My Favorite Mistake, The Wedding

[Crystaltear]

My Favorite Mistake: The Wedding
by Crystaltear
Chapter: Sidefic
Rated: PG-13
Warnings: Oh, where to start...lots of cursing in certain parts, breaking of at least one commandment, an angry Heero, an even more angry Relena, Dorothy's presence, and a sick baby. I may have missed something, so be on the lookout.



Notes: Just a note, highly religious people may get offended by one scene in the story. *shrug* Sorry. You've been warned. This story's based loosely on a friend of mine's wedding, though it wasn't as awful. This story is far from serious, and is my sarcastic humor at work.
Also, the wedding takes place roughly three and a half years after the main storyline, which would make Heero 24 and Relena going on 22.

Added note: Check out all the beautiful art Stefy did for this story in her section of BI!

"There is nothing that can get in my way,
I will marry you no matter the price to pay.
I make a solemn promise to you,
one day I will stand on the alter and say to you 'I do.'"--Jamie Redway

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Relena's POV
The day started out nice enough. It was 74 degrees and sunny on the August afternoon that Heero and I had decided would be our day of holy matrimony.

Like I said before though, it only started out nice. I should have known from our past experiences that nothing Heero and I chose to do would be easy. The problems were fairly small at first, such as my lack of something blue, and that the cake was stuck in traffic somewhere. They were all things that could be looked over, so I was still in my blissful state while I carefully eased on my stockings.

*Rip*

Okay, another minor flaw. You wouldn't be able to see it with the dress I was wearing anyway.

"Relena?"

I turned and greeted Cathy with a smile, and she handed me my wedding dress. It took her a little while to get used to the idea of Heero and me, but if it still bothered her on that particular day, she didn't let it show. Her and Dorothy were the only two friends from our circle that I had kept in touch with after high school was over. The two of them were to be part of small group of bridesmaids, while Hilde ended up being my Maid of Honor.

"I can hardly believe it, Relena. Who knew that you and our psychology sub would be tying the knot one day," she gushed. "I'm so happy for you. And it looks like you're going to have a nice ceremony too."

"I wouldn't count on that," a voice interjected.

"What do you mean, Dorothy?"

"Weather channel says that the hurricane's outer bands are going to be making landfall. It looks like your wedding is going to be rained on."

I frowned in disappointment and looked out the small window in the room. Sure enough, a large band of clouds was moving in from the east at a slow pace.

"A little rain never hurt anyone," I replied, trying to remain optimistic.

I should have went back home while I still had the chance.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heero's POV
Since my brother is such an imbosal, he forgot to check Hilde's calendar before making plans. So, his car was in the shop for a tune up the same day he and Hilde were supposed to be at my wedding. Which was why I was sitting in traffic after picking up the two of them, instead of at the church making sure all the final preparations were in order.

"Heero, I think it's that exit right there," Hilde declared enthusiastically while shifting in her large navy bridesmaid dress to point to the side road. I swerved into the emergency lane immediately and proceeded to turn onto the exit. Thankfully, the exit was going to a rather remote area, so the traffic was left behind us. Yup, it would be trouble free from that point on.

Wrong.

We were about two miles past the exit when a large bang emitted from the front passenger side of the car, followed by a series of smaller bangs. Almost immediately I felt my power steering give, and I clutched onto the wheel and turned as quickly as I could to the side of the road. I put the damn car in park, turned off the ignition, and took a deep breath to keep my cool. I would remain calm...

"What's wrong with you?!" I screamed, kicking the front tire as if it would make the car run again.

"Heero, screaming at the car isn't going to help any," Hilde rationalized. "I'll just call for a tow truck."

Meanwhile, my brother was still fiddling under the hood of the car trying to see what the problem was.

"Uh-oh. This doesn't look good."

Hilde and I both turned to look at Duo, who was now holding up a large piece of rubber that was frayed on two ends. "The main belt snapped right in half, and went right through the power steering pump," he explained to us, spouting off about something I really didn't care about. I just wanted to get to the church and make my girlfriend a wife. Was that so much to ask?

"In other words?"

"In other words, Bro, we aren't going anywhere until the tow truck comes."

I groaned and looked over at Hilde, who was giving our location to AAA. Suddenly, the phone gave a shrill beep in protest, and then died. "Dammit. Oh well, at least they know where we are."

