And DO watch out for my next fic series, starring the GWing couples. It's going to be centered around ballroom dancing. I've been watching movies like "Strictly Ballroom", "Dirty Dancing", "Dirty Dancing 2: Havana Nights" and "Shall We Dance?" for a lot of inspiration. Also, I was intrigued by the history of the Argentine tango that I read and how it was once banned by the Pope because of how it was said to have encouraged voyeurism. The idea of a dance this sexy has ALWAYS made me want to write something that involved the intricacies of ballroom dancing and how much it has changed since then. ^_^ The title is still in the works but I'd love for people to suggest something! Throw your ideas my way!
Additional Disclaimers: The song "Here Without You" is a copyright of the band 3 Doors Down. I suppose I could blame them for the added angst in this particular chapter. I keep listening to them when I need GWing angst, especially when I'm writing from the boys' POVs.
Anyway...On with the fic! XD
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"Once we were standing still in time
Chasing the fantasies that filled our minds
You knew that I loved you but my spirit was free
Laughing at the questions that you once asked of me..."
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"Hey guys, heads up!"
A loaf of bread came sailing through the air and Preventer Wufei Chang caught it before it hit him on the head. He growled at the back that was turned to him as clattering sounds broke his much-needed silence. "Maxwell, weren't you ever told not to play with your food?"
Duo stopped his rummaging of the pantry and straightened up, turning to Wufei. "Well yeah, Wuffie, but you're fun to tease." He grinned carelessly as Wufei's scowl turned positively black at Duo's coined nickname for him.
"Bite me, Maxwell."
"Make me, Justice Boy."
"Dammit, Maxwell, it's six in the morning and you're already ~"
Trowa interrupted Wufei. "You should have gotten used to him by now. We've been working together for years and you're still pretty slow on the uptake."
The Chinese man turned his glare on Trowa, whose smile was half-hidden by his long bangs. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were allowing him to rub off on you."
The taller man shrugged. "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em," he replied calmly. He put down the newspaper he was reading and turned to Duo. "What do we have in there, Duo?"
"Mmmmhhh...Lesseee...We're low on eggs, we've still got some bacon in the fridge, I'll have to run out to buy some milk, but everything else is stocked up pretty good." Duo grinned. "I'm glad Une keeps us well-fed or I would have quit Preventers."
Wufei snorted. "She keeps us stocked up because a certain someone just can't stop pigging out."
"Hey," Duo protested. "I'm a growing boy! I need my nutrients!"
"You stopped growing two years ago with the rest of us," came Trowa's calm reply.
"Well, blame metabolism then!"
The door of the Preventer kitchen swung open, interrupting their banter. Heero walked in, looking like a stormcloud was hanging over him and following him everywhere. Striding over to the dining table, he pulled out a chair, sat down and promptly buried his face in his hands. The others exchanged looks before Duo sat down beside him.
"Well good morning, Sunshine. Did our Princess have you wake up early again?" He asked. Trowa quietly slid over a mug of coffee and Heero muttered his thanks before shaking his head at Duo.
He glared at the braided man. Of course it would have been more effective if he had some sleep. He just looked like hell. "I didn't sleep at all." He was clutching his mug like it was a gift from Heaven. "Rele - Vice Minister Darlian needed to be driven to the office early so I decided not to sleep at all."
Trowa just shook his head and Wufei scoffed. "That's weak, Yuy. You're prolonging your agony just by calling her that instead of her real name. And to think our staffers respect you."
He could only sigh inwardly at that remark. Wufei DID have a point. But Relena's wall around herself was built effectively to ward off any emotional distractions. Even if he ached to tell her what he wanted from her and what he wanted for her, she wouldn't give him the time of day. Everything was a pile of work, delegations and meetings - things that just couldn't be ignored. She was balancing the world on her shoulders for the second time in her young life. He knew that this time, he wanted something more from her. But everytime he said her name, it was painful. It was as if he was acknowledging that he would never be able to be in her world and could only dream of her.
"Wufei...she's out of my league..."
