For Life: For Love: Chapter [8/8]

[Hitomi Lei]

Disclaimer: I still don?t own Inuyasha.


AN: Wow?it?s been like a two years?I can?t believe it. But here you go. The finished product. Look for the duel epilogues after this. I love you all for sticking around.

Chapter 8: Forever in a Jar



know that I'll love you to the end of time




The sun was just coming up in its normal place when he woke up. In those first few seconds after he opened his eyes, panic clawed at his insides. He?d seen this ceiling, smelled this horrible scent of illness and cleaner, felt these same scratchy sheets. In a moment he was back in another hospital, in another life, pain ripping through his body while his right leg was strangely numb. Doctors and nurses and machines sustaining light one beep at a time.

Oh, God?had he just imagined leaving this place? Had he been here the whole time? Had he ever existed outside these ugly walls?

Then Kagome moved. She only shifted slightly in his arms, but it was enough to bring him back from whatever edge he?d been teetering on. And it all came back. The five years he?d lived with her in Tokyo. The time they?d spent with Miroku, Sango, and the baby. The times they?d laughed.

Kikyou.

The last night Kagome had cried.

Inuyasha swore, or sighed. It was really a combination of the two, and used his free hand to rub at the sleep grit in his eyes.

Two months. Two months, one week, and four days. The length of time he had been separated from Kagome. Inuyasha could have broken it down into hours, minutes, and seconds, but the time really didn?t matter anymore. All that mattered was that he was with her again. That he would never voluntarily leave her side again. He thought over the past months and realized that he had ceased to exist the moment this woman walked out of his life.

He wondered if her life had stopped too.

His trip to L.A had taught him things about Kagome he?d never known. She was amazingly resilient. For the first time he felt guilty for convincing her to stay in Japan with him all those years ago. He?d never thought about how much her family must have missed her. In that moment he vowed that just as soon as she was better he would take her back to see her family. In fact, when he finally got her to agree to marry him, he?d pay for her family to fly to Japan. Every last one of them if he had too.

Just to make her happy. Everything from now on would be to make her happy. Just as long as she never left him.

He didn?t even let himself consider what would happen if she couldn?t forgive him once they finally talked.

Failure was not an option.








It took Kagome longer to wake up. Inuyasha remembered that it always had. It was amazing the littlest things about a person that one took for granted until forcible reminded of them. Like the fact that Kagome woke up in three stages.

In the first stage she made little huffing noises. It was as if she was totally disgusted with the fact that she had to wake up. Her nose wrinkled. She frowned so deeply that her forehead creased.

The next stage had Kagome wiggling around, trying to pull the covers back over her head, or generally doing anything to block the light from her eyes. She was mostly awake at this point, and not very happy about it.

The final stage came when Kagome admitted defeat. She would drag the covers from her head and squint into the sunlight. Next came the fumble for the clock and the grumble that she could have slept at least five more minutes.

It was so predictable.

And Inuyasha had missed it terribly.

?Inuyasha?? Her voice was raw with sleep and the tears she?d cried the day before. He turned onto his side and propped up on his elbow so he could see her better.

?Yeah?? He answered, using his other hand to smooth through her hair.

?God, I though it was a dream.? Kagome let his hand rest against the side of her face for a moment before setting up. She pulled her shoulders up from their tired slump, and looked back down at Inuyasha. The dark smudges under her eyes were a silent testimony to all that still stood between them.

?Inuyasha, we really have to talk. There are things that we can?t put off talking about anymore, because if we do we?ll never talk about them.? She swung her legs over the side of the bed and reached over to unplug her I.V from the wall.

?Do we really have to talk about all of the bad stuff? Can?t we just forget and move on with our lives?? He watched as she wrapped the electric cord around the base of the pole.

?No, we have to get this out in the open if we ever hope to move on from here. Now, I?m going to use the restroom to freshen up. Why don?t you go get coffee or something? And tell the nurses not to come into the room for awhile.? She shut the bathroom door behind her before he could protest. Inuyasha sat there for a moment before getting up. He had a feeling that this would not be an easy day for either of them.






