The Thought Box [PG-13]

[Lockon S.]

of doom, terror, mystery, oddity, something or other... ity.

I can use doom. Everything that has been called 'of doom' characters usually escape from anyways. So doom actually works quite well here.

I cooked up this short humor fic while working on my InuYasha fic. More will soon come for those following. Until then, enjoy. Hopefully. And now, the story.


In small remote corners of the fanfiction world exists a mystical box. It is known as the Thought Box. At any time, the box can be activated by a fanfic writer. The box draws in a number of anime/manga characters who were all thinking the exact same thought at the exact same time into an endless void.

Once again, the box has been activated by an fanfic writer at 2 am in the morning. Never are good thoughts produced at this hour. The suffering endured by the characters about to be drawn in may be too much for any of them to handle. The only means of escape to for all the characters to rethink the exact same thought at the exact same time.

Once again, the Thought Box has selected its victims.


Five figures of light appear in a vast void at the same time. Their forms sharpen as the light fades. Before long, the voices of confusion and agitation begin.

InuYasha: "What the! Where the hell am I? What's going on?"
Sesshomaru: "InuYasha. What is going on? Is this your doing?"

Angered, InuYasha was about to draw his sword when he noticed Sesshomaru wasn't looking at him. InuYasha looked and saw a human with green eyes and brown hair. He was looking the two of them in shock and dismay.

InuYasha: "What's the matter with ya? Ain't you ever seen demons before?"
Lockon: "Eh? Did you just say you're demons?"
Sesshomaru: "Che. I'm the only demon here. InuYasha here is a mere half breed. Don't put me in the same league with InuYasha."
InuYasha: "What did you say, you bastard?"
Old man's voice: "Demons and half demons you say?"

InuYasha looked further to the side to see some wierd old human with long white hair and a huge scroll hanging from his back.

InuYasha: "Who the hell are you?"
Old man: "Haven't heard of me? Then you must be from a very far off place. To think it was possible there was a place where my name has yet to be heard."
InuYasha: "What the hell are you talking about?"
Old man: "Wish to know my name?"
Sesshomaru: "None of your names are of interest to me?"
Old man: "Then I shall tell you!"

The old man started doing wierd poses as he introduced himself.

Old man: "I am praised far and wide for defending the weak! Infamously feared among villans, famous among the fine ladies. The great hermit-sage, Jiraiya!"
InuYasha: "Do I look like I care?"
Lockon: "Well then, in any case, the name's Lockon Stratos."
InuYasha: "Lockon, huh. Any idea what's going on here?"
Lockon: "Not a clue. I'm as lost as you are?"
InuYasha: "Who said anything about being lost?!"
Woman's voice: "Well then. Since you won't give your name, you must be behind this."

An assult rifle was pointed at Sesshomaru's head. He didn't react, instead, he calmly glanced at the woman holding the rifle as if she was no threat.

Sesshomaru: "Threatening me with that? You must have a death wish."
Woman: "You sound as though you were prepared."
Sesshomaru: "Did you think I would miss that scent of metal and gunpowder?"

Sesshomaru held his sword to woman's throat as she appeared out of some kind of distortion. Her eyes were red and her hair was purple.

Woman: "Not bad."
Sesshomaru: "I am not responsible for this strange farce."
Jiraiya: "I don't think anyone was responsible for this strange occurance. Have a look at this."

Sesshomaru took the sword away, the woman slowly did the same. Everyone gathered around what Jiraiya was pointing at. A small cardboard box with a little note pasted on top of it. The note read 'To escape, think the same thought that brought you here. All of one thought, think as one mind, and all shall be as before.'

