So, obviously Quatre did not write this song, and obviously there are few people who could write lyrics perfectly the first draft. Just allow me some artistic license.
The song Green and Gray is by Nickel Creek.
Rating: G
Green and Gray
--
Quatre glanced discreetly at his watch for what seemed the hundredth time in the last ten minutes. He could hear a voice droning from the podium at the front of the room, but he had long since stopped paying attention. The man wasn?t saying anything that Quatre hadn?t heard before, and if ever he needed to hear the man?s words again, he could just read his secretary?s notes on the conference.
Still, the speaker was a well-respected colleague, so Quatre forced himself to sit up straight and feign some interest. When did business become so boring? he wondered.
He gazed around the hotel convention room, his mind a thousand other places. His thoughts drifted to his family, and suddenly he found a tune in his head. It was quick, plaintive, wordless- where had he heard it before? He thought hard, his foot unconsciously tapping in time with the song, and suddenly his face broke out in a smile. He?d heard the song from his sister, Anika. She was a wonderful mandolin player, and had recently started writing her own music. The song stuck in his head was one she was writing, which she?d played for him to get his opinion on it. He?d said he liked it, but that she should write some words to go with it. Quatre grinned as he tapped his foot along with the beat, the song he could hear in his head drowning out the voice of the speaker at the podium.
He was startled out of his reverie when he heard the crowd begin to applaud. The man at the podium smiled and continued, ?Yes, congratulations Lee Electronics on their number two placing.? Quatre?s eyes widened. Had he let his mind wander that long? They were nearly to the end of meeting, now. The man was continuing. ?And, for the top-rated business in the world, the Blanding Review has chosen, for the third year in a row, Winner Enterprises! Quatre Winner, can you come up here??
Quatre walked to the podium, smiling politely at the applauding crowd, feeling no surprise at receiving the award. Winner Enterprises was on fire; Quatre didn?t have to try at all, and still they were always on top. He was the golden boy, the perfect one, the youngest billionaire on Earth or the colonies. He accepted the plaque offered him and smiled down at the crowd, most of whom he didn?t know and all of whom were applauding and cheering and smiling at him like they were the best of friends.
As the applause began to die down, Quatre walked back down to his seat, smiling politely at all the people who congratulated him. People he?d never seen before were shaking his hand and saying, ?I knew you would take it again,? and many of the younger women in the crowd were looking him over and smiling appreciatively. He nodded cordially to them all and sat back at his table, hoping the fawning would be over.
It wasn?t. The other occupants of the table, all of whom had overlooked the quiet blonde before, were now falling over themselves to talk to the famous Quatre Winner. Even as the meeting continued, people all over the room kept watching him. He didn?t know whether to be annoyed or amused. Didn?t these people have anything else to do besides staring at him? Here they were, in a room full of people, but all hanging on just one person?s breath.
Quatre paused. The words passing through his mind fit perfectly with the meter of Anika?s song. He thought a moment longer, glancing around the room- what rhymes with breath?- then smiled. Pulling out a notebook, he put his pen to the paper and wrote.
I?m in a room full of people, all hanging on one person?s breath
We would all vote him most likely to be loved to death
At first, he considered writing ?They would all vote me most likely to be loved to death,? but that seemed arrogant, and after some thought, he decided to do it as though about someone else. He liked it better that way. After scribbling it down, he glanced over the lines he had just written, then laughed to himself. Maybe he could suggest them to Anika as a start to her song. Just then the meeting ended, and Quatre slipped the notebook in his briefcase and stood to leave, the song forgotten.
--
That evening there was a party in the hotel ballroom, a formal social affair for those at the convention as well as various rich and influential people in the business and political world. Quatre went, but only because his friends and employees forced him into it.
They all sat at the table in the corner, discussing various issues facing the business world. Quatre found himself looking around the ballroom, completely bored. How did it come to this? he wondered. When he was younger, all he?d wanted to do was follow in his father?s footsteps and head Winner Enterprises. Even after the war and his father?s death, business was the only career he?d ever considered. Now that he was wildly successful and rich, though, he found he was no longer interested in any of it.
