Let Go Your Heart - Chapter Five (Rated T, 1xR AU)

[NenaKR]

AN: I don?t own Gundam Wing.


Let Go Your Heart

Chapter Five

By: Nena

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?You used to be much more??muchier?. You?ve lost your ?muchness?.?

-The Mad Hatter, Tim Burton?s Alice in Wonderland


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It came as no small surprise to Relena when Heero began to acknowledge her name. They had been traveling for several days now and had eventually become accustomed to one another?s habits, so the first time she heard ?Lenny? instead of ?kid? made her smile. Heero?s grumpy, anti-social mood was still his prominent personality trait, but she found that when she cooked, he was better. He hadn?t begun to trust her yet, but he was opening up to her a little at a time. In the back of her mind, she still wondered sometimes at the fury behind his gaze when things would get quiet and he would focus in on the journey. There were moments she had begun to notice when he would sink in on himself, his hands gripping the reins tightly. There was never any kind of emotion on Heero?s face, just the tightness in his shoulders and the way his hands would sometimes shake. She found herself trying to joke or sing to him when that happened, just so she could take his mind out of that deep and desperate place. Sometimes it worked.

The past day, however, hadn?t been as joyous as she had thought it would be. They were very close to Waco. She was afraid. Heero was more stoic, however, and it was making her nervous. She knew that he had been traveling all over the place looking for the man with the familiar face and had only come up with more and more references to clues. She didn?t know what had driven him to the point where he was at now, as if this were a sentencing or penance for something. She didn?t know why he didn?t just stop looking for him and let the Sheriff?s department handle it. The trip had become more and more solemn and less hopeful with every mile they traveled, him for his own reasons, and her because she wasn?t sure what she would do once she got there. Waco was far enough away that she longer worried whether or not her brother would be able to find her. She did worry about what she was going to do when she got there. She couldn?t possibly hope that a local saloon would have a sudden open position for a dealer. So, Relena found herself praying for an open door somewhere along the way. She was at a loss as for what to do next, but she found herself trusting in the God she served, trying not to think too hard or long on the how?s and when?s.

She also prayed for her family. She prayed for protection and provision. She prayed for courage and boldness.

But more than anything, she prayed for Heero.

It wasn?t that she heard some voice from Heaven telling her to. There weren?t even any visible signs. It was more like something coming from the inside of her that pushed him to the forefront of her mind every time she closed her eyes to pray. She didn?t even know what she was praying for him about?he had so many secrets. Relena had seen the way Heero would oddly stare at her right before they both drifted to sleep, when she would scan over the words in her Bible. The first couple of nights had been unnerving, having his gaze settle upon her when she would try to focus on the Word. She had to read a verse four times before she could actually stop and think about what it meant. But then they had both become accustomed to her nightly routine, and he stopped looking at her after a few nights. Most nights he would lay flat on is back and stare up at the night sky with his hands over his chest, his deep blue eyes flickering back and forth across the galaxy. It was hard not to stare at him.

?There.? He said suddenly, halting his horse. Relena looked up and saw that the distant lights from Waco were lighting up the night air. A few people ? more like specks from this distance ? were walking through the streets, some on horseback. Someone was languidly playing a guitar, basic chords traveling to their ears. Relena immediately felt tired at just seeing a large hotel next to the entrance of the city, but she had no money and no way of staying the night at a place like that. She would have to end up sleeping alone in some dark alley tonight. She fought the water building up in her eyes. What was she supposed to do now?

?Let?s push the horses the rest of the distance. I?m ready to sleep in a real bed.? Heero said gruffly, then ?Hya?d? and took off in a gallop. She stared after him a moment, then looked up at the sky.

?Your turn.? She said, then took off after him.


--


A bell tinkled as they walked through the Grand Waco Hotel. The smell of beef and cornbread were pungent in the air as, in a nearby dining room, the patrons were having supper. Glasses and silverware clinked together as children?s laughter floated. There was a couple taking an afternoon promenade who passed by Heero and Relena as they made their way out the door. The woman wore a lovely pink dress that was form fitting at the top (no doubt by the corset) and billowed at the bottom. A bonnet was tied around her face where little wisps of dark brown hair escaped. The man wore a nice dark suit and hat, and they linked arms as they moved gracefully through the halls. They seemed very young. Perhaps newlyweds.

