Moonlit Ponds - Chapter 2

[Flamer]

<b>Disclaimer:</b> The theme song of Princess Mononoke belongs to someone, though it isn't me.

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<b>2 / Eternal Twilight</b>
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<i>In the moonlight I felt your heart
quiver like a bowstring's pulse
In the moon's pale light
you looked at me
Nobody knows your heart</i>
-- Princess Mononoke Theme Song (Mononoke-Hime)
* *

The sky was pale...pale and dead and insignificant. But it held peace, vulnerable with mute white, setting the planet into a world of darkness. Pure clouds hung over the earth, silent with innocence and comfort, unmoving in the deepness of the sky. Underneath the swollen bellies of the clouds was the dying light of the sun, somehow golden and flawless, reminding me of all the bliss children could hold in their eyes.

The trees were just silhouettes against the universe, the manifestations of ghosts, somehow whispering through the silence. Gentle whispers moving through the air, slowly twirling upwards as if airborne, then falling nowhere. It was always quiet in the forest, not even a sound was uttered as I lay sprawled across the grass, with my hands behind my head, my gaze lingering up at the clouds. I remember lying like this as a child, looking at nothing in particular, merely daydreaming about something meaningless.

The wind carried the faint scent of Fanaelia's blossoms, gently filling my lungs with sweetness, it was strange and diminishing. Carefully, I pushed myself up with my elbows, plucking a violet-petaled flower with a gentle hand. I brought the blossom against the sky, it appeared delicate with its wispy violet petals, an object that could easily be crushed underneath a forceful grip. I lay back down and smirked at it, it had drawn my blood with its thorns, and it reminded me of someone.

If love was a rose, then I would be bleeding...

It stole sleep from me, every night it would be the same, I would be twisting and turning, painfully aware of the sleeping damsel in the next room. Dreaming...dreaming about <i>him</i>. But he didn't know, it was as if he was completely oblivious to her affection toward him, but it wasn't like there were many other women pining over him. Allen...what was he now? My enemy? My rival over a girl he didn't even love?

I considered letting the creeping darkness enwrap me, allowing me drift through the nothingness, granting me the ability to feel nothing. But then again, it had been a hollow week ever since that <i>incident</i> at the pond...everything simply returned to normal as if nothing ever happened. At first, I was secretly pleased that she never bothered to bring the subject up, but after a while, I was wounded by the fact she seemed unaffected by it.

However, during our nightly sparring practices, Allen had casually mentioned the subject of my 'relationship' with Hitomi. He startled me with the question. Not that it was much of a 'relationship,' but what surprised me most was that he actually noticed the tight tension between us, he was the last person I expected to hear it from.

* *

<i>Allen withdrew himself, as he poised himself for another round of combination attacks, while I began my own stance for defensive strikes. He threw the question nonchalantly at me, his shoulders rising and falling from the effort of trying to land a 'blow' on me, "so, Van, how are you and Hitomi doing?"

At the first chance of my paralysis at his question, he attacked without hesitance, aiming for my shoulder...probably wanting to 'chop' my arm off. I quickly drew up my sword and stopped his attack just in time, gritting my teeth at the effort of keeping his blade at bay.

"What - -?" I quickly asked, grunting while trying to steady my footing. I used most of my vocal strength to sound completely ignorant of what he meant, my mind hardly believing that he actually noticed our tension, had it been that obvious? "What do you mean?"

"Well," he growled, making an apparent struggle to shove my sword back down, pressing his weight against his heels as he leaned toward me. "You two seemed to have been - - ignoring each other for the last few...days."

I didn't have much of a choice except to withdraw from the struggle for dominance, after attempting to land 'blows' by hacking away at me, Allen stopped as we both fought to catch our breaths before the other attacked. Panting, I answered in gasps, "you - - must be imagining things...Allen. There's nothing happening...between Hitomi and me."

"It doesn't seem like nothing." He breathed, regaining his battle stance for another round, but I struck first. On the feet of a shadow, I approached Allen at a quick speed, my mind burning with the memory of </i><b>it</b>.<i> I was prepared to land a real blow on him, but he stopped my attack flawlessly, although the sheer force of it nearly knocked him head over heels.