Lockon: "What the? This box brought us here?"
Sesshomaru: "Me. Of the same thought as InuYasha. Absurd."
Woman: "Not just you. If what the note said is true, then there must be a commonality between all five of us. Its obvious the note is telling all of us to think the same thought that brought us here and at the same time."
Lockon: "The thought itself must be the commonality. Yet we're all so different."
Jiraiya: "Heh heh. I agree. Astute observation. I was thinking the same thing myself. This will be effortless."
InuYasha: "What the hell could Sesshomaru be thinking that I would be thinking as well?"
Lockon: "Well. You two seem to hate each other for starters."
Woman: "We'll all have to retrace our steps. Let's start with names."
Jiraiya: "Is that so? Then I'll introduce myself, I'm-"
Woman: "You're Jiraiya, the hermit-sage. My name is Motoko Kusanagi. Your Lockon Stratos and your name is InuYasha... what about yours?"
InuYasha: "This asshole here is Sesshomaru. He's my older brother."
Motoko: "I see. You're related."
Lockon: "Well I'm not related to Jiraiya over here."
Jiraiya: "True, true. I'm an only child."
Lockon: "How about trying where we're all from. That might lend a few clues."
InuYasha: "Well from the looks of ya, Motoko, you look you're from the future."
Motoko: "The future?"
InuYasha: "Yeah. I know a girl who said she travels five hundred years from the future. Her world has a lot of people and tall buildings in it. The people ride around in these weird creatures or iron cart contraptions. They have school and tests all the time."
Motoko: "Sounds about right."
Lockon: "Sounds a lot like my place too, only I'm wasn't on Earth when I left."
Jiraiya: "Not on Earth? Where were you?"
Lockon: "I was in Earth orbit, at the second orbital point."
Motoko: "Lockon. You might be from my future. Humans haven't traveled out that far yet. Mankind's space programs are still in their infancy."
Jiraiya: "That must mean I'm somewhere inbetween Motoko and these brothers. I've seen a few tall cities here and there, but most places I visit are villages."
Lockon: "What about family? Perhaps there's a commonality there. I too have a brother. He's the only one of my family still alive."
Motoko: "No. I don't have any family I'm aware of."
Jiraiya: "Same here. No kids either. I do have one hell of a pupil."
InuYasha: "Besides, you're brother isn't here. At least I'm not picking up any other scents."
Motoko: "Sesshomaru, since you're a complete demon, your nose must be sharper. Do you-"
InuYasha: "My nose is just as good as Sesshomaru's!"
Sesshomaru: "How dare you make claims of equality with me. Rediculous."
InuYasha: "What was that?!"
Sesshomaru: "There are no scents here whatsoever. Not even of buildings or foliage."
Lockon: "There's still air. Otherwise, we'd have suffocated by now."
Jiraiya: "I can sense the presence of people for miles, but I'm not sensing a thing right now."
Motoko: "We can also see each other, but there's no source of light. Still, by using all of you, I can calculate the size of this area, but it has no size. It looks like this strange void expands on forever. The fact that we seem to be standing on nothing is even stranger."
InuYasha: "Huh. We might be on the path to hell."
Motoko: "We need to be optomisitic. We have to find a way out of here."
Sesshomaru: "What InuYasha is trying to say is that we might be in a meidou. It's proposterous."
InuYasha: "What did you say?!"
Sesshomaru: "You're just a half-breed mindlessly swinging your sword around. What would you know of the path to hell?"
InuYasha: "You wanna die here and now, Sesshomaru?"
Sesshomaru: "As if you could kill me. However, there's most likely no harm in killing a mindless half-breed such as yourself."
InuYasha: "Heh, says the guy who couldn't complete the meidou zangetsuha."
Sesshomaru: "Bastard. Draw your sword InuYasha."

A couple of the gunshots were fired inbetween InuYasha and Sesshomaru.

Motoko: "Before that happens, I'll blow both of your arms and legs off."
Sesshomaru: "Don't interfer, or you'll perish as well."

Sesshomaru held up his claw. InuYasha whipped out his Tessaiga.

InuYasha: "Heh taking me on without your sword. I kill you in one swing."
Sesshomaru: "Just try it."

As InuYasha was about to attack, a wooden sandle landed on his head, followed by the foot and the rest of Jiraiya. InuYasha's face promptly met the floor thanks to Jiraiya's wieght.

InuYasha: "Worse... than... sit... ow."
Jiraiya: "That's what you get for making such a fuss. You should really work on your manners, young man."
InuYasha: "Get... off... me... I'll... kill you."
Sesshomaru: "Did you not hear-?"
Jiraiya: "Careful. We don't everyone going around killing each other. The survivor would never be able to leave this place."
Sesshomaru: "Che. Whatever. Let's get this nonsense over with."
InuYasha: "Like I let it end that easy you bastard!"
Jiraiya: "Hermit tech! Tower Crushing Jutsu!"