Relena felt like she was sinking. There were so many things that she doubted she would ever be able to experience. This would be where she and Heero would part ways. She glanced over at him as he leaned casually over the counter and spoke to the clerk. He had taken his hat off once he walked through the door ? Heero may have been cold, but he knew manners. The clerk pushed his thick glasses up with his index finger and studied the tender Heero had slid across the counter.

Resigned, she turned around and made her way back out the door. Sanc was tied up outside. She walked sullenly over to him and rubbed his neck, pressing her face into his mane. The air was chilly outside, so she hurried to find some sort of shelter as she untied him and began walking beside him through the dark streets. She had just made it to a small saloon when she heard a voice call out her name. She spun around to find Heero a few feet away from her, looking mildly annoyed. He was flustered, as if he had been running.

?Where are you going?? He said, eyeing her suspiciously. Her mouth was dry as she tried to form a coherent thought ? the last thing she expected was for him to talk to her again.

?We made it to Waco,? She said softly, nervously running her fingers through Sanc?s mane. ?That was all you promised me. I didn?t want to be a burden.?

If it was possible, Heero?s brow rose about 1/12th of an inch. ?You aren?t a burden, Lenny. Your cooking isn?t half-bad. I got us two rooms and stables for the night,? He said, turning around. He motioned for her to follow. ?But, the stables are that way.? He said, grinning.

She stared at him with her mouth open, a little dumbfounded. When she finally got her act together she walked quickly behind Heero, saying ?Thank You Jesus Thank You Jesus Thank You Jesus!? under her breath the whole way back.

When they had fed and washed the horses and set them down for the night, the duo walked tiredly back to their rooms. Relena yawned softly as she dragged her feet behind her, the thought of the bath in the adjacent room a welcome invitation. Heero was quiet beside her, his mind probably on a million different things. She reached her room and they both stopped as she unlocked the door and stepped inside, pulling her few belongings in with her. Her Bible fell with a thump on the ground and Heero and she both reached down at the same time to pick it up, which, of course, resulted in a collision. Somehow or another her chin smashed into the top of his head.

?Ow.? She laughed, rubbing her chin. Heero rubbed the back of his head with a crooked smile on his face and reached down again to pick up the Bible. Relena watched him as he came back up and stared at her, smiling.

?Sorry, partner.? He said, handing her the leather-bound book. She reached for it and her hand touched his for a second, but when she pulled her hand away, it felt like her whole arm was on fire. She glanced up at him and saw that he now an odd look on face. There really was no other way to describe it. She pushed her bag inside with her foot and turned back around to close the door.

??Night, mister. Thank ya? fer? yer? hospitality.?

Heero winced as she went to close the door and stuck his hand out, blocking her.

?We have got to work on that accent.?

She sighed and rolled her eyes at him. ?You are so particular.?

Heero smiled at her. ?If it?s all the same, we really have to work on that. You read that thing enough to know vocabulary. Perhaps you should start reading it out loud.?

?Tonight?? She voiced, yawning.

?No, not tonight.? He said, still grinning. They both stared awkwardly at each other for a moment before he turned and walked off toward his room. Relena peeked out of the door and watched him as he reached his door, shook his head, then walked inside.

She smiled to herself as she closed the door softly and set the locks. The warm, fluffy bed was calling out her name, but the smell of her clothing and the dirty feel of her skin were overpowering it. She stripped down in the middle of the room and walked toward the already-filled bath, which was one of the hotel?s commodities ? first night, free water. There was still a little steam rising from the tub. Realizing that she could finally take her hat off, she reached and yanked it off her head, allowing her growing hair to tumble down. It had grown quite a lot since the first time her brother had chopped it off, but she had had nothing sharp to cut it with again, so she had been forced to make up a lie about head lice and wear this stupid hat all day everyday for weeks.

She stared at herself in the mirror. She had gotten thinner, but she had started filling out in other places. It made keeping up appearances a little harder. It wasn?t enough to make it obvious that she was a girl, though. Her hair was a tangled mess around her face, and she saw that the hotel also proved a comb. She stared at it for a moment and started crying.

?What is wrong with me? It?s just a stupid hairbrush!? She muttered, patting both of her cheeks. ?Get a grip, Dorlian.?

Relena turned around and stepped slowly into the water. She grabbed a bar of soap and began to run it slowly over her legs and arms, the harsh smell of lye soap filling up the room. By the time Relena had finished bathing, she had fallen asleep in the tub.