"I would've liked to call Relena and tell her we were going to be late," I sighed, finally accepting that my wedding day was going to be a disaster. Which meant I would have to prepare myself with a not-so-eventful wedding night...assuming I actually managed to get to the church to be at the other end of the aisle.

I thought things couldn't get any worse, but it seemed someone was up to the challenge to make my day Hell. As Hilde handed her deceased phone over to Duo, the sky opened up and it began to pour. Right onto our wedding garb.

"Shit."

We got back into the car as quick as possible, but the damage was already done. We were soaked.

"You know what, Heero? I think someone up there doesn't like you."

"No kidding. Now shut up, Duo."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Relena's POV
With an hour and a half left, I sat down in front of Lucy to allow her to pull up my hair and put the finishing touches on my make up. To her left sat my two and a half year old nephew, Lian, who looked miserable in his little tuxedo, complete with watery eyes and runny nose. What possessed me to allow the curious, albeit sickly boy to be in my presence at that time was beyond me, but I would pay for my stupidity.

"So, what do you think?"

I gazed thoughtfully at the reflection in the mirror in front of me, and smiled. She had pulled up the sides of my hair into a small ponytail, while allowing the rest of my hair to flow freely down my back in a massive array of spiral curls. The finishing touch was a small veil that flowed like my hair, complete with a crown of intertwining pearls, white leaves, and flowers. The entire style complemented my off the shoulder wedding dress nicely, and I knew that Heero would not be disappointed.

"Mama, no feel so--" I saw it coming, but I was so fearful that I could only freeze and close my eyes. When I reopened my eyes to survey the damage, my once beautiful white dress was covered in my nephew's projectile vomit.

'Well, at least nothing happened to the hair,' I thought to myself, while I tried to keep the tears from falling. The last thing I needed was to have my make up ruined as well.

Twenty minutes later, Cathy, Dorothy, and I were in a small bridal shop whose name I can't recall to pick up a last minute dress.

"This one looks like it would fit," Cathy offered while she held out a dress that looked about my waist size. I eyed the dress critically. It was off the shoulder like my other now orange and odored dress, and it was white, but...it was so plain!

"This is no time to be picky, Relena. Just try the damn thing on!" Dorothy insisted, reading my expression immediately.

Grabbing the dress from Cathy's grasp, I gave a sigh of defeat and huffed into a changing room to try the dress on.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thirty Minutes Later
"Five-hundred dollars?! I didn't even pay that much for my first dress, and it was six times as nice as this piece of crap!"

"Well then wear that one."

I fought the urged to jump over the counter and take my frustrations out on the weird old man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and sunglasses. It was obvious that he knew I was in a desperate situation and wanted to make a profit off of my misery. It just goes to show you how being good to your fellow man no longer applied in our society.

"Heero's going to flip out. We don't have this kind of money right now," I choked, finally letting the tears escape their prison and smear my make up. I completed in scribbling out the check and tossing it at the old man.

"Don't cry Rel, Dorothy and I will chip in some money for the dress. Now c'mon, we have to hurry."

"What?! Don't get me involved in this!"

"Dorothy, shut up."

Just as we were pulling out of the parking lot, the news announcer came on the radio:
"I?ve just gotten word that Hurricane Roberto has made a sharp turn and will be making landfall within the next hour. Residence are advised to stay indoors and keep watch for an evacuation notice. It looks like this is going to be a big one."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heero's POV
"Fucking Son of a Bitch! Hurry up!"

"Heero, cursing at the tow truck guy is not going to get us their any quicker."

I ignored my brother's continuous babble and turned to the man who was now the ride to my wedding. "Can't you work any quicker?! I need to get to my wedding!" I shouted through the window of the truck, pointing at my rented tuxedo for emphasis.

"They don't pay enough to work that quick buddy, especially in this weather. Just be glad that I agreed to drop you three off at the church before I bring your car into the shop."

I was beyond caring about his so called generosity. I had a half an hour to get to a church, or I was a dead man. "If you don't hurry the fuck up, you're going to be paying for my funeral after my wife kills me!"

"She isn't your wife yet." Hilde smacked Duo upside the head before I had the chance to retaliate for the smart remark.

But by the way things were going, Relena wasn't going to be my wife.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Back to Relena
"I thought you tried on the dress at the shop?"

"I did, god dammit!"

"Relena! You're in a church!!"

"Well then maybe that will finally get the Lord's attention!" I snapped while I managed squeezed into the dress. I think by that point I had totally lost it, because all the women surrounding me could only watch in bewilderment and horror as I started cursing to the ceiling above me. "Do you hear me, you sick-minded jerk! I WILL become Mrs. Relena Yuy today, even if this stupid church is no longer standing!