Two steaming cups of coffee and a half eaten bagel set between them on a wheeled table. Inuyasha shifted uncomfortably from the chair he?d pulled up close to her bed. Kagome hadn?t been inclined to start the conversation she said they needed to have after he?d gotten back with the food and coffee. She?d just sat there and picked at the bagel he?d brought with her coffee. The room was silent except for the noises outside the door. From down the hall an IV started to alarm. The sound seemed to rouse Kagome from her thoughts.

?I?ve been sitting here thinking about all the things we never talked about. There are so many things that have stood between us for seven years. I?I don?t know if we can talk about everything?? She looked worriedly out the window. Inuyasha stood up and moved the rolling table away from Kagome?s bed. He then sat down at its foot, facing her.

?Kagome, listen to me. We have the rest of our lives to talk this stuff out. We don?t have to do it all at once.? He tried to catch her eyes and smile, but she just shook her head and refused to meet his eyes.

?No, no we have to talk about it now. Because by tomorrow you?ll be able to convince me that none of this matters anymore. You?ll take me back to Tokyo and sure, things will be better for a while, but nothing would have really changed.? She looked at him with earnest eyes now, trying to make him understand. ?We need to talk about high school?why I keep leaving?And Kikyou??She trailed off. Inuyasha wanted to take her hand, but he didn?t want her to think that he was trying to use her feelings against her. Instead he pulled his legs into a more comfortable position and made his own request.

?I?d like you to tell me about those years you spent in America. I?ve never asked?but I should have.? She looked at him strangely but didn?t disagree.

?Okay, I?ll tell you whatever you want to know.? They sat in another long silence. Finally Inuyasha could take no more. He cleared his throat.

?So?why did you leave in high school?Without saying goodbye, I mean?? He tried not to let her see how much her leaving him had hurt. Both times. He absently reached up to pat the letter she?d left him. The sound of crinkling paper quietly underscored his question.

?I?I saw you and Kikyou?together at the senior dance---?

?So you left because of that?? He was suddenly angry. So little had sent her out of the country? ?Damn it, Kagome what if you were wrong? Did you even stick around long enough to find out the truth or did you leave that fucking night?? Kagome bristled. Surely he wasn?t getting mad at her over this. She wasn?t the one who kept secrets. She folded her arms across her chest and glared at the man setting cross-legged in front of her. She didn?t notice that she was mirroring his body position to the perfectly.

?Of course! I asked Sango and Miroku what was going on. I?m not stupid! They had known about you two for a long time! And you never told me! That hurt! I left because there was no place for me here, obviously!? She reached out and poked him in the chest with that last word, driving her point home with her fingernail. Inuyasha winced, but didn?t stop her assault. He just reached out and poked her back in the shoulder to punctuate his next statement. Two could play the pointing game.

?What do you mean? Just because Kikyou and I went out doesn?t mean you had to leave! Shit, you still hung out with Sango and Miroku after they got together didn?t you?? Inuyasha sat back and waited for her to answer. She surely couldn?t get around the logic there.

?But I wasn?t in love with Miroku! You might have been oblivious to how I felt, but I know Kikyou wasn?t! You both should have told me! I shouldn?t have been the last to find out?So I left. You chose her, and I couldn?t live with the fact that you had kept it from me. In fact I thought that you wouldn?t even notice I was gone.? Inuyasha glanced guilty away toward the window quickly but Kagome caught it. She wanted to ask just how long it took him to realize she?d left the country?but knew that what ever answer he gave would only bring her pain. Some things really were best left unsaid.

?I didn?t,? he had to stop and clear his throat again, all the anger he?d been feeling just a moment ago was draining away. He could see her point. He didn?t know if he?d have stayed if he?d been in her place. ?I didn?t mean to hurt you then. I convinced myself that if I waited and told you at graduation that you would be happy. I think Kikyou would have told you earlier, but didn?t argue when I suggested surprising you. I think deep down we knew you would be upset and we were putting it off.?

