Writer's Block 3/4

[Melville's Best Friend]

Author: Melville's Best Friend

Title: Writer's Block 3/4

Category: Best Comedy







He slowly opened his eyes to greet the Pooh alarm clock. Quatre had gotten it for him one Secret Santa gag gift a few years back.

?I?m rumbly in my tumbly?

Ding.

"I'm rumbly in my tumbly."

Ding.

?I?m rumbly in my tumbly?

Ding.

Waking up to that wasn?t such a bad thing. There could have been worse?Duo received a Brittany Spears alarm clock that sang, ?Oops, I Did it Again?. Trowa got Snow White, and Wuffie got a mecha that sang, ?I Am a Pansy Weiner? in Dutch (very masculine Dutch, of course, to make him think it was some sort of Nataku catch-phrase). Apparently, Wuffie had threatened Quatre beforehand, and Quatre just wanted to make sure he got the last laugh. A real demon, that one was. At any rate, he was grateful for Pooh, and patted him on the head so he?d shut up.


At first glance, the room looked the same. A funny almost feminine odor hung about it, however. Almost?smelt like?Tommy Girl? He stared, puzzled for a moment, and then went into his adjoining bathroom to shower. Relena, having ducked under the bed on the first ?Rumbly?, slowly crept out from her hiding place. Feeling rather sheepish, and not at all the way she thought Heero felt when he was a spy, she finished her assignment, including deleting the deleted e-mail, and was about to leave when she realized she couldn?t leave the way she came, unless, of course, she wanted to fall to her death.


This was not an option for Relena at the moment, so she scouted the room. If she went downstairs, she risked being seen by Duo- who would tell Heero she was here and ruin everything she?d worked for. However, she needed to make sure the e-mail she sent Duo had been deleted, so she had no choice on the matter of running in to Duo. However, she wanted him to know how badly she wanted to hurt him for sending Heero the e-mail in the first place, so another plan was in order. In order to scare the living crap out of him, her plan could not fail. He could not see her walking about Heero?s room?laughter from his Cheshire-Cat mouth wouldn?t stop until she forced a frog down his throat?Not a bad idea?. Clearly, she had no other choice than to find a different way out of the house. While panicking, (Panicking, you must understand, for Relena is a bit different for people that are?sane. Relena took a lot of souvenirs, and smelled his sheets, and rummaged through a drawer that she KNEW she shouldn?t look through?naughty Heero?.) she noticed that the door to the restroom was slightly opened. Open enough for her to see an open window.

Eureka!!!!!!

This would take all her talent as a?Heero Yuy copycat. Opening the door a wee bit, she noted that Heero couldn?t see through the shower curtain, which, oddly enough was of naked women.

Huh.

Duo?s house, Relena. It?s Duo?s house?Heero had no choice?Duo?s house?

She quietly crept into the room, and found herself looking over at the form of Heero. He was?.was that? He was singing?It was?She laughed outright when she heard him singing: ?Voulez vous couche avec moi! Cest soir ? (1), and was very surprised to see Heero?s face pop out from behind the curtain to look, stunned, at a laughing Relena. Were they to be compared to two animals, Relena would have been a hyena on speed, and Heero would have been a doped-up Koala.


She suddenly realized he had spotted her, and ran. Unfortunately, she slipped on some water, and on her journey down to the white-tiled floor, her head hit the side of the toilet, and she was knocked unconscious. One hand had fallen in the toilet, as well as some of her hair, and Heero still stood like a centinal whose joints had failed to start.


When she came around, Heero was dressed and tending her wound. A rather big bump was on her head, and she could feel it down to her toes. She sat up, realizing that she was on Heero?s bed, and he was on it with her. Careful so as not to faint with schoolgirl glee, she blinked a couple of times, and smiled, hoping that Heero wouldn?t notice what she was wearing.


?Relena, what are you doing here, and?.in my old clothes??

Well, damn.

?I?I have a good reason. A good one. You see??

She looked around the room, trying to take anything she saw and formulate it into a reasonable story. She saw a little model of a bullfrog on a table by his bed.

?There?s this guy Jeremiah, a really good friend of mine, actually?you?ve never heard of him??Here?s the thing?He wanted some wine. I didn?t understand exactly what he said, but it was something about?I could help him drink the wine when I got it?and it was in?.your?.room?.??

