For Life: For Love: Chapter [1/?]

[Hitomi Lei]

I still don?t own Inuyasha. Ignore any errors in spelling or grammar as I don?t really have a beta for this story yet. Also thanks goes to all the people who encouraged me to write this story.


Chapter 1: Withering Rose Petals.

I'm walkin' a wire feels like a thousand ways I could fall
To want is to buy but to live is to die and it can't take it all
When everything is said and done I won't have one thing left
What happened to everything that I've ever known?
Cause all they gave me was this ticket to heaven
But that ticket to heaven said to lie in the bed that you make
Now I'm restless and I'm running from everything
I'm running from everything
I'm afraid it's a little too late
Soft voices lie and innocence dies
Now ain't that a shame
Then all of your dreams, and all your money they don't mean a thing
When everything is said and done you wont have one thing left
What happened to everything that I've ever known?
--- Three Doors Down, Ticket to Heaven

The sun gleamed a weak diluted white-yellow off the many panes of glass that made up the front of the large hospital. In the distance the sounds of sirens could be heard, the ever present reminder that tragedy and fate respect no man. A long man sat on a stone bench in the courtyard in front of the sprawling hospital clutching half wilted flowers in one hand while the other remained limp at his side. All around him people were moving, going about their daily lives, working, visiting sick friends, laughing over miracles, crying over losses. Everyone was doing something while he alone sat stationary. Everyone around him was living while he seemed trapped in the past.

?But if we love each other why can?t we prove it and commit??

Yes, why couldn?t they? Why couldn?t he seem to move on?

?Inuyasha, I?m 24 years old! I want a house and I want a baby?but more than all that I want a husband! I want you?can?t you see that??

Yes, yes he could see that. He just?didn?t want anything to change. Change was bad. Change meant that he might end up losing her again in the long run. He couldn?t bare that.

?Don?t you love me??

Did he? Yes, with all his heart he loved her. He loved her more than he?d ever loved another person?even more than?Kikyou. And that made him feel guilty.

?I don?t understand why your so against this, but I don?t want to fight anymore?just please think about it for me?for us??

He was losing her. He could feel her slipping away from him like so many grains of sand through his fingers.

He was losing her because of the gilt that ate away at his soul. Because he felt that he didn?t deserve the kind of happiness that she represented. But damn it all to hell! He loved her.
It wasn?t supposed to be like this?.



?Mr. Kunikada? Is something wrong? Why haven?t you been to see Miss. Kikyou yet?? The voice of one of the nurses that cared for Kikyou regularly broke him out of his thoughts. The man shook his head, as if to clear it. Absently he told her that he would be up in a minute. He didn?t pay any mind to her telling him that visiting hours would be over soon. He knew that. That?s what he was waiting for.

?If I?m going to say good bye for the last time I?d like it to be right before closing time.? He almost laughed at his own melodramatic thoughts. Normally it was Kagome?s job to be the one to always make things harder than they had to be. This brought him back to the reason he was here so late in the day anyway.

The dream he?d had last night was so real he?d almost confused it with reality upon waking up this morning. But no, it was only a dream?.

Still he?d taken its message to heart. Kikyou had come to him; looking liked she had when they were all 17 and happy. She?d smiled and laughed like she didn?t have a care in the world.

She said that she forgave him.

She said she wanted him to move on.

She told him he?d lose Kagome if he didn?t move on.

So Inuyasha was here to do just that. He was determined that this was his last visit out of guilt. His last bouquet of flowers. After this he was going to move on and try to save what he had with Kagome. He was going to be happy again.

If only he could find the courage to get up and walk through those great glass hospital doors?

All around him people were moving, living and dying and giving birth. He?d been caught in this in between place for five years while everyone else went on with their lives. Then it happened. He sat up from his slumped over position and rolled his shoulders back. He got up. And moved forward.



~*~*~*~*~*~*~



It was well after dark when he arrived home. He was tired, but his heart felt strangely lighter now. With deft hands he unlocked the door while juggling the flowers and wine he?d bought for Kagome. He wanted to surprise her, wanted her to know that he thought she was special. But he was surprised himself, and a little worried when he was greeted not by his smiling girlfriend, but by a dark house.

Setting down his packages with care, Inuyasha hurried through the house searching for her but she was no were to be found. A knot formed in his gut as he made his way back to the kitchen. That?s when he spotted the piece of white paper sitting ever-so-innocently on the floor in front of the coffee pot. He reached down and scooped it up. Without bothering to turn on the light he read the short note written in her familiar loopy scrawl.