?I know that you didn?t plan on hurting me. No one ever plans on hurting the people closest to them. I was just tired of always coming up short. Back then I felt like everything I did was measured with the yardstick of Kikyou?s accomplishments. And I always came up short no matter how I much I tried. So I went to a place where no one would ever compare me to Kikyou again.?

?And in America?did you find that?? He didn?t want to know about her life without him. He didn?t want to know how easy it had been for her to forget him. But he needed to hear it. He felt like a person who couldn?t leave their band-aid alone. He had to pick at it. But then, maybe this scar needed air.

?Yes I did. For the first time in years I wasn?t apart of a trio, or the odd one out in a couple. I got into a good college and made new friends. I met a nice man, and thought I could forget about you. Houjo was nice?and really the exact opposite of you.? Kagome smiled a bit at the memory and Inuyasha fought down a growl. She wasn?t supposed to be smiling at the memory of this other man. But he reminded himself that he?d asked for this story. And he?d made his choice back then.

?But I was still so lonely. I just didn?t realize how much I missed Japan until that night. It was our anniversary the night Sango called. I?Like I said I thought that I was over you, but I left him without a second thought. And it was over a week before I even remembered to call him to say I got here safe.? She made a helpless gesture with her hands and then caught his eyes so he would know the truth of her next words.

?I never stopped loving you, and I was willing to forgive everything?that?s why for five years I was content with being her replacement. But I want?no, need something to call my own! I need to know that at least some thing in this life is just mine! You refused to marry me?and after we?made up?? She refused to call it making love. That wasn?t love at all. But she couldn?t quite bring herself to call it fucking, or screwing. ?You called out her name!? She was starting to get upset again. How dare he come to her after that! And this mating thing?how could he have done that with Kikyou on his brain? Kagome noticed Inuyasha?s ears sinking down into his hair. A sure sign that he was distressed, but she couldn?t bring herself to care.

?Kagome you have to understand---?Inuyasha could see her anger rising in her eyes and strove to cut down the fury before it begin. He had to make her see it wasn?t what she thought. Why were all their problems the result of misunderstandings?

?No! How can anyone understand that? You took me without me knowing and then called out her name?!? How dare you! Tell me why I shouldn?t hate you?? She spat out. Inuyasha took a deep breath to try to control himself. God know they didn?t both need to be shouting.

?You don?t understand?that night I had a dream that Kikyou told be it was okay to move on.?

?Okay to move on?!?? Kagome snorted.

?No, let me finish?For five years I felt so damn guilt about that night! About those years! Our whole fucking relationship fell apart after you left and I blame myself. I didn?t want to make the same mistakes with you, but I didn?t know how not to make those mistakes. So you left. But I want you to know that I didn?t call out her name because I was confusing the two of you.? He leaned over close to her with his next words, taking her chin in his clawed hand to make sure she caught every syllable.

?I never, ever, mixed the two of you up. Not even in my dreams. You were never her replacement. Ever. And my relationships with each of you were different. You make me want to laugh and pull out my hair at the same time. You?re so damn frustrating! You drive me crazy, and I still don?t know what you?re thinking most of the time, but I love you regardless. With Kikyou it was different. We never got on each other?s nerves, and even when we were fighting she was so civil. She never raised her voice. Even in the end she didn?t even scream?.? His voice faded off as he got caught in the memories again. The silent fights?truck lights reflected in her eyes?the crunch of metal?his scream, not hers echoing in his ears?.

?Do you mean it?? Kagome asked, looking at him intently. Inuyasha shook off his memories and met her eyes. He got the feeling that his whole future rested on his response to her question.

?I mean everything I just said.? He stated firmly. Willing her to believe in his words, but knowing that it would take a long time and many repetitions for her to remember them in her heart.

?Even the part about never getting us confused??

