Notes: This is it, ladies and gents ? the final chapter! * cheers * You guys should see me right now ? big, cheesy grin pasted on my face. But yeah, my actual notes will be at the end of the series, which is way down there, somewhere...
I, myself, am not satisfied with the ending of AMITS, but then again - I am almost never happy with how I end things. :-? But that's just me. I hope that after reading this, you guys will tell me what you think, ok? Make it long and detailed; I like those the best
A Message in the Steam
written by: Nausica
1 hour later
Damn it, she couldn?t sleep. Not while every time she rolled over, Heero?s scent filled her nostrils, torturing her tired heart. Even just the thought that she was lying in his bed made her head spin. Squeezing her eyes shut in defeat, Relena rolled over on her back and gathered the heavy, down comforter about her. Though it meant to warm her, Relena still felt the chill of the large bed, the empty space beside her filled with cool evening air. Restless with just lying around but unsure of what to do, Relena found herself walking down the hall and towards the stairs.
He heard her footsteps again as he stared up at the ceiling. So she couldn?t sleep either, hm?
Closing his eyes, Heero mimicked sleep. He didn?t want her to know that he?d been awake all this time and was glad she?d come down. He was sick of counting the sparkles that dotted his stucco ceiling, and it was his third time around.
?Heero, are you awake?? came the disembodied voice. He began to stir.
?Is there something wrong, Relena?? He raised himself up on elbow and peered through the darkness at her small shadow. ?Why aren?t you upstairs??
Relena felt her face burn, thankful for the darkness. ?I couldn?t sleep? and the bed?s pretty big, so? it was cold,? she finished lamely. Oh good job, Relena. You can compose tear-jerking speeches for the colonies, but in the presence of this one man, you can?t even speak a sentence.
She heard a rustling of cloth and Relena found herself encased in warmth. She looked up to see Heero?s large shadow looming before her, his face in the shadows. ?Here. We might as well be awake together, I guess.?
Sitting down side by side on the sofa, Relena again tried to form a sentence, but words failed her. Wrapping her in his blanket was one of the kindest things that Heero had ever done for her. She was speechless. And being his usual, tight-lipped self, Heero didn?t contribute to the budding conversation between them.
Finding her voice after what seemed an eternity, Relena ventured to cut the crackling silence. ?I know you?d probably expected this, Heero, but? can you tell me where?ve you been??
He had expected it, but was he going to tell her the truth? That he?d been wandering around lifelessly, his only anchor to the world being his mission to protect her? That he?d removed himself from her presence because he didn?t trust what he?d do when he was near her? ?I?ve been busy.?
?Oh,? came the reply, ?Anything else??
?Yeah?? I miss you, ?I?m starting university next month.?
Again, they were back to the silence. Giving up trying to draw him into conversation, Relena stood up, startling Heero. His eyes watched her move towards the window seat and fold herself into the tiny area. Leaning her head against the cool glass, Relena gave a sigh that seemed to pull all the life out of her body. I wonder what she?s thinking.
?I miss you,? floated out of the dark. ?Even now when you?re right in front of me.?
Heero didn?t know how to reply to such a statement. ?What??
Relena turned her head towards him, her eyes begging him to understand. She raised her hands, fingers spread. ?Did you notice, Heero? Since we?ve began this conversation, the number of words you?ve said to me can be counted on two hands alone.?
He knew it was one of those moments where he was counted on to say something important? ?So??
?So?? Relena?s voice sounded strangled. ?We haven?t seen each other for two years. Two long years, Heero!? She turned her head away from him, and the tears started. ?How can all you have to say to me fit into just ten words??
?Relena??
?I know you?re right there. I can reach out and touch you if I wanted, but? I can?t help but feel like you?re still-?
?Holding back?? Heero interrupted. ?Relena, you know I?m not much for talking. What do you want me to say??
Standing up and facing him, Relena shouted. ?Anything, Heero! Just assure me that you?re still alive,? Her voice turning to a whisper, Relena added, ?You seem so dead.?
For fifteen long minutes, Heero kept quiet, thinking of what to say. The only sound in the room was Relena?s suppressed sobbing and the grindingly loud noise of the clock, the seconds ticking away, warning him of the time he was losing at his expense. Even after all that time, Heero was still left wanting. He honestly couldn?t find the words he needed and desperately searched inside himself and again, came up empty-handed. This was something Dr. J never trained me for.
Then when all looked lost, Inspiration raised its hand and pushed an idea at Heero. You were always a man of few words. You don?t have to tell her anything? you can show her instead.
Yes, that?s what he?d do, Heero decided. He?d brave the foreign feeling of touch, if it meant he could hold Relena in his arms. Summoning up the courage to lay his hand on Relena?s still quivering back, Heero was immobilized when he heard her next words. As they tumbled from her lips, he felt like walls were being built around her, rendering her untouchable. ?Heh? what am I thinking? I take it back, Heero. Don?t say anything at all. You were always good at that.?
