Only One Past to Look on ch 2/2

[san]

"Only One Past to Look On" Part Two


Heero rubbed his eye a little, annoyed with the wind blowing his hair in his face and obstructing his vision. He could tell Relena was having the same thoughts as she exited her limousine behind him, her long blond hair whirling about in the wind. She chuckled as they ascended the steps to the conference hall, pulling a thick bundle of her hair in front of her to keep it from becoming any more winded.

?I guess we both need hair cuts, huh, Heero??

He shrugged, pushing the thick glass doors open for the both of them. ?Hn.? She smiled up at him, despite his unenthusiasm, and pulled her brief case closer to her body. She seemed slightly intimidated by all of the rushing government workers in the building, speaking rapidly in a language she couldn?t understand. A woman approached the two of them, introducing herself in broken English.

?Hi,? Relena held out her hand, watching as the woman took it hesitantly, ?I?m Vice Foreign Minister Darlian.? She turned to Heero, ?And this is my head of security, Heero Yuy.? Heero bowed at the woman in a respectful 45 degree angle.

?It?s nice to meet you,? he told her in the most polite Japanese he could remember. She smiled brightly at him, telling him she was to be their guide to the conference hall. As the three of them walked towards the elevator, Relena couldn?t help but wonder if she was doing of the culture things correctly, like she was told to in foreign customs.

?Was I supposed to bow?? she asked Heero in a whisper. He shrugged, taking the lead in front of her.

?Doesn?t really matter. No one expects anything of you.?

?Oh?? She wasn?t quite sure what he meant. ?Alright.? They remained silent for the rest of the brisk walk to the meeting. Relena ignored whatever hesitations she felt about not paying attention to her surroundings, and mentally prepared herself for the onslaught of political abuse she knew she was to receive at this particular session. All twelve colonial representatives of the L-4 and L-5 clusters would be present?Relena silently wished that her husband could have been one of the representatives?but he represented a cluster of L-1. There was still political unrest amongst them all; even after all these years.

They came upon the large double doors of the hall. In the past, the site of them would have intimidated Relena. But now, she felt nothing could stop her. Their guide turned around and smiled at them, allowing them entrance. Ambassador Fredrick Marc sat at one end of the table, poised and ready for anything thrown at him. Relena, though she had never met him, had heard much of the great strategist and debater. He knew many tricks of persuasion; Relena just hoped she could keep one step ahead of him at all times. Even though they were supposed to be on the same side, she had a feeling their opinions might clash.

And this is where things would become only mildly interesting for Heero, as he stood off to the side like he wasn?t there. No one took any notice of the tall, brooding security officer as they entered the room and sat down at the large wooden conference table. Not even the conference?s host, Hideakio Shinuzawa, noticed anything in the room, save for his chair. It was then that Heero realized how concentrated these people must be when they entered these rooms. They had no eyes to see danger with, and so Heero took it as his full responsibility to be those eyes.

?People of the Colonial Representation,? he could hear Relena address the now full table, ?we?ve organized ourselves here today to discuss an issue that has been ongoing for the past six months, and has not yet been resolved. That issue is the isolated economy base that is present on colony clusters L-4 and L-5?? Numerous other voices could be heard echoing after hers, some agreeing and adding more onto her statement. Others arguing that nothing of the sort was true.

?I think,? Ambassador Fredrick Marc spoke up in a powerful and controlling German accent, ?the colonies, though they are unified with Earth, should follow the economy system that has been set up in places such as?? he smiled, looking over at their host Shinuzawa, ?here, Japan. The economy here is thriving. If those clusters just where to follow their example, they could rise out of their debted ashes,? Heero could visibly see all the colonial representatives grow stiff, ?and thrive with rest of us all. For God?s sake, even Mars is doing better than they are, and they?re in terror formation.? He heard Relena speak of nothing for a few moments as the room grew silent.

