Ask Heero (A Real Advice Column)

[11krage]

Neotoongirl, i understand your frustration. I have a little sister who has the same unfortunate habits, only her film of choice was honey. A great film admittedly, but after the first dozen times of watching it you do lose a little love for it. It also has music and dancing which means that she sings and dances along to it as well, in the main room of course. Which happens to be situated over the room i spend a lot of time in, literally sounds like elephants jumping up and down. Dust falls on my head, and she still doesn't believe me when i say she can't sing. She also tried to kill me recently by pushing me down the stairs, then denied that she ever touched me two seconds later.

She is also highly of the 'its all about me' mentallity, but at least she is no longer saying that she hates her life and wishes that she were dead. Or that any of us were dead.

But shes my sister. I may not like her all the time, but i didn't kill her, or even swear at her, i dealt. Admittedly its easier now im away from home at uni (is that an option for you to leave home sometime in the near future?) But she seems to be reverting a little to bad habits when i do go home.

Does anyone else in the family feel the way you do? Perhaps a family intervention. Or a out of the way room where your bro could watch his films all he wants. Telling the relevant adult in your household of your feelings might help. Maybe your bro doesn't realise the affect his actions are making on you. Though it might seem, and maybe be true that he currently doesn't care about anyone than himself. It might be that he views this as a game and is enjoying winding you up. In which case not rising to his taunts might help.

Or even asking something as simple as 'why do you hate me?' or 'do you hate me?' might work in getting him to think about his actions. Though, i'll admit its a very long shot. Try some of wicked's or my suggestions out and get back to us. I think her suggestion about the online journal was a great one, and should really work in your situation.

Now, onto my question. I was thinking of asking for a while, and since i don't really have anyone at uni i feel comferable in asking...


Dear Heero, my dad was diagnosed with cancer a few months ago i think. I didn't really ask and information always comes to me last in my family. I just knew he was sick for a while, then i got told he had to have a operation on his throat. A little after this i glanced at my mum's computer while she was typing a email, it said 'hubbys got cancer'.

I've found out since then that he's got cancer in his throat somewhere, i heard it once, it began with a 't'. He also went to chemo for a few months, thou i think thats stopped now. I went home last week for half term. He's still very sick, a nurse comes round to give him morphene. Though i only saw her one day, so im not sure how often she comes round.

I guess, i've considered the fact that he might die. Though i'm a little confused as to my lack of feeling about the idea. My sisters have cried and i think my mum did a couple of times. I haven't cried, though he's a very nice dad. But i've never exactly been the most in tune with my feelings so it doesn't bother me too much.

What does bother me is that when i was back at home, mum told me to spend a lot of time with him because 'hes very ill' and 'just in case'. Does that mean that hes going to die?

Would the doctors know if hes going to die? Is it like on the tv, when a person has cancer and they can give them a percentage as to whether they are going to die or not? And if he's acting more in pain than before, then does that mean that he's getting worse? Or is it like some illnesses and you get worse, then better, then worse then you're ok again?

I don't want to talk to my family about it right now. They get very sad. But any information that you can give me would be appresheated.

[wicked]

P03, no that does not make you strange. That makes you P03. I used to watch <i>Scream</i> every day for nearly a year. Same with <i>The Crow</i>. I don't think that says anything about me at all. ~_^

Wicked

I have Four sister, one bother, four grandmothers , three grandfathers, about 21 aunts and uncles, and over 55 cousin I?ve lost count. Now I?m the kind of person who likes alone time and values person space and I can take lot before I get upset! I work in food service I deal with assholes, bitch, and of the most obnoxious people in the world. I would rather be lock in a room with people like that than spend two second with him. You may think he's not that bad but I bet you could spend one day with him NOT ONE!!!!!!



P.S He doesn't care about other AT ALL it all about him!!!!!!!!

Oh boy do I know about wanting personal space. I love my personal space so much so that I even demand it online.

But out of curiosity, does that entire family live with you? After the four sisters and one brother bit I don't think we needed a rundown of your entire family. Just saying. That of course will/can change if they are all in fact living with you at this time. It's obvious you have a big family. I feel sorry for you in that regard. I don't think I could handle anything more than my two brothers and one sister-in-law.

Although there was that time during which my parents, my brother and his son, my aunt and her son (that'd be my cousin), and myself were all living under the same roof of a three bed/2 bath house. Fun times.

Get out of food service before you lose your mind. Trust me on this. I worked fast food for four years. You might be a server at a restaurant or a hostess or even working fast food too, but get out before it's too late! I know what it's like to work with assholes, bitches, and obnoxious people (either on my side of the counter/window or the other side).

Believe me, I know what it's like to want personal space and a relaxing time at home. If your brother is older, tell him to get his sorry ass out of the house. If he is younger, realize that you're going to have to put up with him. If you parents aren't going to do anything about his behavior, especially if he's going out of his way to annoying and creating strife, then you'll have to deal with it until you get out on your own.

Until then, ignore him.

And get the journal still. It's therapeutic.

~Wicked

P.S. I have no patience or tolerance (well maybe tolerance, and I have more patience than I let on but that's not the point) for certain age groups. Even when I was that age group. So the likelihood of me being able to deal with your brother would probably end with him crying. But that might be considered a win for you.

[neotoongirl13]

My mom is trying but all he does is yell at her and talk down to her. And I dont have a dad the I have seen the male who gave me that DNA for 14 years.

