For Life: For Love: prologue [2/2]

[Hitomi Lei]

Prologue Part Two: For Love.

Is it enough to ask and not receive
Just one more kiss before you turn and leave
When love is over
Over it should be
But something still burns in me

I?ve burned up pages
Hidden yesterdays
Here?s one more glance before I turn away
When love is over
Over it should stay
But something won?t go away

These must be days we?ve seen through tear-filled eyes
It all makes painful sense when I realize
When love is over
Something has to die
Cause you can say goodbye
---Sherly Crow, When Love is Over.

I know it sounds lame to say this, but the winter of my sophomore year changed my life. So many things happened that winter that only now, many years later, can I see even half there significants in my life. But all this crap is a little too deep for me, so I?m going to tell you plainly what happened that had such an impact on me.

I met Kagome.

Sure, at first all I saw when I looked at her was this annoying girl who was clumsy and seemed to always need rescuing. (from herself or other wise) Like the time she ?accidentally? caused a food fight in the cafeteria and all the cheerleaders decided pummeling her was worth breaking a nail or the time she tripped and fell right into a five foot high tower of matchsticks that Mr. Tsbakui had been building for ten years. She couldn?t seem to stay out of trouble, so I did what every self-respecting guy would do when faced with that situation?I tried my best irritate the hell out of her?and to try to be around to catch her when she fell... of course no one was supposed to know about that second part and I was only doing that part ?cause I knew she hated being rescued. Or at least that?s what I told myself.

Our relationship was simple: Insult, insult, trip, save, repeat. And it would have stayed like that if it wasn?t for the fact that Miroku and Sango started going out. After that, it was either make Kagome my friend by being nicer, or send a lot of time staring at the wall while Sango and Miroku made out. Kagome was a lot more interesting than the wall.

Of course there was Kikyou. I could have just hung out with her and forgotten about the new girl entirely, but as much as I liked her, she wasn?t very talkative. Plus I?d known her since we were both three and she asked me politely to try out her mud pie. Fuck I even knew there was a tiny mole on her left butt cheek. Clearly there was nothing we could really talk about that we hadn?t already. So I sucked it up and decided to actually be nice to Kagome?on a trail bases you understand?.And much to my surprise I found out that Kagome wasn?t that bad. In fact I rather liked her. And Kikyou liked her. Everything was perfect. By the end of that year we never went anywhere without each other. A half demon and two potential mikos?I bet we were the strangest group of friends in all of Japan.

And that?s how it was for a long time, and I can say that I was truly happy. Kagome was always a bundle of energy, ready to take on the world one barley thought out prank at a time. After a while Kagome and I got to know the principle by name because we saw him more than his own family practically?or at least that?s what he told us at the top of his lungs regularly. Kikyou of course never participated in any of our fun. Kagome always said that she was so good that she balanced all our badness out. Privately I thought of Kagome and Kikyou as some sort of human ying yang. That?s how different they were. Of course it wasn?t all roses. We had our rough times (like when Kagome and Kikyou decided to date losers. Of course I took care of that) but all in all we were happy.

Or at least I was happy until Miroku started saying things like, ?You?re going to have to choose between those girls one day Inuyasha,? ?If you don?t make up you?re mind soon, you?ll lose them both Inuyasha.? ?Kikyou or Kagome, Inuyasha??
It was enough to make my head ring. Of course I knew they both loved me! I loved them too; they were my best friends for fucks sake! Every time I said that Miroku would get this little look of pity in his eyes and just shake his head. I didn?t get it then, and sometimes I think I still don?t get it now years later. If I had never chosen between the two nothing would have changed, Kagome would have stayed in Japan, Kikyou would have never grown to hate me?I would never have grown to hate myself?But I?m getting way too far ahead of the story?all of that shit didn?t happen until later?

So I thought if I just ignored everything Miroku said everything would be fine. So what if Kikyou and Kagome seemed too uncomfortable around each other now. It was just PMS or some other stupid female thing, right? And it meant nothing when Kagome and Kikyou started to argue/fight/compete over everything in their lives. So I was a little weirded out when I caught them staring at each other while brushing their teeth to see who would give in and spit first. That wasn?t abnormal was it? I mean both girls looked so much alike that they could be twins, so friendly competition was healthy right? I thought everything would settle down once Kagome quit archery. I reasoned that all of the resent tension between the two girls was because the coach always pitted the girls against each other in practice.

Have I ever admitted out loud just how stupid I am?

The tension didn?t go away, but I got better at ignoring it. I tried my best to treat them just like I?d always treated them?like best friends/ little sisters?but Miroku?s words were messing with my head. I started to wonder what it would be like to date one of them?