?What about fundings,? she finally said, ?as a sort of boost for their economy?To fix things that require fixing. The money for the supplies will create jobs, as well, and people will be working. If we all remember, gentlemen,? she looked sternly at the colonial representatives in particular, ?A bill was vetoed three years prior to now, a bill that would have created the Universal Dollar. But colony clusters L-4 and 5 decided to create their own currency. The treasury was corrupt, and inflammation grew exponentially.?

?And now they need our help,? Fredrick Marc mumbled.

?But where is this funding going to come from?? Shinuzawa spoke up, ?Money can?t grow from trees??

?It?s that damn Mars terror formation project that?s funneling all of the money away from our cause!? a representative bellowed, slamming his fist into the table. Out of reflex, Heero stood poised to attack him if necessary. This sort of thing had happened before, but slamming fists had never been involved. Relena, however, refused to flinch and sat there calmly as he continued to scream at her. ?It?s just the goddamn Earth favoring itself, like it always has! This isn?t unification! This is tyranny!? And all at once the colonial representatives erupted into similar shouts as many of the Earth representatives yelled back. It was chaos. Just complete chaos.

The representative continued bellowing at her and anyone else who he could scream at. But all of his words turned into a dull buzz in Relena?s ear. She was numb to this sort of thing, mostly because it had happened so many times. Even when she was a child, she could remember people screaming at her father. They were all raving lunatics?

?That?s enough,? Heero barked, having been annoyed to the max with the shouting echoing off the walls. He stepped forward from the wall, as if he was a figure from a painting materializing out of thin air. Most of the people hadn?t even realized he had been standing there, near wall, this whole time, as their shocked expressions were averted to him. Relena turned to look at him as well, a very unsettling blank expression over her face. Well, to the rest of them she looked normal, but to Heero?he just knew her too well.

?Fists are flying, and I don?t much like it.? He said and turned to the conference?s host, ?Mr. Shinuzawa, out of my experience with this sort of thing, I strongly recommend this meeting go into a two hour recess.? He glared at all eyes at the table, challenging them to oppose him. As he did so, waiting for anyone to voice their protest, Relena couldn?t help but stare. Lately?his eyes had been the most captivating sight?

?I agree,? she spoke out, averting her eyes and turning to regroup the papers to put them in her brief case.

?As do I,? Shinuzawa said, doing the same. Everyone else mumbled their agreements, leaving quickly. It was always embarrassing for them to face each other, especially the opposing side, after the conference. Both Relena and Heero did the same, leaving as quickly as the rest. She didn?t stop to mingle with any of the bystanders that usually watched these conferences, as she usually did. She pressed on, Heero following closely behind her.


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?Damn it,? she mumbled to herself, pushing her plate of food aside, ?I didn?t get to say half of the things I wanted to. They?re just so bent on being the victim of it all that they don?t realize we?re trying to help them.? Heero, though he was listening, was taking in all their surroundings, finding himself very distracted whenever he looked at her. ?It?s as if they only want someone to blame. I?m so sick of this whole thing, and I?ve only attended the meeting for a few minutes,? she confessed. ?How am I going to get through the four other planned sessions??

Only glancing up at her briefly, since the distraction of her was becoming more and more pronounced, he said, ?You should tell them how you?re willing to help, and if they don?t want it, they can go screw themselves.? For a moment, he could have sworn she was angry at what he said, though he hadn?t bothered to look at her expression. If he had, he would have seen her eyes sparkle with laughter and a half smile spread across her features.

?Heero,? she chuckled, ?you?ve been spending way too much of your time on Earth.? He shrugged, poking at a few noodles on his plate before eating them.

?I go wherever you go Relena,? she smiled as he took a sip of water, ?Earth, colonies?Mars?the Moon,? he couldn?t help but smile a little, remembering how she had taken an impromptu trip to the outlet stores there in search of a perfect gift for her mother?s birthday. She had forgotten it, because she had been so busy, and so she wanted to do anything to please her mother. It was a typical Relena behavior.

