.Vision Honesty
?If I am empty, then I am yours.? He said, gaze pooling around the curves of my own face. He was all substance and passion, mysterious, compelling women to urges just by walking in the same room. And he was speaking to me.
?Relena.?
It was as if I had forgotten every merit for my being the moment he spoke my name for the first time. It was like waking up to a sunset - backwards, beautiful, and unexplainable with every new day. A void that clawed its way through my chest was coming to a climax, and I realized suddenly that something in me had broken in an instant. But he - him, radiant being of human selflessness, posed and dreamy-eyed beneath a clear resolution behind his focused and intense gaze ? yes, he would always be my downfall.
He touches my face out of concern and looks at me. But looking with Heero is never simply looking. When he looks at me, he looks at all of me, and does not ignore parts of me and focus on others. When he looks at me he takes all of the brokenness, the beauty, the pain, the mistakes ? every distinguishable thing about me from the way I love to hear him laugh to the boiling fear of ever losing him that I keep at bay ? he takes it, and he runs.
If I could spend the rest of my life alone, loving only him with no love in return, I would. If I could give him innocence, peace, joy ? if I could take years of unspent youth and force its way into his regretful sense of loss from the moment he realized what it meant to not be complete, I would. But instead, he takes my head into his hands and pushes me backwards into the sheets, his cheek pressed roughly against my forehead. That gaze, agonizing, terrifying ? and yet, unable to look away from ? yes, that is what he is to me. Like gravity pulling me in, he holds me in his arms that tremble slightly from the unfamiliar contact with human flesh, and pierces me to the bed with his eyes.
?And if you are not empty?? I say, passion stirring within my belly at the gentle caresses he lays waste upon my skin. His eyes are clouded over with something that is akin to the way I look in his eyes alone, and he closes them at my words. They were not meant to be painful, but they are to him because of who he is.
And who is he?
I cannot explain.
?If I am not empty, it?s because you took the emptiness away from me. And if you have taken that away from me, I owe you everything. Relena??
I press my finger to his lips and he looks down at me, patience I can never understand written into his face like fossils beneath the earth.
?You owe me nothing.?
At this, he smiles, and inhales through his nose along my neck ? breathing me in, and at the same time, breathing out oxygen in a way that sent me slack-jawed with desire. Cruel tease. I reach up and grasp his strong arms as they prop themselves above me. His strong frame hovers above mine, promises of a night spent in love. I strain to reach up and place kisses along his torso, and above me, I feel him tremble. He reaches behind me and runs his fingers through my hair, mumbling thoughts of unbelief.
I wonder absentmindedly if this is one way God sees me. Not just as a child, or a servant, or a friend ? but as a lover. As a bride Jesus Christ has been waiting to feel come running into his arms.
Heero leans next to my ear, whispering. Outside, the stars are shining like diamonds in the sky. Right now, in this very moment, I know what it truly means to be loved.
?I made a vow to you today to cherish you forever.? He mumbles, lust and passion gliding forth from his strained and feverish voice as his grip becomes stronger. I cannot help but smile.
?I have dreamed of holding you in my arms this way for so long?? he begins, and that familiar unbelief begins to settle in his voice. I silence him with my mouth against his before he can settle back into the darkness.
?You are my husband?? I say, the words new to my lips, and yet fitting. His gaze is once again focused on my face as I begin to remove his clothes. ??take me?? I whisper.
And he does.