"It's nothing." I responded coolly, trying to push him down, as sweat dribbled down my temples. "Not that it would be any of your business, Allen."

"Really?" He tried to push past my pressure, but he was fighting a losing battle, his blade was steadily lowering toward his neck. He was genuinely amused at my comment, "who said it wasn't?"

"I did." I smiled as my blade brushing against his neck, proud of my rare second victory at our sparring practices, although it had been a sudden burst of rage that had caused it. Maybe rage was a perfect ally in battle...

Allen sighed, defeated, as he rolled his eyes.

"Now, will you shut up and work?" I smirked at him, removing my blade from his neck.

"Those words just earned you a whipping."

"Just try it."</i>
* *

I threw the blossom away from me as I lifted myself up to my feet, unsheathing my sword in one smooth movement, drawing the tip of my sword in front of my eyes. The silver gleamed in deadly seduction, it had the power to destroy lives, to take them without a question asked. I wondered how many lives it would take in the years to come, how many men would it slay, how many wives and mothers would feed it their tears? My only desire was to take down every one of my enemies, and it made me wonder, when did I stop cherishing what life was? What it stood for?

The two moons made enough light for me to practice with my sword, the blade was long and slender, which I abruptly swung to my left. My arm was stretched in a straight line, pointing to the enigmatic darkness, drawing me into its shadowy depths. I swung aggressively toward the two moons, my eyes slipping from the edge of the blade to the Mystic Moon, somehow fuzzing my concentration to that memory by the moonlit pond.

<i>"...Allen..."</i>

That innocent, alluring voice rang through my mind like fine crystal, serene and devastating into infinity, sending daggers through my crumpled heart. How close our lips had come to touching, I had been ready to give her everything I had when I held her close to me, so close that I felt the soft beat of her heart against my own. I remembered the warmth she gave me, how delicate she appeared in my arms like fragile china, as if any touch could break her.

I <i>wanted</i> to give her everything.

Somewhere deep in the darkness, had been where my heart was hidden, and somehow, she had found it. Then she broke it without a moment's notice, it was beyond pain, it was beyond death, but I had found the feeling of what it meant to die without dying...it was torture.

The golden sunlight had sputtered and died. The sky was now utterly black and empty, almost cold enough to match how my heart felt, it was icy and nullified of any form of pleasure. Above the cool horizon was the frozen stars, stuck in the abysmal darkness known as the night sky, it was eternal...eternal twilight...so beautiful, so sedated, so distant. This was a perfect place to die, underneath the breathing heavens of stars and moons, resting while your entire life bleeds out of you as you stare at the perfection above you. It would be a peaceful death, here...now.

I sank back into the grass, lying on my back across an ocean of green blades, easily crushed underneath my weight. I stared up at the perfection, drowning my eyes with depression and misery, leaking out from my darkened eyes shamelessly. Tears were a strange sensation against my skin, rolling so softly down my temples, dripping off from the edge of my ears. Almost like kisses...

I slowly sheathed my long sword into its cover, but drew out my dagger instead. I ran my finger along the contours of the blade, illuminating underneath the faint moonlight, causing me to smile hollowly as a thought came into mind. The tears still rolled from my eyes as I sat up, cautiously handling the dagger so that I wouldn't cut myself, almost driving me into a bitter laughing fit.

I brought my left arm to my lap, my palm facing the sky, revealing the tender flesh underneath. My blade traced across the plump flesh, barely brushing the muscled skin, as I applied the necessary pressure to show my blood. Crimson it was, dark and completely luscious underneath the pale light, accepting the grief of my pained soul. I smiled at it, pulling my bloody dagger away from the fresh wound. It felt nostalgic...even if it was sick.

"Eternal..." I whispered, smiling slightly as I brought my arm to my lips, licking the blood away with my tongue. Its taste was sweet and bitter, it felt wet and nauseating against my lips, now bloody with the crimson 'tears.' "...twilight."