Heero rolled over onto his left side again and shivered, drawing the thin comforter about his body. After Relena had left him half an hour before, an unnatural chill had beset him, its icy fingers not only numbing his skin, but he swore, his innards too. Feeling that the t-shirt he wore was inadequate, Heero got up and slowly made his way up the stairs.
Moments later, he found himself outside the closed door of his bedroom, acutely aware that the former Queen of the world lay just beyond its frame, asleep on his bed. He almost lost his nerve as he touched the doorknob, but as he nudged it open, Heero gathered his reserve and thought rationally. I?m only in here for a sweater ? nothing else. Just a quick in and out visit to the closet, rest for another two hours, then I?m taking her back home.
It only took Heero seconds to retrieve the desired sweater, his eyes doggedly trained on the open door as he turned around. He?d refused to look at Relena, fearing that seeing her would undo him and he?d find himself on his knees and begging for forgiveness. He would?ve succeeded too, if he hadn?t heard her uneven breathing.
The sound stopped Heero cold. It wasn?t that Relena was awake and pretending to sleep. She knew him better than to try and fool him. No, her breathing was the kind that told him she?d cried herself to oblvion ? a wretched, unnerving gasp so different from the deep and even gait of breath found in sleep. Pivoting on silent feet, Heero took his first full look of Relena since he?d entered the room? and felt his stomach drop.
Curled up in a small ball in the middle of a bed obviously made for two, was Relena. Moonlit hair cascaded about the white pillows in silken disarray, while tiny hands clutched another pillow to her chest. Her face was partially covered with her hair, and giving into temptation, Heero reached out and brushed back the golden tresses, feeling the strands slip through his fingers.
That?s when he saw the tracks they left.
Tears that had come and gone left their mark on her flushed cheeks, the crooked silver tracks tracing down her face. Again, Heero heard the hitched breath exhale from her lips and this time, saw the body-racking shudder that went through her too. It didn?t take a rocket scientist to know she was freezing. But what was he to do about that? Add another blanket over the one she had now?
When Heero thought back on it, he could?ve sworn that he?d felt a hand press gently on his back. At one moment, he was at the foot of the bed, the next he was climbing in behind Relena. Closer as he was now, Heero was surprised to feel the bed shake slightly with her shivers. After a long hesitation, he wrapped his arms around her small waist, unashamedly savouring the heat her body radiated despite her shaking. Body heat will stop the shivering, he thought mechanically. But after he pulled Relena close enough to spoon his body around her, Heero gave up making excuses? and simply lived in the moment.
Relena?s dream only held cold sensations: a biting wind, ice beneath her feet, and absolutely no shelter in sight. Somehow she knew that she was sleeping, and all she could do was shiver ineffectually. Looking around the dismal setting surrounding her, Relena was dismayed to find that there wasn?t even a place for her to sit. In all directions, as far as she could see, was flat, ice-covered terrain.
Feeling like she was being frozen from the inside out, Relena was about to walk in no certain direction when she felt herself suddenly being enveloped in warmth. Strangely, it started around her waist, the comforting fingers of warmth coating her stomach and spreading until she was literally wrapped in a cloak of heat.
Heero, he?s here, she thought. But as she turned her head, she found no one. Nothing around her had changed? except for the heat. Puzzling at her situation, Relena stopped herself and let her heart think for a moment. Heero, it said. Don?t bother figuring it out. Just let it be. Your moment will come.
And that?s when Relena woke up to find that indeed, it was Heero?s warmth she felt. Looking at his arms wrapped solidly around her waist in the predawn light, Relena smiled sadly and carefully moved herself even closer to Heero?s chest. She would stay just a few more minutes; it would have to do, after what she?d decided.
Dragging her feet through the door, Relena weakly pulled herself into the bed, the shaking of her suppressed crying already letting loose and racking her body. ?You were always a master at saying nothing at all, Heero,? she whispered into the pillow she clutched. ?Why did I think two years of separation would make any difference??
She sat there for another half hour, digging deep in her heart, and crying at what she found and finally agreed with.
Heero would never be hers. They weren?t meant for each other, no matter what Duo and Hilde said. Two years of silence was pretty telling. There would be no happy ending for her.
Sunlight was the first thing that registered in Heero?s head right before he realized that the warmth nestled against him throughout the night was no longer in his arms. Bolting upright, Heero looked unbelievingly to his right ? and found empty space.
Maybe she?s downstairs, waiting for me, he thought, even as a feeling of dread poked him in the heart.
Running downstairs, Heero cracked the silence with his shout, his voice tainted with what could only be described as regret. ?Relena? Relena, where are you??
His search of the tiny house ended within minutes. Heero had known she was gone the second no answer replied to his first call, but he couldn?t help but imagine that Relena was only playing a game with him, hiding in a corner and smothering a laugh. But no. None. No sign of her at all. Not even a stray strand of hair, he was sure. It was as if the peaceful interlude he?d had with Relena in his arms was a dream. Sinking down on to the couch, Heero stared unblinkingly at the wall before him. ?She was here, damn it, I know she was.? he breathed.
