Ask Heero (A Real Advice Column)

[wicked]

But I will say this:
If anyone here is going to commit a mass murder, it's me. And I'm still nicer than Wicked. It's a scientific fact.

1. Heero doesn't just pick and choose who he kills. He's equal opportunity. He's all about that affirmative action thingy.

Me? I do pick and choose. I'm a snob like that. Or Rose picks and then I do her bidding.

2. And when has science ever been wrong I ask you? NEVAR!

~Wicked

[0mikr0n]

So how often do you commit murder, wicked? *snickers*

[wicked]

I'd say they're mercy killings. For the mercy of my sanity, or Rose's, I kill these people.

Although it's more like keel.

And it happens more often than not.

~Wicked

[Heero]

EDIT: Dang, you've been doing this thread for three years now... you have my sympathies.

I actually did this a couple years before on another site. So it's been closer to 5 years. Five long dreadfully drawn out years.

[0mikr0n]

Ah. Well, that's worse. I hope you don't mind my next question though; you don't have to answer it if you don't want to.

So what kinds of weapons do you keep stashed away at home? If you could detail down to calibers, I would appreciate it; I have an odd desire to know what the perfect soldier uses...

On a similar note, does Relena periodically search for and trashcan them?

[SqueezeMe]

Ouch, I feel your pain Heero. Some way or another, I've ended up being the one who everyone asks for advice from, too. I see it as a very... odd, mostly because I have the attention span of a ferret on speed, so I never really hear the entire story.

Oh, wait, I'm getting side tracked here. The real reason I'm typing, is because I wanted to relieve you of some work. Yay for you, Yuy!

You see, somehow, a close friend that I've known for nine years found out about my little... problem. She decide that it was her obligation to relieve me of this pain.

They started going out a week after she found out, and a day before when I was going to ask him to go to Six Flags with me and a few friends.

This really sucks, because now I have to see them together ALL the time. Have any ways to get back at her? Ha, I'm kidding. Revenge was never my thing.

Good news? I'm getting a puppy! His name is Doc, he is a four month old German shepherd, and is soon to be trained in Schutzhund. ((A very strict German training that many police dogs go through. You know, the ones that bite on command?)) Hehe, we will rule the world!

I hope you haven't wasted any time on my issue, but just in case, thank you for your time! Hopefully I won't have to ask any questions again, but I will pop back in here every once in a while!
<3 Squee

((Sorry for any grammer errors. I'm WAY too tired to be doing this!))

[0mikr0n]

You see, somehow, a close friend that I've known for nine years found out about my little... problem. She decide that it was her obligation to relieve me of this pain.

They started going out a week after she found out, and a day before when I was going to ask him to go to Six Flags with me and a few friends.

This really sucks, because now I have to see them together ALL the time. Have any ways to get back at her? Ha, I'm kidding. Revenge was never my thing.

Good news? I'm getting a puppy! His name is Doc, he is a four month old German shepherd, and is soon to be trained in Schutzhund. ((A very strict German training that many police dogs go through. You know, the ones that bite on command?)) Hehe, we will rule the world!

I could take a load off of Heero as well... I'll help you.

Now as a guy, I'd say that going to him and telling him what you feel and how long you've felt it is the best way to go, without being too obvious (lest you freak him out ). I know that this sounds very nerve-racking, but think of it from his point of view: if you can get him to sympathize with you, it's that much easier. And even if he turns you down (which is highly unlikely if you can get his sympathy), he'll do it kindly.

Now for the revenge bit: if you don't want to do it, its okay... but my suggestion is the old "bucket-of-water-over-the-door" thing. Or, Heero's previous suggestion of exlax in food (for a different post) could be better and less obvious.



Anyway... German Shepherds are pretty cool. But don't you think getting it trained like that is a bit... overkill? My uncle had a dog (K9 unit for the police) and I couldn't get fifteen feet from it without it going nuts and trying to kill me.

My shepherd didn't receive that training and yet she's still overprotective as hell. I swear, even if she knows it's my dad at the door ringing the bell to mess with her, she goes nuts, and every hair on her back frizzles up (meaning they're ready to fight). She's got more wolf in her than shepherd, though, that's apparant.

[SqueezeMe]

Oy, when I read the, "Go to him and tell him how you feel," I think went from pale, to, well, blue. Let put it this way, I can stand in front of a crowd and perform a play, I can even sing out loud in the middle of my High School and not care, but the minute I talk to anyone even slightly good looking, I turn neon red and stutter my brains out. And to add to the, ?good looking,? part, I like him, so talking will most likely be impossible.

I like your advice though, and it gave me an idea on how to handle this. As for the revenge bit, I love it. If I end up being a coward, I can play it out as a joke.

Oh yeah, almost forgot the dog thing. We aren't getting him trained to be just an attack dog. You see, we ARE training him to attack, but it's actually for a Schutzhund competition. They actually have these gigantic conventions for the dogs and their trainers. My family?s first shepherd, Paddy, is actually the daughter of two famous show dogs. Doc?s grandfather is famous for Schutzhund, so we want him to be in it.

Doing the training helps to deal with the pup's abundant energy, and it help us get a good handle on him. He's such a nice dog, that I doubt he'll be very mean. Some dogs are just bread for their bulk and/or strength, and not to be a companion. Our pup isn?t that type.

Speaking of Doc, I have to go stop him from eating my TV?s speakers! Ha-ha. Thank you for the advice, 0mikr0n!

<3 Squee

[0mikr0n]

Oh, believe me, I'm shy as magma when it comes to speaking to the opposite gender about that issue, so I know the feeling (and I'm too polite to just approach someone about it ). Sometimes you gotta just take the risk though; for all you know, he could have the same feelings and might be hiding them all the same as you are. You can't just let those kind of things just slip out of your fingertips, because once it's gone... well, I'll just sugarcoat it and say that it's a lot harder to get it back.

Anyway, good luck on this! I'm glad I was able to give you somewhat of an idea.

~ 0mikr0n

PS: Purebred German Shepherds > All. Nuff said.

[CrazyQuatre04]

Dear Heero,

I have a stupid question, and I expect an equally stupid answer. But my problem is serious. As a nice, sensitive guy, I find myself constantly defending my sexuality to females. Even though I'm straight as an arrow. So what do you do when people mistake you for a gay guy and think you're into Duo instead of Relena? I just need a way to fight back, since no one believes me when I say I LIKE GIRLS!

Thanks buddy.

-CQ04