It wasn?t the business itself, he knew. He was still proud to be the CEO and interested in what the company was doing, but still . . . he felt vaguely dissatisfied, as though a cloud of discontent had settled over his head.
It was not being helped by his surroundings, which presently included a young woman in a yellow dress that was, in his opinion, rather too small for a girl her size. She kept shooting him significant glances, which he kept pointedly ignoring. She didn?t get the hint, though, and stood up to come over. Quatre groaned and prepared himself for an evening of tedious conversations. Before the girl could cross over to him, though, a hush fell over the crowd. Someone was coming in the door, flanked by two bodyguards. Quatre craned his neck to look, then smiled. It was her.
Relena Darlian-Peacecraft had a way of effortlessly attracting attention when she entered a room. Every eye on the room was on her, on her beautiful face, open smile, and designer dress. She nodded to those hotel guests who all wanted to greet her, the Vice Foreign Minister with the inborn grace of a princess. Finally she looked up and saw Quatre, who stood up from his chair. Her smile deepened, and Quatre felt his heart turn over.
She motioned to her bodyguards and moved quickly to where he was, grinning all the while. ?I don?t know why they get so excited,? she laughed as she approached him. ?I?m just a boring government official.? He smiled back as he reached out to grasp her hands. She stepped closer to press a friendly kiss to his cheek, then sat on the chair next to his.
?What are you doing here?? he asked.
The former queen smiled again. ?I heard this business convention was here. I had government business in town, and I needed somewhere to stay, so I thought I?d spend a few days here. I haven?t seen you since my birthday last month.?
The pair talked easily and comfortably, both smiling. They had become best friends after the Marimeia incident; both were rich, prominent and very young, and both were very glad to have a close friend who moved in the same circles. Relena had been very unsure of herself in her political position, and Quatre had been tired of spending his days with businessmen twice his age. In the six years that had passed since the last war, the two had become tight-knit, and whenever they met socially they were inseperable.
For Quatre, though, the feeling was more than that of camaraderie- somewhere between then and now, he had fallen hard for the young Vice Foreign Minister with the sweet smile. He had never made his feelings known, though, and for good reason. She was still deeply in love with a man she hadn?t seen for six years, a man who was probably never coming back. Still, Quatre held out hope that someday she?d give up on waiting, that she would look up and see him standing there waiting for her. He didn?t want to push her; he was willing to wait.
As she spoke, Relena began fiddling with her necklace. Quatre glanced at it and smiled. ?You?re wearing it,? he grinned, absurdly pleased to see that she was wearing the locket he?d given her for her birthday. It was an antique, solid gold and engraved, and it had been ridiculously expensive. He?d purchased it, though, because it had reminded him so much of her. He began to hope that maybe she wore it because he?d given it to her, because it reminded her of him. Maybe, he thought. Maybe this is a new start.
Relena grinned fondly up at him. ?Yes, it?s just so beautiful. You?re wonderful, Quatre.?
He looked away, blushing a little. ?Did you put a picture in it?? he asked, at which she blushed herself. ?Oh, it?s nothing.?
?No, let me see. Please?? he begged, giving her his best puppy dog face. She sighed in mock exasperation. ?I guess, if you want to. But don?t laugh.? He nodded and peered at the locket, his face falling as she opened it to reveal a picture of Heero Yuy.
--
Quatre threw his notebook on his spacious hotel room bed angrily- or at least with some strong emotion. He rarely got angry, but right now was fairly close. Too polite even in anger to bother his neighbors by slamming doors or throwing things, he sat on his bed and punched his pillow a few times, then sat back and sighed. I should have known it would never be a picture of me, he berated himself. His mind kept playing back the scene from earlier- her smiling as she showed him the tiny picture of the Japanese pilot. He fell back on his bed and stared at the ceiling. I should have known I could never compete with him.