?Thank you, Heero.? She smiled at him, ?I feel?better, about all of this.? She reached across the table for his hand, and though he knew it to only be a friendly gesture on her part, he couldn?t help but wonder if it was really something else. Tentatively, he held her hand for a while, realizing they probably looked like a couple to the other restaurant patrons, but not really caring. No one here knew them; no one here much cared. Here, in this moment, he felt like he could just be an average guy named Heero with a strained infatuation with a woman named Relena. And it was all perfectly fine.

Just as soon as he was about to lose all concentration on her, the familiar jingle of her cell phone went off, causing her hand to leave his. He missed the feeling immediately and couldn?t help but wonder if he should be worried that he did. He watched her patiently, however, as she opened her cell phone and smiled, bringing it up to her ear.

?Jeff,? she said, still smiling, ?how are you? I haven?t gotten to see you since?? her mind trailed off to last night, and she remembered how annoyed she was with him; how irritating he could sometimes be. ?Since last night, I suppose?? she trailed off again, leaving the faint murmurs of his voice to be picked up by Heero?s keen ears. Though he never admitted it to himself, it bothered him somewhat whenever he heard the two of them speak to each other.

Releasing a small sigh through his nose, Heero leaned back in his chair, finding everything else around him somewhat boring. The food seemed bland, the air too humid; the chair too uncomfortable. He knew this feeling, though he hadn?t experienced it much through out his life. It was a feeling of restlessness that usually built up in situations such as this. When he had been on the Neo Costeonos police force a few years prior he would become restless, waiting for convicted felons to fall to justice in the eyes of all whom they had done wrong. He remembered the hunt, the chase, which would bring him closer to his enemies, and he remembered the thrill it invoked in him. He loved the rush of adrenaline pulsing through his veins, providing purpose for a seemingly purposeless body and soul. But then, looking back at his memory of Relena, sitting there, smiling, holding his hand, showing him the affection he would allow no one else to bestow upon him but her?he couldn?t help but wonder. And be confused.

??You want to have dinner tonight?? She seemed a bit sad to Heero. Though, he didn?t know why. She was supposed to be a happily married woman with a strong career?wasn?t she? Just as he was supposed to be happy with a fulfilling career. The war was over?the promise of happiness was infinite. ??Alright. With Rachel Martin, too? ?Well, I?m not complaining, it?s just that, that?s already six people?Of course I?m happy, Jeff.? The possibilities of happiness were infinite, or so it had been believed. ?Don?t say that?No, it?s fine. I?ll see you at eight?bye.? And happiness could always be professed, even if it was all a lie.

?That was Jeff,? Relena told Heero casually, taking a sip of her water. ?He wants to have dinner, would you like to come with me?? He supposed it was a lie he didn?t mind playing along with. At least for now.

?Yeah?sure. Sounds good.? The two of them were quiet for a few moments more. Relena seemed especially interested in the table?s pattern, as she stroked the surface with her finger nail over and over again. He could tell she wanted to say something. But he wasn?t the type to ask, so the thought of doing so had never crossed his mind, until she started it all.

?Aren?t you going to ask me what?s wrong?? she murmured, still stroking the surface of the pattern.

?I wasn?t really planning on it.? She glanced up at him, a bit confused. ?I figured, you?d tell me when you wanted to.? She nodded a little, and he could see a whisper of her tongue whip out to moisten her lips. Her eyes were downcast. It was almost an expression of shame, though Heero couldn?t figure out why she would feel so.

?Thank you.? She murmured again. ?For never asking me, Heero. Even though that?s what most women want from their?? He rose one eye brow up, very curious as to what she might reveal in this odd little confession of hers. But she only looked up at him, a typical politician?s fake smile over her lips. ??friends.?

?Relena, I will do anything you for you. Anything at all.? He paused, finding it so foreign for him to voice something out loud that they both knew to be fact in their hearts.

?And for that, Heero?I am eternally grateful to you.? This is the moment Duo had warned him about since they were 16. That moment were he would look into her eyes and not be able to glance away. It was that moment that could last only for a moment, and then it was gone. Yet, strangely, it was still a lingering one. Duo had called it love. Heero had called it madness.

