All he really needs is a hug.
Sakura: Ahem, what about that little, you know, *incident* in the office. . ?
AOD: Well, I just said a hug. That was all you.
Sasuke: All her?
AOD: I guess you did a little work to.
I love you Sasuke! I love you Sakura! Remember, I don't write tragedy, so don't you all worry if you think this got too angsty (like I do). Next chapter will be huge and comedy filled!
Disclaimer: (See Ch 1)
Chapter 9
?So, you?re dating then right??
Kakashi delicately and quickly popped a spoonful of mashed potato into his mouth as he watched Sakura and Sasuke choke on their respective food items. Sakura gurgled into her glass of water while Sasuke simply coughed once loudly into his napkin to dislodge the meat that threatened to end him right there.
The sparkle in Kakashi?s eye told Sakura that he knew exactly what their reaction was going to be and he had timed it precisely when he could catch them at the worst moment. It was a strange talent of Kakashi?s to always be absent but manage to show up at just the right moment before everything fell apart in the department. Good timing was the strongest talent of his. Too bad he was the one who often caused the disasters he was there to avert in the nick of time.
?Um. . .? Sakura, who could come up with brilliant lies at the drop of a hat, a skill that had served her well as a personal assistant at various points in time, found she didn?t know if it would be a lie or not if she said yes, they were.
It would have been an easy no at the beginning of the day. She wasn?t na?ve enough to equate sex with automatic relationship, particularly when it came to dealing with someone as cagey as Sasuke. No, it was what had happened this morning, when they went to visit his mother, that now gave Sakura an uneasy feeling that made her unsure of their exact status. She couldn?t even hazard ?friend? without some apprehension.
Christmas had never been this stressful with her own family.
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Briiing! Briiiiiiiing!
?Gah!? Sakura practically fell out of bed to get to the phone that had awakened her from a sound sleep. The digital alarm clock by her bed informed her that it was 7:02 in the A.M. and she was most certainly awake. Who would call at 7a.m. on a Saturday? On Christmas?! It wasn?t Gaara, he had called earlier in the week and she had pretended not to be at home. There were still at least two messages blinking on her machine that she hadn?t gotten up the nerve to listen to yet. This morning, however, her first reaction when she wasn?t fully conscious was to pick up the phone and mumble into it.
?Sakura.? Even if all she had offered to the phone was a coughing one syllable of scratchy voiced confusion, Sasuke didn?t seem to be at all uncertain that he had dialed the right number.
?Hnn. Yeah. Ummm. What? I mean, yes?? She wasn?t a morning person on vacations or weekends, plus she had gotten in pretty late from the party last night.
?I?ll be there in an hour, be ready.? The solid click told her that was all in information she was getting. Sasuke was especially terse today, but she tried to chalk it up to him not being a morning person. But then again, he didn?t seem to be an evening person. And come to think of it, the middle of the day. . . Sasuke was just special.
The mirror in her bathroom wasn?t something she wanted to confront in the state she was in. Disheveled, in her bathrobe and pajamas, she took a toothbrush to her mouth and scrubbed away until her eyes adjusted to the light she had flicked on a minute before. The toothbrush dropped from her hand into the bowl of the sink as she took a slackjawed look at the damage Sasuke had wrought upon her pale skin.
When had he kissed her there? Or there? Her fingers traced bruising marks with horror tinged with pride. It looked like she would have to dig out a nice turtleneck for the outing today, and maybe for the better part of next week as well. Good thing it was winter and that wouldn?t garner much comment.
She retrieved the toothbrush and finished with her ablutions as a whole before she grabbed her clothes, a tasteful piece of jewelry or two, and made her way into the kitchen for some strong tea and a hardboiled egg. It wasn?t a very satisfying breakfast, hurried as it was, but she could count on Sasuke to be as punctual as Kakashi was chronically late. He didn?t disappoint her.
?Ready?? Gruff, not meeting her eyes, he was enveloped in a large black coat that hid his face to her. He carried the cold with him from outside and she shivered as she pulled on her jacket.
?Yes.?
?Good.? Sasuke turned on his heel and they were on their way. Sakura had to jog a little to catch up to him after she locked her apartment, but he waited for her at the stairs. They sat in his car, the warmth of it soothing Sakura and making her sleepy again.