The only reply was the crack of lightning, and the loss of electricity throughout the church.

"I think you got his attention, Relena."

"Shut up, Dorothy!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heero's POV
The three of us arrived with only five minutes left until the ceremony was supposed to begin. I rushed out of the tow truck first, leaving Duo to deal with the driver, and not caring that my suit was getting soaked (again) in my trek to the church doors. I threw one of them open and hurried inside to find...

an empty church?

"What the hell?"

Not even a minute later, Hilde and Duo ran inside, and echoed my previous inquiry.

"Are we at the right church?" I asked, looking around at the decor. It looked like the church where we had the rehearsal the day prior, but by then so much had happened I wasn't sure about anything anymore.

"Heero!"

We looked over to the far side of the church, and a small blonde head, which I recognized as Relena, peeked out from the floor. We hurried over, and found her standing on a set of steps that lead to the basement.

"Where is everyone?" I questioned, ignoring the fact that I had seen my bride before the actual wedding. I think we had enough bad luck as it was.

"Down here." She pointed, and then explained what happened while leading us down. "The news put this area in an emergency evacuation. The pastor figured that it would be safer to stay in the basement while the storm passed rather than have people driving to get out of this area. So here we are."

I could tell by her expression that she was not happy with the situation, and by the strain in her voice I assumed she had to deal with as much of a hassle as I had. She looked so sad at that moment, that all I could do was embrace her small form and hope it atoned for all the trouble.

"You're soaked!" she exclaimed, "What happened to you guys?"

"Don't ask, and I won't ask what happened to your wedding dress," I murmured into her forehead. She looked down at the dress which was not the one that she had shown me and gushed over weeks before, and nodded in agreement.

So, it looked as though our wedding was in shambles and everyone needed a little ray of hope. I glanced down at my fianc?e?s grim expression once more, and I became a man on a mission. I made a scan around the dimly lit room, found my target, and began pulling Relena with me as I made my way through the small crowd of people that we had invited. Both Duo and Millardo caught on immediately, and sensing my desperation, got into their correct arrangement as practiced. The rest of the wedding party soon followed suit.

"C'mon, let's start this," I told the pastor and motioned to where everyone was now in their proper spots.

"Heero, what are you doing?"

"Getting married, what does it look like?"

"Bu--"

"No buts. You wanted our wedding to be a memorable experience, right? Well, I don't think it can get any more memorable than this. We're having it in the basement of a church, lit by candles, in the middle of a hurricane."

"With a wet groom," she added, a smile finally appearing on her face. I returned her smile, and brushed away what remained of her tears.

"So, are we agreed?"

"Agreed." With her approval, I quickly handed her over to Millardo, who would eventually be handing her back to me, and took my place by the pastor.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Relena's POV
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today--"

"No offense, but can we skip all that? I want to be married before the church collapses on top of us," Heero interrupted rudely. The pastor stared at him for a moment in shock, and then looked over at me. I nodded my agreement. Finally, the pastor sighed and complied, and Heero went off on his own revision of the wedding ceremony.

"Good. Does anyone have a problem with us getting married?"

The only reply was the sound of a thunderous crash, and the howling wind from outside.

"That's what I thought. Now, go on."

"The rings?" the pastor asked, seemingly beyond caring.

My poor little nephew then came up to the two of us, and with a timid smile held up the pillow that held the two wedding bands. I smiled down at him to assure I was not angry about the earlier incident, and then took the ring that I had to put on Heero's finger. Heero did the same, and the whole room quieted to hear our vows.

"I, Heero Yuy, take you Relena Peacecraft, to be my wife, my partner in life, and my one true love. I will cherish our friendship and love you today, tomorrow, and forever. I will trust you and honor you. I will laugh with you and cry with you. I will love you faithfully, through the best and the worst, through the difficult and the easy. What may come I will always be there. As I have given you my hand to hold, so I give you my life to keep. So help me God."

He slid the ring on my finger, and I began to cry despite my attempts to stop the tears from flowing. Taking a breath, I prayed that I would be able to remember and form the words, and repeated the vows.

"I, Relena Peacecraft, take you Heero Yuy, to be my husband, my partner in life, and my one true love. I will cherish our friendship and love you today, tomorrow, and forever. I will trust you and honor you. I will laugh with you and cry with you. I will love you faithfully, through the best and the worst, through the difficult and the easy. What may come I will always be there. As I have given you my hand to hold, so I give you my life to keep. So help me God."