?We should probably get back to the conference hall.? He mumbled, standing up. ?We?re due back in 15 minuets.? Relena nodded, standing up along with him.

?I see. Alright.? And then the moment was gone as she strode off a few paces in front of him. They always kept their distance while walking. Heero wasn?t sure whether it was a conscious decision on Relena?s part or not?seeing as they were under constant scrutiny by tabloids and newspapers?but he had decided long ago to humor her. So he would walk five paces behind her, all the time, no matter where they were. It gave off more of a formal and business-like appearance, anyhow, which was absolutely desirable for her public image.

Deciding to not think about odd things, such as Relena?s public image with him, he concentrated on routine perimeter checks that he?d usually perform mentally before entering any new room with her as his charge. But again, like always, there was nothing. Not that he wanted a threat to be posed against her, but after a while of checking for danger and never finding any, it became very mundane and boring. These days, he really needed a hobby.

?Heero,? she had begun again and he glanced around, noticing he had unconsciously walked into the elevator with her, ?we?re probably going to be here for at least three more days; maybe even more. I was thinking?you seem restless.? She glanced up into his eyes briefly before hitting the button which would take them to the 58th floor. ?And I know escorting me to these conferences must be very boring for you. So I thought maybe you?d like to take on a side task. It would probably be something Une would give you for Preventer work, I?m guessing. Just anything to keep you from being bored??

?I?m not bored,? he mumbled. Sometimes her shared thoughts with his could be irritating, sometimes helpful. He couldn?t really decide which he felt at the moment. Relena chuckled a little, but it was a bitter chuckle that held none of her joy. Not that she had much joy in her laughs these days.

?Heero, don?t lie. If I?m bored with all of this, I know you must be. Believe me Heero, I?m already sick to death of this conference, and it hasn?t even been that long, but I have to be here. You don?t, necessarily.? He decided she was being irritating. Leaning back on the elevator, bored already with the conversation and the fact that the elevator appeared to be the slowest one ever made, he crossed his arms and rested his chin on his chest.

?Forget it, Relena. It doesn?t matter if I?m bored; it doesn?t really matter if you?re bored, either. This is our job.? She sighed, vexed, and mimicked Heero?s crossed arms.

?Fine. I just thought you might be able to get out of this purgatory, even if I couldn?t.? A small whisper of a smile played at the corner of his lips as he spoke in his monotone that was most familiar to her.

?Hn. Thanks for the thought.?

?I completely rejected the idea of coming here to the President. We?ve tried these negotiations before, and they always result in the same behavior.? Her tone grew deeper with some sort of resentment that Heero hadn?t even realized was there up until this point. ?Representatives from the colonies believe Earth representatives only want to force them into anything that will suit them, which is a complete lie. L-4 and L-5?s government is totally corrupt; especially their treasury system. No one really even gives a damn, and I?ve begun to wonder if even I do myself.? Heero glanced at her sharply; surprised she felt this way at all. She was angry. He hadn?t seen her so angry since the day he showed up months after her wedding, which he didn?t even bother to attend. ?After a while, when no one cares, it?s hard to care yourself! If the whole idea is so lackluster to everyone, nothing is ever going to get done, Heero!? She had taken to pressing her folded fist into her chest, her knuckles white and her blue eyes hating every word she had said aloud, though they both knew them to be true.

And then there was that odd, sinking feeling that could only be experienced in an elevator or in the cockpit of a mobile suite.

?What the??? he mumbled, though he knew exactly what was happening, even as the elevator lurched to screeching halt.

?Did the?did the elevator just?stop moving?? Relena mumbled, uncrossing her arms and looking up at the ceiling in alarm. Grinding his teeth, an unhealthy habit he had picked up over the last few years, Heero surveyed the balance of the elevator cart, affirming it was safe and no cables had broken.

?Yeah.?

?Why??

?How the hell should I know?? he mumbled, pulling out the emergency phone attached to the panel, ?it?s just a piece of crap.?

?Oh.?