There was a brief space of time in which Sakura thought Sasuke was about to tell her something, but instead her turned the key and the droning of the engine continued to call her back to where sweet dreams made her sigh happily. Her head bobbed forward and then there was blackness.
A hand pushing at her shoulder woke her up again. She had fallen face forward into the high neck of her jacket and had drooled a little into the hem of it. It was a mercy Sasuke couldn?t see that particular disgrace, and Sakura quickly awoke and lifted her head up rather than stay in that uncomfortable position. The watch at her wrist informed her that it was nearly 9, and she had slept for the better part of an hour in Sasuke?s car. He looked impatient, though not eager, as he observed her awaken. She focused her vision beyond him and through the nearly empty parking lot they were in until she saw the sterile geometric building beyond. It looked too professional, glossy and closed up, to be a hospital. Her interest peeked at the thought of being in a hospital. She wanted to follow what she felt was her destined path to be in one as a doctor someday, so hospitals were not a place she was anxious in when she traveled inside.
?Visiting hours start at 9. Come with me.? Sasuke got out of the car, and Sakura noticed how the hood of the engine was not steaming. They must have been parked there for a while, and yet he had not woken her up. She wasn?t sure if it was courtesy or a desire to avoid speaking with her which had prompted him to allow her some more sleep. It was Christmas, she reminded herself, so she would try to give him the benefit of the doubt.
The freezing temperatures outside were just a memory as they entered the facility. A tired looking attendant, who Sakura pitied immediately for having to work on a holiday and then on starting work was faced with an irritated Sasuke who demanded a pen to sign in. They asked if Sasuke or Sakura needed help and he declined them with a curt shake of his head.
?I had her moved here a year ago,? Sasuke said as they stood in the elevator that sluggishly rose to their goal. ?. . . when they said she wasn?t probably going to make it much longer.?
How could she respond to that? Sakura hoped that her silence was not taken for inattentiveness. For his part, Sasuke seemed to be regretting taking her along, but it could have just been the nature of the visit itself. They stopped short in front of a doorway, one of many down a long corridor that contained them and few nurses wandering around and checking up on people. There were voices down the hall, being cheery about something, and Sakura followed Sasuke into the well lit room away from even a scrap of life and warmth in this building. The silence was thick when he closed the door behind them.
It would have been impolite to pick up his mother?s chart and look at it, Sakura thought, but she tried to sneak glimpses at it as they circled around to observe her sleeping form. Sasuke?s mother had probably once been a very beautiful woman, no doubt where he got his looks from, but her wan features and wasted muscles made her look more like a doll than a person. Her black hair, streaked with grey, was tied back from her head in a ponytail that lay to the side of her on the pillow. There were tubes around her, blinking monitors, and a few bracelets around her arm telling any medical staff some vital statistics should those be needed.
She didn?t know what she expected. Truthfully, she didn?t think he would actually take her. Sasuke didn?t look particularly excited or aggravated, he simply sat by her bed staring at her with an odd grim set to his mouth. Without waiting for a directive of any kind, Sakura sat down next to Sasuke. They were like that, silent and observant, for the better part of an hour before Sasuke bothered to speak up. Sakura was concentrating on not fidgeting when he did startle her with his voice.
?My brother ruined by life when I was little, and then he ruined my life when he did this to my parents, and he continues to ruin my life even now.?
How? She wanted to cry out, have details explained, but Sasuke seemed to have hit someplace in his mental plane that she didn?t want to disturb. Daringly, she snuck a hand over to wind into his and he grasped her thrown lifeline tightly enough to hurt.
?I don?t know if I want revenge on him anymore because I need it or because that?s all that drives me, all that ever drove me.?
This was too much disclosure, he flinched and tried to pull his hand away, but now it was Sakura?s turn to hold on. She wouldn?t let him retreat. The brief struggle ended in a victory for her as he let his hand go limp in hers with a dissatisfied grunt. If they had to sit there with her hand restraining him from getting away to whatever hell he had created for himself in his own mind, then she was willing to chance his certain displeasure. Sakura only released Sasuke almost forty minutes later when a nurse came in, the sudden swing of the door making both of the conscious occupants of the room start out of their chairs a little.
?Pardon! I didn?t realize. . .?
Sasuke cut off her stammering apology. ?We were just going.?
?Truly, I?m here to check on her and then I?ll leave. There?s no need to. . .?