Jiraiya hoped of InuYasha's head and dropped in a sitting fashion on InuYasha's back.

InuYasha: "Aaaaah! My back!"
Jiraiya: "Relax. You don't want me to get heavier, do you?"

Nervous, Lockon had already started sidestepping over to Motoko.

Lockon: "They're all strange if you ask me."
Motoko: "This is getting us nowhere. I'm about getting sick of this bullshit."
Lockon: "You said it. There must be a way of calming them down."
Motoko: "I have an idea."

Motoko trots over to InuYasha in her rather lady-like fashion. She crouches down and gives InuYasha a seductive look.

Motoko: "The rebeleous type. I like that in a guy. Wanna have some fun."
InuYasha: "Ahh! Get away from me! I'm not interested."
Motoko: "Oh well, suit yourself."

InuYasha was officially freaked out, but at least Motoko had killed three birds with one stone. Motoko was certain Sesshomaru had an insulting thought floating around in his head, but he had choosen not to voice it. Plus Jiraiya would back off. In a manner of speaking.

Motoko: "All right, listen up. My brain is an artificial mechanism. It records everything with perfect accuracy. If we can get an idea of what we were all thinking about, I can find out right away what the thought was."
Lockon: "If so, then you would know the thought already?"
Motoko: "I would have said so, all right? I was thinking about a of lot of things at the time, and I'm not sure which thought is the right one."
Jiraiya: "We might figure it out if we retrace our steps. What were we all doing before we were brought here."
InuYasha: "Well me, I was just talkin to Kagome, the girl from the future. I really wasn't thinking about anything."
Sesshomaru: "Che... I was talking with my mother."
InuYasha: "Your mother?!"
Sesshomaru: "What of it?"
InuYasha: "You have a mother?"
Sesshomaru: "What? Did you think father came up with me all on his own. Foolish half-breed. You're completely unintelligent."
InuYasha: "These big words you're throwing around are starting to piss me off."
Jiraiya: "Ahem."
Motoko: "Hmmm."
InuYasha: "Never mind."
Jiraiya: "I'm working on my research for the next novel I'm writing."
Lockon: "I really wasn't thinking about anything either. I was walking down a hall, heading towards Anew's room. She's my girlfriend."
Motoko: "I was talking with a friend. We were dealing with a problem she was having. She had changed the subject a little and was carrying on about something unimportant. I was about to get the topic back on track when I appeared here."
Lockon: "Jiraiya, did your research have something to do women?"
Jiraiya: "Indeed. I was working on the heroin for my next great novel. I haven't come up with a title yet."
Lockon: "I think we have our commonality."
Motoko: "Something to do with women?" <i>This is bad. Really bad... if it is... damnit.</i>
Jiraiya: "I have the work right here with me. I'm always prepared for whenever inspiration strikes."

Jiraiya tosses a envalope to Motoko.

Jiraiya: "Prepare to be amazed."

Motoko casually pulls the paper out and flips through the pages, her eyes never flinching. She puts the papers back, showing no sign of reaction and tosses them back to Jiraiya.

InuYasha: "Well... what was it?"
Motoko: "Jiraiya writes pornos."
InuYasha: "Wha!!! Get off of me you old perverted freak!"
Jiraiya: "Moron! I'm straight!"
InuYasha: "I don't care. Get the hell off me!"

While InuYasha struggled in vain to get out from under Jiraiya, Motoko looked at Lockon who was half smiling and scratching the back of his head.

Lockon: "Well... Anew and I are in that kind of relationship. Guess I was thinking about those sort of things."
Jiraiya: "So InuYasha. Kagome sounds like a very pretty girl. Were you <b>just</b> talking?"
InuYasha: "Of course not! I wasn't doing anything like that to Kagome!"
Jiraiya: "You're face is flushed red. Are you sssssuuure about that?"
InuYasha: "I wasn't doing anything, damnit!"
Sesshomaru: "InuYasha, if you're hiding something, I'll tear your frail half-breed body limb from limb."
InuYasha: "What's the matter Sesshomaru? Looking to get even?"