It was a precious moment, in darkness, in sweetness...both heaven and hell belonged here. Living deep in my blood. I raised my arm to the sky, letting the soft crimson gush down my entire arm, down towards my shoulder. To die, here...now. Would anyone miss me? Would anyone cry to find me in a pool of blood?

"Why can't I be more like Allen?" I rested my wounded arm on my lap again, letting it soak into my pants, deep into the moist earth. "Nothing I do is right...Hitomi will never love me."

With a trembling hand, I moved my dagger toward my right shoulder, shoving the fabric of my shirt away as I pressed the sharp blade against my skin. I gritted my teeth as I made another wound, curving it gently while I ignored the pain, just past my collarbone and stopping there. I pulled away the dagger's dangerous edge, feeling the newer sensation of blood dripping all over my torso, making me shiver with delight and fear.

<i>...Hitomi...</i>

How was it possible to love and hate someone so much? Enough to make yourself bleed for them? I couldn't understand as the tears started up again, from both the pain of my body's torture and Hitomi's rejection. It wasn't fair to love someone this much...and not have them love you back. Life wasn't worth living in pain and regret. So why should <i>I</i> bother living in those circumstances?

Hitomi made her choice. Let <i>her</i> live through the consequences. I didn't need love, I had been fine without it for the longest time, it was the last thing I would ever need.

Hell, I didn't even need her.

The wound on my shoulder was dangerously deep. I knew that if I didn't get any medical attention, that I would bleed to death, but still, I didn't move from my position beneath the twilight. It was too painful to move. I silently cursed myself for being stupidly impulsive. When did I become so weak? Weak enough to do this to myself?

I remembered the laughter that had been in this field of greenery, distant echoes from the past that abandoned me, but it rang through the cool air like an dragenergist. I lay back down, peacefully despite the pain, effortlessly disregarding the deepness of my would. It may have been fatal, but there was no turning back now.

Slowly, I succumbed to soothing sleep...
<i>goodbye... hito...mi</i>
* *

<i>"Brother?"
"What is it, Van?"
"You're going to slay the dragon tomorrow, aren't you?"
Silence.
"Folken, will you get...hurt?"
"Of course, I won't, Van. I'm unbeatable, remember? When I come back, we will...go back to the pond you love so much, and I'll tell you all about slaying the dragon. Alright?"
"Alright, brother."
--Heaven had been beautiful, in my arms I held a sensitive creature made of all beautiful things, how wonderful it felt to be held so close by someone you love. Kisses to be placed wherever she pleased, her touches brushing against my skin, as her lips inched closer to mine. Nothing could be compared to this moment I had, for once in my pathetic existence did I have what I wanted, and it was only Hitomi.--</i>

The feeling remained...a forsaken child amidst a kingdom that would fall by his hand...the torn heart of a would-be lover. Maybe the betrayal of Folken and Hitomi would give me a reason for...dying like a coward. Yes, exactly like a bastard of war...

* *

I felt hands on my face, warm and vague against my numb skin, almost seeking and desperate, soft apprehensive touches for a self-wounded boy. I seemed dead either way, either drowning in a pool of my own blood, or slowly succumbing to my broken body. It didn't hurt as much anymore...it was faint, the pain that grasped at me didn't seem real, but I knew that the wounds were there.

I could feel my blood trickling against my body, my life slowly draining out of me, as the blood seeped out of my seemingly fatal wounds. It was all right though, it wasn't like I had anything to live for anymore, everything had been taken from me. My body, my value, my life...it was okay. Nothing mattered.

"...can you hear me?" A voice whispered to me, maybe the voice had spoken louder, but when a vast amount of blood seeped out of my body, sounds were drowned into near complete silence. "...damn...he's either unconscious, or dead..."

"He isn't dead...he isn't that weak to die like this." It was a different person, a more subtle and feminine voice from the shadows, clutched in fear. The soft voice sounded familiar, I remembered that voice from somewhere before, but it didn't register in my mind where I knew it from. "He...he would never die like this...never like this..."