?I said we were going. Come.? Sasuke grabbed hold of Sakura?s hand and propelled them forward out of the room.
?Merry Christmas!? Sakura said with half a smile to the poor woman as she was yanked from the room and down the hall. It was only in the elevator that Sasuke came back to himself and noted that they were still locked together by the hand. He dropped it as if it were burning him.
?You didn?t need to be so harsh with the woman.? It wasn?t entirely Sakura reproving him, it was also a deep need to get him talking even in defensiveness. The silence of him was worrying, the brooding. All that couldn?t be healthy. Not only was it not healthy but he had had the better part of a decade to do it. Sasuke might have benefited from therapy when he was younger, but instead he had been shuffled around like the problem child he had made himself into.
Sasuke snapped at her, and she was glad to see some color returning to his face. It was worrying how pale he had gotten in there, as if he were in a sort of coma himself. ?It didn?t matter when we left, it isn?t like my mother would notice.?
There wasn?t much she could say to that.
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?You?re starting to go senile, old man.? Sasuke let out the easy insult at Kakashi in such a way that Sakura thought that exchanges like this had happened in the past. She saw in her mind?s eye a young and petulant child first encountering this man who would be yet another in a long line of fathers, none of whom could measure up to the real one. No respect. No deference. Maybe there was a little too much of the petulant child in Sasuke sometimes and that?s why seeing him that way was so easy.
?You can?t blame me for asking,? Kakashi said, unfazed by the rude comment. ?After all, you rarely ever brought friends home and I can?t recall any girls off the top of my head. . .?
Sasuke twitched a little as Kakashi rolled eyes back in his head as he made a show of scanning his memory.
?I remember Naruto on a number of occasions, he was always hard to forget, and then once you had a school project with a rather scary boy who wouldn?t stop coughing. . . then there was that little boy who sometimes showed up with Naruto and. . . I guess I don?t remember any of the girls after all. Maybe there weren?t any??
?Are we done traveling down memory lane?? Sasuke asked between clenched teeth.
?Unless you have anything to add.? Kakashi smiled at his foster son and for a second Sakura thought she saw a glint of something smug in with the tolerance he was showing.
That man knows too much about people. The mild gaze Kakashi threw Sakura?s way was all friendly politeness.
?Sakura, how do you like the meal? I didn?t know what to get after all, and so I tried to buy a bit of everything. Not much of a cook, I?m afraid, but it?s serviceable.?
She was glad for the change in subject. ?Oh, it?s just fine. I think that the. . .erm. . .the. . .?
?Terduckin? The chicken inside a duck inside a turkey??
?Yes, it?s very, hm, novel.?
?I thought it was a particularly brilliant choice. If you don?t like one kind of meat you could have another.?
Sakura tried not to laugh. ?But I think the Tofurky might have been a bit excessive. . .?
?Had to cover all my bases, didn?t I?? There was only a pause in the hostilities it seemed. ?Did you enjoy the visit with your mother, Sasuke??
?You really don?t want me to come back next year, do you??
Kakashi seemed to be losing patience with this game. ?What I want is to know that you?ve given up on this silly revenge scheme you think you have all planned out.?
?I don?t need your approval.?
?You don?t, do you? You don?t need anything from anyone else. When you?ve got your revenge and nothing else then what do you plan to do next? Have you gotten that far? Or are you still as short sighted as you were when??
Sasuke stood up quickly enough to knock back the kitchen chair he had been sitting on. Kakashi actually lived in a house, but he hadn?t set up the meal in the dining room. There was an intimacy to the kitchen that Sakura had always liked, and it had actually been a lot more comfortable to start the meal someplace informal. Kakashi seemed to have gone to great trouble to serve them food, and she had a feeling it wasn?t all because of her presence. But Sasuke was hell bent on being alone in the world, and Kakashi was willing to play the absentminded and vague father figure if that?s all he could cope with.
?We?re leaving.? It was like d?j? vu. Sakura felt him grab her hand again, but rather than run out with him in a childish mimic of hiding in a room after getting upset she wanted to stay here.
Her hand jerked from his, and he looked down at her with shock before he schooled his face into the usual mask of condescension. ?No. I?m staying here until I?m done with dinner, and, stomach willing, dessert.?
?There?s nothing for you here.? Sasuke shot venom at Kakashi, who sat there with hard eyes and a closed mouth.