He turned his head a little to the side and saw that his notebook had fallen open. Tucked away inside was the certificate accompanying the plaque his company had won that night. The paper was light spring green, a color that seemed to fit both Winner Enterprises and Quatre himself- they seemed vibrant, full of youth and promise. In truth, though, all he saw around himself right now was gray, a suffocating cloud that surrounded him, a hazy blur that surrounded Relena and kept her from him.
He sighed and opened the notebook to slip the certificate back in. Inside, he saw the song lyrics he had written earlier and smiled bitterly. ?I don?t want that fame,? he muttered. The words triggered more lines in his head, and he found himself pulling out a pen to scribble them down.
I hope he still wants it but it might remind him of when
He aimed for the bull?s-eye and hit it nine times out of ten
He smiled a little, then glanced back at the certificate, the soft green of new trees. His pen was moving again:
[/i] That one time his hand slipped and I saw the dart sail away
I don?t know where it landed but I?m guessing between green and gray
I thought nothing of it but it still haunts him like a ghost
With all eyes upon him except two that matter the most [/i]
The vidphone suddenly beeped, startling the young man so much that he jumped. Shaking his head, he stood to get it.
?Hey, Q-Man!? It was Duo Maxwell, grinning broadly. Quatre forced himself to smile and say hello. Duo was a great friend, and often very good at cheering him up. The former Deathscythe pilot didn?t know about Quatre?s feelings for Relena, however, and often inadvertently caused painful and awkward situations while speaking.
Today, apparently, was no exception. ?You seen Ojou-san lately?? Duo asked conversationally. When Quatre nodded, Duo asked how she was, and the blonde man replied dutifully, hoping they would drop the subject. ?So,? asked Duo, ?how?s she doing with . . . you know, Heero? She said anything lately??
Quatre knew Duo only wanted Relena to be happy, but sometimes he resented him for his unintended insensitivity. ?Actually,? he said with a bitter edge to his voice, ?she put a picture of him in the locket I gave her for her birthday.?
Duo, completely missing the tone and hidden meaning to the words, whistled lowly. ?Man, he?d better hurry and come back, if he?s ever going to,? he said.
?Look,? Quatre butted in, ?it?s really late here. I?ve got to get to bed.?
?Oh, of course!? said Duo. ?I?ll just let you get to it. Dang, that?s a really nice hotel room you?ve got there. You do live the good life, huh, Quatre??
?Goodbye, Duo,? Quatre said, his famed patience wearing thin. ?Bye!? Duo chirped, then finally ended the connection.
Quatre sighed and sank back on the bed, picking up his notebook in the process. He had just thought of the chorus.
He says
?Green is the color that everyone sees
All around me
Gray is the color I see around her
She?s just a blur.?
He prepared for bed, then crawled under the covers. The events of the day played through his mind, and he found himself murmuring words under his breath. Not wanting to forget them, he grabbed the notebook and scrawled them down:
?The more the crowd cheers, the less I can hear
And they don?t really care what I play
It might be for her but for now it?s between green and gray.?
He read over the whole page once before grinning to himself and turning off the lamp. If business ever goes bad, he thought, I could always make a living writing angsty music. He chuckled to himself as he drifted off to sleep. His last thought was, as always, of her.
--
The next morning dawned dark and cloudy, which perfectly suited Quatre?s mood. Though he was normally very cheery in the morning, after the events of yesterday he wanted nothing more than to hide under his covers until spring. His only solace was in the fact that it was the last day of the business conference. The whole day would be spent in meetings, which he didn?t enjoy, but tomorrow he would be returning home. This thought alone motivated him enough to get out of bed and face the day.
He would feel better when he got home, he decided as he brushed his teeth in the spacious bathroom. He wouldn?t be bored to death by all these meetings, and he wouldn?t be sleeping in a strange room. Most of all, he wouldn?t have to face Relena wearing the locket that proved that she loved another.