He hit the call button on the red phone, and as he held it up to his ear, he couldn?t help but wonder why this odd change of events was happening. And as he looked over at Relena, he couldn?t help but wonder how she was taking it all. She seemed a bit distressed. Which was putting it lightly, in his mind. However, his attention was averted back to the phone as the call was finally patched through.

?Emergency system manager for elevator number 3345 has been notified of your situation and will assist you within the hour. Please stand by.? He heard an automated voice recite to him in five different languages.

?The thing says it should help us out within the hour?? he trailed off as it became more and more apparent that she was, without a doubt, very angry. It was unnerving to see Relena angry. Just like it was unnerving for him to hear strangers talk about their sex life, or hear children crying loudly in public areas.

?Heero, the conference starts in three minuets.? Her voice was calm, but eerie at the same time.

?Yeah, I realize that. We?re gonna be here for a while, though.? He went back to leaning against the elevator wall, patiently folding his arms across his chest.

?I can?t miss this.? She hissed harshly at him. ?No matter how much I hate it, I know I have to go.? She clenched the fist resting against her chest even tighter. ?They need me to moderate this.? Though she was mad and though the elevator they stood in was a piece of broken down crap, he couldn?t help but realize how much he had missed her through the past years. It was a completely random thought that usually would have been omitted from his mind. But this time, he couldn?t help it.

?I?m sorry.? He murmured, shifting his weight so that he could look at her directly. The elevator had no distractions for him to focus on, so averting his attention away from her proved to be difficult at best.

?I don?t even want to be here.? She admitted quietly. ?Though, I don?t really know where I?d want to be. I feel like an outsider in this country, which I am.? She looked up towards Heero. ?Though, you seem to fit in nicely?Since I suppose you?re Japanese, anyway??

Heero scowled at her a little, ?I may be ethnically, but I don?t much care for any part of this country.? His scowl shrunk, however, at remembering how miserable she seemed at the moment, and let the touchy subject slide. ?Besides?I?m only part, anyway?I guess. Though it doesn?t really matter.? She nodded, looking despairingly off at a corner of the small box they were imprisoned in.

?I understand.?

Silence settled in on them for a few moments as she continued to stare and he continued to scowl at nothing. It was total silence as they stood, bored, and yet, at the same time, dreading the activity life held for them in the form of obligation. Total, and complete silence.

??I?m getting sick of Jeff, sometimes.? Heero glanced back towards her, one eyebrow raised.

?Crossfield?? She nodded her head. ?Why??

?Marriage is hard, Heero. There?s so much work involved??

?Hn. And I was told if there was love, marriage would come naturally.? Now it was Relena?s turn to scowl.

?Who the hell told you that?? Heero chuckled lightly, realizing what he said probably sounded very absurd to a married woman.

?Duo Maxwell.? He said the name as if it was some sort of complicated sounding disease. Relena nodded, smiling a little as she did so.

?I should have known he would have filled your head with odd, idealistic thoughts like that.? She shrugged a little. ?Though, I suppose he is in love with his wife.? Thinking about how happy he and Hilde were turned her smile into a lamenting one. ?It?s good someone can be happy in this world.?

Happiness could come so cheap these days, whether it came in the form of a bottle or a prostitute to Heero, it didn?t really matter. It was the role the two played in an odd production of life. To be happy meant everything, and everything meant happiness.

?Relena?Do you love your husband?? he asked, completely honest; completely straightforward. Now it was her turn to do the same. Happiness could not be lied about between the two of them. Too much of each other were known, to fool the other. Her glance was startled, which gave no confidence to the question at all.

?I?? and as hesitation crept into her voice, he knew all too well what this marriage of hers had meant. ??he?s my husband.?

?But, do you love him?? She was silent for a moment, but not in a moment to collect her thoughts. She was hesitant. He could tell she was confused.

?He?s my husband,? she repeated, ?we?re married?He loves me.?

