[4xD, 1xR One-Shot ~ PG-13] Sexual Orientation

[wingzerosnuggles]

Title: Sexual Orientation
Continuity: Figurative Brotherhood
Length: One-shot
Pairings: 4xD, 1xR
Prompt: None
Teaser: "I don't mind in the least if you feel the need to picture men while making love to me."
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5227951/7/F ... rotherhood

Disclaimer: GW = not mine.

Author's Note: I might do a ficlet series on 4xD (Polite Acrimony) but must test the waters first.

Figurative Brotherhood
by mistress amethyst une

Sexual Orientation
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Devil's Threeway?Two dudes, one chick.

--taken from The Bro Code by Barney Stinson with Matt Kuhn, p.194
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Dorothy's usual wicked expression of elation was absent as she entered Quatre's home office. If anything, she looked serious. Quatre practically bolted from his seat, trying to clear his desk of anything expensive or electronic before she got close enough to touch him. The last time she'd visited him in his office with that expression, she'd grabbed him by the collar, wrestled him atop his desk and sent his 50,000 credit laptop crashing to the floor. Though the ravishing he got from her was certainly worth the damages, the fees he paid Duo for trying to salvage the computer's memory were? Oh, all right, it was absolutely worth it. Still, he wanted to avoid the potential mess.

"You know I'm fairly liberal, Quatre," she began, placing both hands, palms down, on his now blessedly empty workspace.

Any second now. He knew just how liberal she was. He gave her what he hoped was a seductive smile, cocking an eyebrow suggestively. Why was she still maintaining the serious facade? Was it his turn to make the grab?

"I don't mind in the least if you feel the need to picture men while making love to me."

The four horsemen of the apocalypse could have come bursting into his office at that moment, and he still wouldn't have looked away from her. His face didn't just fall, it was bashed in by the impact of her words, shattered into a million shocked fragments of flesh and bone. This was one of her strange and complicated jokes, wasn't it? Fine, he was willing to play along. What's the punchline?

"However, I think we should end this relationship if I don't turn you on. It's a waste of our time. You should be more open."

His mouth fell open. Was she breaking up with him? That wasn't much of a punchline. If anything, that was simply a punch. Damned painful punch to his figurative groin...

"I'm sure the public will understand. No need to participate in a sham."

"What the hell are you talking about?" he blurted.

"No need to act innocent around me, Quatre," she stated, her tone sounding almost patronizing to his disbelieving ears. "It's perfectly normal if you...hm, how do I put it? Feel the need to stick yourself in another man's cockpit. It's a widely-accepted alternative lifestyle. Found these on your desk when I dropped by your branch office today..."

She took a pair of briefs from her pocket, waving them in his face as proudly as one would the flag of one's nation. He wrinkled his nose.

"I know they're not yours," she continued, still dangling the offending article of clothing in his face. "I buy all your underwear, for heaven's sake. No fianc? of mine goes around in atrocious tattered cotton. Who's the mystery man? I just want to meet my potential replacement. We can still part on good terms, Quatre! No hard feelings! If you're bisexual, that's fine, too. You only live once. Devil's threeway? I'm game."

If he really was having an affair with a man behind her back, shouldn't she be more upset? If anything, it seemed like she saw this as a small problem that could be worked out quite easily. A stereotypical woman in love would have had her world come tumbling down on her upon discovering something like this. Not Dorothy. He was quite sure she loved him but her ways of showing it? Full unabashed acceptance of your fianc?'s possible sexual desire for men over you was sort of touching he supposed.

In a weird way.

Kind of.

If he did swing that way.

And what the hell was a devil's threeway?

"Dorothy, I'm not gay," he said, bristling at the accusation as he grabbed the accursed briefs from her grasp and threw them halfway across the room.

"Right!" she exclaimed in relief. "So you're bisexual? Well, I'm not selfish. I'm quite willing to share you with your male lover. Might be difficult but I'll see if I can adapt. If it doesn't work out, we can always be friends. I want to understand your needs, Quatre. I really do. You don't have to hide from me. If this was the usual case of infidelity, with some skank having her legs wrapped around you, we wouldn't even be talking. Castration might have been involved. But this is different! It's about being true to yourself, darling."

She really should never use darling. On her lips, it sounded more like a threat than an endearment.

"Look, I have no idea how those ended up on my desk but I most certainly did not debrief their owner. I'm straight and completely faithful to you. No lovers on the side, male or female."

"Why can't you be honest with me?" she pouted. "I already told you. I accept you as you are. Come on, you can tell me. I'll support you. If you feel you must leave me, I completely understand. Balancing two relationships would be-"

"Dorothy, I don't have time for your games. I had to reschedule a meeting with Heero-"

"So, it's Heero?"

"I didn't say that!" he bit out. "Besides, Heero doesn't swing that way. He's not even straight. He's Relenasexual."

She pinched the bridge of her nose, seemingly flustered by the whole imagined affair he was having in her head. "Honey, you're frustrating me."

She shouldn't use endearments on him. Period. That sounded like a death threat.

"Honey," he echoed, copying her tone. "Sorry to disappoint you but I'm not gay. You're stuck with me. Also, whatever a devil's threesome is, I don't want one."

"Threeway," she corrected. "It's two men-"

"Definitely don't want one," he amended.

"Your mouth says no but your mind says-"

"NO! If I didn't know any better, I'd say you wanted one."

She pursed her lips, suddenly distracted by the ceiling.

"Oh! Of course! You wanted one," he realized, his palm colliding with his forehead. "Is this part of some elaborate ruse to get me into a threeway?"

Her eyes flashed at that statement, training their angry glare on him.