His day turned out to be as dull as he?d expected. In the morning he was with the other people who had come from Winner Enterprises, all of whom he was good friends with. In the afternoon, though, he found himself in a smaller meeting, entirely alone. He didn?t know any of the people attending it, though he recognized most of them. None of them made any effort to pay any attention to him. They didn?t have to, of course- he would never dream of believing himself entitled to their affections- but he found it highly two-faced of them to fawn over him when he was holding his Blanding Review plaque and to entirely ignore him the rest of the time.
Hypocrites, he thought with a resigned sigh as he sat in the lobby during the break before the closing dinner. He really couldn?t blame them; he was sure he?d done similar things before, and even if he hadn?t, his forgiving nature didn?t allow him to hold grudges for very long. It was simply the way things were, and he was resigned to that.
With a wry half-smile, he pulled his notebook out of his bag and flipped it open to his song. He felt it needed another verse, and he had just thought of it.
We paid and we cheered, now we?re gone, and to us that feels right
But for him every one of those evenings turns into a night
With another hotel room where he lays awake to pretend
That he?s doing fine with his notebook and Discman for friends
As he sat alone in an armchair, watching people pass him by, he suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder, and looked behind himself to find Relena. ?What are you doing here?? he asked, smiling, as he closed his notebook and slipped it back into his bag. ?I thought you said your business in town would take all day.?
?Well,? she said, smiling, ?I was going to have dinner with a colonial delegate, but he had to cancel at the last moment, so I talked to Randall Merriot with your convention, and he?s going to let me come have dinner with you.?
Quatre grinned warmly at her, feeling his spirits rise. ?With me,? he asked as the thought suddenly occurred with him, ?or with everyone??
Relena shrugged apologetically. ?I?m going to be their ?special guest,? so I?ll have to be up at the head table, but I can come and talk to you for part of it, okay??
?Okay,? Quatre agreed, sticking his hand out for her to shake. ?It?s a deal.?
She was true to her word. After being introduced to the gathered crowd, Relena spent most of her meal at Quatre?s table, talking spiritedly to him and his colleagues. Everyone around her listened, entranced, to her animated voice and humorous stories. Quatre had to smile. Even when she didn?t try to, Relena could charm anyone.
Like she did me, he thought as he watched her return to her seat at the head table. He was trying not to be obvious, but apparently he wasn?t doing a very good job, as one of his colleagues, a man who Quatre got on with very well, leaned over to murmur in his ear, ?She?s a great girl. You know, you?re a rich, young businessman, and she?s a rich, young politician. How come you two aren?t dating??
Quatre managed a shrug and a weak smile. ?It?s just never a subject that?s come up,? he told him honestly. At least, not in conversation, he thought with an inward sigh. It had certainly come up in his thoughts more than once. His colleague didn?t understand. No one did.
Quatre smiled dryly to himself and pulled his notebook out. It was time for another chorus.
He says
?Green is the color that everyone sees
All around me
Gray is the color I see around her
She?s just a blur.?
?Night after night, what I hear, what I write
Fills the room and my head starts to sway
It might be for her but for now it?s between green and gray.?
--
At nearly midnight that evening, Quatre was packing his things so he could leave early the next morning. Things hadn?t been all that bad, he decided. Some of the conference had been fun, and he?d gotten to see some of his old acquaintances, and to spend time with Relena. No, it hadn?t been that bad at all.
Relena was leaving the next morning as well, off to take a bit of vacation time in France. Quatre didn?t expect to see her before she left, as she?d be leaving much earlier than he was, so they?d said their goodbyes after the party that followed dinner. They made plans for him to meet her for dinner while she was in France, and before leaving she had kissed him lightly on the cheek. She?d been smiling flippantly when she?d done it, so he knew she didn?t mean anything serious by it, but it had made him very nearly giddy, nonetheless.
He was about to undress for bed when he realized his bag was missing. After a frantic search of the hotel room, he remembered setting it down during the party. He sighed. That was all the way down on the ground floor, fourteen floors below him, but he had to go get it. With a shrug, he put his shoes back on, grabbed his key and headed out into the hallway.