?And what do you expect to find out there?? She was fed up with being pushed around, ordered around, and allowing it all out of pity and insecurity over having been intimate with him the night before. ?I stay here.?
He gave her a disgusted once over, face a sneer. ?Suit yourself.? His body was straight as a pole and positively radiating dangerous energy as he stormed out of the kitchen.
The front door slammed announcing his exit to the two remaining diners.
?I don?t know how you put up with it.? Kakashi said as he took a sip of wine from one of the glasses of liquid near him.
?I don?t, actually,? Sakura said. ?That?s why he?s mad at me.?
Christmas was the time for memories, and Kakashi found himself waxing talkative as Sakura made good on her promise and stayed for the rest of dinner. Kakashi had stopped eating once Sasuke left and had kept going through the rest of a bottle of wine.
?Did he tell you why I adopted him?? Kakashi dripped the leavings of the bottle, gritty and probably not as satisfying, but the grey haired man didn?t seem to care. ?If it weren?t for Rin and Obito. . . it was an accident of course. Obito was going too fast, probably, but then Rin never seemed to be able to get him to slow down. The life preservers they had on only made fishing the bodies out of the water that much easier. No open caskets for those two. . .?
She thought about stopping him, but he was pretty far past the point of being stopped and she did want to know. The more she knew about Sasuke, the better she understood how he had become who he was now: arrogant, inwardly directed, obsessed with revenge.
?I don?t remember the next few months too well. . . not just because of the booze. I slept a lot. When I figured out that they weren?t coming back and I was alone again. . . well damn. . . so was the kid. Found a letter from Iruka, he was working social services and had taken on a hard luck case of his own, some blond terror. . . . I thought what the hell and somehow I was across the country and in a shitty little rental with this kid that practically shot daggers at everyone. Saw too much of me in him, we got under each other?s skin a lot.?
Sakura got up and placed a piece of pie in front of Kakashi. He smiled at her with that rakish gleam he gave to all the secretaries, assistants, and even a few executives. It had assured him his victory in the Christmas treats competition with Gai. As it was, it made Sakura laugh, and it was a welcome noise in the cold kitchen.
?You?re too soft for him. He doesn?t get it. But I get it. The secret is that you aren?t soft at all.?
With a shake of her head, she let him talk and tried to get him to eat something. ?I haven?t given him anything of my ?softness?.?
?I bet you drive him crazy.? Kakashi made a face as he drained the grit from his glass and then concentrated on the pie. ?No ice cream? I thought I got ice cream.?
?I?ll look for some.? She rooted around in the fridge and Kakashi kept talking.
His voice started out muffled as he took a big bite of apple pie. ?You?re not his friend, you?re not his enemy, you?re too close to be shrugged off as an acquaintance, and you?re apparently not his girlfriend. I bet you drive him crazy. What are you? It?s like a riddle.?
The tub of vanilla ice cream made the small kitchen table shake as she plopped it down. She scooped out some for both Kakashi and herself as she thought. ?I?m a headache, that?s all. Something he has to protect and own because of Gaara.?
?Then he?s an idiot.? Kakashi watched his ice cream melt next to his warm pie. ?That?s it, I wash my hands of him, he?s all yours.?
?Is that my Christmas present?? She asked with an arch of her eyebrow.
?I guess not,? Kakashi said with the sort of deeply reflective look drunk people get sometimes. ?It?s more like a lump of coal.?
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Back at work, it was like they had never met. Sasuke wasn?t anything to her: he wasn?t angry, he wasn't mean, he wasn?t there. The first day he missed work, that Monday, everyone in the office was whispering to one another. It was something that Sasuke just didn?t do. He was a machine. There had to be some sort of debilitating accident involved if Uchiha couldn?t get to work.
Turned out all it was, was that he wanted to avoid a certain pink haired assistant. Kakashi told Sakura not to worry, even lessening her workload by showing up more as a way to apologize a bit for both getting drunk and not being able to drive her home after Sasuke had left in a huff. While his consideration was nice, she would have preferred something from Sasuke. An apology was a distant pipe dream, but human behavior would have been welcome.
Damnit, she cared about the bastard. Try as she might, she couldn?t help but feel like she was the only one who could had gotten close enough to him to have a chance of helping him bleed out the poison of his cherished but unhealthy desire for revenge. No one else could crack his shell, but she had enough to see some things she shouldn?t have.
