a lot to learn. However, I can assure you that I am aware of her political situation more acutely than you are.?

?I don?t see how that?s possible,? Alex said.

?Relena lives in the public sphere. All the lights are on her. But I see what goes on in the dark beneath her feet. If not for people like me, people like you wouldn?t last long enough for your message to be heard. If you want to know what I do--?

?Heero!? Relena said, more sharply this time. ?This isn?t necessary. There?s no need for the two of you to argue. This situation isn?t something you can fight out. It must be resolved by my decision. And it?s not a choice between which of you is better!?

Smoothing her dress, Relena faced both of them. She had thought about this. She just had to get it out.

?Alex, there are some things about Heero you don?t understand. I know he?s brash, but he has reason. Heero, you are intruding. Alex has every right to want you thrown out of here. I don?t want you to fight. It doesn?t solve anything. I am the one who bears responsibility for creating this situation. I must be the one to resolve it.?

She turned first to Alex. ?Alex, you are right about everything you have said, but you must see that I can?t marry you.?

She halted. She was forced to by the expression on his face, as if she had slapped him. No. Stabbed him. She forced herself to continue.

?Not like this. I can?t love you the way you deserve, the way you spoke of, as long as I have feelings like this for someone else. Alex, I am?sorrier?than I can ever say.?

She couldn?t look at his face anymore. She couldn?t bear it. She could feel the swift stab of pain she had given him radiating from his silence.

She turned to Heero.

?Heero, I can?t marry you either. I don?t even know why you would ask me. It is too dangerous, and I??

She paused again, though Heero?s face hadn?t changed a hair. It was getting hard to breathe. As she spoke, she felt as if she were suffocating on her own air. It was like the passageways from her lungs to her heart were closing off. Her chest tightened.

?I have a duty that is bigger than this,? she said to them both. ?It?s true that I wanted a family, but I do have a son now, and I can raise him without needing to depend on either of you.?

She forced herself to look up.

Alex was sadness itself, though he had somewhat stonewalled behind a veneer of professionalism. Even so, she could tell how deeply she had wounded him. She knew it by knowing him, though it may not be obvious to others. He had done everything right, and now it was all destroyed, without any warning at all. She hoped he wasn?t broken beyond repair, but for the time being, defeat and disillusion engulfed him in a cloud of gloom. Maybe, in a short while, he would be angry again. She almost hoped so. And she had no right to expect forgiveness. Not ever.

She took a deep breath. ?Heero, I don?t expect that I shall be able to convince you to stop protecting me, but given the pain I?ve caused, and considering how complicated this is, maybe it?s best that you do what you have to do without me knowing, like you used to. If I never see you, it will be like you intended. I don?t want you to think that you abandoned me or failed me in any way. I do care for you, but I can?t see any path to happiness here. I can?t say I deserve happiness. No one can expect to have everything that is good, and I have my share of blessings. My life is purposeful. Loneliness is a small price to pay for what I can accomplish. I?m sorry I wasn?t able to accept it before, but I?ve grown a little, and I think it?s best now if you leave me alone.?

She made herself look at him.

Heero?s face was an altogether different study than Alex?s. He looked like he could punch through a wall by doing nothing but looking at it. Unexpectedly, he strode toward her. His walk was dangerous, and swift. A few steps was all that was necessary. She caught her breath, stepping back. Alex looked up, startled, eyes wide. Ignoring him, Heero touched Relena?s chin. He lifted her face up, peering down at her.

?I mean it,? she said. She glared at him through a haze of shimmering tears that encroached without warning across her eyes. He smiled down at her, as if he found her tearful defiance endearing.

?I promised I would protect you,? he told her. ?It seems I need to explain to you what that means.?

Relena swallowed. Her whole body started to shake.

?I heard Alex say something interesting before I let myself in,? Heero said. ?He said that love isn?t a feeling, but a choice. He?s right. I didn?t come here for a feeling, Relena. I?ve felt the same way about you for years.?

?That?s not??

?Your purpose is to bring peace to the world. That?s what you are saying.?

?Heero--?

?I thought mine was to protect you so you can do that. But that view was shortsighted. You need someone to love you, Relena. My purpose is to love you so you can do your job.?

Her eyes widened. ?Heero, you cannot say things like that. That doesn?t even make sense! You have many purposes. Protecting me is just a choice you made. I??

?I didn?t say loving you was the only useful thing I can do,? he interrupted her. ?Or even that it always comes first. But what is happening in the world doesn?t change how I feel about you, and it?s not just because you are instrumental to peace. We both gave our lives to the preservation of the world we live in today, for the sake of humanity. Relena, my world is you.?

She fell silent.

?You need love. I don?t want to hear you pretending that you don?t. I know you struggle with loneliness. Don?t blight what you are trying to achieve by sacrificing happiness. I don?t want to see you settling for less than what is the absolute pinnacle of your ideal. What makes you a beacon of light in this world is that you believe the things you say. You believe in so much more than I ever did. You made me believe too. You never understood how extraordinary that was.?

She couldn?t speak.