Duo's jaw dropped. This was the first time Heero hadn't even glared at Wufei for his cutting remarks. He looked up at Trowa whose head was tilted at an inquisitive angle. "What happened to never giving up without a fight?" He asked.
Heero closed his eyes and swallowed the lump that was beginning to form in his throat. How COULD he fight? Every day he spent just LOOKING at her was painful. He knew he had so many opportunities to corner and tell her what he knew he was starting to feel for her. But he couldn't say anything, for the life of him. There were just too many thoughts running through his head and he knew he could never think coherently around her. He had once told Trowa to act on his emotions, something that the former circus performer had done. And then Trowa had told him that he should practice what he preached more often. But when he looked into their eyes, he could see that lingering sadness in all of them. They all felt like they were losing Relena.
"I don't know what to do anymore," he whispered, the hopelessness of the situation suddenly crashing down on him like a tidal wave. He plunged five fingers into his hair, raking them across and slamming his fist on the table. "I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE!" He yelled, grabbing his mug and throwing it across the room, even as Trowa ducked the projectile. The porcelain mug smashed against the wall spilling the remaining contents of his coffee on the floor.
As the last pieces scattered on the floor, the young men sat in stunned silence. Duo gulped and looked at Heero. "Heero...buddy..." He stopped, unsure of what to say and then he lay a shaking hand on his friend's shoulder. "I think maybe you should get some help..."
"THE HELL I SHOULD!" Heero angrily stood up, unmindful of the chair that fell back with his sudden movement. His whole body was tensed up, his eyes were bloodshot and he turned to Duo. "A FAT LOT OF GOOD THAT DOES ME, DUO! SHE BARELY EVEN LOOKS AT ME NOW!"
"I KNOW that, Heero, but you should calm down," Duo tried, wincing when Heero swung his fist around and into the file cabinets behind him. He grabbed Heero's shoulders and shook him roughly. "Heero, STOP! For God's sake, you're acting like a headcase! Relena won't be happy if she sees you like this!"
"SHE WON'T SEE ME BECAUSE TO HER, I DON'T EXIST!"
"YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE SHE TREATS THAT WAY, YOU FUCKWAD!" Duo suddenly retorted angrily, his shout matching Heero's. He pushed him away, his violet eyes blazing. Trowa stood up and Wufei held back an alarmed Sally Po who had rushed into the kitchen when she heard the sound of something breaking.
When the Wing Zero pilot couldn't say anything and instead lowered his gaze to his boots, Duo turned his back. "You should stop feeling sorry for yourself, Heero. She's all treating us the same way, too. Our Princess has grown up," he said, the bitter edge in his voice apparent. "But you took your time to stay away from her and watch her from a distance. You have no idea how painful it was for us who chose to stay close to her and watch her change into someone we could no longer recognize."
Wufei stepped forward, releasing his hold on Sally's shoulders. "Maxwell's right, Heero. We all stayed close to her to help her establish what was once just a dream for all of us. She chose to change and it hurt all of us in more ways than you can ever imagine."
"We didn't blame you for what you chose to do," Trowa spoke up. "She didn't blame you, either. And we don't blame her for her choices. For what she chose to become. But we won't deny that it hurts us, too..."
"If you really care for her like you say you do, then you fix your shit and TELL her." Duo's voice was firm. But everyone could tell just how tired he also was. Those words slowly trickled into Heero's brain and he wordlessly stormed out of the kitchen, leaving four very stunned Preventers. Trowa sighed as he took out his pocket communicator and started dialing.
"We're going to need Quatre..."
******
As Heero drove down the long highway that led away from the Preventers Headquarters, he thought of what had transpired earlier. He had never seen Duo that agitated or heard him say such things. Usually, he'd prefer to deal with whatever situation using his sense of humor. If he was tired, then this whole issue was definitely making everyone crack. The strains of an old rock ballad filtered into his ears from the music player that Duo had given him. There were certain songs that the American had chosen that Heero suspected were to slap him to his senses and finally acknowledge what he truly felt for Relena. This one was definitely not an exception...