"Of course not!" she spat. "I just thought the idea was amusing. When I found those briefs in your office, I weighed the pros and cons. The threeway thing was a toss-up. Look, Quatre, I'm trying to give us a clean break. Lying to me only prolongs the process. Let's get this over with quickly. Don't you think this is painful? Still, when I fell in love with you, I took a risk. I decided I would support you unless you were being stupid to the point of deadly. Love is a liability. When the spell it casts wears off, it leaves the formerly romance afflicted a mere shell. That makes things difficult. Eating, sleeping, working... Still, I took that risk and I'm willing to pay the price. Love ends but the world doesn't stop spinning for a broken heart so I can't afford to be indisposed for an extended period."

She hastily wiped at her face, taking a deep breath to stop the tear flow. "So please," she begged. "Be honest. If we can't be together anymore, I can take it. The sooner I know, the faster I can recover."

He got out from behind his desk and walked to place himself behind her. Wrapping his arms around her, he whispered in her ear. "You're the only one for me, all right? I don't want to leave you."

"But if you must-"

"Shh... No. I won't. Dorothy, it took me forever to get you to want me. I'm quite sure I'm someone you'll love but never need. You're always so strong, and I need you by my side. You make me strong. You say you can recover if I left you. Well, I'm not like you. If you left me... Do you honestly think I'd just throw everything away?"

"Everything?"

"You're my everything."

"Quatre, I-"

And it was at this point that an angry Relena Darlian chose to come bursting into the room, dragging Heero Yuy by the ear as Quatre's distressed secretary trailed them. Dorothy turned in Quatre's arms, looking over his shoulder to see what all the commotion was about.

"S-sir," stuttered the confused secretary. "I told them to wait but she's Vice Foreign Minister Darlian and-"

"It's ok, Laura," remarked Quatre, still holding onto Dorothy tight. "You may go."

Laura made a hasty retreat as Relena steeled herself.

"Heero has an apology to make," declared Relena, raising an eyebrow at Quatre's and Dorothy's affectionate display. "Am I interrupting something?"

Quatre took a deep breath and released Dorothy before turning to face his surprise guests. "Sort of," he said. "I suppose that makes us even."

"Actually, we're more than even," frowned Relena. "So I dropped by your branch office today, Quatre. I wasn't aware that you worked from home on Wednesdays. To my surprise, Heero was there."

She pulled at Heero's ear harder, still keeping the same hold on him as she had when she first dragged him in. Painful as that might have been, his face remained blank.

Relena cleared her throat. "I told him quite plainly that I appreciated his spontaneous gesture of affection but-"

"You enjoyed it," interrupted Heero. "A lot. I was just fulfilling a mutual fantasy."

"Not the point!" she shrieked, pulling at his ear hard enough to finally get at least what resembled a pained grunt. Satisfied, she released him.

"Anyway," she continued. "We might have- Well, we did have-"

"We had sex on your desk," Heero finished for her, staring at the floor, seemingly unaffected until the discarded underwear caught his eye. "And I believe those are mine..."

Three pairs of eyes went in the general direction of what Heero was staring at. The perfect soldier paid them no mind as he bent down to retrieve and pocket his underwear.

"YOU!" bellowed Quatre. "That was you?!"

Dorothy simply heaved a sigh of relief and rested a hand on her angry husband-to-be's shoulder. "Miss Relena, I believe you've caught us at a bad time. Do you mind if we talked at length another day?"

Relena smirked. "Of course not. Dinner at seven on Friday is still on. Come, Heero."

Heero and Relena were out the door seconds before Quatre finally decided on which method of execution to use on his former comrade. Thankfully, his fianc?e's kiss, and subsequent wrestling of him to land atop his desk, wiped all murderous intent from his mind. Quatre couldn't exactly blame Heero, could he? After all, office sex was one of Quatre and Dorothy's favorite hobbies. Making a mental note to have his branch office desk replaced, he went ahead and enjoyed his favorite pastime, quite certain that no way was there anything better than making love to Dorothy.

Especially not a devil's threeway.

[AliasGrace]

I friggen love your stories. I have to laugh as quietly as I can at my desk

"Besides, Heero doesn't swing that way. He's not even straight. He's Relenasexual."


Favorite line ever.
I adore you. Cheers.

[wingzerosnuggles]

Aw...thanks. I'm glad you enjoy my stuff. :p And lol, she's the only girl who catches his interest in the whole series, after all. It's why the yaoi fangirls hate her so. If Rel was gone, they can claim Heero's not interested in girls. Heero's not interested in girls, he's interested in Rel. :p Bonafide Relenasexual.

[Wingnut]

I once read a lemon fic about where a married Heero and Relena were always interrupted from romantic interludes by one thing or another and when they finally manage to get a night alone and are out to dinner, they end up doing it in the ladies room of the restaurant (with the door locked of course) and Relena accidentally leaves her panties there.

Now I know what would happen if the reverse were true.

And yes, the Relenasexual line is the best I've heard in a long time.

As for a 4xD series like your 1xR entries: Go for it. I'll be reading.

[wingzerosnuggles]

Yeah, though I have a feeling Heero didn't leave those by accident. That or he goes freeballing so often, he forgot he was wearing underwear when they got done. I can imagine Rel giving him an earful about that. Or they rushed out... Lots of reasons I can think of off the top of my head for him to forget them. Most likely is he believed leaving them would be "inconsequential." The whole "If I can't find them, nobody will." perfect soldier mentality...

Aw...and I'm so glad. I wasn't exactly sure how that line would pan out when I thought it up. xD

Edit: Aw...thanks! I'll see what I can do with a 4xD series. I was mostly concerned if there wasn't going to be enough readership, you see. :p