I followed Heero's example in sliding the band onto his finger, and then we clasped our hands together in a sign of unity for the final verse of our vows. You would think that the hard part was over, but it wasn't. The last part of our vows was to be spoken in unison, so long as both of us managed to remember the lines.

We pulled it off without a glitch.

"Entreat me not to leave you, or to return from following after you, for where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God. And where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord do with me and more if anything but death parts you from me."

"In as much as you have each pledged to the other your lifelong commitment, love and devotion, I now pronounce you husband and wife, in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Those whom God has joined together let no one put asunder. Heero, you may kiss your bride."

I'm sure you can figure out what happened after that. Kissing, cheering, Duo whistling obnoxiously, and the small amounts of rice someone managed to grab before the evacuation being thrown all over the place.

"So, how'd your day go sweetheart?" I asked sarcastically once we had pulled apart. I strained to hear him over the loud cheering our family and friends were doing.

"Let's just put it this way, Lena. I hope today's not an omen for things to come."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three Days Later, in a small cottage in the Highlands of Scotland--
"Now that I think about it, I bet our fathers had a huge role in that disaster called our wedding," I mused from my window seat overlooking the endless hills of purple heather.

"Well, then they did the right thing."

I pulled my gaze from the surreal scenery to look over at my husband. He was sprawled none too graciously across our king size bed, flipping through a brochure for one of the many castles of the country.

"Oh? Why's that?" I asked, and then hopped off the ledge to join him in looking through all the brochures. Or at least that's what I had in mind at first.

"Because after an experience like that, I never want to get married again. So it looks like you may be stuck with me." He looked up from the brochure to meet my gaze, and then pulled me down to meet his lips. "What do you think about that, Lena?"

"Definitely not my loss, Love."

The tourist attractions were quickly forgotten and sprawled all over the floor, while the space they had occupied was used for more enjoyable purposes.

[blackrose]

YAY! Well, that is one way to keep them from ever getting divorced. ^__~


Weeeeeeeeee! A disaster that ended well, and I'm so happy!

Thanks for a great fic, I'll be sure to read more soon! Got sequels you say? I'm there!

Love,
Rose

[PeRiDoTs13]

whooooo!!!!!! *whistles* go relena and heero!!!!!! get on with ur bad selves!!!!! whoooo!!!!!!!

ah, the wedding day from hell. i sincerely hope mine doesn't go as badly if and when i get married.

[AngelOfDeath]

Finally made it through every chapter.... and NOW I comment!

So very riveting, I was glued to my seat (must remember to get up and stretch...)

I really liked Heero in this. Beautiful, dense, handsome, mildly romantic, messy, odd man-boy. Wonderful. So glad you posted your ficcie.

[shadowcat]

Ahh!! Wedding of Hell!!!
i feel sooooo sorry for them...i dun wanna get married anymore, i'm hell scared.

Oh, GREAT fic, i loved it, i know i wasn't supposed to laugh at their misfortunate though.

-Shadow

[athena]

hehehe..that was way to funny! Poor Relena and Heero. Like shadowcat said: the Wedding of Hell. But too cute. I love how it was almost as if their parents were making it hell for them. Even though we had no doubts, they certaintly won't get a divorce!

I love this series! Keep up the excellent writing!

[Neo_Evolution_Kaname]

Oh this is a wonderful story. Funny and yet in a way, very romantic. Though I doubt anyone wants a wedding like theirs, but they did it no matter what, and that's what truly counts! Whoo!

[Kanya Barton]

Well, not everyone's wedding can be perfect you know! At least this one will entertain the kids a little more instead of them going...ewwww, mushy stuff and all that...I remember doing that as a kid...I still do in fact!
There are so many quotes from the story that I want to put up and point out how funny they were to me, but I just can't right now I'm too tired. I'm going to bed and tomorrow I'm going to read Damning Allegations! So I guess I'll see you guys tomorrow!
Peace out!
P.S. Did I mention that I loved every single chapter of this series and that you need to be given an award for such great writing? *glomps Crystaltear before running out and jumping into a more than welcome bed and passing out on it*

[Nikouru]

Poor Heero and Relena to go through all that! At least they got married! And it this experience guarantees they won't want another wedding anytime soon, so they're stuck together! Yay! Great story!