?Yes.?

?Why did you mark me after you refused to marry me?? Kagome watched as he shifted uncomfortably. Good, he should feel uncomfortable. He deserved more than just getting his comfort disturbed for his selfish act. He?d taken her free will from her that night?something that was sacred had been lost. She?d never be free to make certain choices for herself ever again.

?I?I could feel you slipping away. It?it was just instinct?I wanted to keep you with me?but I couldn?t let history repeat itself. I was afraid that if I made any kind of commitment to you that it would turn out the same as with Kikyou. In fact, the next day, after I claimed you I went to see Kikyou for the last time. I was going to propose that night and tell you about what I?d done the night before?but you never came home.? He looked down ruefully, ?I went a little crazy after that. I woke up Miroku and Sango and yelled at them for about an hour. I don?t think I showered for a week. Sess was ready to kill me. I just wanted you back. I never stopped looking for you.?

Kagome looked at him helplessly. How was she supposed to argue with that? Why couldn?t they have just talked about their insecurities like normal people? Why did it take things like imminent death and abandonment to drive them to communicate?

?Oh, Inuyasha?what are we going to do? Can we ever be together with all this standing between us? Can you ever trust me not to leave again? Will I ever get over my hang ups about the past?? She let her face rest in her palms and her shoulders started to shake. Inuyasha wasted no time in moving over to her side. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his lap.

?Hey, don?t cry! Haven?t you been listening to a thing I?ve said you stupid girl? I?m willing to do anything to prove that to you. I want us to get married and have children and live. All this other stuff?it doesn?t matter anymore!? He rocked her back and forth until her sobs calmed down.

?Tell me about what you?ve been doing here?? He asked when she?d been quiet for a while. He knew that she?d been working with her aunt, but he knew little else. Obviously she?d met Kouga again somehow. He wondered if Kagome had looked him up in hopes of using the wolf youkai to help her move on. He was too caught up in his own thoughts to notice how she stiffened at his question.

?Did you know that I went to see your parents in L.A when you disappeared? I think they hate me.? He changed the subject again. Maybe he really didn?t want to know about what she?d been doing these last two months. ?I think they hate me for taking you so far away. In fact after you get out I want the two of us to go visit them.? Kagome sat up and moved as far away as he would let her. Which wasn?t far, but at least she tried. She needed to tell him about Shippou now. She?d not wanted to bring the little boy up until she was reasonably sure that she?d be able to work out her troubles with Inuyasha.

?Inuyasha, I have something else to tell you. I?I?well, what you have to understand is that I was determined to move on when I came here. I was determined that I would have a happy life without you so I----?

The door to the hospital room flying open startled them. Inuyasha swung at the door and was ready to yell at who ever it was, but the sight of a young fox kit standing in the opening stopped him. He tried not to scrawl, the kid probably just had the wrong room, but he couldn?t have barged in at a worse time.

?Hey kid! You got the wrong---?

?Kagome, is he hurting you? You?ve been crying!? Shippou ran into the room and stood beside Kagome?s bed glaring at Inuyasha. His lolly-pop fell on the ground in his haste to defend Kagome. ?If you hurt my new mom I?ll tell Kaede, and she?s a miko. She can purify you!? The little boy looked like he was about to give Inuyasha?s dangling leg a swift kick. Kagome foresaw his actions and sought to gain Shippou?s attention again. Nothing good would come out of him kicking Inuyasha.

?No Shippou, Inuyasha isn?t hurting me, at least not anymore.? She slipped off of Inuyasha?s lap and gestured for Shippou to come closer to the side of the bed. She carefully picked him up and cradled him in her lap. With an absent hand she pulled his shirt collar up to whip away the sticky residue from his forgotten candy.

?Did you come with Kaede, squirt?? She made a point of not even glancing at Inuyasha. She didn?t want to see his reaction. If he was against adopting?then?Kagome didn?t know what she would do?but she wasn?t going to abandon Shippou. He?d had too much tragedy already.