A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
Relena's face flashed through his mind as he bit inside of his cheek. He revved up his motorcycle, trying to concentrate on what he had to do for the rest of the day and failing miserably. He just couldn't stop thinking about her. The blue-green of her eyes, her long and delicate eyelashes, her skin, the defiant tilt of her chin...he closed his eyes.
A thousand lies have made me colder
and I don?t think I can look at this the same
"You've been lying to yourself all this time, Heero." Duo looked at him sharply. "It's about damn time you 'fess up. We're not getting any younger, Relena won't wait forever. We're all changing, whether we like it or not. You have to tell her."
But all the miles that separate
They disappear now when I?m dreaming of your face
"The war's over," Trowa had simply said, walking back to the trailer he shared with Catherine. And Heero knew what he was implying. Go back to her. There's no need to keep fighting anymore. We won... He knew Trowa was right. So he signed up for the Preventers.
I?m here without you baby
but your still on my lonely mind
But the Relena that met him was not the same. When he saw her up close for the first time in four years, he knew that she had changed more drastically than he had.
I think about you baby
and I dream about you all the time
When did her eyes get so cold? When did she stop talking about her dreams? When did she start addressing him so formally?
It hurt him. That moment she opened her mouth and called him 'Agent Yuy', a sharp pain lanced through his chest and he wondered when it had become so difficult to breathe.
I?m here without you baby
but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight it?s only you and me
He thought that by being closer to her, the pain he felt from her absence would be assuaged. But even when they were so close, she had a wall around her.
He thought that if he saw her everyday, he would finally feel complete, but he was wrong. He was even more alone now than ever...
The miles just keep rollin'
as the people leave their way to say hello
Heero felt like he was on the outside looking in. He was one of the best agents the Preventers could ever hope for and he was living a pretty comfortable life.
I've heard this life is overrated
but I hope that it gets better as we go
Peace was real. He could walk around town without having to concern himself with missions. He knew he SHOULD be happy. But only Relena could make him happy now. He had decided that when he realized he wanted more than ever to see her again and to hold her close.
I?m here without you baby
but your still on my lonely mind
He wanted to ask her why she had changed. He wanted to know what her reasons were. He wanted to know if there was still a chance for him to redeem himself in her eyes.
I think about you baby
and I dream about you all the time
Quatre couldn't have summed it up better for him. "If you intend to be a better man for her, then never let her go and don't give her up without a fight."
I?m here without you baby
but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it?s only you and me
Every night that he spent away from her, she lingered in his dreams and even in his waking moments. Sometimes he would wonder if he could ever see her again or if everything had REALLY turned out to be just a dream and she would disappear.
Everything I know,
and anywhere I go
it gets hard but it won?t take away my love
He was afraid to get close to her. He understood how dangerous he was as a soldier. In his younger years, he was a ticking time-bomb and he was afraid that if he touched her, if he got too close, he could destroy her.
And when the last one falls,
when it?s all said and done
it gets hard but it won?t take away my love
She was the one thing everyone had faith in. The whole world watched her grow up and still placed their faith and their hopes and their dreams on her shoulders. He was afraid that his past as a soldier would stain her perfection and he couldn't bear the thought of that.
I?m here without you baby
but your still on my lonely mind
But this was killing him. This was more than just an elite and highly-specialized form of torture. This was what he understood to be unrequited love. Duo had once told him that that was the most painful thing any human being could ever endure...even for someone like him.
I think about you baby
and I dream about you all the time
He was driving past the ocean and as he looked over at the view, he felt a strange compulsion to stop. Swerving to the left, he parked his motorcycle near the guardrail, careful not to get too close. He took off his helmet, instantly feeling the sea breeze cool his flushed skin. The song was just ending and as he listened to the last few stanzas, his face hardened with determination.
He had to tell her tonight. He had to risk everything and tell her. If he lost his job, it wouldn't matter.
I?m here without you baby
but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it?s only you and me
What mattered to him now was that she had to know. Heero closed his eyes and inhaled the salty air, finally understanding the kind of love that Relena had once spoken of...
'It doesn't matter if she doesn't love me back...I just want her to know how I feel...'
~TBC~