InuYasha sounding unsure, Jiraiya increased his wieght a little bit and leaned over to look InuYasha in the eye.

Jiraiya: "Weeeeell. Don't be embarased. Or do you want to be crushed instead."
InuYasha: "Knock it off, damnit! I... ... I... I was..."
Motoko: "Damnit InuYasha, spit it out!"
InuYasha: "I... didn't... know... how it... was done-<b>It's not my fault!</b>"

Everyone went silent... Sesshomaru got silent... er. Jiraiya started laughing his head off. Lockon started chuckling. Motoko had just one thought... <i>damn</i>.

InuYasha: "It's not my fault! It's Kagome's!"
Jiraiya: "Oh really? It's Kagome's fault you're clueless!"
InuYasha: "It wasn't my fault! Kagome and I were talking andshewasalllike, <i>you reaaaly don't knooooow</i> andthenshekeptaskingandasking! Andthen... ... ... wait a second... what about-"
Sesshomaru: "Don't even go there you demented half-breed! As if I would do such a thing with my own mother. I was more irritated with mother more than anything. I went ask her for more information about the Tenseiga. She was babbling about some useless drivil-"
Motoko: "And your mind wondered. That question's answered."
Sesshomaru: "... ... che! Damn that woman."
Lockon: "Wait... so you're..."

Everyone stopped and looked at Motoko. She sighed and slapped her forhead.

Motoko: "That's it. I can't believe this... damn box."
InuYasha: "Wait a second... The rest of us are guys. How-"
Motoko: "Shut up, InuYasha... damnit."
InuYasha: "I'm so confused."

Everyone else had different views, but had the general idea.

Motoko: "In my world, we can have whatever kind of bodies we want. I was wondering about switching over to a male prostetic out of curiousity, all right." <i>Damn you, Batou. You're going to pay for that suggestion.</i>
Jiraiya: "Oooooh."
Motoko: "What the hell are you ohing about?"
Jiraiya: "So you were thinking of testing this male body on your lady friend, am I right? You two must be very close."
Lockon: "Ah, so I was-"

Motoko drop-kicked Jiraiya's face, knocking him into InuYasha and crushing him further. She glared at Lockon with quite the furious look on her face.

Lockon: "Eh? I wasn't saying anything."
Motoko: "She just happened to be there while I was thinking, all right! Damnit! Let's just get this over with."

Jiraiya and InuYasha struggled to raise themselves up while Motoko stormed to the other side of the box cursing it under her breath. Seshomaru stepped to where he first appeared.

Motoko: "I assume we all know what to do?"
Jiraiya: *thumbs up* "No problem whatsoever."
Lockon: "Yeah."
Sesshomaru: "Hmph."
InuYasha: "Eh... yeah."

The group focused in silence. The box shook a little, but nothing happened. Motoko looked down on the box with a rather fierce expression. The number 5 appeared on the bottom of the note. The number then changed from 5 to 1.

Motoko: "What the f-"

Sesshomaru chuckled, looking at InuYasha. Lockon looked at InuYasha confused, Motoko, angry. Jiraiya started snickering.

Lockon: "What the? You don't know. How did you get here?"
InuYasha: "I kinna got the idea from Kagome, but..."
Motoko: "But... what..."
InuYasha: "I... forgot..."


Later...

Naruto-
Jiraiya: "I have a great inspiration. This will be my finest work."
Kakashi: *very distant fangirl scream*

InuYasha-
Kagame: *laughing her head off*
InuYasha: "Ah shut up stupid!"
Kagame: "Stupid?! Sit boy!"

Sesshomaru: <i>I forgot who I was thinking of so-</i>
Sessy's Mom: "Eh? What's the matter? Am I boring you, son?"
Sesshomaru: *looks away* "Che!"
Jaken: <i>What the hell? I'm blushing!</i>
Sessy's Mom: *looking at Jaken* "Wow, that little demon really does do that stuff for him."

GitS-
Kurutan: "So where was I?"
Motoko: "The point!"
Kurutan: "Eh!? Okay, sorry."

Gundam 00-
Anew: "Hey Lockon... what's the smile for?"
Lockon: "Just admiring the beautiful view."