She awoke a few hours later to the sound of giggling outside her door. Glancing out the window, she noted that it had to be either very late or very early. Her skin felt wrinkled from being in the water too long. She quickly dried off and slipped on a large shirt as she tiptoed her way to the door. She creaked it open slightly and watched as two women ? they must have been prostitutes ? made their way down the hall.

?Did you see him?? One with long, curly black hair whispered, giggling to her friend. ?He was incredibly handsome. I was all hot and bothered the moment he walked through the door.?

?He?s probably lonely. There?s no way he?d turn both of us down. Two for the price of one.? The other said. Her voice sounded raspy, as if she had smoked too many cigars. Her hair was a dark brown and she was shorter than her friend.

They then proceeded to describe parts of the man?s anatomy that turned Relena a deep shade of scarlet and sent her almost slamming the door in alarm, but she stopped as she saw them halt at Heero?s door. Her eyes grew wide as the shorter one knocked curtly against the wood.

They both tapped their feet impatiently as they waited. After a few minutes, the door opened quickly. The two women backed away for whatever reason. Relena couldn?t see Heero from her vantage point.

?What?? He growled.

The taller one smiled charmingly at him as she flipped her hair over her shoulder. ?Oh, don?t be like that, sugar. We were just tryin? to have a little fun.? She giggled. She waved a large red fan in front of her face as her eyes roamed him up and down. The smaller one stepped closer toward the door.

?Wouldn?t you like a little company?? She said raspily, reaching out a finger to touch him. Before she knew what had happened, Heero had slapped her hand harshly toward the ground.

?Don?t touch me. Get out of here. Tell all of your friends I?m not interested, either. I don?t care how good they look.?

Heero abruptly slammed the door in their faces, earning a yell from one of the other rooms. The women stood in shock in the hallway, and Relena grinned to herself as she quietly shut her door.

She walked back over to her bed and pulled back the covers. She sat up for a moment as she attempted to comb her damp hair, humming Amazing Grace to herself. When her head hit the pillow, she was out.

--


They were on the road again by mid-morning. She and Heero both enjoyed a quiet breakfast in the dining room and were happy to see that their horses were washed and looked better, less tired. It was a nice warm day outside as they walked through the streets of the town. The first place they stopped at was the saloon that Relena had happened across the night before, which was mostly empty save for a few gamblers at a table. They glanced at Heero?s photo and denied any knowledge of the man. They immediately walked out, Heero?s mood darkening. They spent the day trying to cover as much ground of the city as they could, trying liquor stores, textiles, general stores, and banks as well as the saloons. No one recognized the face. Not a single person. Heero?s patience had diminished with every negative answer. He had stopped speaking to Relena at around noon, and she had decided it was in her best interest not to say anything as she watched his hands clench into tighter fists with each passing hour.

They were passing through an alley when Relena watched, mortified, as two naked women and a man barreled their way out of the back entrance of another saloon. The women were beautiful, and the man looked wealthy. They were obviously intoxicated, and one of the women glanced their way. She smiled at them.

?Hey, handsome. Why don?t you two mosey on over here? We?ll make it a party.?

Relena swiftly turned her head and walked away. She glanced at Heero, who had barely even acknowledged that the woman was speaking to him. He just kept walking, not looking her way. Behind them, clearly offended and in her cups, the woman huffed and stomped her foot on the ground. She placed her hands on her hips and squinted her black eyes at Heero, her makeup smeared down her face from sweat and who-knows-what-else.

?Aye, don?t I know you??

Heero kept walking. He actually started speeding up. Relena stopped and looked around, confused. The woman started yelling at them both, pointing her finger at them. She was suddenly loud and obnoxious as she called out his name.

?I heard about you. You?re the school teacher from Maverick. I?d recognize your face from the papers any day of the week.?

Heero suddenly stopped. He turned around slowly, maliciously glaring at the woman from the small distance between them. Relena took a step back. She had never seen him so angry. The woman, obviously too drunk to understand the danger she was putting herself in, kept on. Relena couldn?t peel her eyes away from her, no matter how embarrassed she was at the woman?s nakedness.

?Yep. It?s you, alright. It?s a real shame what happened to your wife. How long ago was the funeral??

Relena jerked her attention back to Heero. His jaw was clenched painfully as he dug his fingers into the palms of his hands. He glanced her way, watching as the surprise littered upon her face, as well as a shocked sort of confusion. It was a credit to her sanity that she didn?t run away screaming right then and there. He looked ready to snap.