Inuyasha,

Sorry I left before you woke up this morning. Something came up suddenly with Mrs. Kinkade?s design plan. I?ll probably have to work late too. Why don?t you go over to Miroku and Sango?s to eat dinner? Or if you?re too tired you can heat up some of the ramen I bought for you yesterday. And yes before you ask I got only chicken flavored. Gosh, haven?t you ever heard that Varity is the spice of life?

Anyway, don?t wait up, k? I love you and I?ll see you in the morning,

Kagome


He reread the note a few times, but couldn?t detect that anything was wrong. Kagome seemed to be in good spirits, even teasing him about his obsession with chicken flavored ramen. But Inuyasha just couldn?t seem to shape the feeling that something was wrong. Maybe it was the lingering tension from the night before, or his nervousness over what he had to say to Kagome when she got home, he didn?t know.

Absently growling to himself about a certain workaholic female in his life, he sat about preparing for her when she came home. At least this delay would make it possible for him to really make tonight special?.



~*~*~*~*~*~




Two hours later, Inuyasha had to stop himself from ripping the clock off the wall and throwing it violently out the window. But he didn?t, because even though it was the ugliest clock he?d ever seen,( and the fact that it kept on reminding him that Kagome still wasn?t home didn?t help it?s cause any) it had been a Christmas gift from Kagome?s mother last year and for that reason along Kagome loved it. And he?d liked it okay too, until now.

?Where is she?? He asked himself as he paced back and forth. He was past being irritated at her tardiness. Now he was just worried. The last train ran 10 minutes ago. It was only a five minute ride by taxi to their apartment. She should have been here by now. Inuyasha was plagued by thoughts of Kagome lying in a ditch somewhere, cold and hurt. Or what if there had been some kind of auto accident? He felt a shiver run up his spin and his heart quickened. What if she needed him? While he just sat here playing with flower petals of all things?

He got up and almost ran into the kitchen to get his cell phone. From memory he dialed Kagome?s office number. When nobody picked up after two rings and her voice mail picked up he cursed and slammed the phone shut. After thinking for a moment he opened in back up and punched out her secretary?s number. He didn?t give a flying fuck as this point it the woman was awake or asleep. He wanted to know where his Kagome was and he wanted to know now.

?Hello?? A sleepy voice answered after about 7 rings. Inuyasha had been about to hang up in disgust again, but he caught himself in time.

?When did Kagome for home?? In his desperation and impatiens he forgot to introduce himself.

?Who are you?? The woman?s voice was still sleepy, but now it held a wary sound.

?I?m her boyfriend, Inuyasha. Look she hasn?t come home yet, can you _please_ tell me when she left work.? In the silence that stretched over the line he could hear a man whisper, ?Eri, who?s calling us this late, is everything okay?? When Inuyasha didn?t hear the woman reply he reasoned absently that she must have pulled the phone away from her mouth and covered it with her hand before answering. He growled impatiently, this was wasting his time.

?Um?Inuyasha, I don?t know what to tell you, but Kagome never came into work this morning. She called in sick.?

Her words hit Inuyasha like a blast of cold artic air. He hung up the call without saying good-bye and just stood there for a moment in numbed shock. The note she?d left said she was going work early, but she?d never gone. She?d called in sick.

She?d lied to him.

?No, I refuse to accept that. Something must have happened! And because I was at that damn hospital so long today no one could get a hold of me. I knew I shouldn?t have turned off my phone like that. Kagome?s probably sick right now and I?m not there! Kami-sama how stupid can I be??

Inuyasha grabbed his phone up again and hasten shoved on his shoes. He didn?t even bother with a jacket as he ran out into the night, already dialing Miroku?s number. And as the door slammed shut behind him one of the wine goblets that was sat out on the table in the kitchen fell over onto the floor getting blue colored glass and red wine every where. And from somewhere in the apartment an ugly clock struck mid-night and rose petals, scattered with such good intent, started to wither up and turn brown.

[Nausica?]

Th~at's right, Inuyasha, go get your Kagome! Well, that is, if you ever find out where she went. Kagome was pretty devious in the last chapter about her trail.

Anyways... everything in this chapter was depressing to the max. Even though I was happy that Inuyasha did decide to move on and, more importantly, admitted that he loved Kagome more than he did Kikyo, I knew that he was coming home to an empty house.

* sob * Please let chapter two be better... please?



* muah *


- Naus

[wj]

He always waits just a little too long.....

So sad.

wj

[Kanya Barton]

Tis so sad...if she had only waited...she should have talked it out with him before she made the move. I don't know what I would have done in her position, but I have a problem with being really forward aboot dealing with these kind of things. I don't like leaving it behind and discussing things in notes...I see it as weak and cowardly but I guess everybody has their own ways of dealing with things. Well, I'm off to the next chapter!
Peace out!

[Tanner Watson]

i loved it but its sad . You rule Hitomi