Running his hands through his hair, Heero let his right hand drop to his side and instantly pulled it back towards his chest. He looked first to his hand and found a drop of blood well up at the palm, then down to what had caused the tiny prick. Unnoticed until now were his clothes, set on the couch and neatly folded with a note pinned to the top. Assessing that it was the pin that had done the damage, Heero opened the note and read its short message. The flowing handwriting he found could only have been Relena?s, although it wasn?t even signed. Thank you.
Heero was slightly disappointed at the abruptness of Relena?s note to him, but as he thought about it, they were the only words she really needed to say. ?Thank you? for taking me in from the rain. ?Thank you? for lending me your clothes. ?Thank you? for keeping me warm. ?Thank you? for your protection in the night. But Heero had to admit, if only to himself, he was feeling a bit of confusion that there were no words of ?I love you.? Oh, he?d always known that Relena had feelings for him. He?d been aware that she?d searched for him that first year after the Eve Wars, but with the recent newspaper article, he wasn?t so sure that she felt anything anymore? Which, he reminded himself, should be a good thing. You can start over now, Yuy. Start a life with no attachments to your past.
So, with tentative decision in mind, Heero began his new ? and what he secretly hoped ? improved life with a shower. Crumpling up Relena?s note, he threw it in the garbage on his way upstairs.
He felt like when he came out of a battle, tired and ready to collapse after the adrenaline faded. The shower hadn?t helped. Heero didn?t feel refreshed ? he didn?t even feel awake. Instead, he felt weak, old, and worn out. Like life and light had finally been sucked out of his flesh? when she left.
Beneath the spray of liquid heat, Heero had struggled under the onslaught of feelings he?d rather had left buried. The constant barrage of unanswered questions had kept coming, and finally, he?d let them beat him. He?d let his shoulders slump and hung his head in shame, allowing the lather from his hair to run into his eyes. It had given meaning to the stinging he felt there. The jet streams turned to needles, hitting his shoulders and chest unmercifully, each drop driving the nails of reason deeper into his heart.
You love her. You know it. You had your chance. You lost her. Again. Now she doesn?t even love you anymore. Be happy? this is what you want, isn?t it?
?No,? he?d whispered. ?Not anymore. Not when I?ve held her so close??
Snapping out of his reverie, Heero admitted it again to the room. ?No, not anymore. Before? but not now.? Then he laughed bitterly. ?But even that doesn?t matter. Relena never spoke a word about loving me. There?d been no sign. It?s too late.? Wrapping the towel around his hips, Heero swallowed hard and lifted a hand to swipe at the misted mirrors. ?It?s been too late for a lo-?
His hand froze, the tip of his middle finger the only digit touching the mirror?s cool surface.
In front of him, bit by slow, misty bit, the sign he?d been looking for assembled before him. It was marred at some sections, the streaks of fingers wiping clean as if to deny its meaning, but it was there. The sign he?d needed. Their names, the heart? it was from her.
Heero stared long and hard at it, his chest heaving to control his breathing and his face twitching with his disbelief. Was his mind playing tricks on him? Yes, that was it. He wanted Relena?s love so much that he was seeing things. But what was his heart saying?
Heero listened and found the answer.
Moving his hand, Heero drew an arrow to complete the picture, his face softening as he finished.
?Thank you.?
Later that day
After another one of Senator Gordovski?s long-winded meetings, Relena was ready to call it quits. But the reminder that she had only one more to attend before she could sleep away the aches of the day had Relena straightening her shoulders. Slipping into her waiting limo, Relena gave the directions to the Union Palisade to her chauffeur. ?But,? she said, hey eyes sliding shut, ?take the long way there.?
With her eyes finally closed, Relena failed to see the familiar reflection of deep blue eyes glinting at her in the mirror.
?Mission accepted.?
End
Notes: Egads, what a helluva weak ending. Original much? * sigh * The flow, the flow? Oh well, can?t help it? T_T So yeah, happy ending for all. Heero?s back in Relena?s life. Now the question is? sequel? I don?t know? maybe
But yeah, I want to say thank you again to everyone who had given their input in the making of A Message in the Steam. (Sounds like a big movie production, eh?) It took a lot of pushing and way too much encouragement, but it?s finished.
* yay *Oh, yeah, on the off chance you guys don?t believe that the initial thing would reappear again, it should. Believe me, I?ve tried it ? except I wrote it with mine and Trowa?s initials * blush * Just kidding? But even though this is finished, I?m still hoping to get your thoughts on it. What I could?ve done better or just your general rants and raves. Email me even. You all know how much I love those. If you do, I?ll get back to you as soon as possible, ok? Thanks again for sticking it through.
- Naus [ <a href="mailto:athanati_kalos@hotmail.com">e</a> ]
*hiccup* (raises up a wine glass) I pro *hiccup* pose a toast. To a great *hiccup* ending. (Falls down and faints.)