I?m not sure how it happened?it?s not like I made of conscious decision to chose between either of them?but Kikyou and I became an idem... We both decided not to tell Kagome until after graduation. I, foolishly though she?d be happy for us. I guess Miroku was right when he said if I didn?t choose I?d loose both of them. He just left out the fact that I?d lose the one I didn?t choose.

And so my life suddenly lost some of it?s brightness. Kagome left me. But I have to give it to her, that girl never does anything half way, she didn?t just leave me, she left the country.

I didn?t find out until almost three days after the Sr. dance that she was even gone. And it wasn?t until a month later at Miroku and Sango?s wedding that I found out that she was in America.

I tried to call her once, but this guy picked up and I just didn?t have the courage to say anything. I mean if she?d moved on who was I to stir up bad memories?

As for Kikyou and I, we graduated and went on to college, but the absence of Kagome left a hole in our relationship. Maybe it was our guilt over how we?d treated her, maybe it was?I don?t know?again it?s too deep for me to comprehend.

So Kikyou and I hit the rocks, we argued and spent much of our time not talking to each other. Of course we never let Miroku and Sango know about our troubles, probably because of our pride, but most likely because neither of us wanted Kagome to find out.

Two years went by in this miserable manner, and although I hadn?t heard a word from her in all that time I still felt my heart speed up every time the phone rang, hoping it was Kagome. I think Kikyou could tell, but she never said anything about it. In fact she never said anything to me at all. It looked like Miroku was wrong after all, even though I chose one I still lost both.

Then the accident happened. I was driving, not paying attention to the road because I was trying to get Kikyou to fight with me. Those drinks I?d had before leaving home couldn?t have helped much either. She was just staring forward, like I wasn?t even there. I wasn?t looking at the road of course, so I didn?t see the truck when it veered into our lane.

But Kikyou did. She saw it and didn?t say a word. She didn?t even blink, and the only scream I heard as the sound of metal crashing into metal tore through the air was me own?

When I woke up Kagome was there, and it was just like she?d never left. I recovered alright, with only a slight limp that no one noticed unless I was really tired. But Kikyou didn?t wake up, and deep inside I felt that it was my fault that she was in this state.

Kagome moved in with me after I came home from the hospital so that someone would be there if I needed them?

And for five years she didn?t leave. I convinced her to transfer her college hours over and to go back to school with me. We graduated and started our careers. I think for a time we were both happy. I can remember the exact moment our relationship changed from being friends to being lovers. We?d just come home from visiting Sango and Miroku and their new son, Kagome was trying to find some ice cream in the freezer and I was watching sports in the living room. It was a normal night in our household. Kagome came in and snuggled into the couch beside me. I looked over and saw that she?d gotten some ice cream on the edge of her mouth, without thinking I leaned in and kissed it away. Maybe it was all the time we?d spent with out married friends, or maybe I was afraid that I?d lose her again?but after that night nothing was the same.

We were content, I visited Kikyou ever day in the hospital after work, then I?d come home and let Kagome?s calming presence take away my guilt. Everything was fine until she suggested that we get married. She wanted children and a house and all the things that meant a life long contentment. She said that we could afford it now. I felt like I was cornered. I loved Kagome, but I still had regrets about Kikyou. What if once we married our relationship went to hell like before with Kikyou? What if she started to hate me? So I made all the excuses in the world that I could think to make, trying to convince her that I loved her, and that we didn?t need a piece of paper to prove that to the world. But I could feel her slipping away from me slowly even as we made up. That night I did the only thing I could think of to prove to her that I loved her and would forever. And then I dreamed that Kikyou told me it was time to move on and forget about her.

So here I am, sitting outside of the hospital that?s been Kikyou?s home for the last few years. I?m here to finally say good bye and to move on with my life. I?ve spent too much time regretting the past. I just hope that it?s not too late for me to fix this with Kagome?

[kyoki]

That was really good I liked it. Inuyasha can be such an idgit sometimes :x

[Nausica?]

* shakes head * Ah, Inuyasha... always one step behind the girl, ne? I kinda feel sorry for him right now, though... he's ready to move on, but Kagome's already gone.

This was great, Hitomi - I'm off to read chapter one...

* muah *


- Naus

[wj]

Inuyasha always has the worst timing.....

[Kanya Barton]

Oh no! Kagome needs to go back! Go back Kagome! Argh, this is even better! I have to go read the next chapter now!
Peace out!

[Eden]

He was a little late, ne?

Ahh well. Perhaps he will have a chance to redem himeself.

Loving this!!

~Eden

[Tanner Watson]

i agree inuyasha has the worst timeing :x . I feel sory fo Kagome she loves him but he's stuck in the past

[Gittelbug]

that was really really good