When Naruto practically ran to her department as she was picking up her things and getting ready for lunch with Ino and her boyfriend who Sakura would finally get to formally meet, his eyes were electric with excitement.
?Hinata and Neji just had the biggest fight ever in Human Resources all over you!?
?Wha?? Sakura dropped down into her chair, limbs akimbo.
Naruto pulled at his tie and ran a hand through his hair as he talked, a jabbering pile of energy after his run from HR. ?Neji wanted to fire you, he had everything drawn up and ready, and Hinata found out and stormed out of her office when she heard him talking to the secretary there. She grabbed the forms out of his hand and tore them up right in front of them, and then they had a screaming match that I heard a floor up on the stairs as I was walking down to go get her for lunch. They were both out for blood. . .?
?Is Hinata ok??
The blond man gave Sakura a broad wink. ?She?s better than ok. I mean, of course she?s a crying nervous wreck right now and refuses to come out of her office, but you still have a job and I?m sure when this all blows over she?ll find out she had more confidence than she thought she did.? He got a dreamy look. ?When she called him a ?misogynistic prick? I just about wet my pants I needed to laugh so hard. God she?s sexy when she?s all animated like that. . .? Sakura saw Naruto fade into his own little world and took the opportunity to slip out.
Everything, everyone, they were all falling apart at the seams and it was all because of her. Sasuke was avoiding her, and arguing with Kakashi even more violently than he had before, Hinata was having a nervous breakdown in her office, the entire accounting department might come under review for poor performance due to the sudden decline in productiveness from both Shino and Sasuke, Neji was out for her blood, and there were notes on her desk (one even from Tsunade?s secretary) that said if she couldn?t help with some last minute plans for the New Year?s party then it would probably be a huge disaster (Tsunade was dramatic and she liked hyperbole).
Maybe she should have never come here, maybe she should have licked her wounds and gone back to her parents for a few months before she applied for medical school. They had always been supportive of her, and it wasn?t a big intrusion. As it was, she was giving everyone a coronary of one type or another. The worst part was that she didn?t even try to do it, it had happened because Sakura was who she was: a little opinionated, a little bothersome and pro-active, and a lot arrogant that she was perfectly right in what she was doing. Worst of all, she cared. All this chaos was hurting her. She wanted simplicity, she wanted someone else to take control and make it all ok.
She wanted. . .
Gaara!?
?Gaara!? He was waiting for her by the information desk, which she had to pass coming from the elevator. She had been avoiding his calls, so of course he would have to see her in person if he wanted anything. It wasn?t like he had stopped working for Tsunade and Jiraiya because Sakura had run off on their date more than a week ago.
?Did your phone number change recently?? His voice was cool, with a hint of irritation.
?No. I?ve been. . . very busy.?
?I see.?
They stood, facing one another, and Sakura cleared her throat. ?I need to get going, Ino is waiting for me and I?m already a little bit late. . .?
?Are you doing anything for New Year?s??
?What?? She didn?t want him to clarify. Sakura knew very well what he was going to ask, even as she knew she had no reason to refuse him.
Gaara had the grace to look a little nervous, as if he thought she would refuse. ?I would like it if you came to the firm?s party this year. Temari really went all out this year, and I know there are people from the office who would like to see you again.?
But Sasuke. . .
But Sasuke. . .
A shock of improbably styled black hair jerked past her peripheral vision. Gaara might not even have seen it, he was watching Sakura with his usual intensity.
Sasuke had passed by. He had passed by and seen her talking with Gaara. So much for protecting her. If a little anger was enough to get him to abandon her, then what could she count on? It fit her depressing image of her situation here very well.
But Sasuke. . . wasn?t her problem. If he was so sure he could heal his own heart by harming others then he could learn his own lessons the hard way.
?I know I came on too strong before. Please, Sakura, give me another chance.? If he was sincere or not, she wasn?t sure, but her answer had been determined once Sasuke had left her standing there with his rival.
The hard line to her jaw wasn?t encouraging even if her words were. ?I have to go now, but call me tonight and tell me what time I should get there. I really am late to meet Ino.?
?Don?t worry,? Gaara said, a cocky and relieved smile making him seem more boyish and less frightening. ?I can give you a ride.?