The bag was exactly where he?d left it, and after a quick look through it to make sure everything was still there, he headed back toward the elevator. It had been a long day, and he wanted nothing more than to fall into bed and forget the rest of the world.
He pushed the button in the elevator for floor fourteen, and the doors were nearly closed when a lean, tanned hand grabbed one to force it back open. Quatre moved to the side to make room for the other passenger, glancing up at the man?s face. Then he stopped dead, staring in surprise, trying to decide if he was really seeing who he thought he was seeing. He was. There in the elevator next to him was the one man who could take away everything that was important to him. He swallowed heavily, then forced himself to smile at the Japanese man next to him. ?Heero Yuy, wow. What are the odds of seeing you here??
Heero Yuy blinked in surprise, staring at Quatre, but then his eyes showed recognition. ?Quatre Winner,? he replied in his usual low voice. ?This is a surprise. Are you here for the business convention??
Quatre nodded, unsurprised at Heero?s good guess. You could always count on Heero to know everything that was going on around him. Unfortunately. ?Yes, I am. What are you doing here? And for that matter, where have you been for the past six years??
Heero shrugged. ?Everywhere. Earth, the colonies- I?ve been all over, trying to find somewhere I felt I belonged.?
?Have you found it yet?? Quatre asked with real curiosity. Although he disliked that the former Wing pilot held Relena?s affection, he still looked at Heero as a close friend and comrade in arms, even though they hadn?t seen each other or been soldiers in so many years.
Before Heero could answer, Quatre, in his usual extrasensory way, suddenly understood what he was doing there. ?You?re here to see Relena,? he said softly, fighting his rising panic, ?to see if she?s where you belong.?
Please deny it, please deny it, Quatre?s mind was screaming, but he wasn?t really surprised when Heero nodded. ?I don?t know what I want in life, but whatever it is, I haven?t found it yet. And after six years, I thought, maybe it?s her.?
Quatre nodded slowly. ?Have you been to see her yet, or did you just arrive??
?I just arrived,? Heero replied. ?Do you know where her room is? I know it?s room 1215, but . . .?
Don?t you dare help him find Relena?s room, Quatre?s mind was scolding him. You know what will happen if she sees him. She?ll run straight into his arms and they?ll ride off into the sunset and you?ll never see her again. But although Quatre knew this was true, he couldn?t keep her from Heero. To have him coming to see her and trying to find a place in her life was everything that Relena had been hoping for the last six years. He couldn?t stand in the way of her chance to be happy, even if it ruined his own chances. ?Sure, Heero,? he replied, his voice as natural as years of experience dealing with businessmen and politicians could make it. ?Let me show you where she?s staying.?
They stepped out onto floor twelve, and Quatre began leading the way down to Relena?s room. As they turned a corner, he suddenly saw the woman in question coming down the hall toward him, looking absolutely gorgeous in her white evening gown.
Relena grinned as she saw Quatre, who was in front. ?Hey, Quatre,? she smiled. ?I was just on my way to talk to my personal assistant before I went to bed . . .?
Her voice trailed off as she saw the figure standing behind him. Her eyes went very wide, and she blinked several times as though trying to clear her vision. Finally, she spoke very quietly. ?Heero??
Quatre slipped past Heero and headed down to the elevators. He wasn?t wanted there.
Sleep was a long time coming that night. The knowledge that Heero was back and that Relena was now probably out of his reach forever haunted him like a ghost. Over and over his mind replayed the moment that she?d seen Heero, the hope and love and fear on her face. She loved him, he knew. She was finally back with the man she loved, and there was nothing he could do about it. He curled up into a miserable ball under the covers.
No, he thought suddenly, sitting up in bed. He refused to disappear into the shadows just yet, refused to watch Relena and Heero together and know that he?d done nothing to tell Relena of how he felt about her. He knew that she would never change her mind about being with Heero, but he couldn?t stand the thought of her never knowing. Even if she didn?t return the feeling, he wanted her to know.