?Let?s, just for argument?s sake, say that I believe you. Explain the clothes,? he said, rubbing his face.

?It was a dare.?

?A dare??

?Jeremiah dared you??

?No. Of course not. That?d be silly. It was?Bill.?

?Bill??

?Bill.?

?And why did Bill want you to dress up in my clothes??

?Bill didn?t really WANT me to dress up in your clothes. He just dared me to do it.?

?While you were at work??

?Yes, while I was at-NO!?

A smug smile came over his face, and his eyes burned with a hidden pleasure at seeing a politician have such a hard time lying.

?Relena, why are you here??

?Because Jeri-?

He pulled out his gun and aimed it at her.

?IwastypingsomethingandaccidentallysentittoDuo,andthenhesentittoyou,
Idon?tknowwhy,anditwassomethingyoucouldn?tread,andsoIhad
todeleteitoffyourprogram,andsoIdresseduplikeyousoIcouldfeellike,
Idunno,JamesBond,onlyofthiscentury,andsoIdid,andthat?swhyI?m
wearingyourclotheswhichdon?tfitme,bytheway,andIfeellikeI?mshowing
waytoomuchcleavagebutIkindashould?veknownthatitwastoolow
whenIseeoldpicturesofyou,Icanalmostseeyourmanboobswhenyou
wearit,andit?snoexceptiononme,butIcameupheretodeletetheemail,
andIhopedthatyouhadn?twokenuptoreadit,andyoudidn?t,soIdawned
onHeerouniformandplayedtheroleofaspy...I accidentally broke your pipe thing, too,? she whispered.

?Okay?what??

?I don?t remember.?

?I think that bump?s bigger than I thought. Sit down.?

?But, I-?

?Sit.?

She sat on the bed, and watched him move in to administer more first-aid. He gave her ice to put on her head, and then went left the room, saying nothing. Relena, feeling entirely too stupid for her own good, decided to leave. However, she sat up too quickly, and hit the ceiling where it sloped. She rubbed her forehead and sat back down on the bed, wishing she could get out of this nightmare. She stood up to leave slowly, and, because she was irrational, decided to leap out of the window. Her head couldn?t feel any worse anyway. She sat on the ledge for a good long while pondering nothing in particular, (having almost forgotten what she was trying to accomplish), and before she could jump, Heero had picked her up and held her securely to him.

?What were you doing?? he sighed. He was annoyed at having to baby-sit, but was thrilled he had to watch after her. It was one of those lose-win situations.

?I was going for a walk.?

He sighed once more, and placed her on his bed.

?You have a concussion, Relena. I?m not letting you out of my sight.?

?I can?t even spell concussion.?

He caressed her brow and noted that there was a new bump. His eyes narrowed in confusion.

?Ceiling? she said. ?It attacked me.?

?Yeah. They do that sometimes.? He continued to touch her in small ways, making sure she stayed awake. She couldn?t fall asleep in her condition. He fell, however, into a dream. In a world where only he and she existed, and where they could do whatever they pleased. There was only tranquility. A sigh awoke him from his repose, and he noticed that she had fallen asleep.

?Relena! Open your eyes! Open your eyes and look at me, Relena!? he shook her, trying desperately to awaken her. She slowly obeyed him, and complained a bit about wanting to sleep. He smiled, and his heart seemed to start beating again, having stopped when he couldn?t seem to awaken her. She looked straight at him. Despite her state, she was intensely focused on him. Her eyes bore into his with compassion and love and a twinkling little bit of insanity which he found cute.

?Hey, Heero??

?Hn??

?You have the most wonderful eyes.?

?Hn.? He would not let this get to him. He would not. He would not. He would not. No. No. No. Never. Never. Never.

She kissed him?softly on the lips, and invited him with open arms to deepen it.

Well, damn.

Rationality should have kicked in here. However, Heero Yuy kicked rationality out of his window, where it rested on the ground with the pipe. (It didn?t make such a loud noise, though.) He quickly deepened the kiss, taking advantage of her weak mental state, and refusing to admit his own.

If this ever came back to haunt him, he would simply state ?It kept her awake.?