?But do you, Relena?? he asked the question again, surprised at his own eagerness to know the answer. The answer mattered. Of course it mattered. But if it was ?no?, what would that mean to him? Would he become a dramatic lunatic and confess that, all these years, he had been in love with her secretly, but too blind to say so? Could he even admit that to himself? Could she admit she did not love her husband to herself?

?We got married,? she murmured, looking downcast and forlorn. ?Marriage is supposed to lead to happiness, Heero. But?it didn?t.? she shook her head, and he could faintly see a glimmer of tears drip down her cheek. ?My marriage?it never led to happiness like I had always thought it would.?

?You?re not naive, Relena?So why? Why believe in something false?? she shook her head dumbly, tears a now continuous river flowing. He made a move forward, planning to comfort her, no matter how awkward the gesture might have been for him. But she beat him to it as she raced forward from her opposite side of the elevator and clutched his black jacket tightly against her own body.

?Re-Relena??

?Because, Heero!? she held on tighter, ?Everyone is naive when it comes to their own happiness! I always thought I knew what I wanted?now look at me. I live for my work, and that?s it. It?s selfish, I know. But I want happiness so badly; sometimes I feel I could die for it.? To die for happiness. He felt the same at times. ?I?ve been lying to myself for such a long, long time?? He understood it to be selfish as well, but the desire was so strong, and so powerful?he had to wonder if being selfish was wrong.

And with that moment of doubt came his secret as he pulled her closer to him, their lips barely pressed against each other. But none the less, a kiss was a kiss. This was theirs, if but for one moment in time. It was only one moment, but he felt he could hold onto it forever.

The two could feel the floor move as the elevator rose, having been fixed mere minuets before. But she held on, and his lips didn?t stray from hers as they rose to the 58th floor where they were brought back to the harsh reality of politics and life. They pulled away as the doors opened, exposing the inside with the outside noises of chatter and people.

?Vice Foreign Minister,? a man said, relived, ?we?re terribly sorry for the malfunction?!?

?It?s alright,? she said, stepping out from the elevator. Heero followed closely behind as they both pulled off to the side, away from the crowds of people. They paused life for a few moments and he discreetly placed a hand on her shoulder, beckoning her eyes to look into his.

?Was that?happiness?? he asked her quietly. She opened her mouth to speak, though no words came out. Looking off into the distance into the sun, through the large windows lining the expanseive hallways, she couldn?t help but smile a little and lean into his half embrace.

?I?I really don?t know, Heero.? He had a feeling she did, however. And he had a feeling he knew, as well.

END of ?Only One Past to Look On?

TBC in ?One More Time?

[epyon]

terror formation

lol i think you mean terra formation

The treasury was corrupt, and inflammation grew exponentially.?

inflation?

I will do anything you for you

you said you twice,



apart from all those typo's this is a really great story and i can't wait for the next chapter

[perfectpeach]

picky picky epyon!

honey, I was reading this at the same time as watching West Side Story...the effect was odd ^^;;

but i loved the fic, though of course now i see heero to scat.

[WingZero2118]

great ending. i really liked the direction this story took. now onto the next part!

[lilac310]

What is Heero gonna do? adultery?....or you can kill Jeff....hehe


UPDATE SOON!!!

[san]

Hahah, kill Jeff. I don't think I'd do that...hopefully *some* people will appreciate his character, once he's been further developed. He hasn't gotten a lot of stage time in this first part. Anyway, I've been having some writter's block, not for this story in particular, but writing in general...It's horrible, I know. MUST get life back in order. Bleh. Thank you guys for reading this far; hopefully I'll be able to write more.

Oh, and inflation is the constant increase in consumer prices, which is often caused by a large increase in currency (i.e. a loaf of bread costing $100 as opposed to $5)...it's an economic term, I suppose, so maybe not very many people understand it. And the other two were just typos, lol. Oh well. I try to be perfect, but it doesn't always work out.

Again, thank you all for reading! ^_^

~san~

[heaven'sgirl]

nice story you have here! argh! Relena shouldn't have married jeff... she SHOULD be married to none other than Heero!

update soon , i hope!