As he looked around the room, his glance fell on his notebook, and he nodded resolutely. That was perfect. He would finish the song and give it to her, and then leave. She could read it and keep it, to know, always, that she was loved by Quatre Raberba Winner.
The next lines weren?t difficult to come up with- they?d been bouncing around in his head all night. Grabbing a pen and his notebook, he leaned against the headrest and began to write.
---
Early the next morning, Relena Darlian-Peacecraft stood in the hotel lobby, waiting for her assistant to finish checking her out of the hotel. She was normally not a morning person, but right now she felt as giddy as a schoolgirl, despite the early hour. She couldn?t be anything but happy at that moment, because for the first time in six years, the man of her dreams was standing by her side.
She looked up at the quiet man next to her and smiled deeply. Last night had seemed like a dream. They had sat out on her balcony talking until late in the evening. He had told her that he loved her, that he wanted to be near her, for good. He had embraced her and kissed her, and finally she?d fallen asleep with her head on his lap.
It was just like the dreams she?d had so many times, except this time it was real. He really was standing next to her, and they were going to France together. Everything would be perfect.
Or at least, everything would be near perfect. She was happy, certainly, but something was . . . off. Different from what she?d expected. But that made sense, she told herself. They hadn?t seen each other in six years, and the dynamics of their relationship had changed. And besides, she?d imagined it all so many times over the years that nothing could ever live up to her fantasies.
She nudged Heero?s arm softly. ?I can?t believe this,? she told him. ?I can?t believe this is really happening.? He just gave her a small smile, and Relena recoiled a bit. She couldn?t shake the distinct impression that he was very distant, more so than he had been when they were younger. But it?ll pass, she told herself. It would pass, and then they would live happily ever after. Because that was all she?d ever wanted, right?
At that moment, the elevator doors opened to reveal Quatre, looking uncharacteristically solemn, carrying his small suitcase in his hand. His expression softened when he saw her, but he still looked very serious as he approached her and Heero.
?Quatre,? she said in confusion, ?I thought you weren?t leaving until later.?
?I decided to leave now,? he told her. ?I want to get home, have a vacation from this vacation.? Relena laughed, and Quatre gave her a half-smile. ?It?s been good to see you,? he told her earnestly. ?And good luck with . . . whatever happens.?
Relena smiled. Quatre was good at that- he could make her smile when nothing else in the world could. ?Goodbye, Quatre,? she said, stepping forward to kiss his cheek.
He smiled at her, then turned to Heero. ?Goodbye, Heero,? he said. ?It?s good to see you again, too.? Heero simply nodded.
Relena expected him to leave then, so she was surprised when he suddenly turned back to her. ?I want you to have this,? he told her seriously, handing her a piece of slightly rumpled notebook paper folded into quarters. ?I wrote it about you and me.?
?All right,? she said in confusion. There was more she wanted to say, but before she could he was gone, walking to the desk to check out.
Heero was just standing there, looking uninterested in Quatre?s note, so Relena unfolded the paper to find what looked like a poem or song lyrics, written in Quatre?s neat, tidy hand. She smiled as she began to read it, but as her eyes moved down the page, they grew wider and wider. When she reached the final stanza, which Quatre had added the night before, her mouth fell open in surprise.
?I want you to love me,? he whispers, unable to speak
And he wonders aloud why feelings so strong make the body so weak
Then he awoke; now he?s scared to death somebody heard
If it was you and you know her, please don?t say a word
Relena?s hands were shaking by the time she finished reading, and she stared mutely at the paper, her mouth still hanging open. Her mind was reeling. She?d never known- she?d never guessed- why hadn?t he- why now? She looked frantically around the lobby to see that Quatre was walking toward the lobby?s main doors. What did- how should she- She stared back at the paper, trying to control her shaking hands.
Heero finally glanced over at her. ?What is it?? he asked. Relena looked up at the face of the man who had abandoned her six years before, and then over at the retreating back of the man who had been by her side all along. In an instant her mind was made up, and with an apologetic smile at Heero, she turned and ran toward the lobby doors.
?Quatre, wait!?
fin
AE