?Ten years ago, I didn?t believe my life had any meaning or purpose. Nine years ago, I didn?t believe in peace. A year ago, I didn?t believe in love. The fact that Alex doesn?t believe you, or anyone, can fall in love is what makes me certain he is not the right man for you. I have fallen in love with you. You are someone who has changed my entire world.?

?Don?t say that,? she implored, not because she didn?t want to hear it, but because it pulled her apart. What was he saying? He had changed her entire world. She could feel her will unraveling. She was going to say or do something stupid if he kept talking.

?I know what I want,? he said. His finger brushed her cheek. Her eyes stared into his. ?And I know this has been hard. I?ve wronged you by taking so long to see what is obvious. Because of that, you?ve hurt someone who didn?t deserve it and you?ve been hurt. I won?t promise it will be easy from now on. I can?t promise I won?t make any more mistakes, but I came here because of a decision. I?ve decided to love you. For better or worse, that?s what I mean to do. Forever.?

She just shook her head, but his hands cradled her face, and she couldn?t escape.

?How do you do this to me?? she demanded. ?How do you turn the world upside down??

He was the source of her strength, but tears sprang to in her eyes in front of him. Alex was staring at her as if he had never seen her before. His head swiveled toward Heero.

?Who are you?? Alex demanded.

The door banged open.


Relena barely had time to process. Of the faces that entered, she recognized only Candace Mae. The old woman?s face was gray, her eyes wide, wisps of hair flying around her head. Three men and a woman filed in behind her, all of them wearing black suits similar to those of the security guards hired for the event. They were holding guns. One was jabbed against Candace Mae?s back, judging by her stiff posture and arching chest. Another, held by the red-headed woman in front, was aimed at them.


?Heero Yuy,? she said in a voice that was close to a purr. ?Toss your gun over here. Quietly.?


Heero?s eyes remained on Relena for a fraction of a second. She saw only calm. He spoke without hardly moving his lips. ?Don?t worry, and don?t do anything rash. I?ll handle this.?


He turned slowly, raising both hands. As he did, Relena saw a gun tucked in the waistband of his pants at the small of his back. He took it out, set it on the ground, and slid it across the floor. One of the men picked it up.


?How did you find me?? Heero asked, hands still in the air.


?We had intelligence that you once had a liaison with the Vice Minister,? the woman replied. ?We didn?t
expect you to show up, but we were, of course, quite pleased when you did. A little interrogation in the right place revealed why.? She put on a hand on Candace Mae?s shoulder.


Relena gasped. How long ago did Candace Mae go for tea? Her house manager would not have willingly betrayed her. The gray of her face took on a new meaning. Her forehead was matted with sweat. She looked exhausted. What kind of people tortured an old woman?


The redhead smiled.


Alex moved.


It happened too fast for Relena. Alex attempted to close the gap between him and one of the guards, his face grim as death. What he meant to do was unclear. Relena felt more than saw Heero bolt away from her, directly toward Alex. The swiftness of his reaction left a void in his wake.


Two shots were fired.


Relena?s eyes widened. Her breath had stopped. Her heart raced.


Alex was on the ground. He screamed, crying out unintelligibly, and then went very quiet, his legs jerking. Two of the men held guns, both of which were smoking. Relena could see blood pooling on the floor around Alex, though she could not see where he had been struck. Her hand leapt to mouth, but not in time to stifle a cry.


Heero knelt beside Alex. He seemed to be checking his vitals. Heero?s arm was bleeding, though he didn?t seem to notice. A bullet had either penetrated or grazed his forearm, leaving a torn white sleeve that was quickly soaking with red. Blood dripped from the cuff onto his hand and fingers.


Either the second shot was poorly aimed, or it had been aimed at Alex and Heero got in the way.


?He?s alive,? Heero announced. Relena sobbed relief. Heero looked up at the intruders. ?You?ve made your point. I?ll come along quietly. You can let them go. This man needs medical assistance.?


The red-headed woman?s full lips turned upward in a smile. ?That?s very amusing, Mr. Yuy. But we?re taking all of you, just to make sure you don?t do anything?stupid.? She waved to the men behind her. ?Separate Ms. Darilan from Mr. Yuy, Harold. Keep a gun at her back.? Her smiled never flickered. ?Just so you know, Mr. Yuy, we?ve got your baby too. Do anything and we?ll start killing hostages. No warnings.?


Heero?s eyes glittered. He slowly rose to his feet.


TBC




I hope to conclude this in one more chapter, but we?ll see. It takes as long as it takes. Please review! I really hope for it. It is such a joy to read comments, the more detailed the better. Frankly, I need the motivation to keep juggling multiple projects. 

[MissMoxie]

If this story were a man, I'd have a long drawn out love-affair with it and then later crash its wedding to another lady and then marry it.

[euthalia]

my heart just did a twirl, dropped to my stomach, got regurgitated upwards and spun to fly away.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhppppppppddddddddddaaaaaaattttttttttttttteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee please?

[stormwind16]

If this story were a man, I'd have a long drawn out love-affair with it and then later crash its wedding to another lady and then marry it.

lol I agree