And then, against all logic, she walked slowly over to him. The woman was spouting off nonsense behind them, and Relena was sure that if she didn?t do something, something bad was bound to happen. Heero watched her every step as she made her way over to him, silent, barely controlled fury in his eyes. She stood directly in front of him and placed a shaky hand on his shoulder as he concentrated on her face, finding something in her eyes that she wasn?t sure of, but seemed to keep him grounded.

?Go back to the horses,? She said softly, staring him directly in the eyes. ?I?ll take care of this.?

He stared at her for a long moment, trying to make up his mind. And then, just as quickly, he turned around and walked off. Relena watched him as he disappeared behind a building, and then she turned around and faced the woman who was staggering on her feet as she tried to go after Heero. Relena blocked her way and glared up at her, shoving the sketch into her face. She staggered backwards.

?Do you recognize this man??

Glaring, the woman flicked her gaze down to the drawing and tried to focus in on the picture through her slovenly haze of vision. Relena resisted the urge to gag at the pungent smell of alcohol that she reeked of, turning her face away from the woman as she exhaled.

?No.? The woman said, snuffing Relena, then turning to catch up with her friends.


--


She caught up with Heero later back at the hotel. The horses were saddled and all of their things were loaded up, and Heero stood there leaning against his horse and tapping his foot. She walked up to him, unsure of what kind of mood he would be in. He seemed a little more in control of himself?his hair was damp. So, he had taken to the bath. Her gaze flickered over his handsome face, though cold and devoid of emotion as it was, and she resisted the illogical urge to run her fingers through his wet hair. He turned and looked at her and righted himself up off the horse. He placed a satchel in her hands.

?You can go inside and eat dinner, and then we?ll saddle up.?

?You?re leaving?? She said, disappointment evident in her voice. She had hoped to stay one more night?

?We?re leaving. Nobody here knows anything.? He stated. He didn?t sound angry or sad or anything?he just sounded succumbing. She nodded and gave him a small smile, then headed back inside. She was a little sorry that they hadn?t found anything, but she was also happy that she would get to be under his wing for a little longer.


--


They headed out of town late in the afternoon. Heero was silent again. It saddened Relena that he had gone back into whatever secluded place he was in his mind again. She didn?t suspect they would do much talking that night. They traveled for three hours before deciding to build a campfire and settle down, Heero not letting her know where they were headed. After they had set everything up, she lay down on her thin spread of padding and flipped onto her side as she opened her Bible.

?Read it out loud tonight.? He stated, lying on his back and staring up at the stars like he did every night. She looked at him for a moment before glancing back down at the pages. The Bible had opened on its own to Psalm 139.

?O LORD, thou hast searched me, and known me. Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off. Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O LORD, thou knowest it altogether. Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it. Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me. If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me. Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee. For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them. How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee??

She glanced back at him and saw that his eyes were closed. She smiled, then closed the Bible and prayed for him before falling asleep.


--


Something was threatening to awaken her from her sleep. She heard an annoying sound?not loud, but consistent. She attempted to squeeze her eyes shut against the sound and fall back asleep, but it persisted. She groaned, half-awake.

And then someone yelled.

She jerked upright and tried to focus her eyes on where the sound emitted from. Heero was across from her, on his back and writhing in his sleep. He clawed at the dirt with his fingers, his eyes shut tight, having a nightmare. He was sweating?he had gotten dangerously close to the fire. She jumped up out of bed and ran over to him and tried to haul him back by placing her arms under his shoulders, afraid that if she woke him suddenly he would react and stick his foot into the fire.

?Mae?? He mumbled, his voice raspy. Relena dragged him backwards, falling down with him when they were a safe-enough distance away from the fire. Somehow, he ended up with his back against her chest, his head lying against her shoulder. His clothes were soaked through. There was no telling how long he had been shaking like that?

He yelled again suddenly, his hands gripping the sides of her legs painfully. She bit the inside of her cheek as he spit forth a stream of profanities she was shocked to hear come out of his mouth. Not knowing what else to do, she pressed her forehead into his back and rubbed her hands back and forth over his arms as they clenched tighter and tighter against her legs.






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[flipped]

yey. the story really picked up its pace on this chapter.
1xR is getting closer as well. their intereaction though still scarce but sincere. excited to read the next