The darkness was half still, my injuries made everything unreal and twisting, but I could see the silhouette of some stranger, suited professionally, made for work. I could feel the warmth of my ancestry, dripping out of my mouth and the gash on my right shoulder, onto the cold, abandoned earth, making me feel more worthless and helpless. The pain wasn't as sharp, even if

Had I been fully conscious, I would have wallowed in self-pity anyway, just to neglect the pain of my body.

The hands were now on my throat, searching for a sign of life, sending cold chills down my back, yet the hands were full of warmth and gentleness. The hands left my throat when they found my trembling heartbeat, faint from fatigue and loss of blood, like the wings of a hummingbird against the wind.

I could sense that the person's hands were now on my chest, distinguishing, whether or not, if I was still breathing. My chest rose up and down, only slightly, breathing in little shafts of air, musty with the stench of death and lush flora.

"...listen to me..." the voice spoke softly, taking me by the shoulders, the grip was firm, but gentle, as if the voice expected to break some fragile bone in my body. "This doesn't look good. If we don't get you to a doctor, you're going to bleed to death...please, hang on..."

"I...please, hang on...we can't lose you...<i>I</i> can't lose you..." It was that other voice, that sweet and caring voice, it was so pure. But I didn't remember whose it was. How could such a pretty voice be forgotten?

Those very hands on my shoulders, now moved underneath me with the greatest care, grunting with effort not to injure me any more than I already was. My head fell against some chest, athletic and warm, my breaths now coming more fiercely from the sudden movement of my body. The movements paused, I could feel someone's breathing against my temple, warm and wet, making me feel strangely safe within whoever's custody I was in. Like a sleeping child, in the arms of my kindhearted brother.

Whoever had been carrying me now uttered a curse, breaking my peace. I remained unmoving in his arms, but when he looked down, I had opened my eyes slightly to reveal dazed, deadened eyes, with an ashen face covered in nothing but crimson blood. Still dripping... <i>dripping...</i>

Then I whispered, "just let me die...please..."

Those were my last words, before my face tilted against the stranger's chest, completely defeated by exhaustion. I continued to bleed, and for a long time, it seemed like it would never stop.
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<i>All of your sorrow, grief and pain
locked away in the forests of the night
Your secret heart belongs to the world
of the things that sigh in the dark
of the things that cry in the dark</i>
-- Princess Mononoke Theme Song (Mononoke-Hime)
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BWAHAHA. I love cliffhangers.


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Flamer on 2002-07-15 17:40 ]</font>

[stefy]

YOU HAVE POSTED ANOTHER CHAPTER!!!
WAAAAA!!!!!
sigh, this is such beautiful story!!!
Thanks!!
HUGS HUGS

[kmf]

*blinks*
Now I too enjoy a good cliffhanger - but that was just plain cruel! Poor, poor Van! So upset that he inflicts that upon himself. Will this give Hitomi the fright of her life and bring her around to the fact that he and she belong together? (I am assuming that the kind voice he cant quite place is hers).

I adore the way you write, your descriptions of Van lying in the grass watching the encroaching twilight were wonderful. I finished reading this chapter with such a need to read more! So please, please dont keep me hanging too long here. Post more soon ^_^

kmf

[Desert Bloom]

Once again I don't know that much about Van or Hitomi, but you had me crying here. I just -cannot- get over your writing style - it's amazing, so frankly beautiful! A lot of stuff that I read has the beauty element in the writing somewhat hidden, like the writer is teasing you or something...I'm not making sense, but the fact of the matter is that reading your writing is reading poetry, except so much better.

[Morganna Yuy]

*blinks*
Now I too enjoy a good cliffhanger - but that was just plain cruel! Poor, poor Van! So upset that he inflicts that upon himself. Will this give Hitomi the fright of her life and bring her around to the fact that he and she belong together? (I am assuming that the kind voice he cant quite place is hers).

I adore the way you write, your descriptions of Van lying in the grass watching the encroaching twilight were wonderful. I finished reading this chapter with such a need to read more! So please, please dont keep me hanging too long here. Post more soon ^_^

kmf

I agree.


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"You would never understand what it's like to be alone." -Van Fanel (Escaflowne the movie)

[Kola]

*cries*Van...omg...*cries*good story