?Yeah, and she brought you some clothes. I got to help pick them out too. I told her that I knew what you liked to wear best so she let me help. It?s your green shirt with the pink jewel thingy on the front?and a pair of really comfy looking shorts. But you can?t change now, because Kaede has your clothes. The nurses won?t let her come up. I got tired of waiting on them to figure it all out so I came on my own.? Kagome couldn?t help brushing a hand through the kitsune?s red hair. Oh, the little youkai had changed so much since she?d brought him home. Inuyasha just had to accept him, because Kagome couldn?t give him up.

?Why does he smell like you? Is he the person you?re mated too?? Shippou looked from Inuyasha to Kagome and decided that their stunned silence meant he could ask more questions. ?Does that mean I get a dad too? He?s a dog youkai?or at least part huh? I can tell by the ears. I don?t have fox ears?but I do have a tail. I just keep it hidden. Do you want to see it? Wait I can?t show you because of the pants I?m wearing. It?s really fluffy and---?

?Keh, you ask too many questions brat.? Inuyasha interrupted. His tone of voice wasn?t mean even though his words were. Shippou peered at him for a moment, as if trying to guess his intent, then smiled.

?I like you. Maybe you can teach me how to fight and ride my bike and all the other things dads are supposed to teach their kids.? Shippou looked hopeful and Inuyasha looked out of his depth. Kagome intervened before the situation could get anymore out of hand.

?Does Kaede know that you left?? She asked the kit sternly. At his sheepish look she sat him down on the floor again.

?You?d better go let her know before she worries. And tell the nurses that it?s okay to let her come up.?

?Okay! I?ll be right back! Don?t leave Inuyasha!? He raced for the door without looking back. Kagome finally got the courage to look over at the man sitting at the foot of her bed. Inuyasha was still looking quite shocked.

?I?Before Shippou came in I was trying to tell you about him. I found out pretty early on that I couldn?t forget about you. So I decided that if I couldn?t move on and fall in love with another person, I could at least have children without you?so I started the process of adopting Shippou. I have to stay in Kyoto for the next six months?? Kagome waited anxiously for Inuyasha to respond. After a bit he shook his head as if to forcible remove his thoughts.

?When you first started?I thought you were going to tell me that there was someone here that you?d met. But?I don?t know if this is worse or better?You really wanted to forget me didn?t you??

?No, I just wanted to move on. I wanted a normal life and I didn?t think you were capable of giving me that. I wanted to prove that I didn?t need you or anyone?that?s how it started anyway, but I really love Shippou. His father and mother both died when he was young, Inuyasha he doesn?t have anyone! He needs a family!?

?Hey, you don?t have to convince me! I remember what it?s like to grow up with just Sess for a parent. He doesn?t seem like such a bad kid even if he does ask too many questions. If you really want this thing then I?ll stand behind you. I?ll try to be the best dad for him that I can be.?

He pulled her back into his arms for a kiss that had been too long in coming. She melted into his embrace and had to remind herself that her aunt and Shippou would be back at any moment. This was the contentment she?d been so desperately searching for. This was the acceptance that her life had lacked.


Maybe?just maybe they would make it after all.







Humans can only work with what fate gives them,
They have to fight for every bit of happiness they have,
This is how you build Ever After in a realistic fairytale,
One fall, one second kiss, one broken heart,
One brick at a time.

The End.




I would like to say thanks to everyone who stuck it through to the end. I couldn?t have done this without you. I feel sad that this is over?well, almost over?I still have the last two Epilogues?but really those will only mirror the prologues in telling a first person account of the rest of their lives.

Next I?ll finish The World Through His Eyes?then I?ll start other projects. Maybe something lighter next time?

I hope so?but you never know with my muse?.

Well, until next time?

[takisha16]

AWWW this was so kawaii!
I loved the ending!
I'm so glad Kagome feels alot better about their relationship and that
Inuyasha accepted shippou!
awesome finale!