[lilac310]

I loooovveee my brother and I'm very protective of him at times...(I'm older, btw).....But heck, there are times when I just want to strangle him and wish he were dead because that way, we won't have to worry about him anymore and that he won't worry about what his future will be anymore...Get it?...

AnyHOO, it's a matter of manipulation, hon..or rather the great influence of tender loving care... ...I'm proud to say that I'm good at this when it comes to my brother. LOL...The poor thing even cried when I gave him a 'pep talk' about how much I care for him despite all the teasing and whatnot!....When I asked him why he's crying, he was like...."I didn't know you cared for me." ...oh well, funny times!...But what I told him was the TRUTH.......and there are other times.....hehehe...

My bro and I are fun.....We smack each other upside the head but we're alright...

Try to find some 'common ground' with him.....That way, when you want to use your 'powers' on him, you'd be able to without having to call 'mom'...

Cheers!...

[neotoongirl13]

You want to know what I don?t get is why everyone thinks ignoring him works it doesn't. See what usually do is hold it all inside until I blow. I know its bad for but it how I deal so im basically stress out all the time and my friends think it killing me and my co works said that I never look happy well that?s mostly true im always depressed . See thing that make me unhappy is all the verbally abuse. For expel I could be sit reading a book or on the computer ect. and he will just come in and said the most mean hurtful things. Sometime I just leave the room he follows me you know I can't eat around him im so busy I only get to eat one to two things a day like a banana and a sandwich that it. But if he see it your sooo FAT or why are you eating and throwing at me so I can?t eat. Now I have to get so much iron a day see I need a high level or I get light headed thing start spinning cant walk strait and finally pass out . Why does he have to made my life a living hell

[lilac310]

I know it's really hard for you and it's too bad that I can't fully understand your situation but just think of it as this....he's your brother - a part of your flesh & blood..unless of course, he's not but that a different thing altogether...

Anyways, if it somehow appeases your mind a little bit, I'd let you know that I do tease my brother a LOT....You might even think it's verbal abuse or physical abuse....I call him gay names like "dingbat"..."dingles"....even though, he's not...and when he's playing on his computer, I'd come up from behind him and put him in a head lock right between my arms.....He gets mad..like REALLY mad at me......he'll push me & stuff like that......and the "following you" part..that is SO TRUE!...If I have nothing better to do, I'd follow him (literally!) even to his room, which doesn't have a lock, and bug him there out of his sanity...I do it because it's FUNNY for me....and probably annoying to him....So, he'd end up locking himself in the bathroom...hehe..this has happened so many times that I lost count...After that, I'd lose my interest and do my own business.....

And about him calling you "Fat"...that can only go 2 ways ---> 1) he really thinks you're fat and taunting you about it 'cz he thinks you're disgusting or 2) he thinks you're getting fat and wants you to DO something about it by constantly reminding you......Now, #2 is the most likely answer unless he isn't your REAL brother.....maybe teasing is his only way to "watch out" for you and remind you on some stuff you need to do/ think about so he won't seem "cheesy" or seem like "mom"......

OK...I'd let you in on a secret..well, kinda...My brother had a problem with acne..so, I'd tease him about it and it really got to him..I didn't even realize it until he finally told me....I'd tease him partly because I just wanna tease him at that moment and partly because I want him to do something about it..like actually, wash his face!....so, I used to constantly bombard him with things like "pimply face" or say, "the face that disgraces the human race" while pointing at his face....haha....it even rhymes..it's so catchy!..I gotta put a 'copyright' on that one!..haha...Anyways, it didn't work 100% but it made him conscious about his personal hygiene & now his pimples are GONE!..he's putting on some cream stuff too to keep his face clean and all....

There's even this one time when we were kids (about 6 or 7) and he was playing "Prince of Persia" on the pc and I wanted to as well but he won't let me..so, what I did was tie him on the chair...no kidding!..he got really mad and said "F*ck you" ..even at that age.....Oh! There's this one time I hit him with a baseball bat 'cz I had to do the laundry & he wouldn't help..I had to chase him down....After that, I felt bad and I even got him the ice pack to put on his "new" bruise....My parents found out & I never get to see that baseball bat ever again..

..Siblings do "wrestle" and sometimes we even "demean" each other....sometimes we mean it & sometimes we don't...it's just a matter of knowing what your brother REALLY thinks about the situation.

So, go ask him....It's hard..sure..but you'll never know unless you try...Ask him if it's just a tease that he has grown so accustomed to doing that he becomes so comfortable with the idea of saying those hurtful things to you...so, he does it all the time and on an escalating level.....or if he's actually doing it on purpose to put you down.......In my situation, it is the first one.....Find out what's yours...Ask him.

[RubyRedSlippers]

mhm

[wicked]

*points to the post directly above*

What the hell is that? Is that spam? If it is, don't do it. This is for serious and sometimes not so serious questions to be answered by Heero when he's able to do so.

And he'll do so...sometime...soon. Or something.

But yeah, don't be spamming.

~Wicked

[RubyRedSlippers]

hey!
im not spamming

i just wrote something and then got embarressed by what i wrote......... -_-

sorry i didnt mean to tick anyone off i just didnt know how to delete comments.

and yes i know this is an ask heero column. I was just going to try to help and then i didnt think my comment would be very helpful and thats when i realized you cant delete or at least as far as my knowledge of this website goes you cant delete.


~Ruby~

[Raspberry]

Hmm... Seems that since I've been here half year ago nothing much happened... Or is it just me? O.o

Hmm... Random question:

If you have rheumatism your joints hurt when it rains? I know what the illness is, but still... How come your joints feel the rain? O.o